THIRTEEN | BLAINE
“You sure you’re good to drive?” Fallen asked as she adjusted the throw blanket over her body. Her seat was already partially reclined, and the small travel pillow rested on the middle console under her silk bonnet she planned to put on her head.
“I’m good.”
I was good enough to drive from Atlanta to Charlotte, I felt like I needed the time to stay out of my head.
So, I buckled my seat belt and focused on the road.
I was so adamant that Kyrie killed Kourtney that it never crossed my mind that he didn’t.
After spending the night wrapped in his arms I was second guessing myself.
The police were saying it was a crime of passion and that made me think about her boyfriend.
A few months after they started talking he left a voicemail on her phone threatening to kill her if she broke up with him.
I told her to leave his crazy ass alone then, but she wouldn’t.
I felt bad enough that my last conversation with her ended so fucked up.
But I felt so betrayed by her and it had nothing to do with Kyrie.
I told her shit about my life that she used to get to know him, but my issue was that she used my information at all.
It was part of the reason why I didn’t want to fuck with Kyrie to begin with.
He knew me, from the first time I actually talked to him, he knew me and that scared the shit out of me. I felt so empty and alone for so long and then here comes this big dick, fine ass nigga and he knows everything about me. It took some time, but he did it. He
managed to knock down every wall I had up until I was raw and completely vulnerable to him.
And I killed his father.
“Oh shit!” I slammed on the brakes.
“What the fuck, Blaine!”
“I didn’t hit them.” I defended myself as I hopped out to double check. “Told you!” “Whatever, you need to pay better attention, you want me to drive?” She eyed me. “Girl, we home now, come on.”
My plan was to head to Kourtney’s parent’s house after I saw both my parents but Fallen insisted on me taking a nap first. How did anybody expect me to sleep?
My best friend was dead and the one person I wanted to comfort me, hated my ass.
So, I laid in the bed I grew up in and pretended to be sleep unlike Fallen who was snoring in her bed beside me.
About thirty minutes into my fake nap, I made my way into the kitchen and caught the tail end of the conversation my mama was having with Kourtney’s parents.
“Blaine loved Kourtney?—”
“For the last time my son’s name was Kurtis. You should save your daughter the embarrassment of being escorted out of my son’s funeral and tell her to stay home.”
“Dr. and Mrs. Bridger’s, please don’t do this!” I begged them as I power walked towards them.
“I know you didn’t agree with her lifestyle, but Kurtis died fifteen years ago. Her name is Kourtney, don’t dismiss who she was, don’t kill her again.” I begged.
“You’re the reason my son was gay to begin with!” Dr. Bridger’s barked as he stepped towards me. “He was in love with you and you never once gave him the time of day!”
“Todd, your son’s decisions had nothing to do with my child.
If you can’t admit to yourself the truth, that’s on you, but what you’re not going to do is make my baby feel responsible for your piss poor job as a parent.
You didn’t agree with her choices fine, say that, but she confided some shit to me about both of y’all that would leave your congregation shitless.
” My mother stepped in front of me and eyed both of Kourtney’s parents down.
“And you can’t tell me I can’t come to her funeral! At least I accepted her...you didn’t even really know her,” My voice trembled as I spoke. “I loved her.”
“I said what I said.” Mrs. Bridger’s rolled her eyes and stomped out the house. “Mama?—”
“I know.” She cut me off and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m sorry.”
The day seemed to drag on, with Fallen whining and complaining about Jamar being short and mean to her on the phone. She told my parents all about him and I could see
the hearts dancing in her eyes, she was in love.
How could she love a man that she didn’t know everything about?
She knew he had some businesses set up and some investments in other businesses here and there, but she had no real idea about the weight him and Kyrie were moving.
I didn’t know all the details, but I knew they had their hands into some shit, the diamonds Tremaine stole were only worth half a million, but that’s all he thought he could get away with.
“Blaine, baby please eat.” My daddy encouraged as I sat at the dinner table lost in my thoughts.
“I’m not hungry.” I pushed the plate away from me.
“You haven’t eaten anything but fruit all day. What’s wrong with y’all? Y’all done went vegan on yo daddy ain’t said nothing?”
I glanced at Fallen and saw she had barely eaten anything from her plate, she stabbed a potato and a few onions and peppers with her fork and shoved it into her mouth to prove she was eating.
I had no interest in doing the same, the food smelled good and I’m sure it tasted even better, but I had no desire to taste it.
I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to talk about how fucked up Kourtney’s parents were.
They blamed me for Kourtney having the courage to be exactly who she was.
Kourtney was miserable as Kurtis, he hated himself and he attempted suicide on the regular, but it was always me talking him down begging him not to.
We came up with the name Kourtney together, he decided that Kurtis was dead, it had nothing to do with me.
When he became Kourtney, his parents kicked him out telling the lie that he ran away because he wouldn’t abide by the rules of their house.
He bounced around from one boyfriend’s house to another and he even stayed with us off and on until we graduated and moved to Atlanta with Fallen.
Through it all I never judged her for any of her decisions and she never judged me for any of mine.
And now she was gone, and her family was telling me I couldn’t say goodbye to her.
Knowing her spiteful parents they would have her dressed as a man and listed as Kurtis knowing she had a sex change and even legally changed her name to Kourtney.
None of that mattered to them, they still saw her as the overweight teenage boy with Beyoncé and Chris Brown posters in his room.
“I’m not vegan daddy, but I have been eating healthier lately. You should try grilling with avocado oil instead of using regular cooking oil.” Fallen chimed in.
“That ain’t why you ain’t eating though.” My mama nodded at Fallen’s plate.
“My stomach has been upset since last night after I ate some Indian food.”
“Is that why you ain’t eating too?” My mama asked me.
“She ate Indian with her boyfriend; I ate the other half of a Philly I had for lunch.”
Fallen took the reins of the conversation and started talking about her upcoming graduation while I drifted back into my thoughts until I was interrupted by a notification from social media.
It was a DM from a female I didn’t know asking about Tank.
My heart raced seeing his nickname and then it dropped to my toes reading that she was his baby mama.
I didn’t excuse myself from the table, I just got up and went to the back patio and
plopped down on one of the chairs. It took me a full minute to control my breathing and then another thirty to steady my hands enough to call the number she provided in the last message.
“Hello?” Her voice was deeper than mine, but still feminine and just as I opened my mouth to offer her a hello a baby cried. “Hello?” She repeated.
“Hello.” I pushed out. “You asked me to call you, this is Blaine.”
“Yea, this is Shana I’m Tank’s baby mama.” She paused as if she was giving me some time to digest her words. “I reached out to Tank’s mama and she told me to talk to you so I’m sorry if this is blind?—”
“It is a complete blindside. I was with Tremaine for years and I never knew anything about you, he never mentioned you...” I didn’t finish my sentence because hearing my words pissed me off. Not only had he cheated on me, but he created a baby, he created an entire life behind my back.
“Honestly, I didn’t know about you until I was pregnant with our first. He wanted me to get an abortion at, but I couldn’t go through with it. That’s when he told me about you.”
With tear-soaked cheeks I asked, “How many kids do you have with him?” “We have two, our son is three and our daughter is almost a year and a half.”
A son and a daughter? When did he have time to make not one child, but two? I wanted to hate her, but she didn’t have an attitude or seem like she was angry she made me want to believe her. I dabbed at my eyes and bit my bottom lip.
“Did he get to meet her before he died?”
“Yea, he was there when she was born, they both have his last name. You can go on my page and see them if you want. I just want to say, I’m sorry, okay? I loved him too, but he only left me five thousand dollars and his kids deserve something.” She pushed out.
“I agree his kids do deserve something and I’m assuming his mama sent you to me because she spent whatever money he left her. I don’t have anything.”
“What?” she hissed. “You can be in your feelings about yo nigga, that’s fine. I understand that, but if you loved him then you gotta love his kids, don’t do this to them. They are going to grow up without ever knowing him, at least give them some of his money.”
“Shana, I don’t know why his mama told you I had money or access to money, but I don’t have anything. Whatever money Tremaine left at my place here and there is long gone at this point. He’s been gone almost two years?—”
“Exactly! I’ve been pinching off the money he left for them for almost two years and I’m struggling to raise his kids. His mama said you had his money so I’m asking you to be a mature woman and help us.” She sniped.
“I wish I had something to give you, but I don’t.
I’m sure it took a lot for you to reach out to me, but you slept with him and pushed out two of kids without a serious commitment to him.
Now you want my sympathy, but that’s all you’ll get from me.
” I hung up the phone and blocked her phone number and her social media accounts.
“Blaine.” My mama’s voice called out to me.
I rose from the chair and turned my back to her to hide my tears. I wiped my face as best I could before I turned back to face her.
“Yes ma’am?”
“If you want to go to Kourtney’s funeral tomorrow then we can go, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. Not because I think her parents are right or because of being afraid of them saying something to you?—”
“I know, mama. I can’t go to her funeral and see her laying there as a man, she wasn’t a man and I ain’t about to pretend like she was.” I blew out the breath I had been holding and allowed the tears I had been holding back to flow.
“I’m so sorry baby.” She hugged me tightly.
I let my mama hold me as I sobbed into her chest until the front of her shirt was soaked with my tears. With one phone call the sadness I felt had been quickly transformed into rage. I put my trust in Kourtney and she let me down and now to find
out the love I had for Tremaine had basically been one sided was tearing me apart. I felt betrayed and it was nothing I could do about it because both of them were dead.
Later that night I made my way to my room and didn’t see Fallen in the bed, so I knocked on the bathroom door where I heard water running.
“Hey.” The door popped open and she brushed past me quickly. “Fallen, what’s up with you?”
“I already told you, me and Jamar kind of got into it?—”
“I’m sorry for coming between y’all.” I nodded.
“What? Why you be coming between us?”
“He didn’t tell you. Kyrie didn’t tell you?” I frowned. “Blaine, stop playing what should they have told me?”