Chapter Four #2
‘Me? Why?’ She wasn’t quick enough to tone down the alarm in her reply, and Pippa’s brows drew together in surprise.
‘Because he’ll listen to you, Cass. He always has. Is that okay?’
‘Sorry, yes. Of course I will if you think it’ll help. I suppose I thought he wouldn’t want to bother about his birthday. He doesn’t usually.’
‘He might not, but I want to find out. Maybe it’ll include an extra guest.’ Pippa winked and then she was gone, the door quietly closing behind her.
Cassie sank back and thumped a pillow. Perfect. Now it was down to her to find out how, if, Raf planned to celebrate his birthday in July, and with whom. She groaned, covering her face with her hands.
Once she’d dressed, she picked at granola and juice outside in the garden before coffee and croissants, a rare treat.
It was already warm and the dogs were content to laze on the terrace with her and Pippa, swallows swooping by as they hunted for insects on the wing.
Harriet and Isla were in the stables, and Pippa said they were preparing Flo and Hero for a first walk to the paddock.
The girls didn’t exclude Rory on purpose, but their love of netball, Billie Eilish and current brands simply didn’t chime with his own interests in cycling and chess.
He enjoyed occasional weekends with his grandparents when Isla was off doing something else, and Cassie tried never to say no, aware that Ewan’s parents found their own solace in being with their grandchildren.
They spent every summer holiday in Galloway, but this family tradition, which had continued without a break since the children were born, was now at an end with her parents-in-law’s move.
Her attention snagged on voices across the garden, and she saw Raf follow Gil through the gate, propping their filthy bikes against the wall as the dogs rushed to greet them.
Raf was laughing at something Gil was saying, and even covered in mud, with helmet hair and wearing Lycra, he still made the breath falter in her throat.
He glanced across and she caught the quick incline of his head, the glimpse of a smile, and it was enough to bring a rush of heat to her cheeks.
She watched surreptitiously as he ran a hand across his jaw, sharply reminded of those same fingers smoothing away her tears in Australia, and how they’d felt on her body as he’d pressed her against him.
Her gaze went past the two men in search of Rory, and she told herself she was being ridiculous as her heart bumped in alarm when there was no sign of him.
Gil dropped down to cuddle Lola and Maud, laughing as they tried to clamber onto his lap.
Satisfied he was once again within reach, the dogs ran back to the terrace as Raf strolled across.
He dropped a kiss on top of Pippa’s head, and it would have been strange had he not offered Cassie a similar greeting.
She stilled as his hand went to her shoulder, his lips and the brush of his beard brief against her temple.
‘Have you saved any for us?’ He nodded at the remaining croissants on the table as Gil caught up, pulling out a chair to sit down before leaning across to kiss Pippa.
‘Of course, you can have the last two.’ Pippa pushed the plate of pastries towards her brother and Raf took one while Gil poured juice into two glasses.
Cassie spotted the girls leading the ponies slowly along the drive towards the paddock, Harriet gently guiding Hero, and she looked at Raf. ‘Where’s Rory?’
‘He’s not back yet?’ Raf’s hand holding a croissant was halfway to his mouth and he paused, eyes narrowed.
‘What do you mean, not back yet? He went out with you!’ Her pulse spiked as she shoved her chair back and leapt up.
‘Yeah, but then we bumped into Alfie’s cousin Jacob, and Rory asked if they could ride on their own.’
‘I know who Jacob is! And you let him?’
A year older than Rory, Jacob lived in the village, and Cassie was grateful the boys stayed in touch when they were apart. Usually she loved that her son had a friend here too, someone who included Rory in much that went on.
‘Seriously, Raf!’ She glared at him, unable to hold back a stab of sharp, cold fear.
It was impossible not to think of the terrible phone call from the police after Ewan’s accident, the frantic dash to the hospital and arriving too late.
Adrenaline was already flooding her limbs and making them tremble.
‘And you didn’t ask where they were planning to go, or how long they’d be?
Rory knows he’s not allowed out on the bike by himself. ’
‘Darling, he’s not by himself.’ Pippa stood too, and she came around the table to Cassie. ‘Jacob knows the village like the back of his hand and I’m sure Rory’s fine. Why don’t you call him?’
Cassie nodded frantically, clumsy fingers trying to unlock her phone. It was another minute before her call went straight to voicemail. She couldn’t allow herself to think about him sprawled in a heap somewhere after crashing from his bike, unable to summon help if his phone wasn’t working.
‘Probably just lack of signal. There’s a route we were planning to take another time, so maybe they’re trying it out.’ Raf was on his feet and he caught Cassie’s hand, halting her pacing. ‘We’ll find him, okay? He won’t have gone far. Try not to worry.’
‘It’s just not like him to go off without saying where.’ She stared up at him, biting her lip and not daring to let herself fall into the assurance in his gaze when she didn’t know for sure that her son was safe. ‘He’s usually so careful.’
Rory liked certainty and knowing what was coming next, much as she did after growing up with parents who had often been absent and cared little about boundaries or routine.
He took after Ewan in so many ways, but not this.
Ewan had been a risk-taker, whereas Rory was cautious.
He was quieter than Isla too, and Cassie watched them both carefully for signs of trauma.
At school, his behaviour was much the same; he still excelled in maths and science, and sometimes she wondered if his hard work and diligence were in some way a tribute to his dad.
‘Maybe Alfie would know where Jacob might go?’ Pippa was crossing the garden with Maud as Gil hurried to his car, Lola at his heels. ‘I’ll get Harriet to call him.’
‘What if…?’ Cassie’s gaze on Raf’s was stricken, and he drew her into his arms, placing his lips against her temple.
‘We’ll find him, I promise,’ he murmured gently. ‘And I’m sorry, I just didn’t think. At his age I was barely in school, and I never checked in with anyone.’
‘But it’s different now,’ she whispered, struggling not to cry and lose it completely. She leant into his embrace, wanting him to hold her for just a little longer. To not always have to do this alone. ‘The world’s such a scary place.’
She hadn’t used to be so afraid, and it was just one of the reasons why she made time for mindful exercises, to practise thinking clearly and not catastrophise everything.
It had been so much easier when her children were small and she’d been able to keep them close, had known where they were every minute of the day.
At least at home in London they had their usual routines, and everyone knew the rules.
Out here, in this vast, unending landscape with fells stretching to the sky and acres to be explored, Rory could go anywhere, far from her reach and ability to keep him safe.
‘Keep calling, okay, and let me know if you hear from him.’ Raf let her go as Cassie nodded, watching as he sprinted to his bike.
Her fear calmed a little as Gil took off down the drive in his Land Rover, and she could only assume he was planning to retrace their steps from earlier and check out the route Rory and Jacob might have taken.
It helped to know how much they cared too, and she tried Rory’s phone again, willing him to pick up.