Chapter 13 Navy Achebe
Navy Achebe
Music crooned softly in the background, keeping me company and my thoughts at bay while I waited for Honor to come downstairs.
Our shower session wasn't supposed to turn out the way it did, but that was Honor for you.
When hungry, he was gon' eat until I bared all my fruit.
Sex with him has always been out of this world, but what we just did and what happened last night didn't feel like what I was used to.
Our bodies tangled, yet I've never felt further away.
Our hearts knotted, then slipped loose every time he begged me to settle his soul.
Our pleasure exploded. His inside me, mine on him.
However, what followed wasn't our usual high, it was doubt.
I did my best not to harp on what I couldn't put into words, but my heart wouldn't let me ignore it.
I cut a few more stems, then placed the flowers Honor brought me into a vase to see how I liked the arrangement.
I didn't, so I pulled two out, turned them upside down, and rolled their stems between my hands, gently opening the rose for a fuller look.
I replaced them in the vase, then did a few more until the arrangement was to my liking.
"You… you make my heart go boom. Oh baby, it's that look in your eyes that makes you the prize.
One of my favorite songs, "Grateful" by a new artist named Mahalia, poured out of the speakers.
I swayed to the melody and mouthed the lyrics.
Every word spoke to the part of me that consistently worried about Honor.
Complex men never felt comfortable enough in their vulnerability to lay their cards on the table, and Honor just so happened to be the epitome of complex.
He wanted to take the world on by himself while the rest of us waited anxiously for his return, only that's not how it was supposed to be.
With me, Honor never had to face anything alone.
For him, I'd stand on the frontline, gun in hand, ready to do whatever was necessary to make sure he was safe.
It never had to be just him, but that's how he wanted it.
He chose to walk alone and ask for forgiveness rather than partnership.
"What are you in here doing?" Honor's voice covered the kitchen like he wanted to paint the walls with his words.
Before I could answer, he walked over, hugging my waist and burying his face in the crook of my neck. His teeth sank deep into me. I winced, then moaned as he sucked, turning the pain to pleasure.
"Honor, stop." I nudged him with my shoulder, wanting him to quit before a hickey formed.
"I can't mark you now?" he asked, his voice breezing over the heated spot. My ass pressed into him, hips grinding just to get a better feel of his dick.
"I love you, Navy." He pecked the mark, which I didn't have to see to know was there.
"I love you too," I huffed.
"You mad?" he asked, leaning on the counter beside me.
"No," I said out of instinct. "I mean, I'm not pissed, but I do think you're using sex to get out of talking to me."
"What you wanna talk about, Navy?" He let out a heavy breath, an indicator that he really didn't want to talk.
Shaking my head, I told him. "Don't worry about it."
"Why bring it up just to tell me don’t worry about it?" he asked, catching me off guard.
"What?" I asked for clarity.
"I don’t wanna argue with you, but it seems like that's all you want to do with me."
"Okay." I nodded.
"Ight. You wanna do the movie thing today since we didn't have movie night?" he asked, completely misreading the moment.
Too pissed to speak, I brushed past him, stormed out the kitchen, and climbed the stairs two at a time.
In our bedroom, I grabbed my phone from the charger and accidentally knocked Honor's to the floor.
I picked it up, watching as messages and missed calls from Choyce filled the screen.
I didn't look long enough to read the text because that wasn't the woman I am.
I set it down exactly where it was and slipped into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
Knowing Honor, I had five minutes or less before he came looking for me.
"Hey friend," Chosyn sang into the phone. I felt like shit calling her with my drama yet again, but I didn't have anyone else to talk to.
"Hey." I did my best to sound just as chipper.
"What did Honor do now?" she smacked as Phoenix made baby noises in the background.
"Don't worry about it, you sound busy."
"I can multitask. Now tell me, because you wouldn't have called if it was nothing."
"Yeah, but I don't want to keep calling just to complain about my relationship."
"Navy, shut the hell up and tell me what's wrong."
"Fine." I sighed before running down everything that happened from the time Honor came home last night until the moment I called her.
"Navy, I say this with love, but this is your fault."
"Mine?" I frowned.
"Yes. You baby the shit out of that man.
And I get it, Honor's been through some rough things that probably none of us would understand, but it's important for you to hold him accountable.
Instead of letting him dick you down, you should've made him explain why he ignored you, and the same goes for this morning.
I'm no therapist, but Honor is clearly using intimacy to avoid confrontation or being vulnerable.
If it's the latter, then something needs to be done.
You've been with him too long for him to feel uncomfortable talking to you about whatever has him acting an ass. "
"How am I—"
"Navy!" Hard knocks followed by my name cut my sentence short.
"I can't tell you how to deal with Honor but stand on business about how you feel and stop letting him fold you like origami. I'm surprised you haven't had a pregnancy scare with all the fucking y'all do."
"Right." I laughed awkwardly to keep the truth from coming out. "Let me talk to him. If you're free, let's do a late lunch or an early dinner. We can go over the details for River's engagement party."
"Okay. Stay strong and no more fucking. I'm going to research if chastity belts still exist. Maybe that'll keep Honor off you." Chosyn laughed before hanging up.
Setting my phone on the bathroom counter, I took a deep breath, then unlocked the door and opened it.
"Navy," Honor started, but I stopped him.
"No," I firmly asserted, cutting my eyes. "I've given you one too many chances to talk. Now you can listen."
"Ight," he replied.
"I… I don't know what's happening with you. You're getting into it with your brothers, ignoring me, and I just—"
"Navy, nothing is going on with me," he stressed, as if the lie were enough to pacify the feeling churning in my gut.
"Stop lying," I spat. "If I'm being honest, nothing I have to say has anything to do with Crown. Your issues with him are exactly that… yours. What I wanna talk about is us and the fact that you think it's okay to lie to me."
"I've never lied to you," Honor spoke so sincerely that I might've believed him had I not known better.
"That's the second lie you've told since standing here.
Lie again, and I swear…" I let out a heavy breath because talking to Honor was the equivalent of watering concrete.
"You lied to me at the hospital the day I walked in, and Choyce was in the room.
You lied about telling Kage not to let anyone in the room when the 'anyone' you didn't want to walk in was me. "
"I didn't—"
"You did. I know you, Honor Gravehart. I can sketch you blindly and still capture every subtle detail of your face. Those subtle twitches you think no one catches, I do."
I let my words seep in because Honor needed to know I had spent the better part of my life learning to speak his language.
"You lied to me, and for what… Choyce?" There would never be a time when her name didn't leave a bitter taste behind.
Honor said nothing, and those subtle tells that normally gave him away were nonexistent. My hands slammed into his chest and did little to move him. He just stood in front of me, tall and handsome yet so fucking lifeless.
"Did you hear me?" I smacked his chest again, wanting a reaction even if it was one that put me in harm's way.
I wanted Honor to feel because if he could feel, then I knew he was still with me and still fighting to be the Honor who'd run through fire to protect me.
If not, I would know I lost and failed him.
"Navy," he rasped, his voice almost too low to hear. "There's a bunch of shit I can say right now to explain why I lied, but it doesn't matter. Everything I fucking do gets done because and for you."
"So, you lied for my benefit," I scoffed over the conversation. "You got it, Honor."
Moving past him, I slipped from the bathroom, heading toward our closet.
"Navy, wait!" Honor called out, grabbing my wrist. "Since when did you stop trusting me?" His eyes pleaded for me not to make this a thing, but it was too late.
"Since you gave me a reason not to."
"What reason did I give?"
"When I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, I knocked yours on the floor. Imagine my surprise when I saw your screen full of notifications from Choyce."
"If you seen 'em, then you know I haven't seen 'em or said shit to her."
"You forreal right now?" I asked, tilting my head and lowering my lashes.
"Fuck you think?" he gritted.
Chuckling, I removed my wrist from his possession and continued to the closet.
Going to my side, I searched through my clothes.
I snatched a hoodie from a hanger and a pair of leggings from another.
I pulled off the pajama set I planned to lie around in all day and tossed it at his stupid ass. He caught it midair, grinning.
"Gotta be quicker than that, my baby."
"Fuck you!" I spat, wishing I could punch him in his stomach the way his nonchalance was doing me.
"Where you think you're going?" Honor asked as I got dressed.
"Out." I shrugged, walking out of our closet and over to my vanity. I grabbed Honor's favorite perfume and doused myself in it just to be petty.
"Where and with who?"
Ignoring him, I grabbed a few things I'd thought I'd need and turned only to bump into Honor's chest.
"Excuse me," I sassed, trying to sidestep him.
Each time I moved, his broad and sturdy body moved with me.
"Move!" I blacked punching just below his ribs.
"You gotta hit harder if you wanna fold the champ." He smirked.
"Honor, will you please move?" I sighed.
"No."
He walked toward me, pushing me back with his chest until my back collided with the wall.
"Ouch, Honor." I winced.
His hand slid along my body and stopped at my neck. A gentle squeeze and rhythmic pulses warmed my skin and my middle. I forced down a moan and glanced toward the floor to free myself of his unrelenting gaze.
"Navy, don't do that," he murmured. "Look at me."
Like his word was law, my eyes betrayed me, racing to meet his.
"Tell me what I have to do to make things right between us."
The sincerity dancing in his eyes cut deep, but that was normal. Honor always meant well. This I knew, but for once it didn't matter. I've been reading Honor's moods and emotions for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be told.
Told how much I meant to him. Told how my love was his for a lifetime. Told secrets. Ones he had already buried, and those he was currently throwing dirt on.
For once, I wanted our relationship to be simple. No more push and pull, just honesty and openness. More than anything, I wanted Honor to trust me, as I trusted him.
"Navy, say some… please."
Three throbs of my heart against my chest passed before words trembled out.
"Tell me why Choyce is comfortable blowing up your phone? Are you fucking her?"
"The fuck?" he gritted, his face contorting into a confused scowl.
"That's not an answer, Honor," I stressed, shaking my head. "Why else would she blow you up like that?"
"Work," he answered.
"Then why now? You started working with her after the situation between Wolfe, Chosyn, and Chance. From then 'til now, she hasn't played on your phone. At least not that I've seen."
"I don't have an answer for you on why she's doing this shit. I haven't touched my phone since I put it on the charger. If she's hitting me up crazy like you say, then it must have something to do with your father."
I didn't know if Honor meant to drop his tone, but I caught the jab. When speaking about Lucian, Honor rarely referred to him as my father.
"My father," I mocked. "That's the lie you want to go with?"
"It's not a—"
"Don't worry about it. Lucian can be impatient, so you might want to call her back."
"Navy."
"Don't," I trembled, biting back tears that would probably drown me in the future.
"You're her picchistore (enforcer). I guess that means you gotta be at her beck and call." I chuckled bitterly. "Who knows… this might bring you and Crown back together since y'all work for Choyce."
Without having to ask him, Honor backed away, letting defeat settle in because he couldn't be honest with me. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, then sat on the bed.
I finished getting dressed, slipped my feet into a pair of Uggs, and headed toward the door.
"Navy," Honor called out, stopping me before I could leave the bedroom.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Who and where?"
"Chosyn. We're going to grab food and drinks while we go over details for River and Crown's engagement party.
Taking a step forward, thinking it was the end of the conversation, I felt his touch on the small of my back. I inhaled sharply, muttering his name, "Honor, please."
I've stood strong for as long as I could. The fight Chosyn kept telling me to stand on was gone. I didn't want to argue or force a conversation he didn't want to have.
"I love you, Navy."
"I love you too."
I walked away with my breath caught in my chest. With each step, I longed to feel his hand on my wrist, stopping me from leaving.
His scent consuming me, whispered apologies tickling my earlobe.
However, the reassurance my body craved never came.
I made it to my car without being pulled into him, without hearing the heartbeat that mimicked my own.
And when I looked back, my view was as empty as the feeling trouncing in my chest.