Chapter 10
Dustin was having a pleasant time. And he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a pleasant time.
Across the table for two in their private rooftop dining room, Silver took another bite of the tiramisu ice-cream cake, then pushed the plate toward him.
As she savored the dessert, she closed her eyes and made a soft moan in the back of her throat.
Heat speared him low and hard, as it had done from time to time throughout the evening. Although he was frustrated at himself for his physical reactions to her, so far he’d been ignoring them—or at least trying to.
Avoiding looking at her, he reached for the plate, scooted it across the table, then stabbed the cake with his fork. He broke off a piece and stuffed it in his mouth. A rush of cold and sweetness filled him.
Distraction seemed to be his best tactic to avoid thinking about how incredible Silver was—not just physically but in every way, although his visceral reactions were stronger than he’d ever felt before toward any woman.
It didn’t help that even after the past few hours of talking and eating and taking in the view, she looked as fresh and beautiful as she had when she’d stepped out of the house earlier.
It also didn’t help that she’d worn a dress which should have been outlawed for any woman to wear except in the privacy of a bedroom.
Bedroom.
Heat pummeled through him again, stirring up desires he kept locked away unless he was off assignment.
Only then did he allow himself to go out on dates and enjoy spending time with women.
Of course, he never dated anyone for long—was always too busy, traveling too often, moving around too frequently for any relationship to have the chance to develop into more.
That had actually been fine with him. He preferred not to have attachments or long-term commitments. It kept his life simpler and easier.
Some of the women he’d gone out with hadn’t felt the same way, and things had gotten ugly a time or two. After the broken heart he’d caused last year, he’d decided it was best if he took a break from dating altogether.
Maybe that was why he was having such a strong attraction to Silver tonight. Because he’d been too long without any interactions with women. When he returned to San Diego, he might have to start dating again so he didn’t turn into a simmering volcano about to blow its top.
“So,” Silver said in a silky voice that told him she was about to ask a more personal question. “Who is she?”
“There is no she.”
“Yes there is. I can tell you were just thinking about her.”
Was he that transparent to Silver? He was usually stoic, impassive, unreadable. How was it that she could see into his mind?
He dug his fork into the cake again. He wasn’t hungry for the dessert, not after all the courses of food the server had brought them, especially the main dish—wagyu beef with whiskey potatoes and smoked carrots.
Even so, he took another bite of dessert, buying himself more time to think of a way to answer her.
He’d joined in her early conversation games—icebreakers, as some would call them.
And he’d been surprised at how much he’d enjoyed getting to know more about her.
She’d been open and easy to talk to, just as she’d always been.
In return, he’d shared more about himself, even though he hadn’t been quite as open.
He’d told her about his time in the Army, what basic training had been like as well as his preparation to become a Ranger.
His family had supported him, since his grandfather and great-grandfather had both served in the Army.
It had all been difficult, but he’d pushed himself hard and had persevered.
He’d also shared about a few of his missions as a Ranger.
Some were classified, and he would never be able to talk about them with anyone—dangerous rescue attempts or search-and-kill missions.
But he’d shared about his time being deployed in Italy and the Middle East, some of the more mundane assignments they’d had.
She finished swallowing her bite of cake. “If you tell me about your ex-girlfriends, I’ll tell you about my ex-boyfriends.”
“I already know everything about your exes.”
“Not everything.”
“Pretty much.”
She released a huff. “Do you know about Timmy?”
He lifted a brow. “Timmy?” She had to be making up the name to get a reaction from him.
“Yes, I dated Timmy in college.”
“No, you didn’t, because no self-respecting man would ever let himself be called Timmy. Especially one you would consider dating.”
Her lips curved into a smile, and the candlelight from the table centerpiece cast a warm honey glow over her features. “He was my first real boyfriend in college, my first serious relationship.”
“What happened with Timmy?” He already didn’t like the guy because of his wimpy name, and now he liked him even less for being important to her.
“I’ll tell you what happened with Timmy if you tell me about one of your girlfriends.”
“One of them? How many do you think I’ve had?”
“A dozen?”
He hadn’t kept track, but she probably wasn’t too far off.
She laid her fork down and gave him her full attention. “So, did you ever fall in love with any of them?”
“Nope. Not a one.”
“Really? Why not?” Her voice held a note of curiosity. “I always took you for the kind of man who was like your father, who would love his work and wife and family.”
Long ago, maybe he’d believed he would be like his dad too, finding a fast, furious, and forever love the way all McQuaid men had for generations in his family.
His whole family believed in the McQuaid legacy of love.
Not only did his dad have that special love relationship with Mom, but his brother Ty had found that with Kinsey, and Brock had that with Venus.
Even their younger sister Emberly had recently found a deep and abiding love.
But Dustin was under no illusion the same thing could happen to him.
No, he was cursed when it came to women, and he was even more cursed when it came to love.
At twenty-seven, he’d given up hope of having the legacy of love and settling down.
He just wasn’t cut out for it the way the rest of his family was.
“Well?” she persisted, her eyes probing him unrelentingly.
Shoot. How could he resist her when she was looking at him like that, with her eyes so wide and pretty and innocent? “The truth is . . . I’m cursed in love.”
A tinkle of laughter slipped out before she cupped a hand over her mouth—probably because he wasn’t laughing, was instead dead serious.
She dropped her hand, her expression turning somber, and she seemed to be waiting for him to expound on his statement.
But he didn’t figure it was worth commenting on. What else could he say about it?
“Why do you think you’re cursed?” she finally asked softly, imploringly.
He wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but he supposed she had a right to know, since she was one of the women he’d hurt. “I always end up hurting the women I date.”
At his confession, she sat back in her chair and didn’t comment, which was rare for her. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so honest with her. After all, his honesty was hitting close to home, maybe even too close for her.
Since he’d brought it up, though, the least he could do was apologize for how he’d treated her that last summer together. The apology was long overdue.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Silver.” The words came out harder than he wanted. He cleared his throat and tried to gentle his tone. “I was immature and didn’t know what to do with my feelings, and so I did the only thing I could think of—I ignored them.”
She stared at her fork, twisting it for a moment before lifting her gaze to meet his. “What feelings did you have?” Her expression was expectant.
He couldn’t very well tell her that at one point he’d thought he loved her and wanted to marry her. He would sound crazy if he did. Regardless, she deserved a candid answer. “I admit,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “I liked you a lot.”
Since then, he’d tried hard to like other women, but no one else had charmed him as much as Silver St. James. Maybe that had always been part of his problem—he’d been too hung up on her to let himself have feelings for anyone else.
“Obviously, you didn’t like me enough to make it work.” Her voice didn’t contain hurt, only objectivity.
He’d tried to make things work by writing letters to her the fall of his senior year. But she obviously hadn’t liked him enough to write back. Even though she’d spurned him and broken his heart, he still should have been kinder to her that last summer together before he left for the Army.
“You were—are—sweet and beautiful and smart. I should have been nicer to you when we parted ways.”
She didn’t immediately respond, seemed to be mulling over his words.
“Like I said, I’m cursed, and I never seem to be able to do things right in relationships.”
“You’re not cursed.” She reached across the table and laid her hand on top of his. “I refuse to believe that, Dustin. Instead, I’m holding out hope that you’ll still find true love and a happily ever after of your own.”
“Of course you are.” He put all his effort into making his voice sound wry, when in reality, all he could think about was her hand on top of his, the gentle pressure, the warmth, the softness.
He had a sudden and overwhelming urge to clasp her hand, lift it to his lips, and press a kiss to her fingertips.
“Maybe our meeting again is a good sign for us both.” Her voice was upbeat. “I always say that the past is in the past, and so now it’s time for us both to leave our past behind and move on.”
If only it was that easy. But it wasn’t. His past mistakes lingered in his mind and often taunted him about his future. For her sake, though, and for the duration of his time as her EPA, he could try to let go of all that had once happened, couldn’t he?
“Fine. Let’s move on.” He forced himself to pull his hand out from underneath hers and reach for his fork, pretending to be interested in taking another bite of cake. He couldn’t sit even a few seconds longer touching her.
She picked up her glass. “You always were so agreeable.”
Agreeable wasn’t a part of his MO. “So . . . Timmy, huh?”
“He was actually a nice guy.”
“I doubt that. Any guy named Timmy has to be a man-child.”
Her lips quirked. “Timmy was on the tennis team.”
“That explains it.”
“Oh, so real men can’t play tennis? What do they have to play? Football?”
“Real men grow up to be cowboys.”
It was a line from one of Brock’s famous country songs. Dustin wasn’t sure why he’d mentioned it at the moment, but it seemed to fit.
At the sight of her smile, his heart tumbled in a strange free fall inside his chest. How did her smile have such power over him? “So what happened with Timmy?”
“He proposed marriage to me while on Christmas break after dating for only a few months.”
“Why so soon?”
“Because he said he loved me and wanted to be with me.”
Unease settled in Dustin’s gut. He’d been a lot like Timmy in his feelings for Silver, thinking he loved her and wanted to marry her. It was good to know he hadn’t been the only fool.
Dustin forced out a scoff. “Sounds like a real winner.”
Something flashed in her eyes. Was it hurt? “Just because you didn’t want me, doesn’t mean other men feel the same way.”
Didn’t want her? He’d wanted her too much. But how could he explain that now, after so many years? He wasn’t sure he could explain it to himself, much less her.
“Anyway, Timmy arranged an elaborate proposal at my favorite restaurant, paid someone to come and serenade me, had a professional there to film everything when he got down on one knee.”
Dustin could see where this story was going. “You told him no.”
She nodded. “I felt terrible doing so after he’d gone to so much trouble and was so excited about it. But by that point, I’d been considering breaking up with him, and I knew I couldn’t accept his proposal.”
“How did he take the rejection?”
“He naturally was upset and left the restaurant.”
No doubt Silver was being too nice about Timmy’s reaction. The guy had probably thrown food, called her names, and stomped out.
Dustin frowned. Maybe he needed to add man-child Timmy to the suspect list as an ex-boyfriend seeking revenge.
Her phone pinged with an incoming text and lit up with a message from Ricky. As she glanced at it, Dustin zeroed in on it too. The gist of it was that the wind had picked up and the gusts would be too dangerous to attempt a flight tonight.
“Ricky says we’ll have to wait to leave, that the weather conditions are too dangerous.”
Dustin had noticed the wind increasing but had been too distracted to realize what that meant. He gave himself a mental shake. This was why he shouldn’t have agreed to sit down to dinner with her.
“It’s not a problem.” She waved a breezy hand. “I have a condo a couple of blocks away. We can stay there for the night.”
“You’re safer back at the ranch, where we have all the security measures in place.”
“But no one knows I’m here. So we don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Does Beryl know you were coming here?”
“Yes, of course. I needed her to help me make some of the arrangements.”
He sat back in his chair and folded his arms. He’d made his point.
“She’s harmless.”
“Maybe. But what if she told someone else where you went? Since all the ranch staff are still suspects, any one of them could now know your whereabouts.”
She glanced around at the dark windows and shivered.
He expelled a tight sigh. Then he picked up his phone and texted Ricky to bring the Rover around to the side door.
Ricky gave him a thumbs-up.
For just a second, Dustin considered driving back to Denver. But at the late hour and with isolated stretches along the highway, probably the best thing was to wait until morning to return.
He slid open the app on his phone that he’d designed to assist in security. It was still in the trial stages, but it was workable enough that he could try using it at the condo. The night would actually give him a much-needed chance to test it again.
Of course, he would have to put other precautions in place. But he’d kept many others safe under worse circumstances. Surely he could keep Silver safe too.