SAMARA PRESS PLAY
SAMARA
PRESS PLAY
My body curled into a fetal position as I sobbed.
I sobbed all night because I would have never imagined that Dio and I would get to that point.
There were so many emotions going through my body.
To see the man I loved filled with so much anger toward me hurt, but to know I could no longer hold how I was feeling inside hurt even more.
The regret that swallowed me up was becoming unbearable.
Zaria cuddled behind me as she rocked me back and forth.
“It’s a part of falling in love, Samara. This is why I told you to slow down.”
“Why does it hurt so bad?” I sobbed louder.
“Oh, Samara. It’s love, it’s passion, and it’s the desire to feel happy. What you were trying to get out of you and Dio’s situation was what you’ve seen others go through, but you guys are not them.”
My shoulders bounced up and down. “We were supposed to be like you and Chevy.”
“Samara, you and Dio are nothing like June and me. If that’s what you were expecting, sweetheart, I’m sorry. If you think the words Dio said to you hurt, oh, sweetie, your dad is ten times worse.”
I lifted my head. “You two never argue.”
Zaria’s head flew back. “Says who?”
I stared at her in confusion. “I’ve never seen you two argue.”
Zaria’s eyes closed. “Shit. Okay. We argue. Hell, we’ve had something similar to this. However, we chose not to expose that to you, and I take the blame for that. With or without our arguments, you can’t base your relationship on June and me. Tell me what happened.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to explain. Dio and I were already near a place we probably couldn’t come back from. If my explanation wasn’t going to bring him back to me, I didn’t want to talk about it. I wiped my eyes as I watched Zaria patiently waiting for me to answer.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.
Zaria slowly nodded. “I understand. When you’re ready, I’m here.”
She got out of bed and headed toward the door.
“My mother came here.”
Zaria’s body stilled. “And?” she asked.
“And she wants me to go back with her once the semester is over.”
Zaria scoffed. “Samara, I can’t tell you what to do because after last night, it’s obvious you think you're being treated like a child. However, I say this with all the love in the world. You’re grown. You need to figure it out,” she finished before she disappeared into the hall.
I wasn’t sure what that meant, so I hopped out of bed to follow her. “Zaria,” I called out.
She turned to face me.
“You don’t care that she showed up?”
“No, quite frankly, I can give a rat's ass, and to be honest, the daughter I know should feel the same way. I’m not into choosing sides, but I do have to agree with Dio on this one. Someone has gotten into your head. Maybe it’s her, but your little ass better wake up, quick, fast, and in a hurry because I’m far from the bullshit. ”
More tears emerged as I felt like I was being singled out. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I loved Zaria, and I didn’t want her to feel that way, but I also felt like anything I said was wrong, as if my having some form of opinion was me saying what I thought was true.
The front door opened, and I thought it was Dio. Instead, it was Chevy, and my heart sank back into my chest.
“Did they find him?” Zaria asked Chevy.
He glanced at me, then back at Zaria. “They’re still looking.”
“Give me the keys. I need to go find him.”
“Z, you not going city hopping to find that little nigga.”
“June, give me the goddamn keys. I need to go for a drive before your daughter,” she said as she turned to look at me, “make me turn into a mother she may never forgive.”
“What the fuck happened?” he asked.
He handed the keys to her, and she walked out, slamming the door. Chevy looked at me, then at the couch. I didn’t even have time to sit down before he started talking.
“Samara, grab your tissues because what I’m about to say to you is tough love, and you’re going to need them.”
“Chevy, I really don’t—”
He stood in front of me as soon as I sat down. “No, you don’t get to say shit!” he barked.
My head flew back because I had never seen this side of him. “Chevy—”
He shook his head. “Samara, I know this is going to seem new to you because you’re used to a gentler side of me, but it’s clear that Zaria and me shielding you from what we thought would harm you has done just that: harmed you.
We tried showing you what a perfect relationship looks like, and it’s obvious you see no flaws and use it in your relationship.
It’s my fault, but this mouth, you’re going to hear it. ”
I shot up from the couch. “I don’t have to listen to this!” I snapped.
“Sit yo ass down now! That’s part of the fucking problem, sweetheart.
You think you know shit about what’s going on around you, and you know nothing.
Somehow, the lines got blurred when I tried to explain to you who Dio is and who I am.
So, let me tell you. I’m a nigga who isn’t wrapped too tight.
I will slit a nigga’s throat in your face if it means a lesson will be learned.
I am the very same nigga who would bend over backward for that woman you pissed off.
I can be the Devil if you make me. I fear no-muhfuckin’-body, even when I should.
I’m a father, a husband, and a fucking killer, Samara.
This is who I am, and Dio isn’t too far behind. ”
My lips trembled, and tears fell. I didn’t know whether to be scared or emotional.
“All of those things I just listed is everything Zaria has to deal with. That smile you see on her face hasn’t always been like that.
She, too, has been on this very side of me as you are, like Dio.
I have been the one who made her cry. No relationship is perfect, including the one you see all the time.
Those tears you're crying, I get they are from hurt, but in this moment, I don’t care about them. ”
More tears streamed down my face. Chevy was being so harsh, so unloving, it felt just as it did last night when Dio and I argued.
“So, what? I’m supposed to not do anything?
Sit in the house and waste away? Am I not supposed to enjoy moments with my friends?
I would never cheat on Dio. Ever,” I cried.
He dropped his head. “Samara, the ask is not that you don’t go out and have fun.
The ask is not that you shouldn’t be told things, because I agree with you: no secrets.
Hell, I even agree that you’re no one’s property.
However, Dio doesn’t move like the rest of the Zoo.
He is smart, calculated, and he needs a woman who understands that and moves accordingly.
You have to trust that if he doesn’t tell you something, it’s for a reason.
I don’t give a fuck what happened last night because I can only imagine.
Let me ask you this. What would you have done if Dio had slit that nigga’s throat in your face or blown his fucking brains out because he loves you that fucking much?
That is how much I love Zaria. A nigga can’t even utter a word to her without me being ready to break my foot off in his ass, but on the back end, the love I give her is one I made sure another couldn’t compare to.
That is the type of love you’ve been eager to have. Now, can you handle that?”
Everything he was saying to me made me feel horrible.
He made me feel like I had fucked up something that could have been beautiful.
Dio meant everything to me, and somewhere along the line, I fell flat.
My shoulders bounced up and down as I sobbed because deep inside, I knew I had lost the love of my life.