FALLEN
Iknew my sister had gotten into some shit when she started fucking with Tremaine, but for her to have killed a nigga made me sick on my stomach. Then the way she said it so nonchalantly, like she was talking about going shopping or something she didn’t really care about.
“No, we were good one day and then the next...” I realized he must have found out about Blaine and pulled away from me.
He wasn’t answering the phone, but he would respond to my text messages with short replies and it hurt my feelings.
Now that I knew what his issue was, I didn’t know what to do or say to him.
He’s spoken about his parents a lot, it hurt him when his mom died, and his dad never got over it.
He loved them so much and their deaths had a big effect on him and on Kyrie too according to Jamar.
“And now Tremaine has this baby mama and she claims to have these kids and Kourtney’s death, I’m just—I can’t tell if I’m coming or going.” She shrugged.
“Damn, where this supposed baby mama been hiding? And why she reaching out to you?”
“She thought I had some money.”
“Why the fuck would she think his broke ass left you some money?” I laughed.
Tremaine had a veil over my sister’s eyes for a long time, but I saw right through him and all his bullshit.
I didn’t know he was out here slanging community dick or nothing, but I knew he wasn’t shit.
He claimed to be making all this money hustling, but my sister was busting her ass to keep good grades and work, he wasn’t spoiling her or nothing like that.
Buying a few meals, a week, a pair of shoes here and there, and leaving twenties in her dresser wasn’t balling, but you couldn’t tell her nothing about her first love.
“Girl, his mama told her to talk to me. She handled all his shit, so why the fuck would she send that girl my way? I think she just wanted to hurt me.”
“Blaine, I hate to say it, but you’re probably right especially after Kyrie whooped Allen’s ass.” I laughed.
“It’s not funny and now the person I really want to talk to, don’t want anything to do with me.” She said sadly.
“I’m sorry, Blaine.” I sighed before pulling her in for a hug.
“I’m going back to the patio; I need to smoke. You coming?” She stood quickly.
“I might, I’ma try to talk to Jamar, I’m sure he’s in his feelings, but I miss him and we gotta talk about it. You’re my sister so as bad as it hurts to know the truth about what
happened at least now he knows the truth. You didn’t have to tell him; you could have let him think whatever he thought.” I shrugged.
I was talking to her, but I was trying to convince myself of what I was saying more.
It didn’t matter because Blaine was halfway to the patio door before I could finish my words.
Once she was outside I picked up my phone and called Jamar, not caring that the first two calls went to voicemail.
I called back a third time on facetime and he finally answered.
“Fallen.”
“Why you ignoring me?” I frowned seeing the dark room he was in. “I just need some time?—”
“Jamar, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what happened with Blaine and your father, but I wish I did. I wish I could take all of it back, but I can’t. I know it doesn’t mean much to you, but I’m really sorry.” I cut him off.
“How was the funeral?” he changed the subject.
“It’s tomorrow, but we’re not going. Kourtney’s parents don’t want Blaine there so, we’ll probably be on our way home.”
“Aight.”
“I wish I was there with you.” I told him.
“I’m good, Fallen.”
“I never said you weren’t. I said I wish I was there with you; I just want to be near you, hug you and?—”
“Ride this dick.” He laughed.
“That too.” I laughed with him.
“You know she’s sorry too.” I spoke up. “My brother is in love with her.”
“And she’s my sister.”
“That too. I ain’t trying to talk about this shit right now, aight? I ain’t gon’ do shit to her, but I can’t be sitting in her face either. Just give me some time to process this shit, baby. I ain’t mad or fucking off or nothing else yo crazy ass been thinking, aight?” he asked.
“I was not thinking that.” I lied.
“Fallen, I know you aight? It’s cool.” I nodded my head and I heard him blow me a kiss, “Text me when you on yo way back to me. Be safe.” And just that fast he was gone. I dropped my phone in my lap and exhaled as I lay back on my pillows.
***
“You know we don’t have to go home today; we can stay until tomorrow if you want.” I told Blaine as I watched her refolding the clothes in her suitcase.
“No, I know you’re missing days from work and I already signed up to work at the club.”
“You don’t want to take a few days?” I asked.
“I already took two days plus yesterday and now today too, no, I need to get back to work. I stay stuck in my head; I feel like I’m going crazy.
” Her red and puffy eyes stayed glued to her suitcase as she swallowed back tears.
“Stop, Fallon. Move! I don’t want to be held or asked if I’m okay or none of that.
I’m fine, I just want to go back to my normal routine.
” She pushed me away before I could each reach for her.
She was hurting and I wanted to be there for her, that was my job. I’ve always been there to take care of her and now she wouldn’t let me.
“Blaine, I’m worried about you. You’re barely eating, you don’t look like you’ve slept?—”
“And how would you know? You’ve slept more than you’ve been awake the past few days. What’s up with you?” She raised her eyebrows. “You know I grabbed a roll of tissue from your bathroom the other day and I couldn’t help but notice your calendar.”
Shit.
I’d been ignoring the fucking calendar, why couldn’t she? My cycle had always been like clockwork, but my mama would make me, and Blaine write down the day our periods came on. This month had come and gone without so much as a drop of blood from me.
“While you all in my business yo hot ass is pregnant.”
“I am not.” I hissed closing the bedroom door.
“Did you forget to write it down?”
“Yo ass is nosey as hell.” I rolled my eyes as I sat down. “What the fuck am I doing? He just had a damn baby?—”
“Yea, but with a bitch he don’t want nothing to do with.” Blaine chimed in.
“You can make a baby with a bitch you don’t give a fuck about, but that ain’t their story. They was a couple and their shit fell apart, while she was pregnant. I don’t want to be the girl with a bunch of kids by a bunch of niggas.”
“You ain’t gon’ ever know if you keep doing whatever it is you call yourself doing.”
“Whatever I call myself doing? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I scoffed.
“I’m just saying, one minute you playing girlfriend and then the next you be pushing him away. You want him and now y’all having a baby. You’re having a baby, Fallen.” She smiled at me.
“I know.” I fought the smile that tugged at my lips.
“You should tell mommy.” Blaine nodded towards the door.
“Are you crazy? I’m not telling her until I know for sure and even then?—”
“She already knows.” Blaine cut me off. “I heard her telling daddy, she been dreaming about fish.”
“Oh, god.” I groaned. “I gotta tell Jamar before?—”
“Too late.” My mama busted in the room. “Call the nigga, me and him need to talk.”
“Mama—”
“Mama what? Tell me you planned to get pregnant.” She covered her eyes.
“What? He—no mama.”
“But you won’t on birth control or making that nigga strap up! Now, what?”
“Now, nothing.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with us.”
The drive home was quiet, mostly because I kept my headphones on until we made it home. I paused as I stuck the key in the front door.
“What the fuck?” I frowned hearing the nose behind the door.
“Damn, I left my gun in the car.” Blaine started to turn around just as the door opened wide and there stood Jamar.
“What are you doing here?” I glanced from him to Blaine and then back again. “I mean, I’m happy to see you, but?—”
“I came to talk to Blaine—I mean I wanted to see you too, but I need to talk to her too.” He nodded at Blaine.
“Jamar—” I started.
“It’s fine, we gotta talk sometime.” Blaine cut me off as she stepped in front of me.
“Go unpack and then we can sit down and eat.” Jamar kissed the side of my face.
I nodded, “Okay.” I walked in my room but left the door open so I could hear whatever they were saying.
“I’m sorry, Jamar. I didn’t know about your dad when I met you and Kyrie and?—”
“My Pops was my best friend. He was the coolest nigga ever and he loved my mama with all his heart. When she died it hurt him, I watched my superhero just melt away. I want to hate you for taking him away, but on some real shit being with my mama is probably all he really wanted. So, it’s fucked up, but I’m not mad at you. You and my brother got y’all shit?—”
“Not anymore and I don’t want to talk about it. I wish I could go back in time and change a lot of shit, but I’m glad my sister met you if nothing else. I’m going to my room, Fallen you can stop listening now.” Blaine laughed.
“I’m just glad you’re still alive.” I laughed as I stepped out. So, what did you cook?” I went over to the kitchen.
“The only thing I know how to cook?—”
“Wings and fries.” We spoke at the same time.
“Can’t go wrong with that.” I laughed even though I really wanted to throw up. I guess this was morning sickness, getting nauseous at the smell of food, but not actually throwing up. I was hungry, but terrified to let anything too heavy on my tongue in case I threw it up.
“How are you?” I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and sat at the bar across from where he stood.
“I’m cool.” He shrugged. “How are you?”
“I could be better.” I sighed as I downed the rest of the bottle. “You spend some time with Gabriella?”
“I seen her on facetime earlier. I might get her tomorrow. You good? You look tired.”
“Damn, you just gon say I look busted?”
“Man, I ain’t saying that, I’m just saying I know you been driving and shit, come lay down that food gon’ be here.” He walked around the bar and grabbed my hand before he led me to my room.
“Pull out something to sleep in I’ll start your shower.”
I sat on the bed and waited for him to come back into the room. “What are you doing?” he frowned.
“What are you doing?” I repeated his question back to him. “Since when do you cook and run showers?”
“Fallen, I watched my daddy love my mama, my whole life, I know how to love a woman.” He flashed a panty dropping smile at me. “Now, take yo ass in the bathroom.”
After a twenty-minute shower I made my way back to my room where Jamar was sitting on the bed with a serious expression on his face.
“You good?” I eyed him as I started getting dressed.
“Yea, I gotta go handle some shit?—”
“I just got here.” I turned to face him.
“I know, but I got some shit to handle, but I’ll be back.”
“You say that shit all the time and then it’ll be tomorrow, and you’ll have Gabriella and?—”
“And I keep telling you, it’s cool for you to come over when she’s there. Her mama can’t tell me what to do, fuck her. My baby is getting older and I don’t want to have to choose between you and her.” He pulled my body towards him.
“At least you cooked before you left.” I shrugged.
“I wanted to lay up with yo pretty ass for a few hours?—”
Jamar wrapped his arms around me and the overpowering of his cologne I usually loved damn near suffocated me. One cough turned into a gag and before I could stop myself I was face down in the trash can under my desk.
“What the fuck? You good?” He rubbed my back as he knelt beside me while I emptied my stomach.
“Sorry.” I closed my eyes and wiped my lips with my forearm.
“You good?”
I exhaled and took the towel off my body and used to wipe my face and arm while I avoided Jamar’s questioning eyes.
“I’m pregnant.”
I got up from the floor, pulled a t-shirt over my body and rushed into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I felt Jamar in the bathroom watching me, but I refused to look his way.
“Say something.” I whispered still too afraid to open my eyes and see his face. “How far along are you?”
I shrugged my shoulders and turned to finally face him to see him sitting on the toilet lid with his shoulders resting on his knees.
“I haven’t even taken a test yet; I just know my period is late.” I told him honestly. “But you think you’re pregnant. How late is your period?”
“Almost a month.” I spoke barely loud enough for myself to hear.
He blew out a long breath and I crossed my arms over my chest and looked up at the ceiling. I didn’t know if I wanted to throw up again or run into Blaine’s room hoping he didn’t follow me, but I promised my mama I was gon’ tell him so, I keep my feet planted in front of the sink.
“What do you want to do?”
My eyes popped open and I focused my attention on him through the mirror. I wanted to be a mom; it wasn’t something that I planned when I was younger. But now it was all I was thinking about and all I wanted.
“I don’t want you to feel trapped or forced to fuck with me. You can be a father without?—”
“So, you just gon’ tell me how shit gon’ go between us? It don’t matter what I say or how I feel?”
“I never know how you feel.” I shrugged.
“I’m here right now, that ain’t enough for you?
Your fucking sister just admitted to killing my Pops, but I’m standing in the same apartment with her.
My mama told me one day I would meet my match and here yo ass go.
” He stood and stormed out of the bathroom.
I started to go after him, but the echoing sound of the front door slamming made my heart jump out of my chest.
ME: So, you gon’ leave without finishing the conversation?
JAMAR: It’s nothing left to say.
ME: I told you I was pregnant, and you said nothing! Do you want another baby? Are you mad, happy, sad?
The three bubbles appeared on the screen and then quickly disappeared before my phone started to ring.
“Yea.” I answered the phone.
“You said I could be a father without fucking with you so, I guess you’ll hear from me when I decide I want to fuck with you.” He barked.
“Are you serious right now?”
“What you want from me?” he asked.
“Tell me what you want? Do you want to have another baby or not?” I finally pushed out.
“It don’t matter cause you already made it clear, you don’t expect me to stick around, right?”
“I never said that! I don’t want to be a bitter baby mama sitting around waiting on you to show up with gifts and lies for our kid. I don’t want to be your baby mama.” I hissed.
“Then get a fucking abortion then!”
“That ain’t what I meant—” I started before he hung up in my face. How did this night go so wrong?