32. Bertie
BERTIE
For some reason, I thought preseason would last a month, maybe longer, but it’s only a week and another week after that Luke has his first home game.
Adjusting to this new schedule hasn’t been easy.
I’ve barely seen him between practice and travel.
I’m putting a brave face on, though, because the last thing I want to do is make him feel guilty.
He’s already doing what he can from a distance—sending food and baby supplies through Doordash so I don’t have to worry about it.
He asked if I would come to the first home game along with his mom and even though I’m exhausted, I couldn’t say no to his hopeful expression.
A knock on the door has my shoulders sagging in relief. That’s probably his mom right now.
Sure enough, when I open the door, she stands on the other side with a beaming smile and an iced coffee in hand.
“I love you,” I say, taking the coffee from her.
She laughs and sets her purse down on the counter. “I thought you might could use something.”
“You have no idea.”
Rory gives a small cry from his bassinet. He’s only a few weeks old, but I swear he’s already started to change so much. It’s like every time I close my eyes, I open them to find something new about him.
“What are you up to little man?” She bends over the bassinet, taking him in. “He’s so cute, Bertie.”
“I think he is too, but I’m biased.”
“Do you mind if I hold him?”
“Not at all,” I reply. I scoop my hair up and let the air hit the back of my neck for a moment before I let the waves drop back down.
She washes her hands before she scoops him out of the bassinet. “I still need to change him, and I need to put a little makeup on. I know I look terrible, but I don’t feel like changing.” I gesture to my black leggings and sweater.
“You look just fine,” she assures me, rocking Rory in her arms.
My phone buzzes from where I left it on the bed and I scurry over to grab it.
Rosie: Are you sure you don’t want us to pick you up for the game? We don’t mind, I swear. We have the room!
“Hey, Rosie and Daire are offering to pick us up if you’d rather ride with them.” I had told Rosie no when she asked before since Jocelyn had already offered to pick me up, but considering the madness I expect to be around the arena she might appreciate having the ride.
“That’s fine,” she replies, smiling at the baby. “It gives you more time with your friends too.”
Me: A ride would be great.
She replies back almost instantly.
Rosie: We’ll be there in thirty.
“You’ve got him?” I ask Jocelyn.
“Yes.” She taps his nose, swaying with him in her arms. “We’re good. You do what you need to.” She waves me away.
I shut myself into the bathroom and quickly dab on some makeup. I used to religiously put my makeup on every morning, but having a newborn is exhausting so now it feels like a luxury to even put some mascara on my lashes.
I don’t have much time, but I try not to rush because time to myself is rare and I want to enjoy being able to do something for myself.
When I’ve finished with my makeup, I attempt to do something with my hair, but it’s useless. The strands are dry and limp. I end up pulling it back into a bun and calling it a day.
By the time I step out of the bathroom there are roughly five-minutes until Rosie and Daire arrive. I grab the diaper bag and do a quick check to make sure I’m not missing anything.
“Pacifiers,” I mutter to myself and open the drawer beside the bed where I always keep a few stashed for the middle of the night. I drop them into the bag. “Okay, that’s everything.”
“Do you want me to change him?” Jocelyn asks.
“Oh, yeah. Hold on. Luke got him an outfit while he was in California.” I had left the outfit out to remind me to change him just for before we left but I find it on the floor halfway under the dresser, so it explains why I forgot.
Scooping up the teddy bear outfit I drop it on top of the changing table before I take Rory from Jocelyn.
I change his diaper and put him in the new outfit, adding a blue hat with ears on top, and socks. I don’t want him to get cold in the arena. We’re supposed to be in a suite, but I don’t know if they’re warmer or not. This is all new to me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I assume it’s Rosie letting me know they’re here.
Scooping up Rory, I put him in his car seat and strap him in—double and then triple checking the buckles are correct. One night I was up late and stumbled across videos on car seat safety and now I panic every time that I’m not going to have him secured the way he’s supposed to be.
Jocelyn grabs the diaper bag and rests it on her shoulder so that all I have to do is grab the car seat. My wallet, keys, and everything we need to get into the arena is already inside the bag.
I open the door to find Daire on the other side, fist raised like he’s about to knock. “Hey.” He smiles. “I thought you might want help with putting the car seat in.”
“You’re amazing.” He takes the carrier from me. “The base is in my car. Let me give you my keys.”
Jocelyn lets me dig through the bag until I find them and can hand them to Daire too.
Daire descends the steps with the carrier in one hand and my keys in the other.
“Your friends seem to really care,” Jocelyn says.
“They do. They’re amazing. I don’t know how we could’ve gotten through any of this without them.”
Once we’re on the driveway Rosie hops out to hug me and offers Jocelyn her hand. “Hi, I’m Rosie. This one’s best friend. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Jocelyn. It’s nice to meet you, too.”
Daire clears his throat. “You guys might want to get in the back row before I put this in because it’s going to make it harder to get in there.”
“Good idea.”
“This is cozy,” Jocelyn says when we settle into the third row. “How far is the arena from here?”
Fiddling with the base, Daire answers, “Really close, like only ten minutes but with it being a home game and the first of the season it’s probably going to take us a while.”
So far Rory has done fine during car rides, but I still find myself holding my breath each and every time. Especially this time with the stop and go traffic.
Since we have designated parking, we get to turn out of the chaos. When we approach the security booth Daire slows to a stop and passes along his ID and a parking pass.
Once we’ve been verified, we’re cleared to drive through into the private parking area.
I wish I didn’t feel so nervous, but my anxiety is at an all time high. The sweat I can feel pooling beneath and between my boobs is appalling.
Luckily, Daire seems to be steadily in control. He unloads both kids and carries Rory’s seat in one hand and Sammy clutched in his other arm.
“Ugh,” Rosie groans as we trail behind. “He looks hot with two kids. He might convince me yet to have one soon.”
Daire, having overheard, grins over his shoulder and winks. “We’ll start tonight.”
“Don’t even think about it,” she warns him.
Shaking her head, she mutters under her breath, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t have the capability to make my birth control fail.” Luke’s mom laughs and Rosie blushes. “I’m sorry, ma’am.”
“Oh, don’t be sorry. It’s fun to hear girl talk for a change. I don’t get out much.”
I’m thankful for Daire’s presence as he speaks with security and easily navigates us to where we need to go.
The box we’re in today is shared between Tanner’s family and another player’s and they were kind enough to offer to let us hang out too for Luke’s first professional home game.
He already warned me he might not get any ice time, but I don’t care.
I want to see him in action. I went to a few of the college games, but I was with Tommy at the time so it’s not like I was paying much attention to Luke.
“Bertie!” Kayla spots me almost immediately and ditches the conversation she’s having with a pretty brunette. “Come on, let me introduce you to everyone.”
It’s overwhelming as she drags me around the suite and introduces me to a variety of friends and family and a few other wives and girlfriends who are also hanging out today.
“Bertie is Luke’s…”
“Girlfriend,” I supply for her. It’s still a bit crazy to finally put a label on things.
“Girlfriend,” she finishes. “He’s the rookie that’s staying with us.”
I hear Rory cry across the room and even though I know he’s in good hands, I don’t want to be away from him. “I better go check on him.”
“No worries. I hope I can get some more baby snuggles later.”
I cross the room over to where my friends and Luke’s mom have taken up residence. Rosie already has a flailing Rory in her arms.
“Someone wants his momma,” she tuts, passing him to me.
He gives a loud cry that has a few heads turning our direction.
“Come here, sweetie.” I take him and settle him into my arms in the position he likes.
Instantly, he begins to settle. I brush my finger along his cheek.
“Did you just want momma you sweet boy?” He makes a cooing sound in response.
“We’re going to watch Dada and his team play hockey.
What do you think about that?” His eyes grow impossibly larger like he somehow knows exactly what I’m saying.
He purses his lips at me and sucks. “You shouldn’t be hungry yet,” I tease.
In response, he scrunches his face up and begins to turn bright red. “All right, all right.”
I sit down and get comfortable before I settle him at my breast.
I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about breastfeeding, but thus far it’s gone easier for me than I expected, and I know I’m lucky that’s the case.
But it doesn’t mean it’s entirely smooth sailing.
It can be downright exhausting. I praise the women who are able to do this long term.
Right now, my goal is to make it until he’s six months old, but if I need to stop sooner that’s okay too.
I just want to do whatever is best for me and him.