Chapter 12 Honor Gravehart #2
"I'm thinking about changing my last name. Too much bullshit is attached to it. Shit, I don't wanna remember," I explained, grabbing another stack to band.
"I'm with it if you with it. My pops is dead, and my moms in prison. Fuck am I carrying their legacy for when they didn't give a fuck 'bout me." Wolfe shrugged.
I looked toward Crown and knew he wasn't with it but wouldn't go against what Wolfe and I chose either. The three of us had come a long way from being the broken kids living at Gravehart Homes. We weren't at the top just yet, but it was on the horizon, waiting for us to stake our claim.
"What you thinking, Crown?"
"I got shit attached to my name that I fight daily to not think about or trip on. At the same time, mine is connected to my mom. That's a memory I don't wanna see fade. My pops wasn't shit, but Shadae was my everything."
"Nah, I feel you," I told him, tossing the next banded stack to him. "Changing my last name isn't just about shedding myself from my past. I want a last name that means something. Some shit that honors the place that made me the man I am today, shit that inspires the man I'm trying to be."
"Nigga, you're not a man," Crown joked.
"Not in the eyes of the law, but how I move in these streets makes me a man. How I provide for those I care about makes me a man. The shit I went through made me a man before any of that other shit tho. I ain't been a kid since I was ten."
"Damn," Wolfe said.
"I hear you, bro," Crown said. "What you thinking for a last name? If we gon' change our shit, then it can't be nothing corny."
"Gravehart," I answered.
"Nahh," Wolfe dragged, "that shit is lowkey hard. Wolfe Gravehart got a ring to it."
"Cortez Crown Gravehart? Yeah, that's nice." Crown nodded.
"Y'all don't have to decide right now, but I'm changing my shit. If y'all choose not to, it's no hard feelings. We still gon' be family. The love I have for y'all still gon' be soul deep."
I looked them both in the eyes to make sure they understood nothing was gon' change how I saw them.
"I'm in. Before y'all two, I was stuck between waiting for someone to care enough to save me or not caring at all and kill me. Honor snatched my little ass up and told me the truth. No one was coming."
"And they still not," I commented.
"Nah, nigga you're wrong. You, Navy, and Crown saved me.
It might not have been how I expected, but the three of you helped me put meaning to my life.
I did the work, but it was y'all that gave me the nudge.
You're my brother. No lie, I see you as a father forreal.
I'll be honored to share a last night with you.
No pun intended." He laughed, dapping me up.
I pulled my little nigga into a hug, letting what I couldn't put in words be felt.
"Know I'll bloody the waters 'bout you," I told him before letting him go.
"I mean shit, if we're giving speeches, let a real nigga get some heartfelt shit off too," Crown said.
"Do you, bro," Wolfe laughed.
"Ight. Damn, what can I say that hasn't already been said?
You know how I get 'bout you nigga. I won't say you're a father to me like this little nigga—" Crown chucked his chin toward Wolfe, who tossed his middle finger up.
"What'll say is you're my muthafuckin' brother.
I was wildin' off them pills when you flushed my shit, then sat in the corner of the room watching me tear my shit up.
I thought you were some weird, never speaking ass nigga, but that day you showed me a side of you most don't know exists.
You showed a nigga empathy, helped me get clean, and gave me guidance while navigating through your own shit.
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for that but take me changing my last name as a down payment. "
"Damn, it's stuffy as fuck in here, ain't it?" Wolfe sniffled.
"Nigga, shut your emotional ass up," Crown said, yoking Wolfe up. "Nah forreal, I'm on what this little nigga is on. I'll be honored to share a last name with you niggas. Y'all my brothers, my fucking family. Won't shit come y'all way that I won't stand in front of first."
The memory crushed me, and had me stumbling up the stairs of my porch. Instead of going inside, I sat on the top step and closed my eyes. Behind my lids, every mistake I've ever made flashed like a fucking highlight reel.
Honesty. I chuckled to myself.
Everyone wanted fucking honesty, but I doubted they were emotionally prepared to deal with the shit I carried, especially Crown.
That nigga was blinded by emotion to the point he couldn't see the truth that what he asked for didn't belong to him.
What he wanted to know so fucking desperately lived in my past, not his.
The conversation he wanted to have meant telling him Mr. John didn't give him those pills to help him deal with losing his mom.
It was Lucian reminding me he's the muthafucka in charge, and I was to do what he said.
If I told Crown that, then I had to tell him, I didn't step in right away with pills.
I'd have to confess to letting him get addicted so I could save him.
When you pull a man from the grave, you don't just save his life… you inherit it.
Lucian owned my life, and survival meant applying the lessons he'd forced me to learn.
I saved Crown from drowning and became his air.
That shit was selfish on my part, but survival was key.
I didn't know Crown back then. I didn't love him or understand him.
All I saw was a life I could chain to mine.
The sun brushed across my skin like a hand resting heavy on my shoulder. I exhaled slowly, my head tilting toward the sky.
"Ight God…" My voice came out rusty like I hadn't used it in years. "I'm never gon' come to you asking for a lighter load. I made these choices. Weak ones, selfish ones… it feels like I don't gotta go into detail 'cause you already know what I've been up to."
I let out a low chuckle as doubt crept in. I walked with demons like it was my religion. It felt dumb as fuck to pray to God when it seemed like only the devil heard my cries. Still, I kept praying for a different outcome.
"I'm asking for strength, Lord, not to drop the weight, but for the strength to keep carrying this shit without folding. Give me what I need to wear the consequences of my choices without bleeding on the people I love."
My jaw hardened, fingers tightening around the flowers.
"I need this, Lord. I need it like I need that woman I love.
I stand firm for my family because that's what I was put here to do.
I'm their wall, their shield, and their first line of defense.
Keep fortifying me so I can take the blows instead of them.
Protect their hearts from the chaos I invested in.
Let me bear the brunt of it… so they never have to feel the weight of the storm. "
Closing out the prayer with a simple amen, I stood, clearing the space between me and the front door.
I dug through the pockets of my sweats for my keys just as Navy swung the door open.
She was in a thin, silk nightgown, glaring at me with aggravation dancing in her eyes.
I bypassed the scowl and let my gaze drift over the way her straightened hair had frizzed, and how the trickle of drool dried at the corner of her lips.
"Good morning, beautiful," I rasped, thumb brushing the corner of her mouth, wiping it clean.
"Is it a good morning? Waking up in a bed alone after you promised we'd talk doesn't feel good to me."
"You act like I've been gone all day. I went for a run and didn't want to wake you."
"But what happened to it being so important for us to jog together?" she snapped back.
"Fuck Navy," I groaned. "Look, I apologize for going running by myself, but I got you these." Bringing the flowers from behind my back, I extended them toward her, hoping they would fix her attitude.
"What am I supposed to do with these?" She stared at them, then looked at me, wearing a deadpanned expression.
"Huh?" My response was dumb as fuck, but I wasn't used to Navy acting like this with me. We argued, but she was never cold.
"What am I supposed to do with these funky ass flowers? Are they supposed to be an apology for missing movie night? They can't be because before you apologize for that, you should apologize for ignoring my calls and texts," she fussed, raising her voice.
"Aye, chill the fuck out," I gritted, pushing the flowers into her chest and moving past her.
I kicked my shoes off, leaving them in the foyer as she called out to me.
"Honor!"
Ignoring her, I continued through the house, climbing the stairs and entering our bedroom.
"Honor, don't ignore me! That's so fucking disrespectful," Navy bickered, stomping her way in front of me. My eyes dipped from the mug on her face toward her hard nipples pressing against her nightie.
"Honor!" Navy's arms folded over her chest. I smirked 'cause her attitude was an easy fix.
"Come here," I instructed, tugging at her nightgown.
"No, Honor! I'm talking to you," she groused, but did little to keep me from pulling her into me. I dropped my arms to her waist and squeezed her ass, propping her onto her tippy toes.
"Honor." A small, bratty sigh breezed past her lips.
"Navy, why you fucking with me?" I asked, licking across her lips.
"I'm not. You're fucking with me."
"I would never," I groaned, pecking her lips, then her chin and down her throat.
"Honor," she moaned, pressing her chest against mine. "You're sweaty, and we need to talk."
"We can talk after we get cleaned up."
"Honor," she started to bicker. Sucking her bottom lip between mine, I nibbled, applying enough pressure to excite her.
"Give me," I groaned the demand, and like I knew she would, her body gave in with her long legs wrapping around my waist.
"No panties." I smirked, eyeing just how pretty her pussy was. "You knew what the fuck you were doing."
"Whatever, Honor," she smacked, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, ight keep that same energy in the shower."
Navy giggled for a few seconds, then stopped once we entered the bathroom.
"What's wrong?" I asked, placing her on her feet.
"Are we gonna be okay?" she asked, sounding almost childlike.
A slow ache rolled through my ribcage.
"Always," I answered hurriedly. "Why?"
Shrugging, she walked away and went to start the shower. The thin straps of her nightgown peeled from her shoulders, dropping it to the floor.
"Don't keep me waiting," Navy hummed, sliding the glass back of the standing shower.
I stripped off my clothes, brushed my teeth, and joined her in the shower. Navy stood under the showerhead, letting the water massage over her. I slowly backed her against the porcelain tiles.
"Honor," she mumbled as I crouched down.
On my knees, I clutched her thigh and swung it over my shoulder. Her gaze dug into me as I bowed my head, taking her into my mouth. Her lips parted at the touch of my tongue.
"Damnnn," she hissed.
Navy's head rested on the tiles, lips falling open, trembling as my name slipped from her mouth. I craved her. Hunger curled through me, begging me to fix whatever I broke inside of her. Every shiver and moan her body delivered her eyes fluttered with a sadness that was my doing.
"Just like that," she hummed, palming the back of my head. I was starving and didn't see myself being satisfied until I erased whatever doubt I planted inside her.