3. Luke
LUKE
I feel like an absolute creep loitering outside of Bertie’s dorm, but I wanted to catch her before she heads to class.
There’s a bench positioned across from the entrance beneath a large shady tree, so at least I’ve had a decent spot to watch from and not look wholly like a creeper. I mean, there’s a bench so that means they expect people to sit, right?
The door opens and like I’ve been doing for the past ten minutes I look up expectantly.
It’s not her.
I’m about to text Rosie—Bertie’s best friend and the wife of one of my teammates—when the doors swing open again and there she is.
Her long blond hair hangs down in loose waves, and she’s dressed in a pair of loose linen pants and a sweater. She looks a little pale, with dark circles beneath her eyes like she didn’t sleep.
She spots me and gives me a tired wave as she makes her way over to me. Her sandals scuff against the ground.
“Hey.”
I thrust out the contents in my hand. “For you.”
She takes the foil wrapped sandwich I made for her breakfast—egg white and Canadian bacon on an English muffin. It was a suggestion from my mom of something Bertie might be able to keep down. I also stopped on my way to school and grabbed a Sprite from McDonald’s.
Her eyes light up at the soda. “Oh, you have no idea how badly I need this. I’ve thought about it non-stop since last night. I almost went back out and got another.”
I narrow my eyes on her. “I would’ve gotten you one if you texted me.”
She rolls her eyes as she joins me on the bench. She yanks off the paper wrapper and spears the lid with the straw. A soft humming sound emanates from her at the first sip.
“I know you would have, but I’m not your responsibility.”
She thinks she’s not my responsibility?
“You’re pregnant with my baby. I think it’s my job to take care of you.”
She shakes her head rapidly enough that her earrings make some sort of tinkling sound.
“No, no. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything.
Yes, I’m pregnant,” she whispers, looking around to see if anyone overheard, but there aren’t many students by the dorms at this hour, and the ones that are mostly have their earbuds in and are minding their own business.
“I know we were figuring things out, but this throws a wrench into things, and you don’t need to feel obligated. ”
“Obligated?” I repeat, blinking at her. She’s really throwing me for a loop here. I rub at my stubbled jaw. “We’re dating, right, Bertie?”
Her cheeks pinken and she takes another long sip of her Sprite. “I mean, technically speaking, yes, but label free so this is me giving you an out.” She makes a shooing gesture.
I grab her flailing hand and lace my fingers through hers.
“I don’t want an out, Bertie. I don’t know how to make that plainer to you.
I’m here, right fucking here, with you as whatever you need.
If you want to take a step back from us, I’m okay with that.
” It’ll fucking kill me, because I think we were so close to the point of her being my girlfriend, but I want to do things at her speed.
“If you want to put a label on us”—yes, please God let her label me in every way— “then we’ll do that.
I think I’ve made it pretty obvious I want you to be my girlfriend. ”
My last statement shocks even me because I’m not normally so bold.
I’ve always been shy, finding it hard to voice the things that I want.
But I want Bertie and I want her to know that too.
She’s said enough about her relationship with her ex that I know she often felt insecure about how he really felt about her.
I won’t do that to her. She has me wrapped around her finger.
Collared like a fucking dog. She has since we hooked up freshman year.
She moved on and sure, I was no saint either, but in the back of my mind I always wondered.
She smooths her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know what I want.
” She gives me a sad look. “I’m not trying to drag you around, but I …
I’m very confused right now. This” —she gestured vaguely at her stomach— “has really thrown me for a loop.” She exhales a shaky breath. “My mind is really jumbled right now.”
“Understandable,” I concede.
She unwraps the sandwich and hesitates. After a quick sniff, she shrugs and gives it a tentative bite.
“Oh my God,” she moans. “That’s fu—freaking delicious.
Sorry, baby.” She gives her flat stomach a pat.
“I’m trying to work on not cursing around the baby,” she explains.
After another bite of the breakfast sandwich she says, “I fear I’m going to want one of every morning.
I haven’t been able to keep down more than dry cereal in the mornings, but my stomach seems okay with this. For now,” she adds.
“I can make that happen.”
“Where did you get it?” she asks around a mouthful.
“I made it.”
She freezes, blue eyes widening. “You made me breakfast?”
“Um…” I hesitate, because it almost seems like she wants me to say no. “Yes.”
She lets out a groan. “Could you not be so perfect for like five seconds?”
I laugh softly. “I’m not perfect. Far from it.”
“Maybe you don’t see yourself that way, but from my perspective you’re pretty dang close.
” She polishes off the rest of the sandwich and scrunches the foil in her fist. I take it from her and toss it in the trashcan beside me.
“Are you busy this weekend? I heard from my mom and they’re at their Rhode Island home this weekend so I thought I would fly out and tell them about the baby.
I think they’re planning to go to Greece right after, so it might be my last chance to tell them about this news in person. ”
“Yeah, I can go.” I think about the measly contents of my bank account, wondering how I can scrounge up enough for a ticket, but I’ll make it work.
“Send me your details and I’ll purchase our tickets.”
“Oh. That’s okay. I can handle mine.”
Bertie rolls her eyes at me and dammit if it doesn’t have me grinning. “No, Luke. We’re going to see my parents; therefore I’m paying for your ticket.”
“I don’t want you to do that,” I say, wiggling uncomfortably.
She narrows her eyes on me. “Is this your one fatal flaw?”
“Huh?”
She sighs and downs the rest of her Sprite until the straw slurps against the bottom.
“Refusal to accept help from a woman? I mean, you know who my family is, but let me make this clear in case you need reminding.” She points a finger at her chest. “Bertie Carthwright. Yes, of those Carthwrights. The world-famous chocolate Carthwright bar. My family is loaded. I have money, lots of it, and if that’s a problem for you, then you better say so now.
I already spent way too long in a relationship with a man who was made insecure by that fact. ”
I shake my head. “That wasn’t what I was implying. I just…” I feel my cheeks warm. “I don’t know,” I mutter, finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. “I guess I don’t want you think I’m using you.”
A laugh bubbles out of her. “Oh, trust me, I know you’re not because otherwise you wouldn’t have been such a gentleman not wanting to have sex with me after we hooked up over break because” –she lowers her voice and brings her fingers up in air quotes— “’I want to do things right with you and take our time and not base our relationship on the physical.
’” With a shake of her head, “Any guy who wanted me for my family’s money would have no problem using me for sex. ”
I stare, mouth slightly agape at this woman. The things that come out of her mouth sometimes astound me.
“Anyway.” She stands and tosses the empty cup in the trash. “I’ve got to get to class. I’ll get our tickets tonight.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“We’ll talk later, okay?” She gives me a small smile. “Thanks for breakfast.”
“No problem.”
I shove my hands in my pockets and watch her walk away.
Our hockey season ended early, but it doesn’t mean you can’t find me and most of my teammates in the gym or on the ice.
I push up on the barbell as my friend Daire looms over me.
I wasn’t always the fondest of this guy.
He could be a serious asshole and seemed to have a chip on his shoulder, but he’s actually a pretty great guy behind all the bravado.
I think discovering he had a son and marrying his wife helped mellow him out.
A few other guys from the team occupy another corner of the gym, but over here it’s just the two of us.
“Dude,” he hisses under his breath. “I’m so fucking glad you finally know about the baby, because keeping my mouth shut has sucked.”
I slam the barbell onto the rack and sit straight up. “What the fuck? You knew?”
“Duh.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Bertie told Rosie, ergo Rosie told me. My wife doesn’t keep secrets from me.”
I shake my head and scoop up my water bottle. I shoot the water in my mouth and wipe away the droplets that cling to my skin with the back of my hand.
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
Truthfully, though, he’s the last person I would’ve wanted to hear that news from.
He laughs so hard he nearly chokes. “Hell no. Do you have any idea how scary women are when they tell you not to do something? I was sworn to secrecy.”
I switch places with him so that he’s the one on the bench now.
“It wasn’t that Bertie didn’t want to tell you. She was just scared.”
“Yeah, I know.” I can’t imagine how she felt and I wish she’d told me sooner, just so I could comfort her. I hate that she felt alone at all, but as someone who often keeps things to myself and needs time to think things through, I don’t blame her at all.
“We’re going to be dads together,” he goes on. “I hope you have a boy and he can be best friends with Sammy. Or maybe if you have a girl they can get married one day and we’ll be in-laws.”
If the Daire I knew a few years ago could hear himself now, he’d be horrified over how sappy he’s become.
“If I have a daughter, I’m telling her to stay far away from any offspring of yours.”
“Lies.” He grunts beneath the weight. “You don’t mean that.
” He does a few reps and racks the barbell.
“Seriously, though, dude. Being a parent is the coolest shit ever. The first time Sammy said dada I wanted to cry like a fucking baby. And his first steps? Don’t get me started.
Nothing beats seeing that little dude grow and change.
Not to toot my own horn, but I’m crushing this dad thing.
I could do this ten more times, but Rosie said no. ”
“You want ten kids?” I ask, only half-joking.
He wipes sweat off his brow. “Well, I said six and she laughed at me and said maybe three, but maybe I can get her pregnant with twins a few times.”
I try not to laugh. “I don’t think it works like that.”
He laughs. “I know, but in all seriousness, I love being a dad. I told Rosie I want to be a stay-at-home dad. I think she thought I was joking at first, but I’m serious.
I don’t want to miss a single moment of Sammy’s life or any kid we have in the future.
” He grabs his towel and wipes off his face while I start removing the plates from the barbell.
“You’ll see once your kid gets here. It’s the most magical thing ever.
Don’t let people scare you. Sure, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. ”
“I just hope I can be good enough for our kid.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Trust me, if you’re worrying about it, then you’re going to be perfect.”
“We’re going to Rhode Island to tell her parents this weekend.”
Daire laughs. “Oh, boy. Good luck with that.”
“Are they that bad?”
I might’ve only been raised by my mom, and we never had much, but my childhood was pretty good. My mom never made me feel like a burden.
“I don’t personally know the Carthwrights, but they sound a lot like Rosie’s parents.” His face darkens. “Just … be prepared for them to be harsh.”
“Harsh?” I repeat.
“Yeah.” He scrubs down the equipment with an antibacterial wipe. “If they’re like Rosie’s parents the way I think they are, they’re not going to be pleased and they’re going to voice that. Just be there for her.”
“I can do that.”
He sobers and slaps a hand over my shoulder. “And dude, whatever the fuck they say to you. Don’t take it to heart.”
I gulp.
Something tells me I’m fucked.