Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
T hey arrived at Soul Skin, a franchised salon that Penny said was expanding into more and more locations, offering bespoke treatments in a stylish and minimalistic setting, which the company proposed reduced stress and overstimulation in today’s busy world. Lacie knew they would provide standardised treatments, which was fine, but she loved that in her own business she could customise her treatments in any way she liked, so the client got a unique experience each time. She was glad they hadn’t booked in for a hot stone massage as she remembered that massage and heat wasn’t recommended in the first trimester of pregnancy, but facials were okay.
They changed into robes and laid down on the treatment tables in the couples’ room. Penny said she’d try not to talk too much, but couldn’t promise anything. Lacie hoped she wouldn’t fall asleep, so as to not miss any of the luxury. She had made Penny promise not to say anything about Lacie working in beauty, as she knew it could make the therapist more self-conscious because she sometimes felt that way herself when treating a fellow professional. She wanted to relax, chill out and feel good, and hoped the morning sickness medication would continue to work, as some strong smells had been making her a bit queasy.
‘Your skin is already glowing,’ the therapist said to Lacie. ‘What products do you use?’
Lacie’s glow was no doubt intensifying as heat filled her cheeks and the therapist ran the back of a finger up along her cheekbones to check for hydration levels and skin elasticity. Pregnancy hormones often made skin plumper and dewy. ‘Um, I use a few different things. An American brand. That’s where I live.’
‘Oh, nice. Well, you’ll make my job easy for me, but I’m sure you’ll be even more radiant after your treatment.’ She slid some cotton circles with make-up remover soaked on them over her eyes, then lathered a creamy cleanser onto her skin in rhythmic movements.
‘All my radiance goes to my nose in winter,’ said Penny. Her therapist commented that the treatment would boost circulation and warmth in her skin to counteract the effects of the cooler weather.
Lacie tried to relax, but kept anticipating what was coming next. A faint blueberry scent reminded her of one of the facial scrubs she used with her clients, and in her mind was transported back to her salon. She imagined a baby in a cradle, rocking it back and forth with one hand while trying to massage a client with the other. She held back a laugh at the ridiculous image. How would she manage running her business on her own with a baby? At least in the early stages before the child went to school. She’d met many in the film industry who had nannies, and she had clients who sent their kids to daycare, and she would probably have to do that at least part time. But if she was going to have a baby, she’d want to be there as much as possible. That’s how she always thought it would be when the time came. Hands on, balancing the care with her partner. But there would be no partner or family to help her.
Chris’s face popped into her mind, and his wife’s tears. So many people struggled to have children. Was this a sign that she should give this baby up to someone who desperately wanted one? Guilt surfaced when she realised she wasn’t desperate for a child, yet here she was, having what others yearned for.
‘Try to relax your forehead as much as possible,’ the therapist said as she painted on a cold, thick paste, ‘to aid in circulation and absorption of the mask.’ It was only then Lacie became aware she was furrowing her brow. She took a deeper breath and imagined the creases softening. The therapist’s guidance and magic hands soon did the trick and her thoughts became foggier and scattered, and a quiet sense of calm relaxed her shoulders. While the mask took effect, she enjoyed a soothing neck and shoulder massage, followed by hand and arm massage, and by then Lacie wanted to stay in this very spot all day. Often clients would ask her if she had more time at the end to extend the treatment, and sometimes she’d give her regulars a bonus fifteen minutes for free if she could spare it, despite them insisting on paying. Being here now, reminded her of how blissful these treatments could be. Skin care was one thing, but stress relief and relaxation were even better. Not just airy-fairy luxuries, they were essential to many, and she loved that she could help people in this way.
At the end, the therapist lightly touched her arm. ‘There we go, Lacie. Hope you enjoyed that.’ She faintly heard something similar from Penny’s therapist, and she nodded her thanks and yawned.
‘How long do you reckon we can get away with laying here?’ Penny said sleepily.
Lacie smiled. ‘Five minutes max. After that they’ll probably gently tap on the door to see if we’re okay, or in other words, make way for the next client.’
Penny yawned and sighed. ‘Are the holidays really almost over? Back to work for me on Wednesday, and back to Chicago for you on Thursday.’
‘Shh, don’t remind me. Let’s forget about all of that for today, okay?’
‘Okay.’
Plus, they still had the cemetery to contend with. They needed these five minutes of blissful peace.
Miracle Park was spotted with patches of delicious sunshine, many already taken up by people on picnic rugs or sitting on benches. In the shade they shivered, but in the sun they loosened their scarves. They found a sunny patch near the Wishing Fountain and sat, laying their takeaway lunch from Café Lagoon on a few napkins.
‘I could get used to this,’ Lacie said. ‘Being the pamperee instead of the pamperer.’
Penny chuckled. ‘I’d be happy getting five minutes to myself once a week!’
Lacie smiled. ‘You should book yourself in for regular pampering, make yourself a priority. You deserve it. If I lived here, you know I’d do it for you.’
‘I know, I wish! Yeah, I should schedule more me time. I just get so caught up with the kids and then the house and then school, and someone always wants me to help out with things.’
‘That’s because you always say yes. Try saying no sometimes, too. You’re allowed.’
‘Yes, okay. I mean no !’
‘Haha, keep practising.’
Penny gave a resigned nod.
They tucked into their lunch and Lacie glanced around the park. With children back at school, there were only toddlers, parents and adults around, a couple in business suits scoffing sandwiches at a picnic table, one of them checking their watch. Lacie loved that she didn’t have to rush anywhere right now, she could take her time and be in the moment, like Nathan said.
A mother pushing a pram stopped on the path and reached into it, picking up a tiny baby that only looked a few weeks old. Lacie’s heart fluttered and she couldn’t turn her gaze away. The mother held the baby close to her chest, patting it on the back and swaying side to side as the little one cried. An elderly couple walking past stopped to admire the baby and the mother smiled, though when they left her smile faded and she continued trying to soothe her infant.
Lacie imagined herself picking up a baby – her baby – and swaying side to side. The vision was so surreal she felt like shaking her head at how bizarre it was. But her bottom lip trembled and she blinked her eyes as they stung with unshed tears.
Penny looked in the direction Lacie’s gaze was locked on. ‘Do you recognise her?’
Lacie shook her head. She clamped her lips together but it was no use, emotion rose up within and a couple of tears dropped from her eyes.
Penny placed her hand on Lacie’s forearm. ‘Hey, what is it?’
‘Nothing, it’s okay,’ she mumbled in response, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand.
Penny tilted her head as she glanced back at the mother and infant. ‘Aww. Cute, eh? Little humans like that are sure to put our ovaries on overdrive. I remember when mine were that young, but only barely. It goes so fast!’ She glanced back at Lacie who nodded, then let out a sudden cry.
‘Oh, Lace, it doesn’t seem like nothing. Are you wondering when it’ll be your time, is that it?’ She rubbed her sister’s back.
Lacie shook her head. She wiped her eyes again and straightened her back. ‘It already is my time.’
Penny narrowed her eyes, beckoning for more information.
‘I’m pregnant, sis. It’s Xavier’s.’
Penny’s eyes went from narrowed to wide in a flash. ‘Oh. Oh, wow. And you’re sure?’
She nodded. ‘Confirmed by ultrasound. I had a sneaky one before my hairdresser appointment.’
Penny’s face softened and a big sisterly smile emerged, her eyes becoming glossy. ‘Oh, my goodness, you’re going to become a mum. I can’t believe it!’ She wrapped Lacie in an embrace.
‘I haven’t really decided what to do yet, I mean, it’s early days and this wasn’t in my plans, and Mr Hollywood wants nothing to do with fatherhood of course, so I’d be a single mum, and what about Chris and Melina? It’s so unfair for them, and here I am with an accidental pregnancy and I feel so guilty and maybe I should give the baby to someone who can’t have children, does that make me a bad person? Or am I bad if I have the baby when I wasn’t ready or planning to?’ Lacie felt a wave of dizziness despite being seated, and Penny handed her a drink.
‘Hang on, one thought at a time.’
Lacie exhaled and took a sip. She glanced back at the baby, whose mother was placing them back in the pram, having settled the little one down.
‘Does all look healthy? No medical concerns?’
‘All good. I’m just taking some vitamins and some tablets for morning sickness.’
Penny glanced at her sister’s belly as Lacie rubbed it.
‘Why haven’t you told me till now?’
‘I didn’t want anyone fussing over me or taking the focus off our precious family time. And I needed to think, to process… decide what to do.’
‘But you’re definitely having the baby?’
Lacie nodded. ‘Oh yes, I mean, I couldn’t face the alternative. Anyway, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it all on my own, or if I should give the baby up. I have to go back to the States soon and it’s not like you guys and Mum will be around. I’ve got friends who’d be thrilled, but I’m scared, I guess.’
Penny held Lacie’s hand. ‘You will be a fantastic mother. Don’t have any doubts about that. And who’s to say we couldn’t come over sometime and help you in the early stages after the birth, or heck… would you even consider moving back here? You could start up a new salon down the track. I know it’s not Hollywood and you’ve got your loyal clients, but when things change, sometimes you have to change things too.’
Lacie shook her head. ‘It’s all just too much.’ She rubbed at her temple. ‘My life is all set in Chicago. I love it there. But how is this going to work? Oh man, I don’t feel ready for any of this.’
‘Hun, no one is ever really ready for motherhood, no matter what they say. It hits you like a tonne of bricks even if you’ve planned everything to the nth degree, I won’t lie. But you know what? We, us women, just somehow figure it out. We have to. When there’s a little life relying on us, some unseen force kicks into gear and pushes us along. It’ll all be okay. Focus on one step at a time, take care of yourself, and I’m sure the solutions will present themselves and soon you’ll feel clearer on what to do about it all.’
Lacie nodded, a flicker of confidence alighting.
‘No pressure, but I kinda like the idea of being an aunty.’ She smiled and rubbed her hands together. ‘Oh, and Jessie and Dane will have a new cousin! They will be so excited.’
‘Please don’t tell anyone yet, promise?’
‘Sure, but Mum? You should talk to her about it.’
‘Talk to me about what?’
Lacie flipped her gaze to the left where her mother approached, red-faced and glowing from her hike.
‘Oh. Mum. Hi.’ She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Penny clamped her lips shut and gave a little wave.
‘So? What have you girls been talking about?’ She eyed each of them, as though they were kids all over again and one of them had found and eaten all the chocolate eggs before Easter (like Lacie had once done).
The tears Lacie had wiped away resurfaced and her resolve softened. She curved her hand to beckon her mother closer, and Martha sat next to them.
‘Mum, it looks like you’re going to be a grandma again.’
Martha gasped. ‘Chris and Melina? Did they get good news, have you spoken to them?’
Lacie shook her head. ‘Not them, Mum. Me.’ Martha’s face took on the same expression Penny’s had before, and this only encouraged Lacie’s emotions to have their moment. She sniffled. ‘I just don’t know what to do yet, but I am pregnant, and that’s all I can process right now.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ she clasped both her daughter’s hands, ‘are you okay? Is everything okay? How can I help?’
Lacie nodded. ‘Don’t tell the others yet, I wanted to enjoy this holiday before reality kicks in, and I need to feel more certain about it all, and I don’t want Chris and Melina to get upset.’
Martha nodded. ‘Of course.’
Lacie’s phone beeped. ‘It’s Ellie. She asked if we could get her a takeaway coffee and pick her up on the way to the cemetery.’ She replied to the text in agreement.
Martha stood. ‘I’ll go get her some goodies, you girls wait here and then we’ll head back to pick her up along with some flowers for your father’s grave.’ She gave a nod and Lacie noticed that her mother had rushed the last few words as though it still hurt to say father and grave , which of course it did. Martha, her hand on her heart, head tilted to the side and an emotional smile on her face, looked at Lacie before turning and walking across the road to Café Lagoon.
The cemetery wasn’t far from South Haven, so it wasn’t long after hopping into Martha’s car, that the four of them hopped out again, stepping onto the pebbly parking area. A crisp breeze from the beach across the nearby highway tightened Lacie’s chest… or was it from the impending emotions she was about to confront?
Ellie carried the bunch of flowers they’d gathered from the garden, and a few shells she’d picked up from the beach a while ago. ‘Here, one for each of us to give.’ She held out her hand of seashells and they each took one.
They walked along the track towards the back, where the more recent graves were. Lacie paused along the way, her eyes scanning the row of headstones. So many new ones had taken residence since her dad’s funeral. Life was so fleeting.
She continued with her sisters and mother, Martha pointing out some cute birds flitting from branch to branch on the overhanging trees, and Penny switching her phone to silent when a message beeped. Ellie simply walked on, her gaze remaining straight ahead.
Even though she hadn’t been here since it happened, Lacie instinctively knew which row to turn into, and there it sat, the fourth grave to the right, the fifth an empty one for Martha’s eventual place next to her husband.
They stopped in front of it and Martha drew an audible breath.
Edward Jonathan Appleby – loving husband and father.
Lacie swallowed a lump in her throat. Her heart wobbled, and her legs weakened.
Ellie got straight to work, filling the removable vase tray with water from a nearby tap, and adding the flowers. She busied herself arranging them and adjusting them, as though she couldn’t get them to sit just right.
Penny placed her shell down next to the flower tray. Lacie did the same, followed by Martha. Ellie held her shell close to her heart, twisting and turning it in her hand as though unwilling to let it go. Then she gave it a quick kiss and placed it down.
Martha held her hand to her heart and closed her eyes, drawing another deep breath, as though breathing in her husband’s energy. Lacie tried to do the same, but just as fast as she’d breathe him in, her lungs would breathe him out again. She wished she could give him one last hug.
‘Miss you, Dad,’ Ellie said quietly. Martha rubbed her youngest daughter’s back, and slid her other hand into Lacie’s grasp. Lacie squeezed it and gave a solemn smile. Tears threatened, but she clamped her lips tight. It was Ellie’s tears that burst forth first, and she knelt down at the foot of the grave, her palms placed on the cold granite.
‘Oh, my darling,’ Martha said, bending but not quite willing to kneel, probably on account of her bad knees. Lacie knelt down next to her sister instead. It wouldn’t be long before she would probably find it difficult too, to get back up at least.
‘We all miss you, Dad,’ said Penny. ‘The kids are doing well. You’d be proud of them. And we’re keeping your Christmas in July tradition going no matter what.’
‘You betcha,’ added Martha.
Lacie helped Ellie to stand and wrapped her in an embrace, much like the one from the middle of the night. She waited until her sister’s tears reduced to sniffles, then eyed her mum, silently asking if she should reveal her news. Perhaps it would give her a boost. Martha gave a little nod.
‘Ell, I have some news to share with you, and maybe I should share it with Dad too, while we’re here.’
Ellie raised her gaze to meet her sister’s, wiping her eyes with the corner of the sleeve on her grey woollen hoodie.
‘Life is so unexpected, isn’t it?’ Lacie said. ‘So precious.’ She glanced down at the headstone again, the glossy plaque glinting in the afternoon sunlight. She looked back at Ellie. She was about to say the words when she remembered she hadn’t shown the others her ultrasound photos or video. Desperate to see them again herself, Lacie got out her phone from her back pocket and opened the link the clinic had sent.
She had a quick look at the flickering white heartbeat then turned the phone screen towards Ellie.
‘What’s that?’ she asked.
‘Oh my, is that what I think it is?’ Martha added. Penny’s mouth gaped open, knowing all too well what it was.
Lacie grasped Ellie’s hand and placed it gently on her lower belly. ‘That’s what’s happening inside.’ She smiled.
‘You’re pregnant?’ Ellie asked, a slight smile stealing some of the sadness away.
Lacie nodded. ‘Bit of a surprise. I’m still getting used to it. Don’t tell anyone else yet.’
‘Does that mean you’ll stay here till the baby’s born?’ Ellie asked eagerly.
Lacie’s heart sunk. ‘Afraid not. I’m still going back, but I’m sure we’ll work something out when the time comes. I haven’t really figured anything out yet. I wasn’t even sure whether to keep it or give it to someone who–’
‘Oh, you must keep it.’ Ellie gripped her hand. ‘Don’t let this baby grow up without you.’ Her eyes were strong and purposeful, as though endowing Lacie with an important mission.
‘Surprise, Dad!’ Lacie turned to face the grave again. ‘I haven’t exactly done things in the traditional way, but hey, that’s life sometimes, eh?’ She shrugged.
‘As long as you’re healthy and happy, my dear,’ Martha said, as though relaying a response from her father.
‘If it’s a boy, can you name him after Dad?’ Ellie asked.
Lacie’s eyebrows rose. ‘Um, I haven’t even got to thinking about names. But that’s a nice idea. And what if it’s a girl?’
‘Martha, of course!’ said her mum, and they all laughed. ‘No, just kidding. You name the little one whatever feels right to you.’
Lacie slid her arm around her mother’s back as multiple thoughts clouded her head and her heart swelled. She slid the other arm around Ellie, and Penny stood on the other side. Four women, arm in arm, in front of the grave of the man who’d been there for them all through thick and thin. Leaving a family legacy in his wake, and many happy memories.
One life may have ended, but a new one was just beginning.