Chapter 7
After my talk with Danny and an internal come-to-Jesus resolution, I start trying to protect my heart better. I still fuck Cade every Saturday and Sunday evening after closing, but I try not to let myself bond with him.
It’s not easy. In fact, I have to constantly remind myself that he’s only my customer. He’s not my boyfriend.
The result isn’t great for either one of us.
Cade immediately recognizes something is different, and he repeatedly asks about it. At first I brush off the questions, trying to keep it casual. But finally, on the second weekend, he blurts out, “Did I do something wrong?”
“What?”
“You know what. Stop blowing me off. What did I do? You gotta tell me.” His features twist slightly, a clear sign of upset in his typically unrevealing face.
“You didn’t do anything. Stop asking! I mean it!” My response is clipped, but that’s because I’m trying so hard to hold on to my resolve.
I have to be so careful.
Cade is nothing but my customer. I don’t know him at all outside the bedroom.
Danny is right. One day he’ll be done with this and be on his way, and I can’t be left in broken shambles when that happens.
A week after that, I’m a few minutes late coming out of the kitchen because I helped Marsha collect all the sliced carrots she spilled on the floor.
My section is already half full when I walk out, but my eyes immediately slide to the far corner where there’s a big man seated.
It takes a few seconds for me to realize the man isn’t Cade.
Shit.
Definitely not Cade.
It’s Cole—already stopping in again.
When I talked to him three weeks ago, I considered him a perfectly decent man and customer, but the sight of him now is definitely a disappointment.
Not anything about him, of course. Just that he’s not Cade.
And he’s in Cade’s seat.
I’ve been doing this far too long to let any of my reaction show on my face. I give him a real smile as I head in his direction. There are also a few militiamen at a larger table, but they can wait.
“Hey, Cole. You’re back already.” I stand in front of his table and peer down at his broad face and pale gray eyes. “Any luck with the brother?”
“He was there, but they already left. I’m always a few weeks behind.” He looks more than stoic tonight. Tired. Exhausted, really.
“I’m sorry,” I say, genuinely feeling for the man and his endless pursuit. I never had any brothers or sisters, but maybe I’d do the same for them. I really don’t know. “That’s got to be so exhausting. Did the folks you talk to know which way his gang was heading?”
“North, which is why I’m here again already.”
“They haven’t returned as far as I know, but I can ask around to see if anyone saw them driving through town.”
“Thanks. That would be great, if you don’t mind.”
“It’s no trouble at all. Why did they turn around again and go north?”
“Who the fuck knows? Seems like they follow any random lead they get on places that haven’t been pillaged. Not sure why they think if it’s being talked about no one else would’ve got to it first.” Cole shakes his head. “Fucking idiots.”
I can’t help but chuckle at his dry tone. “Sounds like it. There are a lot of folks like that nowadays. I get doing whatever you need to do to survive, but at least try to use your brain. They say a bunch of those types have started grouping up into one huge horde farther north.”
“I heard that too. Get big enough, and they’ll act like locusts, laying waste to everything they cross.”
I shudder. One of the drawbacks of having a vivid imagination is that I can visualize such a scene with perfect clarity.
Nightmare.
“Well, I hope his group doesn’t join up with that. You’d have a hard time getting to him if they do.”
“I know.” He sounds bleaker than ever.
“I’ll ask around and see if anyone caught sight of him. Do you want beer and stew again?”
“Yeah. That’d be great. Thanks.” He’s been looking at me as we talk, but his eyes shift now to something over my shoulder.
Turning to look, my breath catches in my throat when I see Cade standing there. He’s perfectly still, looking between me and Cole with a blank expression.
I have no idea how long he’s been standing there, but it flusters me. And, more than that, I feel guilty.
Irrationally guilty.
“Hey!” I manage to recover enough to smile at him. “I didn’t see you there.”
“I see that.” There’s nothing angry or annoyed in his tone, but he sounds so gruff the words are almost a growl. After I shut him down last weekend, he backed off, and I was hoping things could settle back into something closer to normal.
But this isn’t normal. At all.
Flushing hot for no good reason, I nod toward the small table in the other corner of my section. “Maybe over there?”
Without a word but with another cool, slanted glance toward the other man sitting in his normal seat, Cade follows me to the table I indicated.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly as he sits down. “He got here first and was there before I could do anything.”
“You know him.” It’s a statement more than a question. He’s very bristly as he adjusts in the chair, as if it’s not as comfortable as it should be.
“Not well. He came by a few weeks ago.”
“You like him.” His eyes are narrowed into almost a glare now.
I suck in a breath as my back stiffens. “He’s fine. I just told you I barely know him.”
Cade just glowers darkly.
“Oh my God!” I’m still speaking in a hushed tone so no one else can hear. “You’re being ridiculous.”
I’m genuinely annoyed by his bad mood, but I don’t have time to let him have it the way he deserves because one of the militiamen calls me over.
I shoot Cade one more scowl before I go take orders from the large table.
I make Cade wait for his food and drinks. I serve Cole first. Then the militiamen. Then finally him.
He doesn’t appear at all chastened when I set down his beer and whiskey, so I don’t pause to chat.
Instead, I take more orders and then go around asking the rest of the staff if they’ve seen or heard anything about the motorcycle gang led by the guy with the eagle tattoo on his scalp coming back through.
Rick saw them driving through several mornings ago, heading north on 29, so I hurry back to Cole to report the news to him.
He’s spooning stew into his mouth, but he pauses to talk to me.
“So maybe you’ve made up some time,” I say, trying to give the poor man any hope possible. “If it was five or six days ago, that’s a lot better than two or three weeks. So it seems like you’re catching up.”
He nods. “Hope so. Appreciate your help.”
“It was no trouble at all. Nell has a couple of bunks here if you need a safe place to spend the night.”
“Yeah, I already reserved one. Thanks. Wish I could travel at night.”
I don’t ask, and he doesn’t explain. He doesn’t need to. Everyone with a brain knows the most dangerous thing a person can do anymore—even a big, tough, competent guy like Cole—is travel in the dark.
I’m about to say something else when I feel eyes on me. Fixed, fierce eyes. Cade.
After all this time, I’m used to him watching me constantly, but it doesn’t normally feel like this. He’s still unhappy. And indignant that I’m talking to Cole.
Maybe I was wrong and he’s been a one of those macho, possessive assholes all this time.
“Okay. I better get working. Good luck finding your brother.”
“Thanks.” Cole nods. Then he looks over at Cade’s table before his gaze returns to me. “Your man is getting jealous.”
“He’s not my man!”
For the first time since I met him, Cole’s mouth twitches up slightly into a hint of a smile. “If you say so. But probably best you stop talking to me. I’m fucking worn out, and I’m not in the mood for a bar brawl over a woman.”
That makes me snicker. I’m still smiling a little when I turn around, and I know that Cade sees it. He bristles even more.
An hour later, my section is completely full, so I have no time or leisure for thinking about anything but doing my job.
The militia are in high form today, loud and rowdy and cursing the Silver Wolf more than normal. Evidently they laid that trap for him, expecting to capture him and be done with the whole thing. But he somehow figured out what they were planning and laid a trap of his own.
So a whole unit of militiamen ended up in a pit. Several were injured, and they lost one of their trucks.
While that was happening, the Silver Wolf broke into one of their warehouses and stole cases of guns, ammunition, and vehicle parts, plus siphoned off tanks of their stored gasoline.
As always, I’m not sure which side I want to have the upper hand, but I can’t help but enjoy the militia’s outrage.
Serves them right to not be able to take what they want when they want it. Serves them right for someone to take from them for a change.
Unfortunately, one of my other customers—a gray-haired farmer who comes in once a month—overhears their talk like everyone else and mutters something about how they now know how it feels.
This doesn’t sit well with the militia, and they’re too fired up not to react. In the resulting argument, the farmer’s table gets flipped, and all the dishes and glasses fall crashing to the floor.
Both Cole and Cade jump to their feet to help before the fight spirals out of control, but Rick and Trevor are there almost immediately, hauling out the perpetrators. The rest of the militia settle down quick, lest they lose their Pub privileges.
But I’m left with a mess on the floor to clean up.
With a sigh, I get a broom and bucket and start shoveling up broken pieces and leftover food. Before I realize he got up from his seat, Cade is there, crouching on the floor, holding the bucket sideways for me to push the debris into.
“Thanks,” I tell him.
“Sure.” Together, we clean up the worst of the mess, and Cade carries the now heavy bucket for me to the garbage pile outside.
“Thank you,” I tell him again after we’ve dumped it. “You didn’t have to help.”
He eyes me soberly.
“If you have something to say, just say it.”
He takes a slightly ragged breath. “You gonna fuck him?”
“What?” My voice squeaks I’m so surprised.
“You gonna fuck him? That guy.”
“No! Why would you even ask me that?”
“’Cause you’re pulling away from me. I know you told me not to keep asking about it, but I sure as hell feel it. And you like him.”
“I like him in a basic way like a decent customer. I don’t like him the way I like you!”
I shouldn’t have said that, but I can’t take it back now.
“I mean, you know you’re always my first choice on the weekends. So unless you decide you don’t want to fuck me, then I’m not going to fuck anyone else on those days.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it. Why are you acting this way?”
“Why do you think? ’Cause you’ve been off for a few weeks now, and I keep waiting for you to dump me.”
Dump him.
Like we’ve been dating.
Instead of doing whatever you call paid fucks.
“I’m not—” I break off the words, rubbing my face with frustration like I might be able to rub clear thoughts back into my brain.
“I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what’s going on.
But I do know I wasn’t thinking about fucking him.
You might be acting like a jealous asshole right now, but I wasn’t going to fuck anyone but you. ”
He’s breathing fast and loud again, but there’s hot lust in his eyes rather than that achy confusion.
That expression gets me going too.
“How long till closing?” he mutters, clenching his hands like he’s having to hold them back.
“We have almost an hour.”
“That’s way too long.”
“I know. But there’s nothing to do about it. I’m not going to piss Nell off by breaking the rules. So go sit down and wait until time.”
“I’ll be thinking about fucking you the whole time.”
I gulp. “Have fun with that. I’ll be doing my job. Now go sit.”
“That asshole has my seat.”
An hour and a few minutes later, Cade and I are upstairs in my room.
He’s got me bent at the waist, bracing my hands against the wall, and he’s fucking me hard from behind.
“Is this how you like it?” He’s holding my ass with both hands, pulling my butt cheeks apart so he can really fuck me good.
I’m tall enough for us to manage this position, but it takes some doing for both of us. But for some reason the effort makes it even hotter.
I whimper out a wordless answer.
“You’re only gonna take it like this from me, right? Not from anyone else.”
“Mm-hmm.” My pussy is pulsing like crazy, and my entire body is throbbing with pleasure. My braid is hanging over my shoulder, and sweat is beading on my forehead and between my jiggling breasts.
And I think I’m actually about to come.
“That’s so good. That’s my girl. Taking all of me so good. You want it so bad.”
My hums have turned into little sobs as the sensations build and build.
“Now you’re gonna come from it. I feel how tight your little pussy is getting. Let me hear how good it is.” His motion grows faster and harder, and he starts grunting as he thrusts.
I let out a loud cry as climax catches me by surprise. Tremors run through my body as I push against the wall and grind my ass against his pushing.
“There it is. That’s what I want from you. Look how hard you’re coming for me.” He’s murmuring out the words hoarsely, interspersed by animalistic grunts.
My pussy has clamped down around his thick cock, and it must be too much for him. Because as soon as my own waves of release start to level off, he falls out of rhythm and comes with a loud exclamation.
He keeps making little pushes as he moans and ejaculates into the condom. Then he holds the position as he reaches around and rubs my clit.
I whimper through another little orgasm before my body softens all the way.
“Now then. That was real good.” He pulls out and ties off the condom before he helps me straighten up too.
I limp to the bed and collapse on it. “That was better than good.”
“You okay? You took a lot. Was it too much?”
“No. It was exactly the right amount.” I’m smiling up at him like a fool.
He chuckles and lies down beside me on the bed, pulling me into the circle of his arms.
We relax and breathe and come down without speaking for several minutes. Then he finally asks softly, “Were you mad at me?”
“I was annoyed because you were being a possessive jerk.”
“No, before that. Starting two weeks ago. I know I’m not supposed to ask again, but it’s been eating me up. If I did something, you gotta let me know.”
“You didn’t do anything.” I sigh, no longer having it in me to make up a story or hide the truth. “I was trying… It’s hard. With this being my job. Sometimes… sometimes it’s hard to keep feeling… professional.”
He’s silent for a long minute. Then he lets out a long sigh. “Oh. I get it.”
“It wasn’t anything you did wrong.”
“Okay. Good.” He tilts his head down to nuzzle my hair. “’Cause I wouldn’t like that at all.”
It’s been cloudy all day, but I crawl out onto the roof later anyway. I draw the few stars visible whenever the clouds break, and I dream about the world being different.