Chapter 47
Jase
I see Lia every day, and she hasn’t asked me even once where I lived over the summer. Okay, we don’t really talk to each other, and it’s not like I want to. But I wish that she’d at least ask.
—Jase
I follow Lia silently. She doesn’t just leave the auditorium but leads me out of the building entirely.
It’s cold outside, but the sun is shining, and Lia’s hair glows golden as the light falls on it.
I watch as she pulls her coat tighter around her body.
My jacket is still in the auditorium, but I’m not cold.
My heart is beating much too fast for that. Adrenaline flows through my veins.
Lia is in a different group for the production, which means she came today just to talk to me. We haven’t said a word to each other since Mom’s party.
“What do you want?” I ask as the silence between us becomes uncomfortable.
“This thing between you and Zoe is pretty serious, isn’t it?”
“You want to talk to me about Zoe?” I stop short. She can forget it. She hasn’t shown any interest in me in years; she doesn’t need to start now.
She shrugs. “You’re a good match.”
“How exactly would you know that? You don’t know me at all.”
“Of course I know you.”
“Bullshit,” I growl. I hear a rushing sound in my ears.
“If you knew me, you would have stopped Mom from having her fucking party on the anniversary of Sam’s death.
If you knew me, you would have let me know that you were going out to eat on her birthday, or whatever it was you were doing without me. ”
She flinches like I slapped her, but I’m not done yet.
“You’d have to talk to me to know me, Ophelia. But you don’t talk to me. You’re like Mom and Dad. You only come to me when you want something. I mean, you only offered me money so I’d behave for Mom and Dad. You don’t know me, and I don’t think you really want to. So what the hell do you want now?”
“I paid your tuition fees!” she shouts at me. Angry red splotches appear on her neck. She’s losing control. Who knows when the last time was that this happened. Or if it ever has.
“So? Do you want an award?”
“A thank you would be enough, for starters,” she hisses.
“Thank you.” The mockery in my voice is unmistakable.
I’m such an asshole. I know I should be grateful to her.
But I can’t. I’m so damn jealous that it hurts.
“Thanks for giving me the tuition fee for this semester after not only our parents but also our grandparents refused to support me. Thanks for giving me the money after Dad went out of his way to make sure I couldn’t even get a fucking student loan just so he could get his way. ”
Lia turns pale, like this is totally new information to her. But that’s impossible. There’s no way she doesn’t know.
“God, Jase! They were only trying to protect you. They want the best for you. And yes, maybe their methods aren’t ideal, but they care about you.”
I burst out laughing in disbelief. Yes, of course. That must be it.
“Do you have any idea how often Mom and Dad argue about you being so emotionally unavailable? They blame each other for you being the way you are. It sucks! Since you’ve been here, all they talk about is how to get you into Harvard.
How they’re going to get you to talk to them again.
How they want you to be part of the family. Everything is about you.”
I stare at her, stunned. “You can’t be serious. It’s never about me! Ever since Sam died, it’s always been about what they want.”
I feel like I’m repeating myself over and over again, but no one listens to me. Not Mom and Dad, not Lia.
My sister flinches when I say Sam’s name. “They only want what’s best for you,” she repeats, like a broken record.
“They have no idea what’s best for me. And you obviously don’t either, otherwise you wouldn’t be here spouting this crap. So what do you want from me, Lia? Why did you want to talk to me?”
“Mom has been devastated since you sent her away.”
My stomach cramps, but I push down my growing guilty conscience. “So? I was devastated too, when they threw me out last year. I didn’t know where to go. You didn’t even reach out to me once, if you’ll recall. They didn’t either. So don’t tell me that Mom’s upset. I was upset too.”
“Please. You were with Caleb and your wonderful extra family all summer. It can’t have been that bad.” Lia’s anger has turned into recalcitrance, but she has no fucking idea what I went through. None.
“I wasn’t with Caleb,” I whisper. Everything inside of me has gone shockingly silent and cold.
Lia sticks out her chin defiantly and crosses her arms over her chest. She doesn’t want to give in, but her eyes have the telltale gleam of tears. “Where were you, then?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I sigh, and suddenly I’m tired. I’m so sick of these fucking discussions that only turn in circles. I just want peace and quiet. “Why did you want to talk to me, Lia? Did you change your mind? Do you want the money back because I didn’t thank you?”
“No.” She shakes her head, strands of blond hair falling in her face. “I want . . .” She bites her lower lip, shakes her head again, and laughs joylessly. “Forget it. It was a mistake.”
She turns to leave without waiting for an answer. To be honest, I don’t have one. I feel empty as I watch her go and wonder how it got this far. I wonder what Sam would say if he saw us like this. He’d probably be very disappointed.
My head hurts. Lia disappears into the dorm, and I turn away.
When I get back to the theater, Zoe is gone.