Chapter 32
Michael
T his was it.
This – holding Grace, keeping her warm and safe with my body, comforting and protecting her – this was the reason I was put on this earth.
Maybe the thought was primitive, but nothing in my life had ever felt this right.
I dropped a soft kiss on her head, inhaling the light scent of her shampoo, and kept her wrapped up tight in my arms as she burrowed into me, accepting my touch without question.
Mindful of the crowd around us, I resisted the urge to tip her face up to mine and kiss her. It was dark, but nowhere near private enough to kiss Grace the way I wanted to.
We’d had an unspoken truce all evening. We’d laughed, had fun, even talked a little, not about anything deep or serious, but still, it had been conversation.
It had felt like we were making our way back to being on track. When I’d invited her into my arms without thinking and she’d done it – she’d let me pull her close and hold her – it had catapulted us right back to where we’d been before things had gone off the rails.
At least it felt that way to me.
The fireworks started and Grace turned in my arms to watch them. She stayed pressed against me, her back to my chest and abs, making no attempt to step away. It may have been an attempt to stay warm, but I couldn’t help but think she was enjoying the contact as much as I was.
I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she rested her gloved hands on mine. We stayed that way, tucked together, watching the brilliant bursts of light in the sky through the big, showy, booming finale.
Only when it was over did Grace move away from me and I forced myself to let her. She turned and looked up at me, her eyes shining. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but it wasn’t the place or the time.
“Ready to go?” I held my hand out to her as the crowd swirled around us.
She took my hand without hesitation, sending a swirl of satisfaction through my gut.
“Ready,” she confirmed, and we turned to shuffle our way out along with everyone else.
Once we were out of the VIP area, things opened up a little and we were able to walk normally through the event grounds, side-by-side, hands still clasped together.
It was when we reached the parking area, essentially a big open field, that an unrelenting icy wind hit us.
“Holy cow, that’s cold!” Grace hunched her shoulders, curling into herself even as she continued to hold my hand.
I let hers go and instead looped my arm across her shoulders, pulling her into my side and sheltering her as much as I could. The temperature had dropped significantly during the fireworks, and I was grateful when we reached my SUV.
I got Grace inside then crossed around to the driver’s side. I got it started it up, turned on the heat, and flipped on the heated passenger seat for Grace.
“That’s the drawback of an outdoor event in November, I guess.” Grace’s teeth were practically chattering. “That wind is something else.”
“It is,” I agreed. “You okay?”
“I will be.” Grace rubbed her thighs briskly in an attempt to warm up. “I can’t actually feel my toes right now,” she continued with a light laugh, “or my fingers or my nose, but I’m sure it will all be fine in a few minutes.”
“Thanks for coming with me.” For laughing with me. For letting me hold you. “It was fun before winter decided to make an appearance.”
“It was. Even the death-defying alpine slide.”
I laughed as I looked over at her. “So, you admit it. You did love it.”
“Love is a strong word. But yes, I admit it wasn’t entirely awful. And the fireworks were spectacular. Thanks for bringing me.”
“No one else I’d want to be here with.” I risked a glance at her.
Her head was rested back on her seat, and she rolled it to the side to look at me. “Me, either.” She paused and the moment felt strung tight, like anything might happen.
“I’ve missed you,” Grace’s words were a mere whisper, so quiet I nearly missed them.
She was so brave, my Grace.
I swallowed down the jolt of emotion her words sent crashing through me and gave them back to her. “I’ve missed you, too.”
We were quiet the rest of the way home, each of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts.
When we reached the apartment, we stripped off our coats and I felt the awkwardness between us trying to slip back in. I was determined not to let that happen.
“I’m gonna head to bed” – I motioned over my shoulder toward my bedroom and immediately felt like an idiot. Like Grace didn’t know where my bedroom was? – “but I was thinking about trying a recipe for pumpkin pancakes in the morning if you’re interested.”
“I am.” Grace twisted her wedding rings around and around on her finger, her new habit when she was nervous. “One hundred percent interested.”
“Great.” I forced myself to take a step back, then another. The last thing I wanted to do was walk away from her, but it was what I needed to do. “See you for breakfast then. Sweet dreams.”
Grace took a deep breath, then nodded as she let it out. “You, too.” She bit her bottom lip, looking more tempting than any woman had a right to, then turned and headed for her bedroom on the opposite side of the apartment.
I did the same, all the while wishing Grace and I were heading for the same bed.
––––––––
T HIRTY MINUTES LATER , I was lying in bed, hands stacked behind my head, staring up at the ceiling when I heard something. I listened hard, trying to figure out what it was that I’d heard.
A few seconds later, there was a faint knock on my bedroom door.
I sat up as I called, “Come in.”
In the faint light from the hallway I saw Grace, dressed in a washed-out t-shirt and a pair of the short shorts she typically slept in. I couldn’t read her expression. Was she sick?
“Gracie, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
She took two steps inside my room then stopped. “I’m okay, it’s just...I can’t get warm. It’s like I’m chilled all the way through. I thought about taking a hot shower but then I thought maybe if you...if you held me for a little bit, I’d warm up.”
If I...
I wasn’t strong enough. That was the immediate thought that filled my mind.
I wasn’t strong enough to have Grace in my bed, to hold her, feel her against me, and not do anything else. It would be my own personal version of hell on earth.
It was too much.
She caught my hesitation and started to back up. “Never mind. It was...”
I threw the covers back and moved toward the center of the bed to make room for her. “Climb on in.”
I wasn’t strong enough, but for her, I would be. She needed me. I couldn’t say no.
Grace hesitated, then started toward me. My body tightened at her approach, even as I told it to calm the fuck down. No matter how much I wanted her, this wasn’t that, and my body needed to get with the program.
She sat on the edge of the bed and looked over her shoulder at me. “How do you want to do this?”
Oh, sweetheart. There were so very many ways I could answer that, none of which were appropriate for the situation.
Pushing aside the images in my head, I answered her. “Why don’t you lie facing away from me and you can be the little spoon.”
She did so without comment, staying close to the edge of the bed. As casually as I could, I reached my arm around her waist and pulled her into me, her back to my chest, my legs lined up behind hers.
She was stiff at first, then slowly, gradually relaxed back into me.
Which was a blessing and a curse.
She felt fucking incredible.
That was it – both the blessing and the curse.
My fingertips rested on the satin skin of her stomach where her t-shirt had ridden up a little, and as she relaxed a little more, her firm sweet little ass nestled right against...
I focused on my breathing, trying to relax and keep my body’s reaction at bay.
Take a breath in. Let it out. In. Out.
Grace shifted a little and her ass bumped my crotch. I bit back a groan and squeezed my eyes shut.
Focusing hard, I tried again. Breathe in, breathe out. In...
Grace shifted again. Her shirt rode up a little more, leaving my hand resting fully on the bare skin of her abdomen, my thumb mere inches from the soft underside of her breast.
I was dying. I was fucking dying. Any minute now I was going to burst into flames and burn to ashes within seconds.
Desperate, I tried to talk myself down. Grace was my friend. She didn’t come in here for this.
Either my body wasn’t getting the memo, or it had decided that the memo could fuck right off. Whatever. Either way, I could only lay there helpless as my dick swelled harder and harder.
I tried to ease my hips back a fraction – something, anything to keep a little distance between me and Grace. I thought I’d done it, and she’d finally settled, when suddenly she scooted directly back into full contact with me.
I held my breath, waiting for her to freak out or pull away when she felt my erection, but she did neither of those things.
When she arched back into me, I couldn’t hold back a grunt from the wave of sensation that hit me. I clamped down tight on Grace’s hip, holding her in place so she couldn’t move anymore.
“Grace,” I ground out, “we need to change positions.” Not that any position would be easy but having her firm little ass pressed against me was unbearable.
“I don’t want to.” Grace swiveled her hips back into mine the tiny bit she was able to, and I clamped my arm around her tighter.
“Gracie, fuck.” I swallowed hard, resting my forehead against her hair as my entire body shuddered with the strain of staying still and holding back. “You know I’ll give you anything but holding you like this and not touching you or being inside you is killing me. If you don’t want anything more to happen tonight, we need to move.”
“What if I do want more to happen?”
A bolt of heat streaked through me at her words. I didn’t think it was possible to get any harder, but I was wrong. I held her tight and breathed, trying to muster the brain cells to form words.
Did she still see this as a way to pay me back? I hated that thought, but in reality, it no longer made a difference. If she was willing, if she wanted this, I had no defense against her.
“I need you to be sure, Grace. If we do this and you regret it, it will wreck me.” I’d never been so vulnerable with a woman as I was in that moment. “If you’re not sure you want this – want me – we can’t do this.”
“Let me loose, Michael.”
There was my answer. I should be grateful I’d asked the question and made Grace make a decision, but I wasn’t.
A small part of me died as I forced myself to do as she asked and let her go. I braced myself for her to leave my bed and walk away from me, fighting the urge to pull her back against me.
Then she surprised me. Instead of leaving, she turned to face me, holding my face in her hands and looking directly in my eyes.
“I want this, only with you. I haven’t been so sure of something in a long, long time.”
The words were barely out of her mouth when I leaned into her, my mouth covering hers.
Maybe I should have questioned her more, made sure she was ready, but I couldn’t. I’d waited too long to have her. I’d reached the limits of my control.
I rolled her onto her back, tangling one hand in her hair while I ravaged her mouth, careful to keep my full weight off her as I skimmed my other hand down her body. She looped her arms around my neck, pulling me into her as she kissed me back.
She moved, tunneling her hands under my shirt until I sat back and pulled it over my head. I ran one hand through my hair as she stared at me, her hungry eyes racing over my upper body.
“Keep looking at me like that and you might get more than you bargained for.”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes slipped down my body and landed on the outline of my erection where it tented my gym shorts. “I’m bargaining for a lot.”
I caught her hand as she reached for me, pressing a kiss to her palm. “Then that’s what you’ll get. Your turn.”
I pulled her up to sit and she held her arms up for me as I stripped off her shirt. I laid her back down and it was my turn to stare.
“I’ve imagined this a thousand times. Seeing you like this.” My voice was rough, almost harsh. It didn’t even sound like me. “But you’re so much more beautiful than I ever dreamed.”
Grace lay still, making no attempt to cover herself as she stared back at me. “So are you. I want to see all of you, Michael.”
This woman would have me coming in my shorts if I wasn’t very, very careful.
“Not yet, sweet Gracie. I need to make you feel good first.”
Grace’s little moue of protest faded as I slipped her shorts and panties off her, then moved on top of her.
“I need you to tell me if there’s anything you don’t like. If there’s anything you don’t want me to do.”
“I...” Grace’s reply cut off as I took one rosy-pink nipple in my mouth, sucking gently while I brushed my fingertips back and forth across the other. She pushed her hips up into me and I knew before she said the words, though I still loved hearing them.
“That’s...” She gripped my head, holding it to her. “God, Michael, that’s so...” She broke off, swiveling her hips up into me again.
“Good?” I supplied. She was so damn responsive.
“So good. Too good. I need more.”
“Where, Gracie?” I whispered against her skin as I skimmed one hand down to rest on her hip. “Where do you want more?”
“Everywhere.” She reached down, guiding my hand to her center. “I want you , Michael,” she moaned.
“Patience, sweetheart.” I hooked one leg over hers, nudging her legs apart for me, and slowly, slowly dragged my fingertips over her center, teasing both of us. “You’ll have me. As many times as you want me.” For as long as you want me . “Let me do this for you first.”
I slid my fingers down, reveling in her slickness, loving the way her breath hitched in reaction to my touch. I circled Grace’s hard little bud with my fingertips and her legs fell open wider for me.
I kissed along her neck and shoulder, nipping at the soft spot behind her ear that had tormented me for so long, then returned to her nipples, tugging gently at them with my teeth.
All while relentlessly stroking that sweet little spot between Grace’s legs, soft, then hard, pushing her closer and closer toward the edge as she rocked her hips in rhythm with my touch.
She grabbed my wrist, gripping it tight, holding my hand to her and I knew she was right there.
“I need...” She was breathless, pleading. “Michael, please...”
I pushed two fingers inside her hot, silky center and her walls clenched hard around them. She held tight to my back, digging her nails in while I relished their bite. I stayed with her as she clung to me, riding out her orgasm with open abandon that made me harder than I’d ever been in my life.
When she started to come down, I pulled her into me, holding her tight while the last of the shudders made their way through her body. As they did, she pulled back a little, tilting my head down to hers and kissing me while she stroked her hands through my hair.
There was so much more that I wanted from her, with her, but this, just this, was far more than I’d ever thought I’d have.
I wanted to stop this moment in time, savor it, freeze it, so I could take it out later if and when Grace was gone from my life, and remember its sweetness.
Grace was having none of it.
“I need you inside me,” she demanded, her warm breath on my ear. “Right now.”
I couldn’t stop my smile as I pulled back. “Whatever you need, sweetheart, I’m your man.” I was, in more ways than she knew.
I stood and pushed my shorts and briefs off, conscious of Grace’s eyes stroking over me. I reached in the bedside table for a condom and climbed back onto the bed, kneeling between Grace’s legs.
“I’m going to take this as slow as I can, Gracie,” I promised, running my hand down her leg. “It’s been a long time for me, though, and you have my control at the breaking point.”
Grace watched me, her eyes serious. “It’s been a long time for me, too. Whatever you need.”
“All I need is you.” The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Avoiding Grace’s eyes, I rolled on the condom, lined myself up at her core, then chanced a look at her. “Ready, Gracie?”
She nodded and I pushed forward an inch, then another, and another, wanting to give her time. It was hell holding back, but I needed this to be perfect for her.
“I’m okay.” Grace answered my unspoken question, laying her hands on mine where they gripped her thighs. “You feel so, so good.”
“So do you,” I gritted out, clamping down on my control as I slowly pushed the rest of the way into her, groaning at the feel of Grace’s tight heat enclosing me.
Grace closed her eyes and breathed as I held myself still. When she opened them and nodded again, I began to move.
She was perfection. Pure fucking perfection.
I’d never last, not with her inner walls gripping me, surrounding me with perfect pressure as I thrust into her again and again.
She whimpered as I slowed down, pinning me with heated eyes as she swiveled her hips to meet mine, wringing a grunt from me as sparks shot up my spine.
“You do that, and this will be over in about 30 seconds.”
“I don’t care,” she nearly wailed, squeezing me hard with her inner walls.
“Fuck, Gracie.” I threw my head back, fighting the overwhelming need to move, to pound into her and let whatever happened happen. “I care. You deserve better.”
“I have better. I have you. I need you.”
My restraint cracked wide right down the middle. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
I pulled Grace’s ankles to my shoulders, leaned into her, and let instinct take over.
I stroked into her, driving us both higher, then higher still, my heart pounding, my breathing ragged and harsh.
When Grace cried out and I felt the first ripples of her walls around me, I drove myself harder, pounding into her as she fell, then finally, finally, letting myself fall with her.
Sensation hit me like a freight train, and I came hard, just barely staying upright. When it finally ebbed away, I pulled out of Grace carefully and levered myself to lie next to her.
We lay side-by-side, our breathing eventually slowing and evening out. I forced myself to get up and dispose of the condom, then made my way back to bed.
I lay down and pulled Grace close until she was resting at my side, my arm around her, her head on my shoulder, and our legs tangled together.
I tried to think of all the things I wanted to say to her, but my sex-muddled brain refused to cooperate.
“That was way longer than 30 seconds, you know.” Grace still sounded a little breathless as she brushed her hand back and forth across my chest. “In fact, I’m pretty sure we stopped time.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re right.”
Grace’s hand stopped and she tilted her face up to look at me. “It was good for you, then?” She dropped her eyes and shook her head. “What an awful cliché. Forget I said anything.”
Like that was happening.
I scooted up in the bed a little and propped my shoulders up against the headboard, lifting Grace along with me so I could look at her.
“Did you miss the part where I nearly passed out?” She glanced up at me then back down, so I reached out and lifted her chin until her eyes met mine again. “That wasn’t just good for me, Grace, it was perfect.”
“For me, too,” she responded, just above a whisper.
Maybe I should let it drop, but I couldn’t. “Where is this coming from, Gracie? I’ve never felt like that with anyone. You have to know that was special.”
Grace took a deep breath, then tilted her chin up to look at me fully. “I’ve never been with anyone but Seth. I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school and once I started dating him – or whatever we were doing – there was never anyone else. Until you.”
I tried not to let my surprise show. Grace was so amazing. It had never occurred to me...
“It wasn’t like this with him, then?” I wouldn’t have asked the question – couldn’t have – if I hadn’t already known the answer. Grace had a life before me – I knew that – but it would be hard for me to hear that she’d had such an earthshaking experience with anyone else.
Grace gave a cute snort. “Not even close. Not in the same universe. It’s just...” Grace sighed and stroked her fingertips across my chest again, seemingly oblivious to what her touch did to me. “I know you’ve probably been with a lot of women – I mean, of course you have, you’re wonderful – and you have way more experience than me, and I...”
I laid my fingertips on her lips to stop her.
She wasn’t wrong. I had more experience than her. Not that it mattered.
“I told you it’s been a long time for me, right?” Grace nodded silently and I let my hand fall away from her lips. “Ask me how long it’s been.”
She looked at me, hesitating.
“Ask me.”
She straightened a little, preparing for I wasn’t sure what. “How long?”
“Since the day you walked into Brothers Pub. Technically a little longer since I hadn’t been with anybody for a couple weeks before that.”
Her eyes widened. “So...”
She needed it spelled out, I’d spell it out.
“I haven’t been with anyone since I met you. Haven’t slept with anyone, haven’t dated anyone, haven’t so much as touched another woman since Jamey introduced us.”
“But...” she tilted her head, frowning as she looked back up at me... “we weren’t dating or anything. I could hardly even bring myself to talk to you for weeks.”
“Believe me, I’m aware.” I smoothed my hand over her hair, hoping to ease her tension. “There was something about you, Gracie, from that very first day that made me want to pay attention to you. Then you started to open up a little and I was hooked. That’s why I went a little crazy when you disappeared. And when I saw you again.”
Maybe now she’d understand why I’d acted the way I had.
“You truly haven’t been with anyone.”
I held up my right hand. “I solemnly swear, I haven’t been with anyone. Haven’t wanted to be with anyone. Only you.”
She kept her eyes down and I wondered what was going through her head. Then she looked up at me through her eyelashes.
“I was well worth the wait, right?”
I couldn’t resist. I shrugged and tilted my head like she had. “I mean...”
She shoved me hard, right out of the bed, and I landed on the floor in a heap, laughing. God, I loved this woman.
I grabbed her and dragged her to the floor with me, pinning her beneath me as she tried unsuccessfully to maintain her glare.
“You’re worth everything, Grace. Worth every single second I waited and much, much more.”
“You better believe it.” She looped her hand around my neck and drew my head down to hers, stopping just short of kissing me. “For the record, so are you.”
She pulled me down that last inch, her lips met mine, and there was no more conversation for a good long while.