Chapter Four
In the morning Cassie’s journal was still beside her on the bed.
She’d dreamt of Raf and Australia again, and she flung the duvet aside and got out of bed, crossing the landing to shower.
Last night was the first time they’d slept in the same building since they’d taken the children to Lapland at Christmas, a trip she’d arranged before Australia.
Despite the magic and Isla and Rory loving it, she had felt distant and unsettled around him after that moment of madness in Queensland.
Back in her room she dried her hair and sat on the bed, glancing through her journal to read what she’d recorded yesterday.
She’d written about the happy anticipation of time away with friends and family, and being in Hartfell again.
Nothing, as ever, about Raf, unless it included her children.
Her thoughts about him were ones she could never consign to paper, because then they would exist beyond her own imagination.
She closed the journal at a tap on the door, hoping it wasn’t Raf looking for another opportunity to talk.
‘Brought you a coffee,’ Pippa called.
‘Thank you, what a treat. Come in.’ Cassie shuffled over, and Pippa left a mug on the bedside table and settled opposite her.
‘I thought you might appreciate a few more peaceful minutes. The kitchen is full of bleary-eyed teenagers raiding the fridge. Alfie stayed over last night as well, and I’m not sure any of them got much sleep in that tent. ’
‘Let’s hope they’re not too grumpy later.’ Cassie’s gaze slid away from Pippa as she reached for the mug. ‘Thank you for caring for and looking after us.’
The only benefit in living so far away from her closest friend was that she didn’t have to constantly disguise her guilt over Raf.
Pippa knew her so well; could she somehow tell that Cassie had cheated on her husband with his best friend?
Was it written on her face as clearly as it was etched on her heart?
She tried to force the thought away and focus on what Pippa was saying instead.
‘Always, Cass, that’s what I’m here for. Rory was so excited to go out with Gil and Raf, bless him. Heaven knows what time they were up.’
‘They’ve gone out already?’ Cassie quashed her usual concern for Rory.
He wasn’t allowed to ride his bike at home alone on those streets after what had happened to Ewan; that was still a step too far.
She was dreading the day when she wouldn’t have a choice other than to let him go.
But right now she still made most of the rules, for both of her children. ‘I thought Raf would still be in bed.’
‘No, he was up at first light with Rory, and all three of them disappeared soon after.’
Despite her feelings about Raf, Cassie was very grateful he’d brought his own bike and had made good on his promise to ride with Rory whenever he could.
Raf had only begun cycling again because Rory did, to help ease her son through the fear he carried after losing his dad the way he had.
She knew Rory was afraid sometimes, and she was so proud of him for finding the determination to push through.
‘Gil’s enjoying getting back into cycling after Oli persuaded him to have a go, and he bought a bike.’
‘How are Erin and Oli? Is her partnership with Gil sorted yet? I seem to remember you saying there was some final paperwork to sign. Sorry, things go in and out of my mind all the time.’ Cassie was thankful to turn the conversation to Gil’s veterinary practice instead.
Erin had joined the practice last September and had bought a cottage in the village.
She’d met Oli when they were students at St Catharine’s College, Cambridge, and they’d resumed their relationship at Christmas when he took a locum job for the holidays.
He’d moved in with Erin, and between Oli, Erin and Gil and the rest of the team, they shared a busy rota of companion animals, rural farm visits and equine clients.
‘Yes, it’s all complete, and Gil’s over the moon now he and Erin are officially business partners. He hasn’t said, but I imagine one day that will probably include Oli, too. It’s wonderful to see the practice growing, although he’s sorry to be losing Elaine to retirement in the summer.’
‘Erin and Oli were brilliant when we stayed here in February and Posy had colic. Poor Harriet was distraught at the thought of losing her and they looked after Posy so well.’
‘Bless her, she absolutely adores that pony,’ Pippa said fondly.
‘The girls have already mucked out, and Harriet’s introduced Isla to the new kittens we’ve somehow managed to acquire from Dorothy.
They’re farm cats, though, so they’re living in the stables rather than the house, but we’ll see how long that lasts.
Harriet’s already feeding them in the kitchen. ’
The two women shared a smile. When Cassie had last been here in February, house and Harriet sitting so Pippa and Gil could have a few days away, Harriet had brought home five battery hens she was nursing back to health and hopefully laying.
She’d named them after the members of her grandad’s band, and it still amused Pippa and Cassie to hear Jonny and Raf being spoken of as Rhode Island Reds rather than the famed lead singer and drummer of one of the most successful bands in living memory.
‘So how are you?’ Pippa asked gently.
‘I’m fine.’ It was her standard response to most enquiries about her wellbeing. ‘Thank you for asking.’
‘Come on, Cass, this is me you’re talking to.’ Pippa leant forward and drew Cassie into her arms. ‘I know you too well to be fobbed off by that. Tell me how you really are.’
Being held was one of the things Cassie missed the most. Her parents had never been huggers, both preoccupied with their own lives and equally emotionally distant from their only child.
Her father had been an MP, and she’d never forgotten being paraded outside the house to face the press with her parents when his scandal had reached the newspapers, his affair with a younger member of his parliamentary staff a story as old as time.
His blustering apology as the cameras flashed in their faces, her mother’s silent and seething humiliation as she’d stood beside him, Cassie bewildered and scared by the attention.
He was forced to relinquish his position in the Cabinet after that, and her parents’ marriage staggered on until he died suddenly at home when Cassie was twenty-one and in her final year at university.
Between the political demands and the blazing rows, she had often escaped to Pippa’s home across the street for a more normal and loving family life.
Pippa and her family had gradually become Cassie’s world, shielding her from the worst of the gossip about her parents and keeping her close.
‘Really, I am fine.’ Cassie relaxed into Pippa’s hold, chin resting on her shoulder.
For a wild moment she almost blurted out what had taken place between her and Raf.
But she couldn’t, because then there would be no going back.
Pippa might feel torn between them, her loyalty to her friend and her brother divided as she tried to support both.
And Pippa would know that Cassie had betrayed her husband with his best friend.
Her stomach was churning with the usual fear of discovery and what those she loved would think of her then.
So she couldn’t allow herself to remember how it had felt when Raf held her that time, their startling new feelings and desire suddenly laid bare.
‘You’re sure?’ Pippa’s hands were firm on Cassie’s back. ‘Because you can tell me anything, you know you can, and I’ll listen. I just get the sense you’re a little distracted.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be. And thank you, I really appreciate it. Work’s on my mind, that’s all.’ Cassie eased free and they separated. That was always an excuse she could fall back on. ‘I’d better head downstairs.’
‘There’s no rush. Enjoy your coffee, then come down when you’re ready and I’ll feed you a hearty breakfast on the terrace. It’s a glorious morning; we should make the most of the sunshine.’ Pippa’s expression changed to one of casual curiosity. ‘So what did you think of Allegra?’
Cassie, picking up her mug again, took a moment to reply.
‘She seems very nice.’ And beautiful, young and talented, with a brilliant career to boot.
She’d heard Allegra chatting about the jewellery she designed in her free time, as she’d held out a slim arm for Pippa to admire a delicate silver bangle.
‘But don’t you think it’s significant, Raf bringing her to lunch like that?
You know as well as I do how difficult it is for people to see past the famous drummer to the man underneath.
Apparently she was headhunted to manage a new office in Leeds.
And viewing a house in Hartfell! I can’t believe we didn’t know.
I thought I might invite her to dinner on the pretext of hearing more about it.
They certainly looked good together, and she’s clearly into him. ’
‘But did he actually say they were dating?’ Cassie thought of last night in the kitchen with Raf, his assurance that there was nothing between him and Allegra. ‘I’m sure he wouldn’t thank you for interfering.’
‘Don’t care,’ Pippa said breezily. ‘My little brother has been roaming the world for ten years, and if there’s even a chance of him settling down with someone, I’m going all out to encourage it. Did Allegra say she was vegan or am I imagining that?’
‘She did, yes,’ Cassie replied faintly. At least she would soon be back in London, far away from Raf, and Pippa’s attempts to matchmake.
Pippa made for the door and looked back. ‘That reminds me, I’m trying to pin Raf down about his birthday. It’s only a couple of months away and he doesn’t want a big fuss, but it is his fortieth. I thought you could have a word with him?’