Chapter 3
Three
Honor Gravehart
The huge bouquet shook slightly in my hands as nerves started to settle in.
Tonight was probably the worst night to take Navy on a date.
Snow fell steadily from the sky, blanketing everything it touched, and softening the world into something beautiful.
The cold had already settled in my bones, but I didn't move.
I leaned against my car, flowers in hand, waiting on the most perfect woman I've ever known.
Navy was perfect in all the ways that didn't feel real to a nigga like me.
She was honestly everything I didn't deserve but knew I needed.
Standing out here waiting for her sent more chills through me than this cold ass weather ever could because someone as perfect as her didn't deserve a broken nigga like me.
Yet here I was waiting outside her crib to take her on a date, and this shit felt weird as fuck.
We'd been together officially for four years, and this was considered our first real date.
That was on me, tho. Planning something like this never crossed my mind.
Navy deserved to be courted, but I never learned the importance of doing so.
We didn't get together under normal circumstances.
We kind of just fell into each other… two kids caught up in something neither of us fully understood.
I wanted to protect her. She wanted to heal me. So, we clung to each other, trying to be all the things the world hadn't been to us.
I never thought twice about choosing her because I assumed protecting her was more important.
There was no one to show me that love meant more than standing in the face of danger for a person, or that choosing her meant showing up during the times I wanted to disappear.
More than anything, it meant letting her see all of my cracks and trusting that she'll still stay.
I've never done that before, at least not wholeheartedly.
Wolfe did it every chance he got. Gigi loved joking that Wolfe was gon' steal my girl, and I normally laughed until earlier today when he handed Navy an apple and asked her on a date.
The way her face lit up caused my heart to ache.
I wanted to be the only one to bring that kind of bashful glow to her face.
I wanted her to feel chosen by me, so tonight I planned to choose.
The front door flew open, and Navy rushed out, coat half-zipped and breath visible in the cold air. The snow crunched beneath her feet as she rushed toward me. The closer she got, the easier it was to see her bun bouncing back and forth, and the sparkle in her eyes because I was here.
"Honor, what are you doing out here? It's freezing," she stated, eyes gazing toward the flowers that were now dusted white.
"These are for you." Pushing off the car, I held the flowers out to her. Her fingers brushed mine as she took them, and for a second, the cold didn't matter.
"I wanna take you on a date," I announced, grabbing her coat and zipping it the rest of the way.
Her smile started soft, then grew wide.
"You serious?" She laughed, shaking snow from her hair.
"Dead serious," I confirmed, trying to keep my voice.
"But I'm not even dressed for a date," she replied, glancing down at her sweats and UGGs.
"You look perfect," I assured her, and her cheeks flushed red.
"Is this because Wolfe asked me on a lunch date? You know he was only joking, right?"
I scoffed, breath fogging the cold air between us. "This has nothing to do with that. Get in the car."
Navy looked back at her mother's house, then shrugged. "I'll just text my mom to let her know I'm going out."
"Cool."
I opened the passenger door and helped her in, then rounded to the driver's side and slid behind the wheel. Inside, the heat kicked in fast. Navy kept watching me as I drove, probably noticing the way my hands gripped the wheel tightly, and my shoulders stayed tense.
"You nervous?" she asked.
"Nah, you?"
"A little," she shyly admitted.
"Nothing to be nervous about, but if you want…" I trailed off, reaching over to pull down the visor and catch the spliff before it fell. "Spark up."
I passed it to her, then gestured toward the cup holder.
"There's a lighter in there."
She grabbed it, resting the spliff between her lips. The tip glowed brightly against the car's dim interior. Smoke curled lazily as she took a slow puff, then passed it to me.
"So where are we going?" she asked, turning in her seat to face me.
"Somewhere I go whenever I need to breathe," I told her, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "The place where I feel free to dream."
"Oh."
I passed the spliff back to her and scrolled through my phone until I found what I was looking for. I tapped the dash a few times, then leaned back, letting the music sing the feelings I couldn't find words for.
"I found a love for me…"
The song eased the tightness in my chest.
"How do you know this song?" Navy asked, whipping her head toward me.
"Wolfe." I laughed, embarrassed that my little nigga was able to connect to his feelings in a way I struggled with. "I heard him playing this at Gigi's a few weeks ago, then again, before he asked you out."
I shook my head. "I've been listening to it every day since, trying to figure out why it feels like the words are slow dancing on my heart."
"Well… why does it feel like that?" She whispered.
"You," I answered quickly. "I'm not the kind of man who can say what I'm feeling all smooth and shit, but if you ever need a reminder of how I feel about you, this is it."
I glanced at her, then back to the road. "If there's ever a time when our love feels too dark, or too much for you to carry, you play this song. You remember tonight. Remember that no matter what, you are perfect for me."
"Honor," she sniffled.
"Shhh," I whispered. "Listen."
Navy nodded, ashing out the blunt and closing her eyes. I smiled, humming along under my breath until the road curved upward and the city lights began to spread beneath us.
"I've never been up here," Navy declared with awe in her voice.
"That's what makes it special. I found this spot a few months after I moved into Gravehart Homes. It's peaceful and makes all the bullshit in my life feel small," I told her, shifting the car into park. "I wanted to share it with you."
"I love that you did."
"Really?" I asked, unsure if she meant it or was trying to gas me.
"Yes," she smiled. "Everything about it is perfect."
I shook my head, laughing under my breath. Then Navy looked at me, serious again. "What are your dreams? When you come here… what are you hoping for?"
I leaned forward and turned the music down until it was a faint hum.
"I wanna survive," I answered, my voice low, rough, and already cracked in a way I couldn't hide. "And I don't mean just get by. I'm talking about really surviving, living in a way where life actually means something to me."
I swallowed hard, knowing what I was about to say could either pull us closer or break us open.
"Every day I woke up in that basement, I wondered if that day was gonna be my day.
The day I stopped running. The day I let all the shit that haunts me finally eat me alive.
By the time we met, I was tired of asking myself if today was the day.
I wanted to make it the day." I shook my head slowly.
"But then you screamed my name. Your chubby little self came running and threw your arms around me like you had the power to keep me here. "
I looked at her, eyes heavy with truths I swore to take to the grave.
"In that moment, I knew I'd protect you from whatever, forever. Back then, all I wanted was to survive." My voice softened. "But now… now I want to live."
"Honor," Navy whispered, her voice breaking as tears caught in her throat.
"I've caused a lot of hurt. Not always directly, but it's still on me.
And I don't… I don't get to pretend it isn't. I can't undo the things I've done.
I can't take the pain away from the people I love, but I can try to help them heal.
I have to." My voice dropped. "That's what I hope for when I come up here.
The strength to help the people I love find peace 'cause it's the only way I'll forgive myself.
The only way I'll be able to fully embrace life without regret. "
"Your dreams?" she whimpered, tears clinging to her lashes.
"To love you until the end of time. That's the only dream I'll ever have. It won't be perfect, and it probably won't be easy, but I can promise I'll never stop trying. I'll never stop choosing you."
Navy reached for the dash, turning the music up, then grabbed my phone, restarted "Perfect" and put it on repeat.
"Dance with me, Honor."
She slid out of the car, and like a man lost in love, I followed.
My hands slipped beneath her jacket, cuddling her waist and pulling her close.
Her arms wrapped around my neck as her head rested against my chest. The city lights below us scattered like stars that had fallen but decided to stay anyway.
The snow was falling heavier now, covering us in white as we swayed back and forth.
"Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot in the grass, listening to our favorite song," I sang in her ear.
"You can sing," Navy murmured, her eyes glossy as she looked up at me. "I found a love to carry more than just my secrets."
"You can't sing." I laughed.
"I can't." She giggled unbothered. "But it doesn't matter because I see my future in your eyes."
My heart pounded.
"I don't deserve this. Navy, you are perfect."
"I love you, Honor." She smiled.
"I love you, Navy."
My phone blared, ripping me from the moment as light flooded the inside of my car.
The snow was gone. The city lights were gone. Navy was gone. The only thing left was my ringing phone and me parked outside of Wolfe's crib.
"Yo," I rasped into the phone, my eyes barely open.