Chapter Eighteen #2
He pulled back with glittering eyes and her quick laugh at the bewilderment and joy in them was almost a sob.
The rush of desire, the longing and the pleasure, the promise of so much more.
It was everything in this moment, and so was he.
His lips were pink and swollen from their kiss, and her fingers were on the buttons of his shirt.
She undid the few that were fastened, parting the white cotton to stare at the kneeling warrior offering his sword to an angel.
‘This is how I think of you.’ She laid a palm on the tattoo, the brush of hair rough against her skin, the silver cross nestled close. ‘Defending those you love.’
‘Cassie,’ he murmured. Both hands went to her face, and the way he’d said her name was enough to set her confidence soaring again.
She moved his hands to her shoulders and lower still, her breasts tingling in anticipation of his touch, almost screaming when his palms brushed against them.
It wasn’t enough, she needed more, and she told him so as she pulled his head down to whisper into his ear.
‘You’re so greedy,’ he muttered, and she laughed.
She wanted to hold that look in her heart forever, to always remind her of this moment.
She touched a finger to her own face, her skin tender where his beard had brushed it.
Heart clattering, she took his hands and led them to the bow tied at her waist. She loved the dress because it was pretty and he’d bought it for her, had thought to go back and bring her his gift.
‘I’m going to swim. Do you want to join me?
’ Slowly, she helped him untie the bow, swallowing nervously as the dress parted.
Underneath she was naked, and he dragged in a sharp breath.
She watched the surprise and pleasure rush into his gaze as it dropped to drink her in.
She almost closed her eyes as she slid the straps from her shoulders and let the dress pool at her feet.
But she couldn’t. She needed to know everything he felt and could no longer hide, to draw on his certainty when her own might let her down.
At the steps she glanced back as she undid her heels and slipped them off.
Raf was hurrying to join her, his shirt and shorts discarded on the terrace.
She began to swim, the cool water dissipating some of the burning heat in her body.
He quickly caught her up, tugging her backwards until she was against him.
His hands were on her breasts as her head tipped onto his shoulder, his lips roaming hungrily across her neck.
He was all angles and firm, hard against her bare skin as he explored every curve, and Cassie was lost all over again.
It could only be him, and the words she confessed to say so were a breathless whisper.
‘You’re the strongest, best person I’ve ever known,’ he muttered against her ear, and she gasped as his hand followed the curve of her stomach lower. ‘You’re incredible, and I’m going to make certain you feel it.’
Moments later she was shuddering in his arms, and through the haze, as he held her in the water, she was crying.
Quiet little gulps that soon became great heaving sobs as tears poured down her face, and her body shook against his.
Raf held her tightly, his arms the only thing keeping her upright.
He lifted her easily, carrying her from the pool.
He laid her gently on the still-warm grass, her skin super sensitised as the blades brushed against her.
He drew her close, warming her with the heat of his own body tucked around hers, soothing her with quiet murmured words and his hands, until gradually her cries faded away.
‘I’m sorry.’ She hiccupped, burying her face against his chest. ‘I have no idea where that came from.’
‘Hey, it’s totally fine. Please don’t ever say you’re sorry. And I think I do.’ He eased back, and she was ready to cry again at that look. ‘It was your body’s way of letting go, of freeing yourself from the stress and the worries. You needed it.’
‘Is that your professional opinion, Dr Jones?’ The shock of her emotions pouring free the way they had was slowly receding, and she was wholly conscious they were naked, his beautiful body facing hers. She raised a brow as his smile slowly widened, and Raf propped his head on a hand.
‘It is. And I recommend as many repeats as you feel are necessary.’
‘You do?’
‘Absolutely.’
Cassie laughed as she leant over him. His hands caught her waist to pull her on top, and she kissed him, dizzy with release and longing and more. ‘Well, in that case…’
When she woke hours later, the night dark and silent, she was in her bed, the white curtains fluttering against the open doors.
She reached out, wondering if she was dreaming, until her hand found the warm body sleeping beside her.
But Raf was real, and this time her tears were happy ones as she looked at him in wonder.
They’d lain on the grass until they were cold and then he’d carried her to the outdoor shower, warming them both beneath the hot water.
They’d snuggled together on the terrace, with Cassie wearing his shirt, and when it was finally time for bed, he’d asked if she wanted to sleep alone.
Her reply had been to take his hand and lead him to her room.
She’d fallen asleep with his arm around her, her head on his shoulder, and it had been perfect.
She couldn’t go back to dating apps after this; it would be like dropping a pin on a map blindfolded and expecting to land on paradise.
Until they’d kissed in Australia, she had never dreamt the first time she made love after her marriage might be with Raf, but now she knew it could never have been anyone else.
He had been incredible. So tender and thoughtful, and he’d made it all about her and her pleasure.
Holding her afterwards as she’d cried in his arms, shocked by her own emotions, the promise he’d made to care for her children always.
She couldn’t stop touching him, and she smiled when a pair of gorgeously brown, sleepy eyes opened.
‘Sorry, I wasn’t trying to wake you on purpose,’ she whispered. ‘Just checking you’re real.’
‘Totally real, in your bed, and entirely yours.’ He gathered Cassie close, holding her against his chest. ‘And I’ll still be here when you wake up tomorrow.’
In the morning they made love again as the sun rose outside.
The heat seemed to have seeped into her very bones, leaving her replete, almost weightless.
She had slept so well, and they swam before sharing breakfast on the terrace.
She couldn’t bear to think of this interlude ending, of having to go home and pretend they were merely old friends.
Going up to bed in separate rooms instead of falling asleep after making love wherever they lay.
But family life beckoned, and only the thought of seeing her children made returning so soon feel bearable.
They had intended to stroll down to the market again, but the idea was abandoned when Raf fell asleep on a lounger and Cassie loathed to wake him.
They had one more day after this and she wanted to savour every single moment.
To swim and make love and sleep and read and touch him.
To let him know what he meant to her and how afraid she felt of what lay ahead on their return.
But those words weren’t for now, and she pushed them aside.
When the car arrived to return them to the airport early on Saturday morning, they held hands all the way home.
The sun had vanished when they retrieved their bags after the flight and made their way out to another waiting car.
She had seen how normal a life he tried to live, and he didn’t often take advantage of the privileges that came with his position.
Like now, being able to climb into the back of the car and hide from reality a little longer.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay in town with me?
’ Raf squeezed her hand. They’d flown into Heathrow this time as he had a meeting arranged with his manager, who took care of the band’s business interests.
‘I’m sorry, the timing is terrible, but there’s some stuff we need to go over, and this was as good a time as any. ’
‘No, I think it’s better that I go home. And I’ve promised to meet Isla and Rory at the airport. Fiona offered, but I’d like to be there.’
Had she really just referred to Hartfell as home?
It certainly felt like that, although anywhere could be home if her children and Raf were with her.
The car would be dropping him off before driving her back up to Yorkshire.
He had insisted, even though she’d said she could get the train.
And the separation would place a little bit of distance between them, if they were going to keep private the feelings they had finally confessed in Majorca.
He would return to Hartfell tomorrow, and they would begin the process of trying to find a way to be together.
‘You haven’t changed your mind, about us?’ There was a note of alarm in his voice, and she shook her head slowly.
‘No, but we need more time, Raf,’ Cassie told him gently. ‘Time to get used to this, and to work out how we’re going to tell our families.’
It was her family that worried her most. How her children would react to Raf’s changed role in her life, even if it might not make much difference to theirs.
And most especially, how Fiona and Gordon would feel about him stepping into a role their adored son had occupied for so long.
Her stomach swooped every time she thought of trying to find the right words and break the news.
Once they’d kissed goodbye and Raf had disappeared into a building across a street in Pimlico, Cassie was desolate as the car made its way north.
After the heat and the sun and the views in Majorca, the gloomy grey clouds blotting the sky seemed to match her mood perfectly, despite the excitement of seeing Isla, Rory and Flynn again.
The pleasure of Raf’s company and the care she’d basked in already slipping away.
She wanted him here still, at her side, assuring her they would be okay and would find a way.
She fell asleep on the long drive, her heart lifting when she woke and realised she was already in the Dales, Hartfell not far away.
Once she reached the house, she thanked the driver as he helped with her bag and let herself in.
It was utterly silent without Raf, Isla and Rory, or Flynn padding from room to room and making his quiet presence felt.
She switched the coffee machine on, thankful that someone, probably Fiona or Pippa, had thought to leave fresh milk in the fridge.
She had an hour before she needed to leave for the airport.
At the table she sat down with her coffee and pulled out her phone.
It was still in flight mode and she switched to Wi-Fi, watching the notifications piling up.
Surprised to see four missed calls from Raf, she smiled.
He must be missing her as much as she was him.
She went to voicemail and played his only message, alarm sharply spiking at his tone and the few words he’d recorded.
‘Hey, Cass. Call me when you get this, okay? I’m fine, but we need to talk.’ A pause. ‘And please, don’t go online until we’ve spoken. Trust me, yeah?’
Sweat had already broken out on Cassie’s brow, and her palms were clammy as she fought for calm.
It couldn’t be her children; she’d just seen the notification from Jas about their flight and that they were on their way.
She hit the return call on Raf’s number as dread lodged in her mind.
The engaged sound came and the call cut off, and she tried again, battling tears of worry.
What if something had happened, like before…
But it couldn’t; he’d simply said not to go online, and he sounded okay, unharmed at least. She brought up a browser and her finger hovered over it, temptation lingering.
She should trust him; he had always looked after her.
But he still hadn’t called back, and she hurriedly typed his name and pressed enter.
It was probably old news, some gossip about an ex he’d rather not expose her to.
The images were the first thing her blurred vision took in.
Her and Raf, that day in the market, hand in hand and laughing as he adjusted her sunhat, his palm on her cheek.
Another one, when he’d tugged her against him and stopped just short of kissing her, the longing in his gaze she saw perfectly captured in her own.
They looked like lovers, even though they hadn’t made love when these photographs were taken.
A couple in love, their every gesture exuding a togetherness she hadn’t even fully realised herself.
Her betrayal was laid bare for the world to see.
And far, far worse, her children and everyone she loved.
Her phone hit the floor as she shoved her chair back, retching as she rushed to the downstairs loo just in time to throw up.