Chapter Six
Queensland, six months ago
The flight from Sydney to Brisbane had been a short one after the long haul from London, and Cassie, Isla and Rory had been exhausted and elated when they’d emerged from the plane into a dazzling Australian spring.
Raf was there to meet them, and Cassie had held back tears when he’d hugged them tightly.
He’d driven them to the band’s hotel and, from the moment they’d arrived, they’d had an absolute blast. The band had one final appearance coming up in the Sunday legends slot at Glastonbury and then Blue at Midnight would be over, consigned to history and the memory of all who loved them.
In between gigs, Raf had surprised Cassie with a trip away, just the four of them.
They’d flown north and picked up a Jeep, driving further up the coast and taking a ferry to Magnetic Island.
Isla and Rory were ecstatic at this new adventure, and she had been happy too, grateful to relax.
It was bliss not to have to plan every moment, and she’d given herself up to the experience, aware that such treats didn’t come around very often.
Their secluded beachfront house had huge windows offering exceptional views of their swimming pool and the ocean beyond it.
Isla and Rory had changed immediately and flung themselves into the water, exhilaration bringing a return of their more carefree selves.
They messed around for hours as Cassie meandered around unpacking and settling in, marvelling at the views and the dazzling light after the gloom of a dreary London autumn.
She laughingly shooed Raf away to the pool when he tried to help prepare dinner.
The tour was going brilliantly, but she saw how wired and yet exhausted he was when he came off stage and the band rolled on to the next date, another city, another stage.
Giving him the space to kick back and escape was her way of thanking him for all he’d done to make this trip unforgettable.
The following morning she swam early and was relaxing on the steps of the pool when Raf appeared.
He dropped a hand on her shoulder in greeting before stripping off his T-shirt and carving through the water with sharp, efficient strokes.
Suddenly she found it impossible to tear her gaze away as a quiver raced across her skin, leaving her flushed and captivated by the width of his shoulders, and a body sculpted from years of drumming and working out.
She was very aware of his public profile, especially here, but it didn’t intrude much into her family’s life.
In private he was just Raf, her friend, not the world-famous rock star drummer.
But now she was seeing him as countless other women must, and she made herself steady her breathing.
He’d got his first tattoo at sixteen: the image of a rose intertwined with Slash from Guns N’ Roses on his left forearm.
Pippa, a year older than Raf, had been shocked, but Jonny had laughed and asked him what he was planning to have next.
He’d followed up the first with a tattoo of forget-me-not flowers encircling a woman holding her three children close, and Pippa had cried when she’d seen it.
Now his left arm matched the full sleeve of tattoos on his right, and Cassie noticed a midnight-blue guitar held in the centre of a Celtic rose representing the band, with Give Me Your Love, the title of their most successful album, winding through the petals.
When Isla, Harriet and then Rory had been born, Raf had added tattoos for each of their birth flowers.
For Isla this was violets for February, with April daisies for Harriet and snowdrops for Rory in January.
These were inked on the inside of his right forearm, and Cassie loved that he was reminded of the children whenever he glimpsed the images.
Across his sternum and the top half of his chest, Raf had a warrior kneeling before an angel and offering a sword, an image chosen to represent strength and humility, two things very close to his heart.
She was sitting, arms behind her back, when he swam over.
She wondered if she was imagining the suggestion of awkwardness in his quick smile as she tried not to stare at the water glistening on his suntanned chest, the outline of a bicep as he ran a hand through soaking hair.
They’d swum together countless times on holiday in Galloway, but now she was very conscious of her bikini, one she’d bought out here and hadn’t even been sure she’d wear.
Not on the beach at least, with the slight roundness of her stomach that had never gone away since giving birth.
Cassie had tried to diet away the curves her mother had lamented until she’d learnt to appreciate them.
‘Looking forward to our day out?’ Raf joined her on the steps, and she was utterly conscious of his wet body beside hers as he propped himself on his elbows, the width of his thigh against her paler one.
The braided leather bracelets around his left wrist never came off, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen him without the silver chain and cross beneath it, a twenty-first birthday present from Pippa and their younger sister Tilly.
‘But just say if you’d rather hang out here. ’
‘No, I’d love to go, and the kids will too.
’ She glanced at his profile, struck by an electrifying bolt that she was horrified to realise was desire.
She inched away, putting a little distance between them as she reminded herself sharply of her responsibilities and his loving role in her family’s life.
But those thoughts vanished as he stretched, raising both arms above his head.
It was probably her hormones and would pass once she’d returned home. ‘If you’re sure you’re not too tired?’
‘Nope, I’m fine. Leave in an hour?’ He stood up and their eyes caught as she nodded quickly, hoping her discomfort and the reason for it wasn’t as visible to him as it felt to her.
After a hearty brunch at a beachside cafe later, she took the wheel to drive the Jeep around the island.
They hiked through eucalyptus and acacia woodland to the ruins of a fort, and everyone was rapt to spot a koala.
Afterwards Isla and Rory opted to return to the house for another chill night around the pool.
Once they’d eaten, the teenagers headed indoors to watch a movie.
They crashed into bed first, and when Cassie went to say good night, they were already asleep.
She kissed them anyway, smoothing Isla’s long chestnut hair from her face.
Tomorrow they would rejoin the band and the bus, but not before snorkelling and lunch at a nearby restaurant.
Then they’d catch the ferry back to the mainland and drive north to Cairns.
She couldn’t bear to go to bed yet; she didn’t want to miss a moment of this magical hideaway.
She refilled glasses from the bottle of wine they’d opened over dinner and joined Raf on the deck, the pool and endless expanse of ocean shimmering before them.
‘Raf, it’s been perfect.’ The smile she gave him was weighted with sadness. ‘Well, almost. You know what I mean. Thank you for everything, we’ll never forget it.’
‘My pleasure.’ He leant across so they could clink glasses. ‘So here’s to Ewan, and a life well lived. He made a difference every single day and that’s a wonderful legacy.’
‘It is. But I wish he was here with us.’ Sorrow clutched at her throat and made those last words a gulp.
‘I know.’ Raf’s free hand briefly found hers. ‘Me too. It’s a whole other world, this one without him.’
‘Yeah.’ Cassie sipped her wine, trying not to let her mind dart ahead to London and the new normal waiting there, forced on them by bereavement.
She loved her job, and it had helped keep her going these past couple of years, even if there were moments when she was drained by the pressure and keeping all the balls in the air.
But she was no different to anyone else in the same situation; she simply had to get on with it. She landed on another subject instead.
‘So how do you feel, now you’re actually here and it’s almost over? Your Instagram’s going crazy.’
‘Sorry?’ Raf seemed distracted as his troubled gaze found hers, and she wondered if he was thinking of how much his life was about to change, what he might do next.
‘About the band, everything finally ending. I hope you don’t mind me asking.’
‘Of course I don’t.’ At once he was right back with her, and he raised a shoulder. ‘I’m fine, or at least I think I am. I guess now I really do have to grow up and find something sensible to do.’
‘Sensible, you?’ She nudged his leg with her foot. ‘This I’m looking forward to. The band has been ten years of your life; it’ll take time to get used to being without it.’
‘I think I’m ready, though. I never imagined it would last this long. I only planned to do one tour, and then we just kept going.’
Cassie didn’t know the full story of why he’d suddenly abandoned his modelling career and joined his dad’s band, the only non-original member after their first drummer passed away.
Raf had shared most things with Ewan, and she guessed that Ewan had known the reason and had kept his confidence.
Pippa had suggested it was something to do with the end of a serious relationship, but even she hadn’t known all the details.
‘I always thought my life would be different.’ His smile was a reflective one, long fingers toying with his glass.
‘Different how?’
‘Not this.’ He raised a hand to the pool, the beach, the ocean beyond it.
‘A different view every week, another hotel room, another city. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been incredible and such a buzz, and I’ve been so lucky to be a part of it.
But yeah, I’m going to kick back for a while, think about what’s next. ’
‘I think that’s a good idea,’ she told him quietly. ‘You know you’re always welcome to come and stay with us.’