Chapter 14 Honor Gravehart
Honor Gravehart
"Fuck!" I bawled as my fist crashed into the wall, cracking the foundation.
My hand throbbed, blood pooling in the small gashes decorating my knuckles.
And still this pain didn't compare to the hurt that lived in Navy's eyes when she walked away from me.
Ignoring her and missing movie night was my fuck up, but it was for her benefit.
The headspace I was in after dealing with Choyce and Lucian was volatile, and she didn't deserve that type of energy fucking up her vibe.
Navy thought 'cause she watched me aim a gun at my head that she'd seen the worst of me.
That shit didn't even come close. She didn't know I melted the flesh off the nigga who was taunting River.
She didn't know Mr. John's retirement from Gravehart Homes was a lie I told to keep from telling her that I buried that nigga alive.
Hell, she didn't even know I cut out three tongues like coupons yesterday morning.
Navy liked to think she could handle the details of the shit I did, but the truth was, if I ever told her, the adoration that curved her lips and brightened her eyes when she looked at me would blur into something cold.
So you lied for my benefit… you got it, Honor.
I exhaled harshly 'cause why the fuck was that so hard for her to believe? Keeping Navy out of harm's way meant lying to her. It meant carrying the weight alone, in hopes it would make sense when everything was all said and done. And after that shit at the dock last night, I didn’t regret shit.
Instead of going home to Navy, I drove to Lucian's crib, parked two blocks down, and waited for his car to whizz past me.
I was tired of the manipulation games Lucian kept playing.
I wanted out, and handing over millions wasn't gon' cut it.
Freedom came at a price. Mine was killing the man who taught me how to survive when everyone else was content with letting the world swallow me alive.
Last night, I was ready to pay. Twin glocks rested on my lap, one on each thigh, clips loaded, itching to be emptied. I sat for hours, waiting for Lucian, only for his car to never drive past me. All that time wasted gave my past time to drag me back to my cage.
Flashes of my mother's tears. Flashes of blood, covering a man who looked like me, but I couldn't recognize him — Wolfe's busted nose, Crown crushing pills to inhale through his nose, and Navy's life being threatened the first day we met, so I'd fall in line.
Every fucking trick Lucian planted, twisted memories into punishment.
His voice, preaching a lesson, slid between every memory until panic set in, forcing me to race home to the only peace I've ever known.
My family thought I enjoyed keeping shit to myself, but like them, I wanted to bare my soul.
I wanted to believe there was strength in vulnerability.
But if forgiveness and understanding weren't at the end of it, then what was the point?
Instead, I chose silence. I allowed the ghosts of my fuck ups to roam my head unchecked because what I've done to the people I love couldn't be spoken or forgiven. Reaching for my phone, I hesitated, almost too nervous to make the call. I let out a dry laugh and grabbed it, calling my peace.
"I'm not calling to start shit, I just… I want…
I need you to know I love you, Navy. I'm in love with you.
I fucked up last night, and instead of apologizing, I tried to make it seem like you were trippin' off small shit.
How you feel isn't small to me. I apologize for being dismissive.
You deserved… you deserve better than that. I love you, my baby. Have fun."
I listened to the voicemail back and winced at the pain in my voice, not from shame but from how heavy it all sounded. It reminded me of how someone sounded right before they took their last breath. Strained. Fragile. Like the world was pressing down on them, and they couldn't fight back.
She's going to leave me. My phone chimed with a text just as the thought crossed my mind.
Navy
Fuck you!
Reading the text over and over, my hands shook as I typed my reply.
Me
Fuck does that mean?
Navy
Means the same way you got a bitch blowing your phone up. I'ma have a nigga doing the most on mine. What's good for the geese has always been good for the gander.
Feeling like I read that shit wrong, I screenshotted it, and I sent it to Wolfe.
Me
Aye, tell me what that text say?
Crown
It says Navy 'bout to start fucking with a real nigga .
Nigga lost his brother and his girl… could never be me.
"This nigga," I murmured, reading Crown's text and realizing I'd sent the screenshot to the group chat instead of just Wolfe. Shaking my head, I closed the thread and dialed Navy.
Once. Twice. Then again, until I lost count. Every call went to voicemail, driving me crazy.
Navy got another nigga? Nah, Navy wouldn't fuck another nigga over Choyce blowing my shit up. Navy and another nigga?
I frowned at that last thought 'cause Navy being with anyone who wasn't me didn't even sound right, but my chest was starting to stiffen like a muthafucka just off the thought. Going back to the group chat, I typed out another message, and as soon as Crown responded, I regretted doing that shit.
Me
You think Navy would fuck with another nigga? All bullshit between us aside.
Crown
All bullshit aside…
Hell yeah, she's gon' fuck with another nigga. She's tired of your shit like the rest of us.
Better get on your Jodeci Cry 4 U shit. Fly her out to the desert and get on your knees begging. I got some leather pants and a vest you can borrow.
You got black Timbs, right?
Nigga out here about to lose his wife behind the bitch he works for.
Panic slammed into me, crashing into the anger that was already heating my skin.
Navy cheating… Navy got another nigga…
Both were my greatest fucking fears. Just the thought of that shit had my stomach twisting in knots. I went to call her again, but a call from Choyce came through.
"The fuck you keep blowing my shit up for? You're not my bitch!" I gritted.
"If your bitch pissed in your afternoon Cheerios, then say that, but don't take that shit out on me," she barked with just as much fire in her tone as I carried in mine.
"My bitch, huh?" A low, dry laugh followed 'cause Choyce didn't understand who she was fucking with.
"Yes, nigga your bitch! I wouldn't even have to blow your shit up if you answered my texts about that thing Lucian wants you to handle."
"You sucking Lucian's dick now? Since when you start doing his check-ins? Let me find out you gargled droopy balls to get to the top."
"Fuck you, Honor. I didn't have to suck a damn thing. Now, are you gonna do what Lucian asked or not?"
"I'm done with that shit."
A mirthless laugh came through the phone.
"There's no such thing as being done. This is for life. Being bound to Lucian is for life. So, I'm going to ask again… are we doing this or—"
I ended the call, tired of giving Choyce more of my time than she deserved. Whatever issue Lucian had with Lynx's family either had to be handled by him or Choyce. I wasn't fucking with any of that shit after last night.
Unlocking my phone, I went back to the group with my brothers.
Me
Where you at, Wolfe?
Wolfe
On my way to Crown's crib with Nix. You good?
Me
I'm 'bout to come thru.
Crown
Nigga you need to ask if you can come to my crib. Your pop-up privileges been revoked.
Me
Fuck it then.
Wolfe
Y'all chill tf out with this dumb shit. Honor pull up.
Crown
Fine, but there's an entry fee…
He gotta tell us a secret.
"This nigga," I scoffed, and left that shit right there.
I tossed my phone onto the bed and walked into my closet to get dressed.
Crown was dragging this shit between us, but if he wanted me to come up off a secret to kick it at his crib, then I was gon' do that.
My only other option was hunting Navy's ass down, but like me, she needed a moment to breathe.
So, a secret was a small price to pay to quiet my insecurities and chill with my brothers.