Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
JENSEN
Iwalk into the cafe, and it instantly feels different in a way it never has coming home before. There’s music playing, laughter explodes from a back corner where Ben is talking to a table of people, and when I scan the room and my eyes land on Barrett, every cell in my body settles.
He’s already watching me, and when I approach, he shoots out of his chair like he can’t stay put anymore.
The same need is flowing through me. It’s been a long couple of months, and I never knew I could miss someone so much.
I’ve missed him before, but it’s a special kind of torture to have him but not have him.
As soon as he’s close enough, I pull him to me and slam my mouth down on his. Immediately, summers and the smell of ice and dancing together and long talks wash over me, and I’m exactly where I need to be.
Someone whistles at us, and Barrett breaks away with a laugh. “Maybe we should have met at my place.”
“Agreed. Let’s go.”
He grabs me before I can turn around. “I’ve already ordered for us. We’ll eat and then go.”
I sigh, burrowing my face into his neck and breathing in the scent I’ve missed so much. “I hate how efficient you are.”
I don’t want to let him go, but I also don’t want to maul him in front of the entire cafe, so I peel myself away from him and drop into the chair.
“Your dad looks like he’s doing well,” I say to keep the conversation as non-sexy as possible.
Pride lights up Barrett’s face. “He is. The two days a week here has given him a real boost, and he even made a start on that artwork for Belli.”
“And how are you handling it?” Even though we’ve already talked about it, I want to see his face as he answers.
“Good. Obviously, it’s hard to let go of the worry, but my therapist has given me some good coping mechanisms to help me handle it.” He reaches over and takes my hand. “You need to stop worrying about us here. Everything is good.”
Our breakfast arrives, and my gaze catches on the bright red plate and green mug. “Looks like Belli got everything replaced,” I say, tapping the saucer.
“Yeah …” Barrett echoes the movement. “They’re unbreakable.”
“What?”
“I asked her why she changed everything, and that’s what she told me.”
“Smart choice.”
His eyes meet mine. “She did it for Dad. So that when he gets tired and drops things, he doesn’t feel bad about breaking them. Knowing that she has his back helps me worry a lot less.”
“We got to grow up in a pretty cool place.”
“We sure did.” He takes a bite of his breakfast sandwich. “So, still no news from your coach?”
Nerves hit my gut again as I remember what I’ve been holding back telling him all week. “Actually … yes.”
He chokes as he swallows. “Yes?”
“He finally got the GM to budge. Nothing is a done deal, but it sounds like they’re going to try and make something happen by the trade deadline.”
“That’s … only a few months away.”
I’m trying not to hope, but knowing I could be within driving distance in months feels like a dream.
“With my stats this season, they should be able to leverage a good deal for me. Obviously, Montreal need to come to the table, but with the current state of their defense, I can’t see them passing me up. This could actually happen.”
“Fuck me.”
“I’m so ready to be home.”
The words leave a heavy, comforting silence between us.
I thought St. Louis was my home. That my team was my home.
But ever since last year, my heart has been here.
With Barrett and Kasen. Everything I’ve done this season has been with the sole purpose of getting back to them.
Since Lachie moved out to be with his boyfriend, my house hasn’t had that same warmth, and even with Kasen visiting, it’s never felt more temporary. I’m ready to pack it up and move on.
We polish off breakfast, and Ben comes over for a quick chat, and people I haven’t spoken to for years come over to our table to catch up and wish me a good rest of the season.
Then we’re free.
It’s a conscious effort not to race for his car as soon as we step outside, but before I even reach the parking lot, Barrett tugs me back.
He looks at me with soft eyes and a warm smile, and no matter how much I might want to get home and naked with him, in that moment, he reminds me that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
“I missed you.”
I exhale, shoulders sagging, letting myself feel it too. “Is it getting too hard?”
“Never.”
It’s a relief to hear him say the word. There are nights where it hurts so much that it’s tempting to say fuck hockey and get on the next flight to be with him. “Not long now.”
Sure. Montreal doesn’t solve all our problems. There’s still going to be too much distance between us because of my job and his need to be here for his dad, but at least those times when the longing gets too much, we can do something about it.
I’m determined to be here for him and Kasen. I need to be.
“It feels so good to have you right in front of me,” he says. “It’s hard to believe that when you retire, this could be a permanent thing.”
“It will be a permanent thing. Just two and a half more years. That’s an easy amount of time to wait for you.”
“Is it?”
He almost makes me laugh. “If I could wait ten years just to be your friend again, I can wait two to be your everything.”
“My everything, huh?” Barrett’s eyes light up. “I like that.”
“Good. Because you’ll never put yourself first, but I always will.”
Hockey, St. Louis, Montreal … none of the details matter. My life is about Barrett and Kasen, and I can’t believe how easy the shift was to make. I clung to hockey like I’d die without it in my life, but as I face the reality of my retirement, it’s not as scary as I thought it would be.
I have a bigger purpose now.
One who’s standing right in front of me.
He’s home.
And he was one hundred percent worth the wait.