Chapter 9 Honor Gravehart
Honor Gravehart
The water was still. Cargo boats drifted like ghosts, carrying secrets no one wanted to question.
For all the illegal shit moving through these waters, enough to bury me in the feds, I found peace here.
A strange peace that probably only made sense to me.
It wasn't the white noise of the waves, or the hum of the boats, but the danger that lurked.
The risk of getting caught where drugs, guns, and, sometimes, exotic animals were stashed.
It was the mental gymnastics flipping around after getting shot here.
The crippling anxiety after learning Wolfe had been brought here to die.
The chaos that hung over these docks… brought me peace.
Because in every one of those situations, I was in control.
Even getting shot, that was my call. My decision for all the wrong I've done.
The scales needed to be tipped in my favor, even though I knew it wouldn't last.
Chaos and control… I knew how to breathe in that.
I thrived in that. But stillness? Stillness peeled me back, layer by layer, until all that was left was the fear of a young boy cosplaying as a man.
That fear numbed me, robbed me of oxygen, and left me weak in ways a bullet couldn't. The remedy…
was her… Navy. She's the only one who saw the fear in the eyes of the man but whispered I love you to the boy cowering inside.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. When I pulled it out and saw the screen, it was Navy.
Navy
Still down for
Me
Still down to have your legs wrapped around me while I fake watch some psychological thriller you picked out… Always my baby.
Navy
I'm still at work. I'll let you know when I'm on my way.
Pick me up an almond Hersey bar.
Me
I got you.
After sending the last text, I checked the time and slid my phone into my pocket.
4:59.
"She better be on—"
Before I could finish, the crisp click of heels echoed across the boards, announcing Choyce's arrival.
She slinked toward me, hips rolling along the path forged by her dainty feet.
I smirked, wondering how many people noticed the arrogance in her walk.
Her saunter was rhythmic, with poise in the way the sway of her body demanded attention.
However, underneath all her femininity was something more than confidence, something way more alluring.
It was her need to command without speaking, to be in the know without having to ask.
It was control, and Choyce wore it like perfume.
Stopping within arm's reach, she rolled her shoulders back, then clasped her hands in front of her like she hadn't decided whether to keep things business or flirt her way through this conversation.
"Hello, Honor," she smoothly greeted.
I rubbed a hand across my jaw, more amused than impressed with her choice.
"A suit is a little much for a conversation, don't you think?"
"I'm an important woman. You're not the only one who wants to converse with me."
A dry chuckle slipped out as my eyes traveled along her frame. The navy-blue two-piece suit hugged her curves as if it had been tailored for that purpose alone. Her hair, bone-straight and parted down the middle, put her entire face on display.
Pretty.
I've never taken the time to really look at Choyce.
Her beauty never mattered to me… it still didn't. But in this moment, I felt trapped in the way her eyes locked onto mine.
There was a spark, a flame waiting to flare.
It pulled me in, like gravity, ignoring the parts of me that pulled in the opposite direction.
"Do you need more time to finish the portrait you're mentally painting?" she asked, arching her brow.
"I never started," I replied, keeping it short.
Tilting her head, a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Yeah, okay, Honor."
"You wanted to talk, so speak."
"I'm all for letting you lead, but it's time for an actual step to be taken.
Talon is up in arms because he thinks Lucian has someone following him.
I'm not sure how true that is, but I'm working on finding out.
If Lucian really is tailing Talon, then he's not taking you killing Talon seriously.
So, whatever plan you have needs to be shared with the class. I can't do my part—"
"I'll handle it," I cut her off before she could say anything further.
"That uncompromising tone won't work on me, Honor. I'm not working for you. We're working together. What we agreed to do is bigger than your wanting revenge against the man who—"
Her words slipped the second my fingers folded against the collar of her jacket. I yanked her forward. Her breath caught, eyes wide with fear. I leaned in, my lips a safe distance from her ear.
"Careful, Choyce, fear looks good on you. Keep trying to handle me like I'm some little nigga and I'ma fuck around and make it a permanent thing."
Her eyes dropped to the ground. I pushed her back, then yanked her forward again.
"Look at me," I growled through clenched teeth.
"Honor," she swallowed hard, bringing her eyes to mine.
"If I said I'll handle it, then that's what the fuck I'ma do. Trust me or don't, but I have it handled."
I slowly let her go, my fingers lingering a moment too long. Neither of us stepped back. We stayed toe to toe, her eyes brewing a storm that my actions had set in motion.
"Trust," she scoffed. "How am I supposed to trust you when there's always animosity between us? I want to believe you're a man of your word, but this…" she gestured between us, "Jerking me around like I'm some fucking rag doll isn't how you earn it."
"Yeah?" I responded dryly, voice low. "How do I earn your trust, Choyce?"
"By fucking talking!" she shouted in my face. "Let whatever you have brewing in that big ass head of yours out. You don't have to do this alone. I'm trying to help because my daughter's well-being rests on us pulling this off without any hiccups. But you gotta let me in."
Her voice softened, but her stare only grew more intense… loving, maybe.
"For you to trust me, I had to take a life. It was my first time, and I was scared. You knew that and still guided me through it. I'm asking, let me guide you through this. Trust me enough to have your back with this."
Silence stretched between us, covered in the uneasiness of what she's asking me to do.
Trust.
It wasn't just foreign to me. It's a language I unlearned a long time ago.
I didn't trust people enough to let them in.
I fed them illusions of trusting them instead.
They were safer that way. The only person I let pass those walls was Navy.
She saw the twisted parts of my soul and didn't flinch, so I trusted her.
Choyce didn't wasn't the illusion. She wanted the real thing and acted as if she needed it.
Giving her even a piece of my trust felt like a betrayal toward Navy.
"Honor," she whispered.
My phone buzzed, distracting me from giving her an answer. I pulled it out of my pocket, and my chest tightened at seeing Navy's name in the notification bar. I stared at the screen for a second before unlocking it.
Navy
I'm leaving in ten minutes. I think a comedy would be better for us. I need something lighthearted.
And before you ask, nothing happened. I just need a good laugh. Anyway, I love you. Can't wait to be in your arms.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Choyce glance at the screen as I typed my reply. The tension that covered us moments before snapped like a rubber band stretched too far.
Me
I love you more.
Choyce's expression shifted as she read what I'd sent. Locking my phone, I slipped it into my pocket and took a step back, putting some needed distance between us.
"So now you can't stand near me?" she asked, her voice quieter than before. Hurt flickered in her eyes, but that wasn't for me to pacify.
"Nah, I can't," I admitted, dragging a hand over my fade.
"Whatever, Honor," she muttered, rolling her eyes as her lips curled into a bitter smirk. "You do know she's gonna be the reason Lucian kills all of us, right?"
"How so?" I asked for shits and giggles.
"You're babysitting your emotional support girlfriend. Her feelings come before everything, and that's a problem. It's a weakness. If her emotions stay at the center of yours, you'll never see how much you need me to end this with Lucian."
I laughed, but there was no humor, just deadly anger. "I don't need you for shit," I countered, eyes locked on hers. "And that shit kills you. You want me to need you how I need Navy. Love you how I love her."
Choyce's energy shifted just as quickly as she blinked. The smirk faded, replaced by a frown laced with disappointment and words that probably tasted bitter on her tongue.
"Is that what you think?"
I didn't answer, but the beating of my heart went quiet, stilled by the hurt woven into her voice.
"You really think this is about love? That I want to be Navy?" With each question, her heels clicked as she stepped closer. The hurt I saw in her eyes was gone.
"I don't want to be your emotional crutch, Honor.
That's what Navy is to you. You see her as the better parts of yourself.
The pieces you think don't exist anymore.
She's good, and being with her, you pray some of her good sprinkles onto you.
I never want you to see me that way because, for one, I'm not better than you, and two…
I'm so much more than someone to lean on when you're broken.
I want to be your equal, not your salvation.
I want to be chosen for who I am, not to make you feel better about yourself.
I'm not a band-aid. I won't heal you, Honor. "
Her eyes flickered toward the water for less than a second, then softened when they graced mine again. The vulnerability I felt was present in her stare, begging me to give in to whatever this was.
"I know you don't love me," she whispered, reaching to caress my jawline. My hand twitched, instinctively wanting to pull hers away, but I didn't. Against my better judgment, I let her soft touch massage the tension from my jaw before folding around my neck.
"I also don't need you to. All I want is for you to trust me enough to help you through this. Trust me, Honor, and I promise you won't regret it."
Wrapping her second arm around my neck, Choyce pulled me closer.
Her lips brushed mine slowly until we fell into a kiss.
She sucked on my bottom lip, deepening the one-sided kiss.
Automatically, my fingers moved swiftly behind my back.
I gripped the cold metal of my gun. The air caught in my throat as she moaned Honor against my lips.
"Trust me."
I slid my hand from behind my back, raising the Glock slowly until the barrel pressed against the supple skin beneath her chin. Her eyes snapped open with both shock and fear flickering across her face. The gravitational pull that tethered me to her moments before broke as her gaze turned to ice.