Chapter 40 Choyce Mancinelli
Forty
Choyce Mancinelli
Boxes crowded the living room of the house I once shared with the man I called my husband, but the truth was, he was more so my cellmate.
Through our stint, we still made something beautiful.
Cherish was probably the only great thing that came out of our union, and now she had to grow up in a world where her father didn't exist anymore.
Guilt squeezed at my chest because of the role I played in Talon's death, but it had to happen, the same way Honor had to go.
That was the part nobody wanted to say out loud, and thankfully, I wasn't nobody.
Flopping down on the couch, I pushed out a heavy breath.
I hoped it carried some of the grief sitting on my heart, but it didn't. Roots had already taken place too deep for me to dig out.
Ever since Emersyn called and uttered the words, "He's gone," something felt off about the world around me.
Everything kept moving, but nothing really made sense anymore.
Hearing it from Syn was probably for the best. Anybody else would've watched me too closely, waiting to judge what my grief looked like because in their eyes, I didn't have the right to grieve.
Honor and I weren't lovers… probably weren't even friends in the way people define the term.
Still, what we shared was just as beautiful as any title someone else in life could claim.
We understood each other without expectations and without pressure to be someone we weren't and that wasn't for anyone to judge, so I mourned in private.
I cried for what felt like seven days and seven nights.
I was a ball of emotions with nothing to keep them at bay.
And it wasn't even about us or what we could've been.
Every tear I shed was for the sacrifice he made.
Honor died so his family could live. So Cherish, my daughter, could live.
Ever since Lucian stepped into his life, Honor knew nothing but survival, pain, and trauma bonds that never gave him room to breathe.
He didn't get the chance to live a life that wasn't tied to blood and consequences.
Then, when that chance finally came, he walked away for his family and my daughter.
My vision blurred as I looked around the room at the pieces of a life I was trying to leave behind.
This wasn't just a move for me. I was starting over and giving my daughter a life we could never have in Gravehart Grove, a life Honor would be proud of.
That's what I told myself was the right thing to do with a sacrifice like his.
I didn't want to waste the freedom his death gave, so I chose to honor it.
"I hope I don't fuck it up," I murmured under my breath.
"What did you say?" Syn asked, stepping into the living room before dropping down beside me.
"Nothing," I shrugged.
"You said something," she pressed, studying me for a second before letting it go, "but I won't push since we've got more important things to focus on."
I glanced around at the boxes, then back at her. "Other than packing this place up and calling Chosyn to make sure River sets a pickup time for all of this shit I'm donating, what else is there to worry about?"
She reached into her bag, pulled out an envelope, and placed it on the table in front of us. My name was scribbled on the front.
"What's that?" I asked.
"A letter I found in your mailbox at your other place."
"Why were you in my mailbox?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it matters when you weren't supposed to be there," I responded.
"Fine," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "I knew this letter was coming, and I wanted to be here when you opened it."
My stomach knotted. "Why?"
"It's from Honor."
My head shook before I could fully grasp what she'd said. "No. Why would Honor send me a letter?"
"Open it," she simply stated.
The envelope sat there watching me as I watched it. None of this made sense. Out of all people to send a letter to, I wouldn't have guessed my name made the list. However, another part of me wondered if this was his way of saying what he never did.
"Well, are we going to open the letter or not?" Syn huffed like this was just a regular piece of mail.
I frowned at her. "Why are you so pressed?"
"I'm not," she shrugged, "but I do need you to read that letter so we can continue on with our day."
"I thought you came over to help me pack the rest of this shit."
"Now you know Emersyn and packing don't even belong in the same sentence," she scoffed.
"Then why are you here?" I snapped. "Why have me ask Kage to grab Cherish if you had no plans to help me?"
"First…" she lifted a hand, cutting off my rant, "let's dead the attitude because I'm not the enemy here."
Her tone changed, but it didn't soften. Emersyn wasn't the woman you ran to when you needed pretty and gentle words to hold you together. In her mind, you were supposed to show up already equipped with that.
"As your friend, I get it," she went on.
"Hearing Honor wrote you a letter stirred up some feelings…
cool. But as a boss bitch who's about her money and making moves, I don't have time to coddle you.
I had you call Kage because we have moves to make…
Big ones." She nodded toward the letter.
"And they start with you reading that funky ass letter. "
"I know you don't have many friends—"
"Correction," she cut in smoothly, "I have zero friends." A smile tugged at her lips as realization set in. "Well, you're my friend, so one."
I stared at Syn, doing my best not to laugh. "Well, if you're gonna be my friend, then I need you to lay off the aggression. I know you mean well, but I don't respond well to being attacked."
"It sounds like you want me to pussyfoot around because your feelings are fragile."
"That's not what I—"
"It is," she firmly interjected. "And it doesn't matter because I'm not that type of bitch.
I might not have many friends, but I know what it takes to dominate in a world run by men.
So tell me… how exactly did you expect to run the Mancinelli Mafia with skin that soft?
The only person you should expect to handle you with gentle hands is the man you're fucking, and since you're not fucking anyone, you shouldn't have that expectation at all. "
I blinked at her. A response was nowhere to be found.
"Look, I know I got a lot to learn about friendships but understand that I care about you.
I'm probably never going to show it how you want me to," she admitted, "but it's there.
Why do you think you heard about Honor from me?
Or why I'm the one who brought you the letter.
I care, Choyce, but I'm not about to sit here, hold your hand, and entertain this self-pity bullshit.
You've done that enough. It's time you step into the woman you were always meant to be. "
"And what woman is that?"
"Open the letter and find out."
My eyes dropped back to it.
"Well," Syn nudged.
"If you know what it says, just tell me. Then we can go handle whatever moves are tied to this letter."
"Choyce." She sighed.
"Syn, I don't think I can…" My words cut themselves off as my chest locked up.
"He's gone, Choyce." Syn's entire expression changed to something colder. "He's never coming back."
My gaze snapped in her direction.
"You don't think I fucking know that!" I spat.
"Then fucking act like it!" she snapped, her voice rising to meet mine.
"Or you can get the fuck out!" I barked.
My chest rose and fell, as my eyes flickered between her and that damn letter.
"You can't get rid of me that easily," she replied unbothered. "I'm not none of these other bitches. Yelling doesn't do shit but hype me up." She nodded toward it again. "Now open that letter and read it."
I glanced at Syn, then reached for it. Before my fingers could touch it, I stopped. Once I read whatever was inside the version of Honor I've been carrying with me wouldn't exist the same way anymore.
"Choyce—" Syn started. I picked it up before she could finish.
My finger slid beneath the flap, tearing it open in one clean motion. I pulled out the thick paper, letting the envelope fall somewhere behind me. I took a breath, then unfolded it and read.
Choyce
Believe it or not… this is the second time I'm writing this letter. The first one was all business. Reading it back, that shit felt cold and impersonal. You deserve more than that from me because, whether or not I ever admitted it, I did feel something for you.
I already know you're probably pissed that I didn't have the courage to tell you that shit to your face, but it's with reason.
And before you act on your first mind and toss this letter to the side, hear me out.
Whatever that something was, is hard for me to define, 'cause I know for a fact it wasn't love.
Yeah, I know how that sounds so chill on me and see this shit through.
It wasn't love because I know what that feels like in the purest form. With you… it was connection, familiarity. I'm not gon' say you're the female version of me, but in a way, you were the other half of who I used to be.
A young girl to my young boy, two kids thrown into a life neither of us understood…
and somehow, we survived it. That's what tied us.
You saw yourself in me, and I saw myself in you.
That's why them feelings felt so strong.
You found somebody who could relate… somebody who wouldn't judge you for the shit you done 'cause I did worse.
But I need you to let go 'cause that ain't love.
You deserve better than me. You don't need a nigga to bond with you over shared scars.
You need someone who can look past them…
and show you what life feels like without them weighing you down.
Don't let what life showed you be the blueprint for love.
Love ain't supposed to hurt like that. It ain't supposed to feel rough or distant or something you gotta survive.
Love is present, steady, and gentle in whatever way you need it to be.
If you take anything from this letter… take that.
That's the kind of love I pray you find.
Now to business.
The Mancinelli Mafia is yours.
Gravehart Grove is yours.
That seat in the Sovereign Circle is yours.
I know that's a lot to put on your plate, but Emersyn got you.
Whatever you need, she's gon' make sure you straight. And I know Kage won’t let you handle this shit without him.
Don't worry about who'll step in for me, Wolfe and Crown.
I already put Rize and his people in place.
Everything is handled and set up for you to succeed.
Choyce…
This is your chance to do shit your way.
Make them niggas feel you.
-Honor
Closing the letter, I couldn't have stopped the tears from falling if I tried. They came fast and heavy, finding their way out and carrying whatever grief I felt along with them.
"I'm sorr… sorry," I choked, shaking my head as my vision hazed. "This… it's all just too much," I sobbed.
Before I could gather myself, Emersyn wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in tight against her.
"And this is exactly why I needed to be here when you read it," she murmured.
I cried into her shoulder, gripping onto her like I had nothing else to hold on to in this moment. Emersyn didn't rush me or tell me to stop. She just let me feel it, and it was everything that I needed.
"You have ten minutes."
"Huh?"
"Ten minutes," she repeated. "Then I need you to go upstairs, change your clothes, and come back down here as the boss bitch that you are."
A weak laugh broke through my tears. "What if I can't?"
"You don't have much of a choice. We have a meeting in Brooklyn."
My brows pulled taut. "About?"
"Honor stepping in like he was taking over for Lucian left a foul taste in a few mouths," she explained. "Before they accept you as the seat holder for Gravehart Grove, they want a conversation."
"Okay," I slowly nodded, "who's gonna be there?"
"Everyone."
I pulled out of her arms completely this time, staring at her like maybe I had heard her wrong.
"This is the big leagues, Choyce," she asserted, folding her arms. "Either you're in, or you're out."
I wiped the rest of my tears, straightened my shoulders, and let out a relaxed breath as Honor's words echoed in my head.
"Make them niggas feel you."
I smirked. "I'm in."