Chapter 40
Jase
I dreamed about you a lot last year, even though I really just wanted to forget you. But in my dreams, everything was easy. It was all good.
—Jase
Zoe gets me into a car. I don’t know where it came from, but when Ethan gets behind the wheel, I figure it belongs to her parents.
She slides into the back seat next to me, and then we’re driving off into the dark night.
I should say something, do something, anything. But my mind is totally blank, and my body is numb. It’s not because I’m cold; I hardly feel the temperature. I can’t feel anything anymore. There’s only emptiness.
Zoe says something to her father that I can’t understand. The world around me is spinning. I’m drunk, and yet far too sober.
I don’t want to discuss it with you now.
I don’t want to discuss it with you now.
I don’t want to discuss it with you now.
Dad’s words replay in my head in an endless fucking loop.
I hear them again and again, and I just can’t turn them off, no matter how hard I try.
It’s not long before the car stops and Zoe gets out.
I know where they’ve taken me even before I look out the window.
We’re at her parents’ house. Her dad gets out too, but I stay where I am.
I don’t want to move. Maybe they’ll just forget I’m here.
But a moment later, the door opens. I grimace as a wave of cold air hits me.
Ethan holds out a hand to me. “Come on, Jase. It’s time for bed.
” He beckons to me, and for some reason, I do as he asks.
Maybe because he’s taken on the role of a father for me more often than my own dad has in the last five years.
I heave myself up from the back seat with a groan and hit my head on the top of the doorframe as I get out, but I barely feel the pain.
I turn toward the house, look around for Zoe, and start to move, but Ethan stops me.
“Jase.”
I turn toward him slowly. My vision is blurred, and I have to blink until the double image clears.
His eyes are hard and cold. He’s never seen me like this before.
“She likes you. You know that, don’t you?
So if you ever do anything to hurt her, I’ll break your neck.
Is that clear?” His voice is firm and determined but completely calm.
His presence isn’t threatening to me, and he doesn’t come any closer.
Still, the warning is clear. I nod. I would never do anything to hurt her.
“Then go sleep it off. I’ll see you in the morning.” He firmly pushes me toward the house, and I stumble up the steps. I stop at the door, turn around, and realize that Ethan is still standing next to the car, waiting for me to go inside.
I nod to him one last time and enter the hallway. Only after the door closes behind me and the warmth of the house envelops me do I realize how cold I actually am.
Zoe appears at the top of the landing, still wearing her dress, but she’s gotten rid of the high heels.
“Come up,” she says, and I do as she asks.
I climb the stairs slowly and carefully, then almost trip on the top step.
I’m lucky that I don’t fall backward. I know the Youngs’ house well.
Nothing has changed in the last year. The wall is still covered with family photos, pictures of Zoe and Caleb at all ages.
The first room on the right is Caleb’s, the second is Zoe’s.
On the left is Ceara’s office, and then the large bathroom.
I hear the sound of the shower and pause uncertainly until Zoe sticks her head through the bathroom door. Her eyes are full of warmth, and she’s got a tiny smile on her face.
“What took you so long? Come on in—I’m cold.” She holds out a hand to me, and I take it. Her skin is freezing to the touch, and my guilty conscience hits me like a blow. She gave me my jacket back.
Steam wafts through the bathroom, and it’s so warm I shiver.
Zoe strips off the dress in one fluid motion.
It cascades to the floor, and she kicks it aside, takes off her panties, and then stands in front of me, completely naked.
She’s beautiful, and all at once, my throat tightens.
My heart beats out of rhythm, and I wish I could blame it on the alcohol, but I know better. It’s because of her.
It’s always been because of her.
Zoe slips the jacket off my shoulders before loosening my tie and then slowly unbuttoning my shirt.
“I can do it,” I say in a voice so hoarse it can’t possibly be mine.
“I know.”
She gives me a look that’s soft and warm, and something inside me clenches painfully. She stands on her toes and kisses me lightly on the cheek. I feel her breasts against my chest, and my skin rises in goose bumps.
She undoes my belt buckle and then my pants, pushing them down my legs along with my underwear. “You can take off your own socks,” she says with a smile, pointing at my feet.
I return her smile for a second, and then I remember what a catastrophic evening it’s been, and my smile fades. But I take off my socks anyway and let Zoe push me under the shower. The water is so hot it feels like it came straight from hell.
I close my eyes and let the stream hit my body until I feel her arms go around my waist, and Zoe lays her head against my chest. Blinking, I open my eyes again, see her tangled red hair falling down her back, and then look into her eyes as she tilts her face up to me.
“Just hold tight, okay? Only for a few minutes.”
I want to argue, but I’m too weak. I don’t say a word; I just close my eyes again as I let her hold me. I try to wash Dad’s words out of my head. I try not to think about Sam. Because thinking about Sam today feels like inhaling broken glass.
At some point, Zoe turns off the water, dries us both off, and guides me out of the bathroom to her room. She disappears for a moment before returning with sweats and a hoodie that I assume belong to Caleb.
We dress silently, and then she climbs into bed and reaches out to me expectantly. I’m tired, utterly exhausted, and angry, and at the same time, I feel completely empty. I do as she suggests and crawl under the blankets, falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.