Chapter 35
Chapter thirty-five
Teddy
I lean against the rail near the bow, nursing what’s left of my water while I watch Helen with her mom.
Linda’s cheeks are flushed from the cold and the rum, her laughter soft and unguarded as Helen adjusts the light-up Santa hat perched on her head.
There’s an ease between them, the kind of warmth that only exists when love’s been there for a long time, safe, steady, unconditional.
It makes me homesick in a way I didn’t expect.
Even though I talk with my family on the phone all the time, I miss my mom’s sugar cookies, Gwen’s terrible holiday playlists, even the way my dad used to sneak extra marshmallows into my cocoa like it was some covert mission, back before he died.
The ache sneaks up on me, sharp and painful.
I glance away, try to shake it off, just in time to see Anthony heading toward me.
Looks like he finally detached from Gina’s side.
“Hey,” I greet him.
“Hey back.” He’s holding a beer, something festive with Winter in the name.
“How’s that taste?” I nod toward the drink.
“Like a Christmas tree threw up in it.” He lifts the bottle so I can see the label, then takes another swig. “How’s the leg?”
“Hobbling but alive, so I’m calling it a win. I get the cast off in a couple of weeks, then I need physical therapy.”
He grunts. Falls quiet. That’s how I know something’s bothering him. Anthony’s not a talker when he’s upset. He shuts down, gets still, especially when he’s holding something back.
I wait for him to speak, expecting something about Gina.
Instead, he dodges in a different direction. His eyes flick toward Helen. “You’re crazy over that doctor lady, huh? You two together?”
My first instinct is to say no. That Helen’s too good, too smart, too impossible, but then I remember the way her body pressed back into mine when we were messing around with the Titanic pose.
The way she looked like she might actually kiss me when I teased her.
Tonight, it almost felt real. Real enough that I want to claim it, to say the words out loud.
Besides, I’ve got a fake boyfriend reputation to uphold.
“We’re dating,” I say, liking how that rolls out of my mouth. The flavor of those words. “Living together too.” Even I can hear the note of pride.
“You’re not coming back to the Venice Beach house? Even when you’re better?”
There it is. His insecurity, floating to the surface. Anthony’s afraid I’ll come back and mess things up with Gina.
The sad thing is, if Helen and I were a true couple, no one could come between us.
I know it. She’s just not the type, and I’ve never been a cheater, not even at my most reckless.
Still, his question hits a nerve. The truth is, I don’t know what happens when this cast comes off.
I don’t like thinking that far ahead, because if things with Helen don’t last, maybe that house with Jamie is still an option.
“I don’t know, man,” I tell him honestly. “Just taking it one day at a time.”
He stares over at Helen for a long moment. “Not sure if this thing with Helen is solid? She does seem a little out of your league.”
I blink. “Excuse me?”
“Come on, Teddy. She’s a doctor.” He shrugs one shoulder. “You’re…you.”
Heat spikes under my skin, but I force a laugh. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I’m just trying to figure out where your head’s at, man. If we should turn your old room into a home gym or what.”
Anxiety jolts through me. Anthony’s trying to replace me, just like the bar, just like Gina, just like Helen might someday.
Anthony glances toward Gina, who stands at the edge of the deck, her face tipped up to catch the breeze. His eyes linger, soft and aching in a way that throws me. He already has her, so why’s he looking at her like that?
That’s when I see this conversation for what it really is. This isn’t about my insecurity. It’s about Anthony’s. His worry I’ll outshine him. His resentment that things seem easier for me, that fate favors me more than him.
My grip tightens on the rail, knuckles blanching as the lights along the harbor blur.
A hollowness opens in my chest, sharp and familiar.
Grief. Grief for the friend Anthony used to be, for the bond we once had.
We were close, not Jamie-close, but still, I leaned on him for nearly half my life.
And now, after only a couple of months apart, it feels like there’s an ocean between us. Impossible to cross.
Jamie wanders over with his usual perfect timing, all grin and swagger, a human lifeboat come to haul me out of the undertow. A glance shows Gina’s swapped with him. Now she’s the one driving.
“Am I missing out on a bro housemate reunion or something?” Jamie asks.
“Nothing like that. Just catching up.” I do a double take at the cup in his hand. “Wait. Water? Since when? Eggnog’s your favorite.”
He shrugs, his eyes sliding away. “Don’t feel like it tonight.” A beat, then he adds, “Not giving it up for good, just easing off a bit.”
It takes effort not to gape. I’ve never seen Jamie on this boat without alcohol in his hand.
Back at Helen’s condo, he said the parties weren’t hitting the way they used to.
On the beach, he admitted he wanted more out of life than another night of drinking.
I wondered if it was just talk, the kind of thing you say when you’re restless.
But now, Jamie with water? I’m starting to believe he’s serious.
“Cool,” I say, careful not to push. He’s trying, and I don’t want to ruin it. I think I like this new Jamie. He’s more real, more himself.
Jamie nods like he knows exactly what I’m doing and he appreciates it.
He leans against the rail beside me, the one I’m half-holding myself up with, and sweeps a glance over the deck, pride warming his tone.
“Gotta admit, the boat turned out pretty great this year, don’t you think?
Even though certain people were total slackers. ” He shoots me a mock glare.
“My leg’s broken!” I protest, rapping my knuckles against the rigid cast like that settles it. “You want a copy of the X-ray?”
“Excuses, excuses.” Jamie shakes his head, smirking.
“Whatever,” I huff, half-amused, half-annoyed, mostly with myself.
Because the truth is, I do feel guilty. Normally I’m the first one sketching out insane decoration plans, the first one dangling off the ladder to hang lights, the first to break at least three fire codes for the sake of holiday spirit.
Not this year. I’ve been so wrapped up in my leg and with Helen, I let Jamie and the crew down. He’s too cool and independent to say it outright, but he doesn’t have to. I felt awful the second I saw the boat, perfectly decorated without me. Another place I’m replaceable.
“I’m not getting Elf of the Year, big deal,” I mutter, way too defensive.
Anthony lets out a short laugh, the kind with no warmth. “You’re not getting any awards these days, Teddy.”
It doesn’t land like a joke. More like something he’s been waiting to say, like he’s talking about more than just decorating the boat. I flinch and hate that he sees it.
Jamie whistles low. “Damn, Grinch. Ease up on the coal.”
Anthony just shrugs, lifting his bottle in a mock toast. “Hey, I call it like I see it.”
Anger rises in me, sharp and fast. I push off the rail and take a step forward.
“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
I catch a glimpse of Anthony’s face hardening just before Jamie slips between us.
“Hey, knock it off, you two. Santa’s watching.
” A subtle nod toward Helen’s dad, Phillip, who stares at us from across the deck, too far away to hear what we’re saying over the thrum of the boat engine, but I’m sure our body language speaks volumes.
“Never mind,” Anthony mutters. “We’re done here anyway.” He turns and stalks off.
Jamie watches him go, then side-eyes me. “Damn, Teddy. That went well. Really brought the festive cheer. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a pissing match during a holiday parade.”
“Just toss me overboard,” I groan, dragging a hand down my face. Leave it to Anthony to remind me that no matter how far I swim, I’m still drowning.
“Oh no, not yet. I need to see how this slow-mo trainwreck ends.” He grins, showing off his teeth. “You, brooding on a boat, nursing your emotional wounds, while everyone else sings Jingle Bell Rock? It’s giving Hallmark meets Fight Club vibes.”
Despite myself, I snort.
Gina cups her hands to her mouth and calls over, “Jamie! Your turn. I gotta pee.”
“Stop flirting with me, Gina, you siren of the sea,” Jamie deadpans, earning a glare from Anthony.
“Thanks for taking the heat off me,” I murmur, knowing exactly what he’s doing.
Jamie laughs and claps me on the back. “Merry Christmas, you tragic little elf. You’re lucky you’re pretty.” He’s still laughing as he walks away.
I turn back toward the rail, trying to catch my breath, emotionally, not physically, when I spot movement in my peripheral vision. Phillip’s making his way over, hands in his coat pockets, his expression unreadable.
“Teddy.”
“Hey, Dr. Chu.”
His gaze flicks between me and Anthony, who hovers near the cabin door, waiting for Gina to return.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Just some stupid drama. We all used to live together, but lately things are different. I’ve outgrown them, or maybe they’ve outgrown me.” My eyes drift to Helen. “I don’t know. It’s one of those awkward shifting dynamics things.”