Chapter 9
Aster
My first instinct is to run away, I can’t lie about that, but this place is now my home for however long, and these guys aren’t just going to disappear from my life because I’m embarrassed.
It’s kind of funny though that my parents didn’t defend my brother. Arbor, Hawthorne, and Dev are very nearly their sons as much as Anderson is, and talking like that after what was a pretty nice proposal was a pretty shit move.
I’m not sure what I was expecting once I crossed into Arbor’s house, but mostly, I was expecting it to look exactly as it did the last time I was here; it seems this was their backup plan.
They’ve gone the classic romantic route, filling the space with candles and rose petals, and oddly enough that relaxes me a little bit.
It proves this wasn’t some afterthought, not that it could have been with a rock like Arbor presented to me, but that this was in fact something that these three guys put some serious thought into.
I think I just need to know if they put as much thought into the relationship aspect as they did the proposal itself.
I tell myself I’m not going to have a meltdown over the fact that Arbor, Hawthorne, and Dev just proposed to me, because that’s not what responsible, mature adults do. Not that I’m really either of those things, but fuck, can they just get inside already so I can stop spiraling alone, please?
I help myself to the bottle of white on the counter, gulping a healthy amount to steady my nerves before topping off my glass and walking through the rose petals again. Next thing I know, the guys are walking in, somewhat subdued, taking care to lock the front door.
The anxiousness on all their faces is further proof that the offer was real, but it still feels surreal to me. “Did you mean all that?”
“What, punching your asshole brother? Hell yeah. You have any idea how long we’ve dreamt of this day? I am so sorry, Aster. We wanted a better moment for you,” Hawthorne says as he rushes to me.
“No, not punching Anderson. I quite enjoyed that part. It feels like…I just moved back here, just reconnected with you guys and got over the shock of seeing you again, and then you up and proposed. Doesn’t that feel a bit…sudden to any of you?”
Hawthorne scoops me into his arms and…sniffs me…burying his face into my neck. This is probably the most intimate hold he’s ever given me, and once I relax into it, all those giddy feelings I was wondering about earlier come rushing to the surface.
Arbor walks up as well, hand on my lower back as he presses a gentle kiss to my shoulder.
“Sudden? Nah. This is years in the making. We’re just ending up where we always knew we would.
As far as Anderson goes, we wouldn’t have done that outside if we knew it would be interrupted. Can we please get a do over?”
I look to Dev, too, to make sure all of us are on the same page, but they mean it.
“The thing is, it feels very…sudden to me. I know—” I rush to say when it’s clear one or all of them want to interrupt me, “we’ve known each other forever, and we’ve sort of danced around us being together, and I don’t want to say no—”
“Then don’t,” Dev says firmly.
“I need you guys to try and see this from my perspective. I just moved back to town and just got out of a pretty fucked up relationship.”
Why do they look so guilty all of a sudden at the mention of my ex?
“Yeah, we should probably tell her,” Hawthorne says when I stare them down.
“Yes, you should,” I agree.
All the air deflates out of Arbor as he leads me to the couch. He grabs both of my hands, sitting so our knees are touching. “You know I’ve been stalking you. There’s a chance, and by chance, I mean a certainty, that I may have…interfered…with that relationship.”
“Explain.”
He takes a deep breath and nods at me. “So, like it was really funny messing with him when he slept? Yeah, pissed me off to see him touch you so I would buzz in his face until he’d swat at me, but he’d pretty much always hit himself in the face, then roll over and re-adjust his entire sleeping position.
Very effective. Or I’d work up a bit of a tickle on your neck, so you’d swat at it and end up hitting him instead. That move was even better.”
Should I be mad at an admission like that? I’m thinking no.
Dev gets to his knees in front of me, stealing my attention with his hands on my hips.
“Just close your eyes for me, would you, Aster?” His voice is too perfect and deep to ignore, so I happily comply.
“Think about how it felt last night between us; how right it was being together like that. Can you imagine if we’d been doing that this whole time?
It didn’t feel weird because you know me.
You know us. We probably jumped the gun a little on the proposal, but you can’t tell me it’s all that shocking of an idea. You know how intense we are.”
I think I need to test a theory.
I lean forward and kiss him again because I miss it. He’s right; last night was incredible. It’s so easy to slip into this role, to be a woman that melts into him. He touches me and kisses me exactly the way I always dreamt a partner would, exactly the way I wished my ex would.
When I pull away, I’m no less confused, but I am surer. And no, those things don’t cancel themselves out in my mind.
I look to Hawthorne and Arbor, assuming Dev filled them in on what we talked about last night, but still feeling like I need to get it out there.
I’m not done talking about it. “The shit you guys pulled on my 18th birthday messed me up pretty good.
Dev explained why it happened, but I need to make sure you all understand that.
“It wasn’t…I don’t understand why you didn’t just give me the respect of a conversation and trust I could make my own decisions.
You took that agency away from me and hurt me in the process.
It makes me wary to jump into anything with you guys, because I don’t feel like that ever got resolved, even if it was really long ago.
It completely changed the way I thought about you guys, and I feel as if I don’t really know this version of you.
“You want a relationship with me? I just don’t know if I’m ready for that. I haven’t been single very long, and I need some time with myself to…figure out what it is I want. It’s too soon for me.”
They absorb this information, thinking it through.
“We hear what you’re saying,” Arbor tells me, “and we of course understand. This offer…it’s not contingent on a time frame.
Aster, you’re the one we want to spend our lives with, and that’s not going to change whether you agree to be ours now or five years from now.
I know we come off as sort of unserious, but we’re the most serious about you.
We want to do everything in our power to support you in any way we can, even if that includes giving you space to take care of yourself. ”
I sag against the couch, cautiously reaching out to wind my hand with Arbor’s, almost jumping at the bite of electricity that hits me at the touch.
His hands are a new thing to me, and I take a moment to study them, rubbing my thumb over the little hairs on his knuckles and the calluses on his fingers, the scar on the outside of his pinky.
“You guys make me feel safe,” I admit quietly. Then I turn to make sure I’m not leaving Hawthorne out.
One thing I will say about these guys is that they’re not emotionally fragile. I’ve never had to try and stay balanced with how I treat them all, because they’re all so close with each other that they never feel left out when one of them gets attention over the others.
“I’m sorry we made you touch Arbor’s dick slit the other day, that’s not exactly how we saw that playing out,” Hawthorne says with a wince.
I cover my face and groan, slouching back into the couch. “I’m sorry I washed my hands so fast and so furiously and ran off screaming, I just…I was not at all in the mindset for that to happen and it was jarring. Arbor, you have a lovely dick area.”
He preens at this, and because I know Hawthorne is seconds away from pulling himself out of his pants so I’ll compliment him as well, I reach a hand out to stay him. “No. Time and place, Hawthorne, time and place.”
He beams, likely because he’s taking that as a promise that he can do it at a later date, and I wonder what I’m getting myself into, thinking I can handle being with three people at the same time.
You know what? I don’t think I’ve thought this through enough.
That’s…a lot of potential for miscommunication.
“So, you’re not ready to acknowledge our engagement,” Arbor says cheekily, ignoring my indignation, “but…do you see us spending time together? Getting to know each other all over again and trying to at least pursue something? Do you think you could commit to hanging out with us again, reestablishing a friendship?”
I take in Arbor’s sincerity and run those words through my brain.
That’s not a big ask, and I figured out a minute ago, they’ll always be in my life in one way or another. “I can handle that,” I promise.
“Then…do you want to see your room again?” Dev asks.
I whip my head to him. “What?”
He smiles, this tiny thing that tries so hard to not happen.
“You now realize that we never actually intended to have you sell this house for us, even though we sort of insinuated that and let you believe it. We redid this home for you to live in, with us. We knew that being with all three of us was going to be something you needed to get away from sometimes, so we were all in agreement when we started drafting the reno plans that we wanted you to have a place to escape to and recharge. Of course, that’s why we build the little reading cottage out back, too. You can check that out later, though.”
“But I don’t live here,” I point out needlessly. Did I miss another step somewhere?
“Yet,” Hawthorne adds. He jumps to his feet, holding his hands out for me.
Not sure when he put shorts on, but I’m sort of grateful and sort of disappointed by it.
“You just agreed you’re good with being friends and spending time together; we could do that more easily if you lived here.
Your parents are great, but we know how much you value your privacy and quiet.
Your parents always seem to have some project or other going on and it’s not yours. ”
“And this house is?” I question, incredulous. I’m fighting with myself because this house is stunning, and quite literally my dream house, and I feel guilty accepting if I have no idea if or when I’ll be ready to have a relationship with them. “I don’t want to lead you on.”
“Oh, you can lead us on all you want,” Hawthorne vehemently explains as he tugs me from the room.
“We don’t care about that. Look. If you had your heart set on living with your parents in the bedroom you grew up in, sharing a fridge and a kitchen with your parents, then by all means… but we’re offering you an alternative.”
The mayo-chicken casserole flashes through my mind, and maybe there’s something to be said for not living there. I follow him up the stairs to the floor I didn’t really explore the other day because I was too busy suffocating on my jealousy.
It’s just as beautiful as I remember it being, and it’s easy to sit on the bed and get lost in my head, dreaming of what it would be like to live here and wake up every morning to such a peaceful space.
The room I shared with Ben was never as cozy as I wanted it to be. He said he hated the girly touches and if it wasn’t in a shade of gray or blue, it wasn’t allowed. No joke, he actually threw a bunch of shit I bought away because he hated it so much.
Looking around this space that was supposedly created just for me, these guys have put thought into everything, and it’s because they know me. Living with them wouldn’t be hard, as long as they maintain some boundaries.
I meant what I said, I’m not ready to jump all in to a committed relationship again, I was burned too recently. I don’t feel the need to be in one right now. But live here, see if we can figure out a friendship? That I can do.
Also, remember when I claimed I liked to feed my own grandeurs? Call it delusions if you like that word better, but don’t you dare be rude and comment on how over-fed and swollen they are.