Chapter Eighteen
Cassie had only brought one pair of heels, and they tapped a beat steadier than her heart as she crossed the terrace.
The skirt of her new dress floated around her bare legs, the creamy rose pattern highlighting the suntan dusting her skin.
After her shower she’d dried her hair, run her hands through it then added perfume and lipstick, unsurprised by the danger and desire glittering back in the mirror.
Raf was sitting with a glass of white wine in one hand as she approached, his hungry gaze drinking her in. He stood when she reached him, and she spun around, offering a slightly self-conscious twirl to show off the dress.
‘You’re stunning. It looks incredible on you. I knew it would.’
‘Thank you, I totally love it.’ Her heart slammed inside her chest at that heated look.
Was it wrong to want someone so completely, when she’d loved and been loved before?
Nothing could alter her love for Ewan or diminish its significance and foundation in her life.
She’d learnt the hard way that life was short and that love, longing and feeling this way about someone else might not come around again.
Shaken by admitting the inescapable truth she’d been trying to deny for months, her limbs were trembling.
Maybe she and Raf really would find a way, and it would be okay.
For now she was free of her life in London and all that held her steady there. Here, it was just the two of them.
His hands went to her shoulders and he dipped his head, letting his kiss and then his lips linger against her cheek. ‘Let me get you a glass of wine.’
She missed his closeness the moment he turned away, lifting a bottle from a cooler and pouring her a glass before topping up his own.
His fingers skimmed hers as he passed it across and heat curled through her.
With every single look, every touch, she was moving their unspoken conversation on, making her decision and her desire for him clear.
‘I’ll bring dinner.’ She took a sip of wine, savouring the taste on her tongue, before setting the glass down and turning to the kitchen. She halted when he caught her hand.
‘Can I help?’ Other than his thumb tracing a lazy circle on her palm, he wasn’t even touching her, and still she quivered as his gaze fell to her mouth. Taking this so slowly seemed to heighten each sensation, every second both a promise and a torment of waiting.
‘There’s nothing to do. I left everything in the slow cooker earlier.’
‘I just like watching you,’ he murmured, and Cassie was mesmerised by the tiny flecks of gold in his eyes. ‘Is that okay?’
In truth it was a very different question, and she nodded.
Raf was testing her again, finding out how far along she was on the path they were treading.
She cupped his cheek with a palm, his gaze never leaving hers as he pressed a kiss against it.
Heat pooled in her body, reminding her again how it felt to have his mouth on her.
‘You do the table.’ She freed herself and walked inside, taking deep breaths to settle her racing pulse.
She sliced bread from the loaf they’d bought that morning and heaped chicken, chorizo, tomatoes, olives and peppers onto plates.
Raf helped her carry everything outdoors, and when they were sat opposite one another, he touched his glass to hers.
‘What are we celebrating?’
‘You. Me. Us being here, together. Healing.’
A flare of anxiety brought a shaky note to her voice. ‘Maybe it is being here, in this house with you, that’s making me better.’ A tear caught on the corner of her eye. ‘I don’t want to lose this feeling, Raf. To go back to being sad again.’
‘That’s why we take this slow.’ He took her hand across the table. ‘I don’t want to go back to a place where we pretend we don’t feel this way either. And I can’t promise we have all the time in the world, but for now it’s just us, and we’ll keep it that way until you’re ready for more.’
‘And what about when you’re ready for more?’ she whispered. ‘What if that time never comes for me?’
‘Cass, it’s already here,’ he said simply. ‘I want everything with you.’
It was impossible to avoid the honesty in his eyes, a look she’d never seen before.
At home she’d spent months trying to avoid him, telling herself time and again that her feelings for him weren’t real, couldn’t matter, and now his were laid bare in that unwavering gaze.
‘Promise me it won’t change anything for Isla and Rory.
I can’t do this if I think one day you might walk away from them. ’
‘You have my word.’ He raised her hand to his lips. ‘I promise. Nothing could ever alter my love for them.’
They began to eat and Cassie loved how he tucked in, mopping up the sauce with the bread they’d bought, the simple tasks of togetherness that felt so profound.
‘I am learning to enjoy feeling happy again, and not to feel guilty or sad when those moments come. That there is still joy to be found even when living with loss.’
‘Exactly that.’ Raf’s smile was a pensive one. ‘I don’t think there’ll ever be a day when I don’t miss my mum. Even though it was so long ago, it totally defined our lives and we live differently because of it.’
‘Are you happy, Raf?’ She realised with dismay that she’d rarely thought to consider this question.
He’d always carried an air of sadness; it was just another thing that had made him so popular with the fans.
That hint of vulnerability on show without his ever fully revealing it.
‘I’m sorry for assuming you had everything you wanted, with the band and the travelling. Did it make you happy?’
‘Happy enough.’ He paused, fork halfway to his mouth.
Cassie was finding it almost impossible to stop looking at it, holding on to the memory of their kiss, desperate to make another one.
‘I think when you’re busy, you just keep going.
There wasn’t much time to dwell, and I guess I liked it that way. I’m happy when I’m with you.’
‘Me too. And I’m glad you feel that way. Happy. How is it that time can pass so quickly when doing so little? I feel incredibly lazy, the sun really is doing its work.’ And Raf; he couldn’t have been more considerate. She stretched, aware of him watching, alighting that blaze on her skin again.
‘Good. That was the whole idea of coming here.’
‘Really? The only reason?’ She raised a brow, loving the smile spreading across his lips at her tone. She hadn’t flirted in so long and it felt wonderful to play that game, to dance on the edge of desire with him. With just a look he made her feel both totally safe and wildly out of control.
He cleared up after they’d eaten and they settled on a sofa to watch the sunset, the sky blazing with shades of orange and yellow.
Cassie topped up their glasses with the last of the wine, aware her exhilaration had nothing to do with alcohol.
It was all Raf and the way he was making her feel.
They had two more days and nights, and she wanted to savour every moment.
He’d set up a playlist on a speaker, and she stood up, holding out her hand.
‘Dance with me?’
He was on his feet too and his arm went across her back, fingers folding tightly around her hand. She felt the muscles beneath his shirt, heady with the freedom to explore, as they danced slowly to a new rhythm.
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’ He bent his head to reply, lips skimming her ear.
‘Have you recorded your song, the one you played the other night?’ She was certain he would – he had set up a studio in his house. He nodded.
‘So would you play it for me now? I understand if you’d rather not. If it’s totally private and just for you.’
His reply was to raise her hand and kiss it again as he stepped away. His phone was on the table, and moments later, she heard the opening chords and the lyrics he had already planted in her heart as his voice filled the perfumed night air.
Cassie wrapped her arms around his neck, holding every line, every note close as she listened again to the song he’d written for her.
She understood how rarely he allowed himself to feel vulnerable, to open himself up to more hurt.
His arms were around her too, their bodies finally touching, reducing every millimetre separating them until there were none left, and she was pressed against him.
One arm was across her back, the other in her hair, holding her steady.
She tipped her head back and couldn’t do anything other than follow the certainty in his gaze, his heart slamming against her.
‘Are you sure, Cass?’ He smoothed away a tear with his thumb. ‘I had no idea I was going to feel this way until Australia, and then I knew it was you. I know neither of us was looking for this. I’ve spent months trying to pretend it’s not real, and I can’t do that anymore.’
‘Same,’ she whispered. ‘Whatever happens tomorrow and the day after and the one after that, I want this with you, Raf. I want you.’
Was he teasing her now on purpose, making her wait for his kiss as his beautiful mouth curled into a smile, running a finger down her cheek?
She caught it between her lips and heard his sharp intake of breath as his arm on her back tightened.
After all these months, she couldn’t wait another minute.
She placed both hands on his head and dragged his mouth to hers.
It was like no kiss she’d ever experienced before, and Raf perfected it.
It was everything, the way he was holding her, keeping her close when she was no longer certain she could stand on her own.
His mouth, slow and hurried and insistent all at once, his tongue finding hers and making her moan, yearning for more.
His song for her was over, their dance only just beginning, and she had no idea where she ended and he began.