Chapter 18 #2
We’re interrupted by a huge cacophony of noise as arguments ensue as to where everyone should be sitting for lunch.
Cherry, Dom and the children sit down. Cherry wants a bit of distance from Liam as she wasn’t happy with him insinuating that her children will ram anything in their mouths due to a lack of discipline.
Tash insists on being away from Sister Kevin as they are not speaking. They are circling the table waiting for each other to sit down first.
‘Tash isn’t speaking to me,’ Kevin explains to anyone who’ll listen. ‘She needs some space.’
‘Oh?’ I remark to be polite.
He makes a baffled gesture. ‘She’s furious with me.’
‘Again? What for this time?’
‘She says I’ve crossed some boundaries.’
Tash stands with her arms folded while we continue as though she’s not hovering over us. It’s weird.
‘Maybe we can help. Tell us what happened,’ Liam urges softly. I’m not sure any of us are keen to find out but Liam is such an uncontrollable gossip.
Sister Kevin takes a deep inhale. ‘I was talking to my mother last night about not coming home for Christmas and she was very upset.’
‘Understandable,’ croons Liam, stepping closer to him.
‘Tell them,’ barks Tash.
Sister Kevin keeps his focus on the ground. ‘She… she said Tash should pick on men her own age instead of preying on younger boys like me.’
We take in his well-built six-foot-three frame. His beard. His size twelve feet. His deep voice. He is not a boy by a long stretch.
‘Don’t leave out the mutton dressed as lamb,’ says Tash, tutting.
‘How was I supposed to know you were eavesdropping? I had my mother on video call while she was helping me pick out something to wear.’
Poor Sister Kevin.
‘So, what does this mean for the seating plan for tomorrow?’ asks Ged tightly. His eyes ping from Tash to Sister Kevin.
‘Who knows?’ snaps Tash, plonking herself down next to Cherry.
Nacho flies round the corner, fashionably late, looking freshly showered and as handsome as ever.
He makes straight for Matteo and me. He seems keen to be as far as possible from Eddie and Liberty, who have breezed in at the same time, looking as loved-up as they did in Vegas.
Nacho’s face falls when he sees Eddie dart round the table to sit next to Matteo.
Liberty perches next to him, running a hand lightly over his bicep. In return, Eddie can’t keep his hands or lips or love-heart-emoji eyes off her face.
Birdie, who has swept into the room like the beautiful French waif that she is, is insisting on sitting between Matteo and Eddie, causing everyone to move up one.
The butler and the two waiters stand rigidly to the side, outstretched arms shaking under the weight of platters of spectacular-looking hors d’oeuvres. It’s nothing short of chaos as they watch our musical-chairs type of bickering.
Finally, lunch is served and talk turns to this evening. Ged is keen to micromanage now that the bulk of the arrangements for tomorrow’s wedding are in place and none of us have been arrested.
‘Is everyone happy with their outfits for the wedding ceremony and their outfits for the ball in the evening?’ he asks briskly.
We all nod dutifully.
‘Who was in charge of the orchestra?’
Cherry whips out her iPad. ‘It was supposed to be Tash but for some reason it ended up being Connie.’
Tash has the cheek to act as though this is news to her.
‘The four-piece are coming an hour early to set up in the chapel. Then they’ll decamp to the ballroom after the photos have been taken.’
‘And the catering?’
Cherry consults the spreadsheet. ‘Big Mand.’
Big Mand flounders, trading guilty glances with Big Sue.
‘I had to help with that too. The caterers are already in touch with the kitchen’ – I nod to the butler, who nods back – ‘to prep for the Hogwarts banquet.’
‘The extra staff?’
Cherry checks her iPad and pauses.
‘Don’t bother. It’s me… again.’ I flick my gaze upward. Between The Wobbly Duck and the WhatsApp group, something has gone horribly wrong with the logistical side of things. ‘The extra waiting staff will arrive shortly before service and leave at midnight.’
‘Excellent. Thank you, Connie, babes.’ Ged clasps his hands together in prayer. ‘And who is in charge of the Last Hurrah?’
Oh. My. God. They’ve already had a massive bloody send-off already in Las bloody Vegas.
‘I think that was me,’ admits Cherry. ‘But with everything going on since we got here I just kind of forgot. Sorry, guys.’
‘We can sort something now. No worries.’ Tash is being unusually proactive, probably keen to avoid any discussion about the unfair allocation of tasks.
‘We’ll split into two groups. Me, Cherry, Connie, Sue, Mands, Libs and Liam and the kids in one group and Ged, Kev, Matteo, Nacho, Eddie, Dom and, erm, Birdie in the other. ’
When no one responds, she continues.
‘So, where will you both be sleeping tonight? Obviously, it’s bad luck to see the groom the night before the wedding.’
Oh. It seems that neither Ged nor Liam have given this a thought either. All of the bedrooms in this wing are taken.
‘I suppose you could swap rooms. Just for one night,’ Tash says in a dismissive tone directly to Sister Kevin. ‘Kev could bunk in with you, Ged. But then that doesn’t give Liam anywhere to go. As you know, I bite in my sleep. We need a spare room really.’
‘Matteo can come and stay with me in the family wing. You can have my brother’s room. He won’t mind.’ Birdie flashes Matteo a wide smile. ‘Like old times. Tash can go with Connie.’
And get mauled to death through the night? No thank you.
Matteo clears his throat. ‘No. That’s too much trouble. I’d rather stay—’
‘Happy to help,’ says Birdie, not giving Matteo a chance to object. ‘I’ll get the staff to get your room ready.’
‘I’ll go with him,’ I blurt. My imagination goes into hyperdrive. I’m not having him sleeping in the room next to Birdie with nothing but a flimsy wall and a door without a lock to keep her out.
‘I’m sure you can manage one night apart,’ drawls Birdie. ‘You’ve gone weeks before now.’
Unbelievable. Like I need reminding.
‘Exactly. I’ll bunk in with you,’ agrees Tash. ‘I’ll wear my mouthguard. It’ll give us a chance to catch up.’ She glares at me. ‘I could really, really do with a “catch-up”, you know?’ She’s making the words ‘catch-up’ sound like a therapy session involving more than a few bottles of Lovington.
‘And after the catch-up, I’ll be joining my husband in his new bedroom,’ I say firmly. This earns me an impressed half-smile from my beloved.
Ged seems keen to get off the subject of changing rooms before anyone else can object. ‘Great. That’s that sorted. Thanks, everyone. Photographer?’
Everyone keeps their gaze on me. Oh, my word. Surely not?
‘That was me,’ chimes in Liberty. ‘She’ll get here first thing in the morning to capture the getting-ready stills. And she’ll liaise with our two film-makers that are so obviously hiding behind the curtain because they’ll film her shooting us.’
There’s an awkward cough from behind the curtain followed swiftly by the clatter of someone dropping their cutlery noisily onto their plate. It’s Birdie.
‘What?’ exclaims Birdie very loudly. ‘There’s a camera crew already here?’
She’s not the only one to be shocked. Eddie appears incensed. ‘How did this not come up on my security detail?’
I have no idea what he means.
Two faces poke out from behind the curtain to wave hello to the newest members.
‘You’ve been filming me without my knowledge?’ Birdie says, infuriated.
Eddie gawps, aghast, at Liberty. ‘You knew about this?’
Liberty nods guiltily.
Within seconds, Birdie and Eddie are on their feet and marching towards the curtain, irate at this breach of their personal boundaries.