Chapter 8
Aster
“You’re walking funny. Like a duck.”
I freeze, mid-grab with a box of rocket pops at the grocery store, spinning to find the rude child that should learn to mind his own business.
“Where is your guardian?”
He shrugs and sticks a finger up his nose. “Why are you walking like a duck? Are you part duck?”
It’s not like I can tell this kid that I got fucked so hard by a massive honeybee cock, and yes I realize now that sounds like an oxymoron, that my legs are still a little shaky and I’m pretty sure my pelvis is now an entirely different shape.
I look up and down the aisle, wishing somebody would claim their property.
I’m going to make such a great mom someday.
“Look kid, why don’t you worry about yourself, okay?”
They shrug again, purposely pushing over a display of snack cakes as they round the corner.
A shiver runs down my spine, and not the good kind. Maybe I just don’t like other people’s kids; mine will be perfect.
Please laugh at my naivety now.
“Why, is that Aster Pepperling, all grown up? Let me take a look at you, honey.”
Oh my god, I miss getting my groceries delivered. “Hello, Ms. Janelle. It’s good to see you. Yes, it’s me!” I titter right back at her, reminding myself that I’m a professional in this town now and I can’t go mouthing off to everyone. Unfortunately.
“Wow, you look so good.” She clicks her teeth. “It’s too bad you cut all that pretty hair you had so short though. It suited you so much better than this. Don’t worry, it will grow back in no time.”
Well, fuck you too. I fluff up my hair with a hand and smile. “I happen to love the shorter look with my bone structure. It’s too bad you let retirement get the best of you; you looked much better before when you cared about your appearance.”
Okay, whatever. I could have been so much meaner. Someone needs to teach her that she doesn’t need to say every single thought out loud.
“Well, I never!” She looks outraged and I start to walk off, assuming the hugely pleasant conversation is over, but of course, my sex injury makes another victim of me.
“Say, you look like you’re walking a bit funny there, dear.
They say that’s the first symptom of that virus that’s going around; you should get that checked out. ”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. Dev just fucked me really good last night. I mean, seriously. That man is a machine! Have a good one now, ya hear?”
Okay, now I speed walk off with my buggy, ready to get the hell out of here.
Damnit. I haven’t even picked up half the things on my list. How badly do I really need to eat?
“Aster, your party is waiting for you at the front of the store near guest services. Again, Aster to the front of the store,” the intercom announces through the entirety of the store.
Wow I didn't get very far at all, did I? I don't even know who's here. I literally came by myself.
I walk up to the front anyway because chances are, whoever had me paged is not feeling very patient.
When I get up there and see it's just my brother, I very nearly turn back around. Because honestly. Is he that lazy that he couldn't just walk around the store and find me? How did he even know I was grocery shopping?
Seeing me hesitate, he nods at the clerk he's talking to, and the page comes over the intercom once more.
“Seriously Anderson? Why are you like this?”
He pats the clerk on the shoulder in thanks, and then literally skips his way over to me. “Hey sis. Funny running into you here.”
I turn my buggy around and wait for him to follow me, quickly gathering the rest of my items on my list.
“You know, for somebody who just got laid, you sure are grumpy.”
I freeze in my tracks, glaring at him. “You know we don't have to talk about this, right? It is perfectly acceptable for us to be adults and acknowledge that I've welcomed certain advances from a certain one of your friends and then move about our day.”
“Wow. Hawthorne must not have done a very good job. You're way too grumpy.”
For fuck’s sake. I slam my hands on the handle of the buggy, grab a can of soup off the shelf, and turn back to him, shaking it in the air.
If he takes that waving can of soup as a threat, that’s on him.
“If you must know, it was Dev, okay? I know that's the information you're actually looking for. I slept with Dev. We got naked and mashed our naughty bits together and had an incredible time. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”
Naturally, in my irritation, I have raised my voice to the point where I'm practically yelling.
Also at that point, that nose picker kid shows back up at the end of the aisle and is staring at me, mouth agape.
Now his mother chooses to show up, judging me and yelling, “Shame on you!” before grabbing her kid by the hand and religiously crossing herself three times as she walks to the next aisle and away from me.
“I don't think I'm happy about it, no, but I think that creep over in the frozen food section might be.” I look over there to find an older man I'm not too familiar with, an obvious boner in his pants as he stares at me while licking his lips.
I shudder and then get out of there. Anderson is cracking up as I stalk off, not saying another word until after I check out.
He helps me load my car and then hops into the passenger seat without even being invited, doesn't even offer to put my buggy away for me.
Makes me walk it all the way back by myself.
Typical. Honestly, it's no wonder he's single.
“So, you guys are official then? You did say you were going to tell me first, you know.”
I buckle up and throw the car in reverse, backing out to head back to mom's place.
“I know I did, but you didn't tell me this was like an immediate notice type of situation. It happened like, the middle of night, last night; were you expecting me to call you up the second he pulled out of me and tell you the details? Because we do not have that kind of sibling relationship.”
He starts fake gagging and plugging his ears, letting me have the laugh this time.
Anderson throws his hands up, surrendering. “Okay, okay, maybe I deserved that. But you're not just going to be a ho and sleep with them all, right? You're going to do the whole committed relationship thing with them?”
I slam on my brakes, smirking when he hits his head a little bit on the dash because he was too dumb to buckle up, and give him a dressing down.
“Hey. If I want to be a ho, you better believe I'm gonna be a ho.
A bee ho, if you will. We haven't worked out any details yet, so we’re not exactly rushing to the altar or anything.
It's new and I'm recently out of a relationship.
It's not like they've made any formal offers anyway.”
Okay, maybe that last part comes out a little bit quieter than I like, but apparently it was loud enough.
A voice comes out of my brother's shirt pocket where his phone is sitting.
It's pretty much just yelling, I don't really know what it's trying to say, but my brother picks it up and puts it to his ear then thinks twice about that and puts it on speaker.
Anderson is way too chill about this. “Told you. You guys owe me ten bucks. And a steak dinner. How dare you sully my little sister without any sort of commitment? The level of disrespect from you guys is absurd.”
“Give it a rest, Anderson. Your sister knows she's a taken woman. She clearly just said that to get a rise out of you. Make sure she goes to the right house for me, would you bud?”
Anderson yanks on the steering wheel before I can pull into my parents’ driveway, making me swerve over a small strip of grass and into the driveway of Arbor’s house.
“What the hell?”
“Sorry sis, gotta help out my boys.”
He hops out and I’m just about to back out and head back to my actual house, but there’s suddenly a man standing behind my car, like he knew I was going to drive off. To right next door. Where he totally wouldn’t be able to reach me.
I give my head a good few bangs on the steering wheel before shutting off the ignition and hopping out, resigned to my fate for the time being. “Felt like that was the perfect place to be standing, did you?”
Arbor smiles at me. A plotting, evil type of smile. “Hello, Aster.”
Oh, fuck this. Nope.
I yelp and try to run because the way he’s stalking me is incredibly intense, and a little frightening, but Hawthorne rolls out from under my damn car and pulls me against him. Damnit. Why is he always naked?
Arbor pins me between him and Hawthorne while my brother flips all of us off and pisses off to our parents’ house, adamant that he’s not going to witness whatever happens next because, and I quote, “Fucking nasty.”
“You know what you did,” Arbor says in this super intense and not at all shiver-inducing tone.
“And so does everyone that was just shopping at Grant’s Groceries. What’s your point?”
Hawthorne snickers behind me, not even asking for the story.
“My point is, you gave in to us. My point, is that we’ve caught you, our little queen bee.”
“Woah. I slept with Dev once, last night. It’s not like I signed some big contract that says you own me forever now.”
Something sails through the air and Hawthorne catches it before passing it to Arbor. It looks like an old school piece of parchment, until he unrolls it. The side facing me is an advertisement for car insurance written in fake handwriting, and I know exactly what’s on the other side.
It’s covered in pink glitter, unicorn stickers and unfortunately, my 10-year-old signature written in purple crayon.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That is not a legally binding document.”
Arbor clears his throat and begins to read aloud: “I, Aster Pepperling, do hereby promise that if I ever decide that boys aren’t absolutely disgusting and allow one of the undersigned to kiss me: Hawthorne Stinkypants, Arbor Bedwetter, and Dev The Mostly Okay, then may I be struck down and forced to marry them.
I promise to never complain again and give them incredible blowjobs on their birthdays. ”
“Woah. I definitely didn’t add that last part. That’s document altering; definitely won’t hold up in court now.”
Hawthorne grabs a hold of my hips and pulls them into him, breathing hot air along my neck and somehow turning me to putty. “You got our names wrong anyway; it was never going to hold up anywhere. Except for our hearts,” he says with mock ardor.
“You plan on taking us to court over this, Aster?” Arbor asks, clearly already knowing the answer.
I just don’t even know what to say to Arbor when he looks so damn earnest. “What do you want? I was fucking ten years old! Why the hell do you even have that still? You guys really are stalkers, aren’t you?”
“Now you’re catching on,” Hawthorne says into my ear as he starts kissing right underneath it.
“What do we want?” Arbor asks, dropping down onto one knee.
A soft, romantic violin solo begins playing from a speaker nearby, and when I remember to breathe again, Arbor is pulling a small black box out of his pocket. And opening it.
I’m almost expecting it to be something absolutely random, just to freak me out and get me riled up, but no.
It’s exactly what you think it is.
“Aster Pepperling. We let you go when we were too young to be the partners you needed out of us, and we know you’ve lived a life completely separate from us for the last ten years, but we don’t need those ten years back to know that we belong together.”
“We don’t?” I ask stupidly.
He shakes his head. “We don’t. If you’re here, and you’re ready to try this, for real, and let us love you, we’ll do our absolute best to take care of you and keep you happy. Your happiness is all we’ve ever wanted, and we’re finally at a point in our lives where we can freely offer that to you.
“Aster Pepperling, would you make us the happiest little bees on the block, and agree to become our wife?”
The weight behind me disappears, and then Dev comes from who knows where carrying an enormous bouquet of flowers, and Hawthorne is rolling out of bushes…random… still without pants. Hey, two out of three ain’t bad.
They both take a knee next to Arbor, and all I can do is stare at them, at a complete loss for words.
“Are you serious right now? This isn’t a mortifyingly embarrassing joke, is it?” Oh look, I found them.
“I told you last night Aster, you’re ours. This is a formality. Say no if you want, but we’re still going to tell everyone you’re our fiancée. Your brother ruined the surprise a bit, but we definitely already have engraved invitations ready to mail,” Dev informs me.
I rub my forehead and hold out my hand, silently asking them to put the ring on my hand.
I make the mistake of closing my eyes while I do this, because I’m overwhelmed, and if I can’t see them, then that’s less stimuli telling me to panic and run.
Except it’s not a ring that lands on my finger, it’s a wet, slimy mouth.
“Ew!” I snap my eyes open and glare at Hawthorne.
“Sorry, is that not what you were asking for?”
None of the other guys are even chastising him.
“We need words, Aster,” Arbor demands.
This is not a spur-of-the-moment decision. This is a promise to remain faithful for a lifetime, to join our entire lives together and become true partners. They’re asking me to give up my solo identity and become a permanent part of their trio, and it’s just… a lot.
Teenage me would be freaking out right now, crying and blubbering something fierce, throwing her arms around them and telling them how happy she was.
So why aren’t I doing that?
Why am I hesitating at all?
“I…”
“Come on, Asster,” My brother calls from my driveway. Where my parents are standing, filming the whole exchange. Awesome. “Stop trying to be stoic. We all know you’ve been in love with them forever. You’re going to say yes, so just do us all a favor and do it already. We got places to be.”
“Apologies, Aster. Would you excuse us for a minute? Perhaps wait inside for us? Oh, and make sure the blinds are all down, would you?”
Arbor helps himself back up to his feet, stashing the ring in his pocket as he does. After gently thrusting the flowers at me and kissing me on the cheek, the other two follow him along. I stay to watch long enough for them to grab my dumbass brother by the shoulder and then punch him in the face.
Then I run.