Chapter 43 Navy Achebe
Forty-Three
Navy Achebe
The last two months of my life had felt like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
You go to sleep thinking peace is finally going to find you, instead, little things start happening.
Your heart begins to race, slowly at first, then faster and faster until your worst fear is standing right in front of you.
The only difference was… my worst fear didn't wait for me to fall asleep.
I relived it every time I closed my eyes.
I could still feel the weight of the gun in my hand and still hear my conscience screaming at me not to do it while Honor's eyes silently begged me to.
I didn't remember pulling the trigger… but I remembered everything that came after — screaming his name, pressing my hands against his ribs, trying to stop the blood that wouldn't fucking stop.
Honor choking on his blood… fighting for air…
using whatever little strength he had left to tell me he needed to hear me say it.
Every time I got to that part, I'd whisper it, I love you and then I'd jolt awake, drenched in sweat, heart racing, lungs fighting to catch up.
So for two months, I stopped sleeping and moved through life pretending everything was okay just so I wouldn't have to relive the worst day of my life.
"Ms. Navy, I think I'm ready to go," Mekhi's voice pulled me out of my head, and he was the only person who could.
I looked up to find him standing in the doorway of my office, bag slung over his shoulder, eyes uncertain but ready.
"I need you to be sure you have everything you want to take because once we leave, we're not coming back."
Gravehart Grove wasn't home anymore. The place I once thought I'd live forever had taken too much from me and stripped my love down to nothing but memories I couldn't stand to sit with.
Honor and I weren't perfect, but we were exactly what each other needed when it mattered.
Now that he was gone, there was nothing left here for me.
"Ight," Mekhi nodded. "I'ma do one more run through."
"Okay. I'm almost finished in here, so meet me outside."
He nodded again and took off. I looked around my office, scanning every corner, every surface, making sure I hadn't missed anything.
"Well," I exhaled, grabbing my bag, "this is it."
I stepped out, closing the door behind me without looking back. On my way out, I stopped at the front desk where Tamera stood, watching me with a frown.
"I still can't believe you're leaving," she voiced.
"You'll be fine without me. Lakelyn and River are perfect to keep this place going." I smiled even though my heart was heavy.
"When are they coming in?"
"Lakelyn said she'll be here on Monday. River just had her babies, so she doesn't know I left this place to her foundation yet. Lakelyn will bring her up to speed when the time is right."
Tamera's brows pulled together. "And what if they turn this place upside down?"
"They won't," I assured, letting out a small laugh.
She studied me for a second before nodding. “I trust you. I'm going to miss you, Navy. You are the heart and soul of this place."
"Yeah," I sighed, glancing around one last time, "I'm going to miss it too."
Last night's farewell dinner flashed through my mind. Laughter mixed with tears and goodbyes that I wasn't ready to say but knew I had to. I was going to miss everyone here, but staying was out of the question. Too much of this place reminded me of everything I had lost.
"Before I forget," Tamera said, sliding two envelopes across the desk. "These came for you."
I picked them up, my brows narrowing as I read my name on one… and Mekhi's on the other.
"Do you know who dropped them off?" I asked.
"A young girl. She said she tried mailing them, but they were returned. I guess she didn't know you sold your house."
"She probably didn't," I murmured. "Thank you, and when you see Mekhi, tell him I'm outside."
"Okay. Be safe out there, Navy."
I nodded, then walked out of Gravehart Homes for the last time.
The air outside felt different. It was lighter, or maybe that was just me leaving all of my heavy baggage behind.
I made my way to my car, opened the door, and placed Mekhi's letter on the dash.
I closed the door, then leaned against my car, gripping the envelope in my hand.
For a moment, I just stood there, bracing myself for whatever Honor had to say.
I tore the envelope open, and a gasp slipped from between my lips when something small fell out, bouncing once against the pavement before settling near my feet.
A ring.
My fingers trembled as I bent down to pick it up.
The pear-cut diamond caught the light the second I lifted it, beautiful in a way that felt unreal.
The ring was too perfect and too late. Holding it in my palm, it felt heavier than it should have, but I knew why.
This wasn't just a ring. It was everything we were supposed to have.
Tears welled in my eyes before I could stop them because I was holding the future Honor promised me that I would never get.
"Honor," I whispered, my voice cracking around his name.
I brushed my thumb over the band, then over the diamond as it danced in the light, and for a second, I let myself admire it.
However, just as quickly as that feeling came, it twisted into something cruel.
Because what was a ring when the man, I loved wasn't here to put it on my finger?
He wasn't here to ask me to be his forever.
I stared down as my chest cracked open all over again, and without thinking, I slid it onto my finger.
It fit, so fucking perfectly too. More tears spilled over as I stared at my hand, my heart struggling to keep up with everything I was feeling.
For a second, I couldn't move or fucking think.
I then remembered the letter still in my hand.
I pulled it from the envelope and unfolded it, my fingers still trembling as my eyes struggled to focus on the words.
Navy,
If you made it this far, then I know you found the ring.
And before you start crying or getting in your head about what it means, I need you to breathe for me, just…
breathe because everything I'm about to say, I need you to hear it all the way through.
Not in pieces or only the parts you can stomach, but all of it.
I love you.
As many times as I've said that to you, I don't think I've ever said it the way you needed to hear it…
Or, should I say, the way you wanted to hear it.
See, I'm learning. I understand what you wanted wasn't to feel like a need, but to be a want.
To be an inhale of fresh air that I wasn't expecting but could still appreciate.
I apologize I didn't learn this sooner. I wanna apologize for how everything played out with us, for how messy it got, for how much of our story was spent trying to survive instead of actually living, and for the moments we both let everything outside of us bleed into what we had.
I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to grieve me the way you deserved to.
Killian and the rest of the Sovereign Circle handling my body robbed y'all of closure and robbed you of the chance to say goodbye the right way.
I hate I had to leave you in the middle of the night.
But understand this… I made peace with the decision.
What mattered to me wasn't how I left but what I left behind, and that was you.
I also wanted to say…. Forgive you. Not that my forgiveness matters because, I get why you did what you did.
The only thing I regret is not getting the name of the nigga who touched you 'cause he'd be right to a nigga in hell.
I promise you that. But if you wanna know…
I forgive you because loving you never came with conditions for me.
Know that I did what I did so you could live…
not survive but LIVE. There's a difference, Navy.
You've been telling me that for the longest, and I get it now.
Don't mourn me. Don't sit in what we lost like it's all you have left. I didn’t give my life for that shit.
I gave it up so you could find a love that makes you feel whole…
a love that doesn't come with pain or a history that feels like it's dragging you down.
You deserve the kind of love that makes you feel alive simply because that person is near you.
That's what you deserve. That's what I always wanted for you, even if I’m not the man to give it to you.
Know that I did my best, but ultimately my best wasn't enough.
That ring…
My love for you was never a game. Forever was never a fucking game to me.
Mine just came sooner than yours. I wasn't playing with your heart, Navy.
I need you to understand that. If you don't understand anything else in this long ass letter, understand that part because it's real.
I bought the ring years ago because once Lucian was gone…
once all of this shit was over… that was supposed to be our beginning.
Our real new start. No secrets. No past bullshit.
Just us. It kills me I don't get to give it to you how I planned, but I need you to keep it anyway, not as something to hold you to me but as proof that what we had was real.
And Mekhi…
I know seeing that letter with his name on it was confusing for you, but I knew about him being my son.
Don't feel guilty about keeping him away.
I get it. I wasn't stable enough to be the father he needed, not back then, and by the time I could have been, it was too late.
My mind was already made up. I had to go so y'all could live.
You did what you had to do to protect him, and I love you even more for that because I know how much that must've hurt you.
My only ask is that when he hits eighteen, give him the letter I wrote for him.
I don't know if by then you'll tell him the truth about who you are to him, but I hope whatever decision you make doesn't change this.
That letter is the only way he'll know how much I loved him.
If by chance you decide you don't want to keep the ring, give it to our son. Let him use it when he finds the woman who makes him feel the way you made me feel. That kind of love doesn't come around twice unless you're lucky. And you, Navy, are lucky, so don't give up on love.
I love you, Navy. I always did. I just wish I had more time to show you that the right way. Take this life and do something beautiful with it… for me.
-Honor
I wiped the tear that slipped down my cheek before folding Honor's letter.
I tore it into pieces until there was nothing left but fragments of his words.
The wind caught what was left of his love for me and carried it away.
Holding onto Honor would only keep me stuck in a place I couldn't survive anymore.
If I was going to move on like he asked, I had to let him go.
This was my way of doing that. My eyes lifted to the ring still sitting on my finger.
I slipped it off, and my chest tightened as I opened the car door and reached inside.
I picked up Mekhi's letter and shoved it along with the ring into my purse before I could think too hard on my decision about the letter.
I didn't know if I'd ever give Mekhi that letter because I didn't know if I had the strength to tell him the truth.
Mekhi believed I adopted him because I was leaving Gravehart Grove and didn't want to leave him behind.
Yes, I was holding on to another secret, but this one had purpose.
I already lost the man I loved. I couldn't lose the child we made together, too.
"Ight, I'm ready, Ms. Navy," Mekhi announced, jogging over and tossing the last of his bags onto the back seat. I quickly wiped my face before turning toward him.
"Get in then," I instructed, smiling and sliding into the driver's seat.
Mekhi climbed in, buckled himself in, and glanced over to me.
"You never told me where we're moving to."
I paused for half a second, then started the car.
"Somewhere our past doesn't matter," I told him.
I pulled away from the curb, refusing to look back as the city faded. Somewhere behind us, the wind carried the last pieces of Honor, setting him free and my only hope was that he’d finally found peace.
End.