31. Luke
LUKE
Tanner and his family return the day before preseason is set to start. A text comes in shortly after their arrival.
Tanner: Can we meet the baby?
I show the text message to Bertie. She promptly breaks into laughter. “They want to meet him already? They just got back.”
Another text comes through.
Tanner: We want baby snuggles.
Bertie shakes her head and then looks down at her breastmilk-stained shirt. “I guess I better change then.
Me: We’ll be over in a few.
When we walk up the steps to the main house, I probably shouldn’t be surprised by how quickly the front door opens and yet I am.
“I cannot believe you had the baby in the car!” Kayla shrieks. “How did that happen?”
Bertie shrugs. “I’m chalking it up to the fact that I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” I reply immediately. “Stubborn, but not an idiot.”
“We’ll agree to disagree on that one. I mean, you’re the one who clocked I was in labor right away.”
“Can I hold him?” Kayla asks, motioning for us to come inside.
“Of course.”
Bertie starts to hand the baby to her, but Tanner comes around the corner and says, “Me first,” and snags the baby right out of her hands.
“Tanner!” Kayla runs after her husband.
Bertie shakes her head, stunned. To me, she says, “What is it with hockey players and babies?”
I shrug. “Most of us like kids.”
I put a hand on the small of her back as we follow in the direction Tanner and Kayla went. Neither of the kids are anywhere to be seen until we get to the kitchen and I spy them out back through the window on a swing set.
“Let me hold him,” Kayla begs, trying to get Tanner to pass the baby over.
“You snooze you lose. It’s my turn first.”
“Because you stole him,” she argues back. “That hardly counts as first dibs.”
He sticks his tongue out at his wife. “Deal with it.”
Planting her hands on her hips she says, “Have fun sucking your dick yourself.”
A snort flies out of Bertie, and she slaps a hand over her mouth.
Tanner immediately passes the baby to his wife. “I’m sorry for stealing your turn.”
She juts her chin in the air. “As you should be.”
Rocking the baby in her arms, Kayla turns back to us. “Other than having the baby in the car, how was everything else?”
Bertie twists her lips in thought. “Easier than I thought. Not that it was easy, per se, but I had myself convinced I wouldn’t be able to do it without an epidural and I managed to do it.”
“You’re a bad ass, Bertie,” Kayla says. “You have no idea.”
“You really are,” Tanner adds. He smiles at Rory over his wife’s shoulder.
Rory yawns and reaches up with his fist to grab a strand of Kayla’s hair.
“Dang, little one.” She carefully pulls her hair from his iron clad grip. “You’re strong.”
Bertie laughs as she watches the exchange. “He really is. He tried to grab my earring the other day and I was terrified.”
“Babies are freakishly strong,” Tanner agrees.
Kayla turns to her husband and gives him a small shove. “Why don’t you guys go talk hockey and leave Bertie and me to talk about other things?”
Tanner sighs. “As long as I get a turn with the baby.”
Bertie answers before his wife can. “I promise you can hold the baby before we leave.”
Tanner shrugs and swipes two beers from the fridge. “All right, then. Luke?” He nods his head for me to follow him and I do. We end up outside sitting on the back porch watching the kids play. “How do you feel about being a dad so far?” He offers me one of the beers, but I shake my head.
“I love it.” I can’t stop the smile that forms on my face even if I wanted to. “It’s my favorite thing.”
“More than hockey?”
“Definitely more than hockey.”
“Good.” My eyes widen in surprise at his response and he hastens to explain.
“I just mean, hockey isn’t forever, but this”—he gesture at his kids— “is. It’s the most important thing.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve already experienced great things in my career, and I have more achievements I want to cross off my list, but the best thing I’m ever going to do in this world is raise those kids. ”
“It’s going to be hard to leave them.” My breath catches before I can get all the words out. “Him and Bertie, I mean.”
“It will be.” I appreciate that he doesn’t sugarcoat it. “After we had Lola, I think I threw up every time I was away from them over night until she was a year old. The guys gave me hell for it, but I hated not being here.”
“Really?” I ask him in surprise.
“Really,” he echoes.
“I … uh … I’m definitely worried about being away triggering my OCD.” I don’t share my diagnosis easily, but something about Tanner makes him feel safe enough to share it with and I think someone on my new team should know.
His eyes widen in surprise. “You have OCD?”
“Yeah, I got diagnosed a while ago.” I rub my hands over my pants.
“As long as my day to day stays relatively normal, I’m not as easily triggered, but the pros is a whole new beast, and I know I’m going to be gone a lot.
I hate the idea of something happening to one of them and me being gone.
” I let out a deep breath, because even just talking about it I can feel the panic rising inside me.
Tanner smacks a hand onto my shoulder. “Just remember, Kayla is here so they won’t be completely alone, and you’re always just a flight away. Coach is big on prioritizing family.”
I nod and try to steer my thoughts in the direction of something else. The last thing I need to do is allow my brain to spiral on a series of what ifs.
Tanner, as if sensing I’m still dwelling, says, “If things get to be too much in your head, you promise to come tell me, right?”
I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“Yeah, I will.”
We hang outside for a little while longer before Tanner says, “Kayla’s had a long enough turn. I want to hold the little guy.”
I follow him inside, and despite his wife’s protests that her turn isn’t over yet, he manages to get ahold of the baby.
Bertie laughs and shoots a tired, but happy smile my way.
I know she thinks she’s a mess right now—because she keeps saying so—but I think she’s the prettiest I’ve ever seen her.
There’s a glow about her and despite what she thinks she’s settling beautifully into motherhood.
“Are you sure we don’t want another one?” Tanner teases Kayla. “I think we can handle it.”
“Don’t even think about it,” she warns with a pointed finger. “We can be the fun auntie and uncle and that’s it.”
He huffs a sigh. “Whatever you say.” He winks at her and I try to hide my smile. I definitely won’t be surprised if they have another down the road.
Tanner hands me the baby despite Kayla’s protests. “Babe, they can’t hang out here all day. We’d drive them insane and you’d never let them hold their own baby.”
Kayla pouts. “Not true.”
Tanner mouths to me, “It is.”
After we’ve said our goodbyes and leave the house, I say to Bertie, “I thought we could go somewhere.”
Wide, panicked eyes meet mine. “Go where?”
“To get something to eat. Or coffee. The park? Even the grocery store.”
She bites her lip. “I’m scared to leave.”
“That’s exactly why we should go.”
A heavy sigh rattles her body. “I hate it when you’re right. Food sounds good. I’m kind of craving a burger.”
“Let’s do it then. Our first date with Rory in tow.”
Her cheeks pinken. “You still want to date me?”
I stop halfway across the driveway. “You think I’ve changed my mind on how bad I want you?”
She shrugs, biting her lip. “You did see me push a baby out.”
I blink at her, stunned into silence for a long moment. “Bertie, that was bad ass. You brought life into this world, and you think I’m supposed to what? Be turned off by that? Not want to date you?”
“I don’t know.” Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “I’ve heard a lot of men look at their wives and girlfriends differently after they have a baby and I’m not technically either.”
I cross the space between us. I would pull her right into my arms if I wasn’t holding Rory. “I haven’t made it a secret that I want you to be my girlfriend. Do you want to put a label on us?”
“Not if—”
“Bertie,” I interrupt her. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”
She bites her lip and then gives the tiniest of nods. “Yes.”
“Then it’s settled. You’re my girlfriend.”
“It’s just that easy for you?” she asks.
“Yes,” I reply. “Because I’ve wanted to call you mine for months. Maybe even years.” With my free hand I cup her cheek, rubbing my thumb over her bottom lip. “I’ve just been waiting for you to catch up.”
“I’m with you now,” she says.
“Yeah, you fucking are,” I growl and lower my mouth to hers.
That night I pull out my journal and write.
Dear Rory,
Your mom is finally my girlfriend.
Took her long enough to get on the same page.
Love,
Dad