30. Bertie
BERTIE
Luke, angel that he is, knows me well enough that he wakes me an hour before his mom is due to arrive so I can change and put a little makeup on.
I don’t feel like doing much with my hair, so I keep it back with a claw clip.
He watches me as I get ready, looking at me like I’m the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.
Rory, like he senses a visitor is about to arrive, decides to start screaming when his grandma should be five-minutes away.
“He’s probably hungry again,” I groan.
I’m quickly learning that newborns eat all the time.
Luke, without any hesitation, picks him up and changes his diaper and clothes. He passes him to me, and I sit down in the chair to feed him.
“Are you starving my little love?” I ask, rubbing my fingers against his downy soft hair.
For some reason, I thought our baby wouldn’t have any hair or else he’d be like me when I was born with hair so blond I might as well have been bald.
Apparently, my brain forgot Luke’s half of the DNA in this equation.
Rory reaches one little fist up and I offer my finger, smiling when he takes it.
I was worried about how I might settle into motherhood, and while the past few days have been exhausting, they’ve also been the best of my life.
Luke checks his phone. “She’s almost here. I’m going to go wait outside if you’re okay.”
I smile up at him. “We’re good.”
The door clicks shut softly behind him. I keep rubbing Rory’s soft head and his eyes continue fluttering shut like despite the fact that he was only just sleeping.
“You’re so perfect,” I tell him. “Do you know that?” He hums in answer.
I’m sure he’s just making a pleased sound at the taste of my milk, but I’d like to think he’s talking back to me in his own way.
“Mommy loves you so much.” He makes another small sound and unlatches his tight grip from my finger to splay his hand on my breast.
I switch breasts and he screams in annoyance, tongue flailing.
“Oh, calm down,” I tease. “Just give me a second.”
He hums in contentment the moment he latches onto my opposite breast.
“See.” I rub his rounded pink cheek. “That only took a few seconds.”
He finishes on that side and burps quickly. I set him back in his bassinet so I can clean myself up before Luke returns with his mom.
I’m straightening my top when the door opens and his mom enters first with a bag from a chain restaurant in one hand and a wrapped gift in the other. She smiles from ear to ear when she sees me. “Oh, look at you. You’re too beautiful to have just given birth.”
I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “You’re too kind.” I gesture to the bassinet. “Do you want to meet your grandson? He just ate so he should be happy for a while.”
“Of course I want to, but let me see you first.”
She puts down the bag and gift and crosses the small space to hug me. It takes me by surprise enough that I don’t hug her back right away. I relax into her embrace, though, and finally wrap my arms around her. I close my eyes, letting myself absorb the warmth of her motherly affection.
When I open my eyes, Luke is leaning against the kitchen counter watching me with a look that can only be described with one word I’m terrified to acknowledge when it comes to him.
Jocelyn releases her hold on me, and I’m embarrassed to say I almost ask her to hug me again. Instead, I manage to pick Rory up out of his bassinet and hand him to her.
“Oh,” she gasps. “Just look at him. He’s perfect.”
“I think he is too.” I smile, watching her with her grandson as she continues to offer more words of praise and soaks in every bit of him.
“Bertie, I think he has your lips.”
“You think so?” I ask excitedly, peering over at my son’s face.
“Definitely. And I could be wrong, but I think he’s going to have Luke’s ears.”
“Why do you say that like there’s something wrong with my ears?” Luke reaches up, rubbing at them.
Jocelyn turns to him. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with them.”
“Your tone did,” he declares.
“They’re perfect,” she insists. “Just like his.” She looks at each of us. “Do I get to know his name?”
I glance at Luke in surprise. “You haven’t told her yet?”
He slips his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “I thought you might want to be the one to tell her.”
His thoughtfulness has that one pesky word popping into my brain again. This man makes it damn near impossible to resist him.
“This is Rory.”
“Rory,” she repeats with a soft smile aimed at the baby. “That’s different. It’s perfect.”
“I think so too.” I make eye contact with Luke across the room. I still can’t believe he came up with such a creative way to pick our baby’s name.
“Are you hungry?” Luke asks me as he picks up the brown bag from where his mom put it.
“Starving,” I admit.
“I’ll get yours ready.”
“Thank you.”
Since he’s nice enough to handle that for me and Rory’s with his grandma, I decide it’s a good time to use the bathroom.
To say I’m sore down below is an understatement.
My vagina feels like it was hit with a battering ram and while all those months period free were great, I’m certainly making up for it now with all the stuff that’s coming out. Being a woman is so fantastic.
Washing up, I step out to find that Luke has a plate waiting for me with my food freshly heated. Jocelyn is sitting on the couch now, just watching Rory who looks to have already went back to sleep in the few minutes I was in the bathroom.
I thought some of the things I read about how much newborns sleep was exaggerating, but apparently not.
I sit down at the counter bar and immediately dig into my dinner.
I felt guilty for Jocelyn to bring us a meal, but now that it’s in front of me, I’m eternally grateful.
Another thing I’ve learned in the past few days is that breast feeding makes me famished.
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much in my life. It’s like I can’t get enough.
“Do you want something other than water to drink?” Luke asks, I presume already digging in the fridge for his own beverage.
“Nope, just water.”
He looks over at me with an arched brow. “You don’t want me to get you a Sprite?”
“No. Not right now, at least.”
He grabs a soda for himself and settles on the stool beside me.
We eat in companionable silence. The only sound in the apartment is Rory’s soft breaths and the low hum of the TV playing a rerun of Friends.
After we’ve finished eating Luke insists on cleaning up while I sit down. I don’t argue, because at the moment it feels like I’m never getting over this bone deep tired.
“Do you want to take the baby?” Jocelyn asks me.
I wave away her concern. “No, you’re here to visit. You need to soak in the baby cuddles.”
She gives me a soft smile in response.
“I won’t stay much longer since I need to make the drive back home.”
Luke smacks a kiss on her cheek before he takes the spot on the sofa beside her. “Thanks for coming, Mom.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get out yesterday.”
“Blame Rory,” I joke. “He decided to show up sooner than anyone expected.”
“He was excited to meet his parents,” she says. “Can you blame him? It looks to me like he has two great ones.” She nods toward the gift that still sits unopened. “That’s for you, Bertie.”
“For me or Rory?” I ask.
“For you,” she confirms.
I straighten my shoulders. “Oh, that’s so nice of you.”
Luke hops up and grabs it before I can even think about standing. I take the box from him when he hands it to me. Curiosity grips me. I can’t imagine what she’d bring for me.
The pastel purple and green wrapping paper is almost too pretty to mess up, but since they’re both staring at me, I make myself tear into the corner.
I let the ripped paper fall to the floor to pick up later.
Lifting the lid off the box my jaw drops open when I reveal a pastel blue fuzzy knit cardigan.
My fingers tremble slightly as I reach for the garment.
I pull it out and shake it loose.
“Did you make this?”
“I did.” Her eyes crinkle at the corners with her smile. “I noticed you really like blue and yellow too, but I figured for this blue might be better. It has some deep pockets too so you can carry around stuff you need. I thought it might be helpful with the baby.”
“Oh, Jocelyn.” I set the box and cardigan on the coffee table so I can get up and hug her. “You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much.”
“You’re so welcome, sweetie.”
I scoop the cardigan up and tug it on. It’s the softest material I’ve ever felt before. Doing a spin, I ask them, “How does it look?”
“It looks great,” Jocelyn says at the same time Luke says, “You’re beautiful.”
I feel my cheeks warm beneath his praise. I don’t know how pretty I am right now, but the way he says it certainly makes me feel that way.
Jocelyn stays for another half hour before she has to leave. I hate to see her go. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her steady and reliable presence.
“Thank you so much for everything,” I say as I hug her goodbye.
“I’d do anything for you, sweet girl.” She squeezes me back.
With Rory tucked into his bassinet, Luke and I watch her get in her car and drive away.
“Your mom is a wonderful person,” I tell him, watching her car lights disappear around the bend of the driveway.
He wraps an arm around my torso, tugging me into his side. “She is.”
“I can’t believe she made me a cardigan. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone make me something before.”
“She loves you,” he says as he leads me back inside.
There’s something there that hangs in the air between us. I look up at him, seeing if he’s going to be the one to take it and say something. Our eyes hold like we’re each waiting for the other to say something and then the moment is gone.