Chapter 12 #2
"Thoughts are easy to ignore. You can push 'em to the side and act like they never existed.
Sending you flowers is me taking up space in your day.
It's me hoping to turn a simple gesture into intention," he rasped, and I had to squeeze my thighs together.
"And if nothing else, it makes it harder for you to pretend I never crossed your mind. "
Chosyn covered her mouth, then squealed.
I rolled my eyes, but it did nothing to stop the heat creeping up my chest. "So, you're just out here trying to be intentional with women who have boyfriends?"
"I'm out here doing what I want," he countered.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Ight." He chuckled. "I'm out here trying to be intentional with one woman, and I wanted you to know I was thinking about you.
"It's all just a lot, Solace." I sighed. "The flowers… the card… the intention. I have a boyfriend and—"
"It's honest, not a lot," he cut in.
Chosyn leaned in closer, whispering, "Ask him what he wants from you?"
I shot her a look, and Solace chuckled under his breath. "Who you got listening to this call?"
"Chosyn," she answered before I could.
"From the office that day, right?"
"Yup."
Solace hummed. "Mhm."
"What is this Solace? Because I thought you understood what happened between us was a one-off."
"A one-off is crazy, especially when I told Pretty to come find me when she's ready."
Chosyn snorted under her breath.
"Solace, I'm being serious."
"Me too, Navy. I meant what I said in the card. I'm not pressuring you. I'm letting you know that someone in the world sees you, love."
My pulse jumped.
"If you ever wanna talk, you got my number. If not, you still deserved the flowers."
"He's smooth," Chosyn mouthed.
"Sending me flowers is playing with fire, Solace."
"Nah," his chuckle was easy, "I'm a winter baby. A nigga like me loves the heat."
My stomach flipped, and Chosyn damn near slid off my desk. I closed my eyes, already knowing calling this man was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to like the sound of him this much.
"Solace, I can't—"
One knock against my office door cut my words short. My eyes ballooned when the door pushed open.
Honor.
"Thank you for your interest in the coaching position, but it's a little late for this phone call," I announced effortlessly. "If you're still interested, call tomorrow, and I'll make sure my assistant arranges an interview."
"No problem," Solace replied, his voice lifting from that relaxed tone. "Enjoy your night. I look forward to meeting with you."
I hung up, then rounded my desk, walking straight into Honor's arms.
"Hey," I kissed him. "I wasn't expecting you here."
"I know. I dropped Crown off at the crib and decided to stop by. I called, but you didn't answer."
Honor hooked a finger under my chin, bringing my lips back to his. He ended our kiss, leaving me breathless, then glanced over my shoulder at Chosyn.
"Those your flowers?" he asked her.
"These?" Chosyn grabbed the bouquet off my desk, and I closed my eyes, praying Honor didn't see my name written on the ribbon. "Wolfe had them delivered while Navy and I were at lunch. My day was a little iffy, and he wanted to make me feel better."
I held back my sigh of relief and buried my face in Honor's chest.
"I'ma have to start taking notes," Honor rasped.
"You do just fine," I assured him, lifting my head to look him in the eyes.
"You ready to go?" he asked.
"Yeah. I just gotta print out the numbers for the kids' spring break trip so Chosyn can drop them off with River."
"Ight." Honor nodded. "I'ma wait for you out front."
Honor kissed me once more, slower than the first, but in a way that left the feel of his lips lingering against mine.
He pulled away, leaving my office, and as I watched him, my stomach sank to the pits of hell.
I didn't have to be reminded that I was playing with a man who never played about me because I felt it.
"Bitchhhh," Chosyn dragged out after the door closed behind Honor, "that was too fucking close."
"I know." I sighed, walking back to my desk. "Can I use your phone?"
Chosyn frowned. "For what?"
"I wanna call Solace back and tell him to leave me the hell alone. Honor hasn't said anything, but I think he knows something happened."
"I thought you said Wolfe said he didn't watch the footage."
"He did, but I don't trust it."
"Mhm," Chosyn nodded. "I get it, but you can't use my phone to call that man."
"Why not?"
"Wolfe," she answered sternly, and nothing else needed to be said.
"Call him back on your office phone. Say what you gotta say, then be done with it, because lying is my least favorite thing to do. Lying to Honor is easy, but I can't lie to Wolfie. I swear his fine ass be telepathically communicating with my brain."
Rolling my eyes, I turned away from Chosyn and powered my computer on to get the numbers for River.
Her nonprofit was sponsoring the spring break trip, so she did need the numbers, but I emailed them to her earlier today.
As my computer powered on, I redialed Solace's number and waited.
The phone rang until his voicemail picked up.
"Call back." Chosyn shrugged.
I nodded and called again, and this time Solace answered by the third ring.
"Hello," I called out after a few seconds of listening to him breathe.
"Wassup, Navy?" he answered, sounding somewhat amused.
"I need you to stop calling me."
"I can't stop something I haven't done." He chuckled softly. "Both times you called me, love."
Sucking my teeth, I huffed, "You know what I mean."
"I do, but if you want me to be crystal clear, then you gotta tell me what you need from me."
"I need you to never send me flowers again. Don't show up at my job, and if you see me anywhere, act like you don't know me. It's safer if you just forget I exist."
"Safer." A rough, arrogant laugh spilled through the phone.
"I won't hold that comment against you. I do hope one day we can revisit safer so you'll understand just how funny that shit truly is."
"A man's downfall will always be his ego," I muttered, feeling away about how easily he dismissed my warning. "I didn't say it to slight you, but it's the truth. My man isn't the type to just let another nigga pursue what's his."
"That's his first mistake. None of us belong to another being who bleeds how we bleed. From what I tasted, you're a prize, but you've never been a possession. Stop letting that nigga you speak on like he's the boogie man treat you like you're one."
My heart thudded, and Chosyn's eyes widened.
"Solace." I sighed, knowing I needed to hang up before this got worse.
"I don't mean no disrespect to your nigga, but I'm sayin', niggas like to hold the things they know they don't deserve tightly. Scared to let you breathe 'cause your exhale might be for the nigga who sees you and can step back while you be all that you're meant to be."
"And let me guess, you're that nigga?"
"Shit, I don't know and won't know unless we spend time together."
"We can't," I rushed out.
"Why not?"
"Because we can't!" I took a second to take a deep breath, then added. "I thought you said you weren't a sharing ass nigga."
"I meant that shit too. I'm not the type to fuck up a happy or unhappy home, but I also don't let taken women run laps in my head. Navy, you've been running through my shit since I stepped into your office."
"Oh, so I'm different?"
"You're intriguing."
"It doesn't matter because nothing can happen from this. It was just a moment."
"What are you scared of, Navy?"
"Nothing."
"Lies," he chuckled, "you're not scared of me. I can tell by how you handle me. Maybe you're scared of how much you liked what I did to you? How much you like talking to me?"
"I made a mistake."
"A mistake doesn't come with chemistry, and I never tasted a mistake as good as you."
Heat crept up my neck and warmed between my thighs.
"Solace," I warned.
"I'm just sayin'." He chuckled unbothered. "You can call it a mistake, but I know what it was."
Closing my eyes, I rubbed my fingers across my forehead.
"You don't know shit."
"I know you called me back when you didn't have to. We're still talking because you wanna talk to me, and I wanna talk to you."
Chosyn whispered, "Hang the fuck up."
I should've listened. Honor was waiting outside for me, but that didn't stop the next question from rolling off my tongue.
"What do you want from me?"
Solace exhaled like he'd been waiting for that.
"I want to know you, and I want you to acknowledge that you feel this shit too. That I'm not just making shit up in my head 'cause Pretty tasted delicious."
I feel it too. As much as I wanted to acknowledge the thought, I wouldn't allow myself to.
"I'm not tryin' to take you from your nigga, but I'm also not the nigga who's gonna pretend you don't hold space in my head."
"What does that even mean?" I asked, frustrated that I was even conflicted over this.
"I wanna explore things with you," he simply stated.
Chosyn's hand flew to her mouth, and I stared at the wall, thinking it could somehow erase what I'd just heard.
"Solace—" my voice cracked.
He laughed low and quiet. "There goes that scared shit."
My cheeks burned. "Stop."
"Why? 'Cause you like me calling you out on your shit?"
"I'm hanging up," I whispered.
"Cool, but you still gon' think about me, same way I'ma still think 'bout you."
"Don't think too hard, and I meant what I said," I forced out. "Don't call, don't send anything, and act like you don't know me if we ever cross paths."
Solace went quiet, and for a moment, I thought I had hurt his feelings.
"Ight, I hear you," he acknowledged, voice deeper.
Relief hit me so fast it almost made me lightheaded.
"But Navy," Solace added.
"Yeah, Solace."
His tone dropped into something cold.
"If your nigga ever hurts you behind what happened with us…" He paused, then his voice came in an eerie tone, every word laced with threat. "Call me, and I'll show you what being a prize looks like so you'll never let another nigga think he can possess you."
The line went dead as I stared at the phone. Chosyn let out a shaky breath that matched mine. "Uh, yeah, I'ma need you to leave that nigga alone. He's saying all the right things to the wrong one."
"Trust me," I mumbled, "Solace won't ever hear from me again."
Chosyn pressed her lips together like she didn't believe me but let it go.
I printed out the numbers, handed them to her, then did a quick walkthrough of the building.
I spoke briefly with the night manager, reminding her to keep an eye on the older boys since they had been sneaking out lately.
On the way out, I told Tamera that if any other flowers were delivered for me that weren't my usual roses, she should throw them away or keep them for herself.
Confusion pinched her brows, but she simply nodded.
Outside, the chilly night air nipped at my ears. I said my goodbyes to Chosyn and started toward Honor's car until I noticed him standing by mine.
"Why are you standing in the cold?" I asked, rushing over.
"You think I give a fuck 'bout being cold when I know you're coming out to me."
I blushed at the compliment. "Stop because I'm not all that great."
"You are," he insisted, gripping my coat at my waist. "I apologize for neglecting to show you just how special you are."
"Honor, I don't need an apology." I sighed, guilt sitting heavy on my heart. "We both haven't been perfect in this relationship. We both chose to start over, which means we don't have to keep rehashing the past or apologizing for it."
"I hear you, Navy." He smirked, pulling me closer. Honor lowered his head and pressed his forehead to mine. "Do you remember when we danced in the snow?"
"How could I forget?" I grinned, falling into the rhythm of his subtle sway. "It was the best night of my life."
"Damn," he chuckled, "not one of, but the best?" he asked.
"I didn't—"
"I'm joking, Navy," he cut in.
"Oh."
His eyes held mine, soft and loving in that way that made me forget just how dangerous Honor could be.
"I love you, Navy," he rasped.
"I love you too," I whispered. "Let's go home."
"I'll follow you."
Honor let me go, then pulled open my car door. I slid inside and buckled up. He closed it but kept his eyes on me as if he were afraid to look elsewhere. He knocked his knuckles against the window, and I rolled it down.
"Drive safely."
"Always, and you too."
I watched Honor walk toward his truck, and the moment his back turned, it felt like my chest caved in. Hurting Honor was like hurting myself, only worse, because I had to pretend I wasn't bleeding on the inside.
I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled off, but my throat tightened so badly it felt like I couldn't swallow. Honor always looked at me like I was something worth protecting, and for years, I've been sitting on secrets under the guise of protecting him.
"Call me, and I'll show you what being a prize looks like…"
Solace's voice slithered through my mind as if it belonged there.
I blinked hard, trying to clear it, but it clung to me.
The road blurred through the tears in my eyes.
The guilt I felt from cheating differed from the guilt I carried from keeping a child from him.
One could be forgiven, and the other couldn't.