Chapter 19 Navy Achebe
Navy Achebe
Standing on the front porch with a mug filled with mint tea, I watched the sun rise and quietly thanked the heavens for another day.
I followed my gratitude with an ask that today be less dramatic than the last two.
Dealing with Honor was starting to take a toll on my heart.
I loved that man, but I was starting to wonder if being loved the way Honor loved me was healthy.
The thought was new.
Until recently, I reveled in his passion and loved the threats he made out of worry of another man taking what he considered his.
It was exciting and dangerous in a way that made my pulse race, and my shoulders relax.
Honor made me feel protected and needed.
I belonged to him, and his love was something fragile that he only trusted me with.
It felt like an honor to be loved by Honor until now.
I couldn't shake Honor saving Choyce's life and everything that followed.
The lie. The kiss.
It all forced me to question just how much he actually belonged to me.
The Honor I fell in love with would never gamble with his life and would never risk leaving me behind for a bitch who meant nothing to him.
And if Choyce meant nothing, then why did it feel like Honor was choosing her over me?
The confusion of it all sat heavily on my shoulders as the sun rose higher.
"I don't know forreal why I took those bullets of Choyce. I didn't really think about the shit, I just acted."
The excuse he gave was just that, an excuse that I wasn't buying. Honor was too meticulous just to act.
Maybe he likes her.
My heart thudded quickly at the thought of Honor wanting or caring about someone else.
I shook it off and lifted my mug to take a sip.
The warmth settled my nerves, but not enough for me to let it go.
I reached into the pocket of my robe and pulled out my phone to text Honey.
Ever since her stint with Honor, I made sure to check on her.
Chosyn asked about her a few times, but River seemed uninterested in hashing things out.
Me
I know it's early, but I need your help with something later.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket just as the front door creaked open.
"What you doing out here?" Honor asked. "It's starting to get chilly as fuck in the mornings."
Fall was quickly giving way to the chill of winter.
"Navy, you good?"
The rasp in Honor's voice did something to me every time. It brought peace in the morning and sent chills down my spine at night.
"I'm good, just enjoying the view."
His arms wrapped around my waist as his lips pressed into the nape of my neck.
"No running today?" I asked, shifting the energy before he could pull me into the parts of him that I struggled to deny.
"Nah. I thought I was gon' lay up with you, but I woke up alone."
"I wanted to start my day early."
"You gotta work?"
"No, but I did want to stop by and handle a few things. The kids have been asking for a basketball coach for a minute now. Since it's the weekend, I figured I'd start calling a few coaches to set up interviews."
Honor didn't answer right away. He kissed my neck once more, then turned me until I was facing him.
"They cool with having a girl coach, right?"
I frowned. "Why would they have a woman coach?"
"Women play basketball," he easily answered. "You sexist, Navy?"
"No, but I do think the boys could benefit from having a male influence in their lives. They need a man around to teach them things that the other women and I on staff can't."
Most of the staff at Gravehart Homes were women. We had a few men, but they mostly handled maintenance.
"Let me know who you got in mind." A smug grin pulled at his lips. "I'll run a background check."
"No."
"No, what?" His tone sharpened, and his lids fell low. "No, you're not going into work?"
"Honor, please don't play in my face. You know exactly what that no was about."
"Nah, I don't, so tell me." He dryly chuckled.
"I've never told you who you can and can't work with," I reminded him, "so I expect the same respect."
"I work with my brothers. Neither of them niggas wanna fuck," he shot back.
"Choyce does." I smirked, slipping past him and heading into the house.
"Working with her ain't my call," he groaned, following me inside.
I wasn't in the mood for another round with Honor, so I went into the kitchen and started pulling things for breakfast.
"You want McGriddles?" I asked even though I'd already decided.
"I'm cool with it if that's what you wanna make."
"And is." I smirked, catching eyes with Honor.
"You're too pretty to be worrying about a bitch that doesn't matter," Honor commented after a few moments of silence.
"And you're too handsome to be doing background checks," I told him, twisting the knob to turn on the burner.
As the frying pan heated up, I separated the bacon and placed it in the pan.
"I'm being serious, Navy."
"What do you think I'm being?" I asked, grabbing a bowl to start on the pancake batter. "I've never given you a reason to be on me about a nigga. However, you've given me two reasons for why I need to be on my shit when it comes to Choyce."
Saying her name was like swallowing the nut of a nigga you hated, but you had a child at home crying 'cause he's hungry… disgusting yet necessary.
"That kiss wasn't shit," he scoffed.
"And saving her life?"
I turned from the stove to face him. The icy demeanor he wore like armor softened under my gaze. His eyes flurried with unsettled feelings. Maybe conflict? Maybe guilt? Whatever it was, it was something deeper than what he wanted me to see.
"You don't have to answer that." I softly voiced, letting him off the hook. Whatever answer I was looking for lived in the way he couldn't quite hold my gaze.
"You don't have to shrug shit off 'cause you think I'm uncomfortable," he said as I turned back toward the stove.
Honor was right. I shouldn't have let him off the hook, but what else was I supposed to do when I knew silence was Honor's refuge? If he didn't want something to come out, he got quiet, and I was tired of having to pry out what should've been given freely.
"You're right." I grabbed a fork and started flipping over the bacon so I wouldn't have to watch his gaze run from mine. "I shouldn't shrug things off, but I shouldn't have to fight for the truth either. When did this become who we are?" I asked, hoping tears wouldn't fall.
"When did we become like what? We're fucking perfect," he declared, trying to calm me with affection.
"If me questioning myself and where I stand when it comes to you is perfection," I clicked my tongue to keep from laughing. "Then yeah, we're couple goals, babe."
"I thought we put this shit to bed last night," he gritted.
"We did, but then I woke up thinking about how Chosyn and I were sitting way too close to street-facing windows at the restaurant for the shooter to miss. They weren't shooting to kill, Honor. It was a warning, and I'm starting to wonder if it came from Choyce."
"It wasn't her," he answered almost immediately.
I turned around so fast that the bowl on the counter rattled.
"What?"
"It wasn't her."
"Where were you when you found out about the shooting?"
His eyes narrowed. "With Crown and Wolfe."
"Then how do you know it wasn't her?" I asked.
"I just do," he answered. "She's not built like that."
"It makes sense, though. She wants you, and the only way she can have you is if I leave or die. She can't kill me because of Lucian, but she can scare me away." My thoughts spilled out in rambles. It all made sense to me, but the amused look on Honor's face said otherwise.
"My baby doesn't scare easily," he joked.
"Really? This shit is funny to you?"
"It's not, but you're talking like that girl put together a master plan to take me from you." He chuckled.
I laughed too, real sharp and humorless.
"You sound too sure about what she will and won't do. As a matter of fact, you seem way too calm about this whole thing."
"Fuck you want me to do?"
"Consider what I'm saying to you instead of defending her.
His eyes hardened. "I'm not defending her."
I removed the cooked bacon from the pan and turned off the burner. Honor capping for his bitch wasn't about to have me burning breakfast.
"You are defending her. It's either that or you knew it was going to happen."
The resentment I lied about not feeling toward Honor was now front and center. There was no point in fighting it, because the more I talked to Honor about our issues, the more reasons he gave for it to stay.
"Why you acting like I'm fucking that girl?"
"Nigga, are you?" I snapped. "Because right now I don't know what to fucking think. All I know is if it was Wolfe or Crown, they wouldn't be defending some bitch over the woman they love!"
Honor stepped closer. My shoulders squared. His presence swallowed the space between us, as it always did.
"You must really want me to knock your fucking head off your shoulders," he spoke through clenched teeth.
"You must really want me to knock your fucking head off your shoulders," I mimicked, sounding childish as hell.
"Grow the fuck up."
"Move outta my face and I will. We both know this isn't about your brothers, so stop it."
"Nah, this is about them," he spoke lowly, grabbing my jaw. "You think 'cause you found some friends, I'ma let you rock with comparing our shit to theirs just so you can get your shit off?"
"I don't have to compare a damn thing to tell you how I feel. I just find it funny how you'll jump up and manhandle me because of what I said, yet you barely blinked when I accused Choyce of sending warning shots." I forced my voice steady to keep from yelling more than I already had.
Honor tightened his hold until my voice gave out. My teeth began to grind as I braced for what was to come next.
"You think I'd hurt you before I hurt her?" he asked, his gaze thundering. "Killing her starts a fucking war, Navy. A war I'm not equipped to fight 'cause I'm beefing with the same brothers you wanna compare me to."
His grasp slid from my jaw to my neck. Honor's hold was deliberate, squeezing, releasing, and squeezing again.
My breaths came in short, uneven spurts, hiccupping through the pressure, but I wasn't scared.
Honor had the ability to cut the life from my body, but he never would.
He'd never hurt me. Someone else always paid for the hurt Honor felt.
Comparing him to his brothers didn't just bruise his ego.
It made him feel replaceable, as if I wanted what they had instead of what he provided.
That kind of wound didn't fade. It festered, and that was exactly why I said it.
I hated myself for wanting to hurt him. But him letting Choyce kiss him, knowing he had the ability to stop it, cut just as deep.
Probably deeper because this wasn't just about a kiss.
It was about having a choice, and in that moment, Honor didn't choose me.
"You want one of them niggas?" His question wasn't just a question. It was a warning.
"No," I answered, wondering when our arguments started sounding like threats.
"Then don't compare me to them niggas."
"Fine! Can I finish breakfast now?"
Honor's lips trembled before parting. They hovered near mine as if he wanted a kiss but dreaded what I might say or do.
A gentle rasp broke the silence. "I need to hear you say it."
"Honor, I'm hungry," I forced out.
The urge to give in shivered through me, testing to see how much I could hold back.
"Navy, I'll beg if I have to, but I need to hear it from you." His breathing stalled when our eyes met. "Tell… me… you… love… me."
Soft kisses punctuated his plea. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. Giving in was too easy. Whatever this uncomfortable space between us was had to be felt if we were going to survive it.
"Navy." Pain threaded through the syllables of my name. "Tell me you love me, and I'll fix everything. I'll fix us, but I need to know you still—"
"I love you," I cried.
Honor's lips tackled my tears, tasting each one before they could fully fall.
"I love you too," he rasped, then slipped his tongue between my lips.
I welcomed him, taking in his affection like the air I needed to breathe. Wrapped in each other's arms, we kissed with ardor, every movement a desperate need.
"I'm hungry, Honor," I whimpered, breaking the kiss.
"Ight. I'm 'bout to shower."
"Okay."
I turned away first, needing space from the man I thought I'd never need space from.
"I love you," he murmured, his parting words lingering long after he left.
I turned back to the stove and picked up where I had left off.
I tried to push the confusion from my chest, but it clung stubbornly, wanting answers Honor wasn't going to give.
I poured pancake batter into the pan, drizzled a little syrup, and took my phone out of my pocket.
Honey hadn't texted me back, which was fine since it was still early, and she wasn't much of a morning person.
I flipped the pancake, then texted the group chat.
Me
Kysre or Kyree, y'all cool with helping me with something this afternoon?
As I poured more batter into the pan, my phone chimed.
Chosyn
Um, why only the twins?
Me
Wolfe is letting you out the house after what happened yesterday?
Chosyn
That man don't run me .
But to answer your question… no.
Me
Plan a girls' night so I can fill y'all in.
River
We can do it tomorrow bc what I gotta say can't wait!
Chosyn
Y'all bitches got tea?
Me
I wouldn't call it tea, but I'm down for Sunday.
Chosyn
Me too. Whose spot?
Me
Penthouse suite at Grove Towers.
Chosyn
I be forgetting our men own a hotel.
River
This hoe.
What you need the twins for?
Me
I'll tell you on Sunday.
"Oh shit!" Looking up from my phone, I smelled the pancake burning.
I flipped it, considered tossing it, then decided to give it to Honor. I made two more pancakes and moved the pan from the stove before picking my phone back up.
Kyree
I gotta make a run with Rize today, but I'll be there Sunday.
Kysre
I'm free Sunday, but I have something to do today.
Me
Damn, y'all busy but don't work a damn job.
As I typed, a text from Honey came through.
Honey
Tell me when & where & I'm there.
Me
Meet me at Gravehart Homes at 12 today.
Putting my phone down, I finished cooking, plated our McGriddles, then set the table. Honor came down after his shower and took his seat across from me. He blessed our food, then we ate in silence until his voice cut through.
"You know I don't want Choyce, right?"
"I know," I answered as honestly as I could.
My heart believed him, but my soul was conflicted. I knew Honor too well to accept Choyce catching him off guard as the reason her lips touched his. Whatever he didn't want to tell me, I planned to find out on my own.