Chapter 28
PAUL
I could see Holly was starting to worry.
She had thrown caution to the wind with me and acted on the palpable tension between us and enjoyed the passion as much as I had but now we were in each other’s arms, she was growing quieter and quieter.
We felt so close and I loved that feeling but I could tell she was on the verge of freaking out because of it.
I didn’t want her to run like she had after our first kiss.
Hell, she’d run years ago because she just liked me.
Now, we had slept together. I didn’t want her to regret a second of it. Because I definitely didn’t.
‘I’m starving – you?’ I broke the silence with something mundane to catch her off guard. To be fair, it was way past lunchtime now and that had been a pretty good workout so I did need fuel.
Holly glanced up at me through those long lashes of hers. ‘I could eat,’ she said, looking relieved I wasn’t confessing some deep feelings to her or something.
‘Great. Let’s go,’ I said, ignoring my body wanting to stay curled up all warm with her for as long as possible.
‘I’ll make us something downstairs while we finish up decorating.
’ Maybe I was being a bit bossy – which she seemed to enjoy in the bedroom though was probably unlikely to out of it – but I didn’t want her to think of a reason to go just yet.
Holly lifted off me and I swung my body round to get out of bed, missing the warmth of her soft skin against mine instantly.
I heard her pulling on her clothes as I did the same. ‘How about one of our hot chocolates?’ she asked me softly.
I looked over my shoulder as she pulled her jumper back on. Did she realise she’d used the word ‘our’? I swallowed hard. ‘Absolutely. You can’t decorate for Christmas without a hot chocolate.’
‘Oh, is that a Paul Ryan rule?’ she asked, the tease back in her voice and eyes. I was relieved she wasn’t panicking right now.
‘Santa made it the rule, actually,’ I replied, teasing her back.
We finished getting dressed and left my bedroom. I wondered if it would smell like her perfume in my bed later. I hoped so.
‘Oh, well, if Santa says so then we have to do it,’ she said as she shook her head at me for being silly.
It reminded me of how we’d joked around growing up.
It felt good to be doing it again. I held my door open for her, touching the small of her back as she went through and she looked up at me, smiling shyly. My heart squeezed in my chest.
Jesus. I was in trouble.
I followed her back down into the café and went behind the counter, telling myself to focus on making us food and drink and not how Holly was feeling after what we’d just done.
It was scary to think how many times I’d wondered if she’d ever be attracted to me years ago.
My teenage self was feeling pretty pleased with himself.
But all that longing had now been replaced with uncertainty.
‘What would you like with the hot chocolate? Something savoury or sweet?’ I asked. She had started to decorate the tree again, her back to me so I couldn’t see the expression on her face.
‘Maybe we should have savoury to offset the hot chocolate,’ she replied. ‘Sometimes, I’ll have an apple with chocolate like it will cancel the naughtiness out.’
‘Probably scientifically unproven but I know what you mean.’
Holly switched on the fairy lights we’d strung around the tree.
‘Oh, that’s pretty,’ she said. I looked over and this time, I could see her side profile as she gazed at the twinkling lights, a pure smile on her face.
‘This has really been nostalgic. Thank you for letting me help. I know my job is creating a winter wonderland, so it’s not like I won’t be decorating right up until December, but this somehow feels more festive than any of that because it reminds me of being young and…
’ She thought about what word she wanted to use. ‘Hopeful.’
‘Quite a few Christmases spent together in this café making it look festive,’ I said as I heated up two sausage rolls I’d baked earlier ready for the opening tomorrow, and made the hot chocolates. ‘This might be our best yet,’ I added, wondering if she’d get my double meaning.
‘You’ll have to help put the star on top,’ she said as she stood back. ‘But the rest of it is done.’
‘It looks great,’ I replied, the decorations sparkling in the lights. ‘We just need to dress the tables and then it’s all done. Let’s have a break with these first.’
I carried a tray over to the table closest to her and she sat down in the chair opposite.
‘I could get used to this,’ she warned as she bit into the sausage roll. ‘Were you always this good at cooking and baking? I swear I don’t remember you making me things like this,’ she said, smiling as she let out an appreciative moan.
‘I’ve learned a lot since then.’
‘You sure have,’ she replied with an arched eyebrow. I laughed as she blushed. ‘I actually didn’t mean…’ she choked out in an adorably embarrassed way.
‘I know what you meant,’ I said although I hoped I had learned a lot when it came to being in the bedroom too. I leaned over and wiped a bit of flaky pastry from the corner of her mouth.
She watched my hand like she was frozen.
‘Is the hot chocolate okay?’ I asked, trying to break her out of her trance. Had that been too intimate of me? I felt like Holly was a deer in headlights right now and any sudden movements might send her fleeing.
She took a sip and shook her head. ‘It’s dangerously good.’ This time, she had whipped cream at the corner of her mouth but her tongue darted out to lick it off herself.
Despite what had happened upstairs, there was still a twitch in my jeans at witnessing that so I looked away and bit into my own sausage roll.
‘I’ve added it to the menu. And these cranberry spiced sausage rolls.
Shake things up a bit so we’re not just doing what we do every year.
I think I’ve been going through the motions for a while, but I want this place to grow if we can.
We need to put this blip behind us,’ I said, gesturing to the repaired ceiling above our heads.
‘You will if you serve things like these,’ Holly said, tucking in like she hadn’t tasted anything better in her life.
Which was a bit like I felt about her. ‘Will you serve them out of the café van at Mistletoe Lane? They will go down a treat with everyone at the winter wonderland. Imagine skating then tucking into these? Perfect!’ She seemed really excited about the idea and I wanted to please her.
‘Sure, I can do that. That’s what you’re calling it then – Mistletoe Lane? Kissing has been on your mind?’ I asked, arching an eyebrow at her.
There was that faint blush again. ‘Paul!’ she admonished. ‘Daisy was the one who added mistletoe to the arches she’s made for our festive trail. That gave us the idea, not us kissing.’
‘I don’t know who you’re trying to convince.’
‘You’re terrible.’ But she grinned back at me. She finished up her sausage roll and drink and then looked at me hesitantly. ‘Do we need to talk about what just happened?’
‘Maybe we should let it sink in first,’ I said, really not wanting either of us to say anything hasty that might ruin this day. ‘Let’s get the café all ready. And I’ll see you at the reopening tomorrow, right?’
‘I’ll be here but—’
‘Great.’ I put our empty plates and mugs back on the tray and jumped up, taking them over to the counter to avoid this conversation.
Maybe I was being a coward again but kissing Holly, being with her in my bed, was something that I wanted to treasure for a bit before we had the inevitable ‘this can’t be anything more’ chat.
Holly lived in the city and had left me once.
I wasn’t a fool to think anything would be different this time around.
But I could let myself pretend for just a little bit.