Chapter Nineteen #2
‘It’s not okay,’ Cassie muttered, still stroking Flynn’s head as her breath came in stuttering little gasps. ‘I’ve really messed up, Pippa, and now Rory can’t even stand to be in the same room with me.’
‘He’s a teenager and a boy trying to process his mum’s feelings about someone who’s not his dad, it goes with the territory.’ Pippa raised Cassie’s chin and passed her a tissue. ‘Darling, you’re allowed a life of your own, a private one that doesn’t include them.’
‘But not with their dad’s best friend,’ she said dully. ‘I’ve let everyone down, and Raf and I, we hadn’t even… I mean, in the pictures.’ She hesitated. There wasn’t much left that felt private anymore. ‘Nothing had really happened when they were taken. It was after…’
Their feelings had finally burst free that evening, when he’d opened her heart and made it his, had made her soul sing again.
It wasn’t only making love and how unselfish he had been; Raf had revealed all of his own heart too, and she understood him in a way she never had before.
The song he’d written for her and played as they’d danced, his vulnerabilities and the sadness he carried over not having children of his own.
The life he’d made travelling the world, never standing still long enough to let anything hurt him after the woman he’d loved before had betrayed him.
And the losses he lived with, just as Cassie did.
‘I did wonder, but then I decided I was wrong,’ Pippa said quietly.
‘But I’ve never known Raf to even think of buying his own home before.
Every time the house was mentioned he asked me if I thought you’d be happy here and would use it for holidays.
It’s obvious he chose it for you, Cassie. And your children.’
She opened her mouth and Pippa help up a hand.
‘And no, I don’t think it’s all because of Isla and Rory, and he was just being kind.
There’s the way he looks at you and how you always seem to be trying not to look at him.
I didn’t see it until we were all together for his birthday.
I’m sorry for encouraging you with Jago, and Raf and Allegra.
I can’t believe I was so blind. It’s wonderful that he’s making a life here, and I don’t think he’s planning to do that with someone who isn’t you. ’
‘And you don’t mind, how we feel?’ The moment of hope about their being together was gone as soon as the words left Cassie’s lips. They couldn’t be together. Not now, after this.
‘How could I possibly mind about my best friend and my brother falling in love?’ Pippa laughed softly. ‘Two of my most favourite people in all the world, and whatever happens, I know he’ll always be there for you, and Isla and Rory. I want you both to be happy.’
‘I can’t do it if Isla and Rory aren’t happy too,’ Cassie said quietly. ‘My happiness doesn’t come at their expense.’
‘You’ve had a nasty shock, Cass, and you need some time to process it, just like Isla and Rory. Please stop being so hard on yourself. You couldn’t have known that someone would take pictures and splatter them online.’
‘But it’s happened to Raf before, and I should have been more careful.
I wasn’t thinking.’ Cassie’s head was in her hands again, eyes reddened and swollen.
It hurt to be reminded of those carefree hours in Majorca, how it seemed they had left the rest of the world behind for a time.
And those images proved that they hadn’t, they’d been perfectly visible to anyone who had taken an interest. She looked up at the sound of footsteps, hoping to see Rory, and her stomach clenched as Fiona appeared.
Beyond her children, her beloved mother-in-law was the one person she dreaded hurting the most.
Pippa squeezed Cassie’s hands and stood up. ‘I’ll be at home if you need me, and I’ll be checking in regularly. If you don’t answer the phone, I’ll come and find you,’ she said firmly. ‘I love you and there isn’t a single thing that will ever change that.’
‘Love you too,’ Cassie muttered. She attempted a smile as Fiona said hello to Pippa and came to sit beside her. Flynn was sticking close, his head heavy on her feet.
‘Darling, are you all right?’ Fiona took her hands. ‘I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.’
‘It’s all my fault,’ she said faintly. Fiona’s usual comfort and concern was almost too much. ‘I should never have gone away with Raf. I should have put Isla and Rory first and gone to Italy with them.’
‘I think we need to get a few things straight,’ Fiona said firmly.
‘You’re a wonderful mum and you spend most of your life putting your children first. So please don’t let me hear you say otherwise.
I know what growing up was like for you, with parents who constantly let you down, and never once have you done that to Isla and Rory.
And yes, I’ve seen the photographs. But more than that, I’ve seen time and again how much you love and care for your children. ’
Fiona eased back and her hands went to her lap. ‘And nothing could make me doubt that you loved Ewan, and he loved you for the time you had together. Or that you’ve stopped loving him because you’ve fallen in love with someone else.’
‘Fiona,’ Cassie said helplessly, wanting to refute that last part. ‘I’m not…’
‘Of course you are,’ she said softly. ‘But the love we have for others isn’t finite, it doesn’t depend on how many people we have in our lives, as though there’s only so much to go around.
You didn’t love Isla any less when Rory was born, your love simply grew to encompass him as well.
And I think it’s the same with Raf. You mustn’t worry that people might assume you no longer love Ewan because of how you feel about Raf. ’
Flynn nudged Cassie’s leg, and she tried to smile. Just having him close was such a comfort, and he hadn’t budged from her side since he’d come home.
‘I know that Ewan was single-minded in pursuit of his career. I’m aware that you supported him fully and sacrificed your dream so he could pursue his.
He was driven and brilliant and wonderful, and he loved you all very much.
’ Fiona wiped away a tear, leaning forward to smooth Cassie’s hair from her face.
‘But this is another sign that you’re healing, and a very good one.
Healing doesn’t come at the expense of loving the person we lost any less, but by being able to accept their place in our lives is a different one and, slowly, we move on. ’
‘I don’t want you to think there was ever anything between me and Raf before.’ It was this worrying Cassie the most, Rory’s anger over her betrayal still so raw. ‘Neither of us saw it coming, I promise.’
‘Nothing could ever change how I feel about you, and quite honestly I think Raf is the only person I can trust to love you the way you deserve. So don’t fret about those pictures.
They’re a reflection of your heart and you don’t have to hide it.
You grab at happiness when you can and hold on to it for all you’re worth.
Isla and Rory will be fine, and they’ll be leaving home in a blink.
And when they do, I’ll be thankful that you have Raf to stand at your side. ’
Cassie sniffed too, swiping at her face with the tissue again as a tiny seed of hope began to bloom. ‘So are you saying you would support us, if Raf and I could be together?’ she asked tentatively. It was more than she’d dared hope in the distressing hours since she’d seen him this morning.
‘Of course we’ll support you, because we love you, and you absolutely have our blessing.’
‘Fiona, I…’ Cassie couldn’t even find the words, except the only ones that mattered. ‘It means the world, and I love you too.’
‘Would you like me to speak with Rory? Or Gordon will, if you think it’ll help?’
‘I’d love that.’ She gulped. ‘He’s always been so loving, and this feels… horrible. Raf and I, we planned to take our time and get used to the idea before we told anyone.’
‘Well, that plan has vanished,’ Fiona said briskly. ‘I’ll have a chat with Rory and see if I can help him understand. When things are calmer, he and Isla could come and stay for a couple of days now their rooms are finished. It would give you and Raf some time to talk things through.’
‘I think they’d love that.’ But not yet.
She couldn’t be without her children until she’d done everything possible to fix the fracture in her family.
‘Thank you, for everything. For being wise and wonderful, and loving us the way you do. I found my true home when I met you, and our family is better because of you.’
‘I’m so thankful to have you as my daughter.’ Fiona leant down and they shared a hug. ‘It’s how I’ve always thought of you, and I couldn’t have wished for a more wonderful one. Now let’s work out how we fix this.’