Chapter 2 #2
Chosyn hesitated for a second, then left his office. When the door closed, it felt like she took the air with her. The tension between Honor and me thickened. I stepped around him and leaned against his desk, needing the distance.
"Is this what we on?" he asked, turning to face me fully.
"What are you talking about?" I stated, giving him the floor so I wouldn't say the wrong thing.
Instead of answering with words, he tugged at the hem of my dress.
"What's wrong with my dress? I think I look cute," I grinned.
His tongue swiped across his lips, a lazy grin answering mine. "Cute isn't the word I'd use."
"Oh, yeah?" I teased. "What word would you use?"
Honor's eyes dragged over every inch of me, unhurried and possessively.
"I'd say you look dangerous." He leaned in just enough for his voice to belong to only me. "This is the kind of dress that'll have me bringing you the eyes of every nigga that looks your way. Can you imagine what I'll do to a nigga who touched you while wearing this?"
"Wha…what? Why would you say something like that?" I stammered.
"Because you wore this dress with no fucking panties for them knowing what it would do to me."
His hand crept up my thigh, then slid over to my stomach. He toyed with the strings of fabric, tugging gently.
"Is that what you want, Navy?" he murmured. "To see how far I'll go when I think someone's touching what's mine?"
"Ah—" I gasped as his gentle tugs turned rough.
The front of my dress tore open, exposing my stomach. Honor lowered himself until he was eye level with my waist. He bowed his head and kissed along my waistline. A shiver ran down my spine.
"Honor—"
"Tell me what you want," he whispered. "'Cause what my baby wants, my baby gets."
My legs felt weak as he moved between them. Panic and regret coiled in the pit of my stomach.
"Stop!" I yelped, pushing him away.
Honor moved back, straightening to his full height. His gaze was sharp, as if he already knew the mistake I'd made.
"Take that dress off and put this on."
Honor slid the hoodie over his head and tossed it to me. My hands trembled as I peeled away what was left of my dress, then slipped the hoodie over my head. The fabric blanketed me as I inhaled and instantly felt nauseous.
For years, I've been the one to put him back together.
The one to say the words that steadied his hands, slowed his breathing, and made him feel whole.
Honor gave me that power, trusted me with it, and somehow, I let myself believe it was too much to handle.
That I couldn't bear the load. Then my stupid ass folded at the first chance I got to experience something different.
"Navy, you good?" he asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yeah," I nodded. "It's just been a long night, and I was drinking," I told him. "How are you, tho? I saw that look on your face when you came in."
"I'm straight, but I wanted to check in with you. You sure you're good?"
"I promise." I smiled and stepped into him, looping my arms around his neck. I pressed my body to his, needing to feel him.
"I'ma take your word for it." He smirked, pecking my lips. Greedily, I went for more. Our kiss was all passion, no lust, love drenched in need. Honor ended the kiss, pecking my lips and clipping my chin.
"You know you can tell me anything, right? I'll never hold you to a mistake, but a lie?" His tone shifted. "That's not some I can forgive easily."
"That's rich coming from you," I scoffed.
"Navy," he rasped, tapping my nose. "I'm not talking little white lies. I'm talking the kind that'll change how I see you. The ones that'll have the news calling me a serial killer."
"And what do you think the news will say about me if I find out something more than a kiss happened between you and Choyce?"
"It doesn't matter 'cause nothing else happened, and it won't. All I want is you. All I ever want is you. Navy, it's you. Always… forever… and whatever comes after that."
Honor's voice dipped so low it wrapped around me. His promise crooned out like a beautiful sonnet I didn't deserve.
"Honor I—"
I love you was right there. It sat heavy on my tongue, ready to breathe into Honor, but letting it free felt impossible.
Those words belonged to moments like this.
It's what the sentiment was created for.
Moments when a man makes you feel like you're the only girl in the world.
The only one who'll ever crack the code to his love.
In moments like this, the only response was I love you but I couldn't. Not after I let another man bring me temporary solace.
"Can't say it can you?" he asked, rubbing his jawline.
Honor didn't have to tell me I was hurting him because he wore it on his face. It danced in his eyes and snuggled in the crease of his brows.
"I can. I just… it's been a long day. A long, emotional day. I'm tired—"
"Too tired to tell the nigga who'd drink sand if it meant you'll be hydrated that you love him?" he quipped.
"Yes," I exhaled. "I'm tired, Honor. Talking to you takes a lot out of me sometimes. Tonight, I can't be what you need."
Honor's jaw flexed, and for a second, his rigid posture faltered. His hardened stare softened, but the hurt beneath both was clear.
He didn't speak, and neither did I.
We both let the uncomfortable silence hang between us. I felt empty standing in front of Honor, unable to give him what he needed while he stood across from me, filled with so much love.
Honestly, I felt like shit.
Over the years, I'd gotten so used to my love and worry for Honor taking over my every thought that I never imagined what it would feel like to fail him. Honor needed reassurance, and he deserved to know the truth. Yet all I had to offer was silence and guilt.
"Ight." He exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck.
His one-word response carried more devastation than anger, and it broke me even more.
"I love you, Honor." The emotion tore out of me with force instead of the comfort Honor was used to.
His gaze dropped, then met mine. "I love you, Navy."
It felt intentional.
Honor didn't add the too because he wasn't responding to me. He was making it clear that he loved me regardless of how I might feel about him. Regardless of the fact that in this moment, I couldn't be what he needed. That brought tears to my eyes.
"Honor," I whimpered, ready to tell him everything.
He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead and held them there. "I'll always be here for you."
"I know," I cried harder as his thumbs swept beneath my eyes.
Him knowing didn't make this easier, or make it hurt less. His love didn't demand mine and didn't threaten to leave. That kind of love didn't deserve betrayal.
"Don't do that." He softly chuckled. "No tears, smiles only, ight."
"Okay."
"Enjoy the rest of your night. Hit me if you need anything, ight."
"Okay," I muttered.
Honor gave me one last look. It was filled with so much love and patience that I felt myself starting to crack.
"What happened?" Chosyn asked, rushing in after Honor had left.
"I…" I choked back a sob. "I think he knows Chosyn, and if he does, my relationship is…"
Before I could finish, I collapsed into Chosyn's arms. She caught me and wrapped me tight in her arms. I broke. My body shook as sobs ripped through me. I didn't fight it because I refused to hold it in any longer. Everything I buried, everything I've been surviving instead of feeling, poured out.
The abortions.
The child I couldn't love out loud.
The murder.
The cheating.
The lies.
Every secret, all the shame, and the grief I didn't give myself the chance to process, I cried for it all.