7. Treasure #2
Once I stopped, Missus Gardener gave me a tight smile.
“I’m so proud of you. You did well . . .
better than I expected today. I’m so happy that you are getting this out in the open and choosing healing over defeat.
In order to heal, we have to cleanse the wound before we can bandage it.
I believe the problem was that you were trying to bandage a wound that hadn’t been cleansed.
Whenever you were triggered, it ripped the bandage off, revealing how infected the wound still was. ”
I nodded as I closed my eyes. “Thank you. I know I will probably have a rough night.”
“Probably, but you are on the road to recovery. It may get worse before it gets better, but the key thing to remember is if you consistently put in the work to make it better, it will get better. Do you believe that?”
“Yes, ma’am, I do. Thank you. We are over time,” I said, glancing at the clock to see she’d been here for almost two hours.
“I will never stop you from sharing, baby. Most times, I will let you determine when we should stop.”
“Thank you. When will I see you again?”
“I think I should see you in a couple of days. What we talk about will be up to you.”
“Okay.”
“If you are ready to move on and continue talking, or if there is something you need to say regarding what you just talked to me about, we can revisit. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me what you need.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She stood from her seat and squeezed my hand. “I can see a light inside of you that wasn’t there when I got here. You’re so beautiful, Treasure. Your love deserves to be felt by anyone in your presence.”
She squeezed my hand, and said, “See you day after tomorrow, sweetness.”
I smiled and nodded. I wished she could have stayed longer.
Being alone right now wasn’t a good thing for me, especially since it was starting to get dark.
I pulled the string over my head for the light.
It was blinding, but it was much better than laying here in this dark room.
Darkness would most likely induce the nightmares after my session today.
Glancing over at my bed table, I saw my phone there, plugged up to the charger.
I reached for it and awakened the screen to see a ton of text messages.
I smiled. Most of them were from my family and a couple of Hendersons, along with Kambel, Asad’s sister.
The first person I chose to respond to was my daddy.
Hey, baby girl. I love you, and I’ll be up there tonight for a little while. My shoulder is killing me today. Hopefully, your therapy session went well.
I slowly shook my head. Knowing him, he was probably doing something he had no business doing.
Hey, Daddy. Thank you for getting Mrs. Gardener. She was amazing. Don’t worry about coming up here. Sit down somewhere and rest that shoulder. Stop being hardheaded.
I chuckled as I hit the send button. He and Mama needed to see that I was in good spirits.
For the most part, I was. I was optimistic that things would work out.
That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have bad days.
However, the number of bad days should start going down throughout my journey.
That would let me know that I was making progress. I want to live.
I smiled as I saw the bubbles appear, knowing that he was responding.
Ha Ha Ha. I’m happy to see that talking to her went well. I pray that it continues to go that way. I love you too much to allow you to ever let go again. See you tonight.
He put the winking emoji with the tongue stuck out as I chuckled and shook my head.
I love you too, Daddy.
When I left our thread, I saw Kingsley’s.
My heart rate climbed a bit. There were at least ten messages in this thread that I hadn’t seen.
After taking a deep breath, I opened it.
Most of them were saying how much he loved me.
The one that caught my attention was the last one. He’d sent it this morning.
Hey, Treasure. I’m sorry I keep blowing your phone up.
I’m just so worried about you. I’m sorry for not being enough to help you through this.
My actions led you to this, and I will never forgive myself.
I’m going to seek counseling so I can somehow live with myself.
I pray that your healing comes with minimal pain, and that you can forgive me for the pain I caused you.
I love you so much. Not being able to control myself is unacceptable though.
I don’t want to be a burden to you while you’re recovering, so I’ll continue to keep my distance.
It may be better for you to go on without me.
I don’t ever want to trigger you that way again.
You are a precious angel, and I refuse to pull you from heaven again to suffer through hell.
Loving you is knowing when to let go to protect your peace. I love you so much. Blessings.
My heart was overcome with sorrow. I knew I had to make this right. My trauma caused his heartbreak. My wound had bled all over him, making him think he was wounded too. That wasn’t right or fair to him. Swiping the tears that fell down my cheeks, I responded to him.
Hi, King. You don’t owe me an apology. I owe you one. You are so perfect, my love. My trauma spoke so loudly in what should have been a beautiful moment between two people who love each other, until it wounded you. I am sooo sorry. My silence about it only made it worse.
My suicide attempt had nothing to do with you.
It had to do with unresolved trauma and my guilt for how I reacted.
I hate that you think this is on you. This isn’t your fault.
It’s mine for not taking proper precautions to make sure I was completely healed.
My reaction to what we all thought happened to PJ was the warning, and I ignored it.
I had counseling today from Mrs. Taylor’s sister, and she’s amazing. Just this one session with her has me thinking more clearly. I’m sorry for pushing you away. The flowers are all beautiful. Thank you for the food too. Don’t change anything about you. You’re perfect . . . beyond perfect, baby.
I don’t want to lose you, but I know I’m not quite ready to see you.
I need to get another couple of sessions under my belt to see how I will deal with them.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you again.
I still want to be yours . . . if you want me.
I know this was a lot, but I promise, I’m going to try so much harder.
I want to live and enjoy the beautiful gifts life has to offer.
I love you, and I hope to hear from you soon.
I hit send with a trembling thumb, hoping Kingsley would receive what I had to say with love. Mrs. Gardener’s introduction grabbed my complete attention. Knowing that she overcame everything she did was motivation like no other. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.