Chapter 11
In the dark living room, Silver huddled under a blanket on the leather sectional. Even though she’d been trying to think happy thoughts and keep a positive outlook, the darkness inside was pulsing stronger with every passing moment.
About the only thing she hated as much as closets was darkness. Her therapist had suggested that the two fears were related and a result of having to hide in the closet, which had been dark at the time of the break-in.
Silver knew her therapist was probably right. But she hadn’t wanted to be afraid of the dark, hadn’t wanted to let it hold her back, and especially hadn’t wanted anyone to know about the fear.
She made excuses for why she slept with lights on and why she always left them on throughout her house.
But she hadn’t been able to come up with an excuse tonight when they’d arrived at the condo, and Dustin had insisted on keeping the place dark for the night so that no one would suspect they were there.
He’d even had Ricky drop her off at a posh hotel down the street from Mountain View.
Dustin had gone in with her, and she’d reserved a room for the night.
When they’d gotten in the elevator, instead of going up to her room, Dustin had pressed the button to go to the parking garage, where he’d arranged for a hotel driver to take them out a back way and drive them to her condo.
Dustin had used every precaution in evading potential threats, and she appreciated his carefulness. But having to spend the night in darkness so that no one suspected they were there? That was taking things too far.
Although the lights from other nearby condos and from the streets provided enough illumination for her to see, the darkness was still too overwhelming, and she wanted to reach over and flip the switch on the floor lamp.
At the very least, she wanted to turn on her phone and let the screen provide some light.
But Dustin had made her turn off her phone at the hotel and instructed her to leave it off so that no one would be able to trace her movements.
If anyone was tracking her through her phone, the hotel would register as her last known location.
At the soft tread of footsteps in the loft, she shrank even further into the couch cushions and pinched her eyes closed. She knew it was only Dustin inspecting every inch of the place. But the sound of footsteps—like the darkness—evoked memories she didn’t want to think about.
She plugged her ears and began to hum. She didn’t want to have a full-blown panic attack, which was what would happen if she didn’t cut her fears off. She had to think of other things—happy thoughts that would distract her.
Dinner tonight. It had been fun. Once Dustin had set aside his irritation at her for tricking him into the evening together, they’d had a relaxing time, and she’d enjoyed getting reacquainted with him.
He’d never been a huge talker, and he still wasn’t.
But he’d carried on the conversation just fine so that it hadn’t been one-sided.
She had always loved his wry sense of humor and his seriousness about everything, and she realized she still liked those qualities about him. She also liked that he was polite and considerate and looked out for her needs.
Maybe he was that way with all his clients. Regardless, he’d turned into a really great guy. Not that he hadn’t been great at eighteen. No, he’d been wonderful then too. But he exuded purpose and maturity and strength that hadn’t been there before.
At a touch on her shoulder, she released a scream and cowered, holding her arms above her head as if that could somehow hide her or protect her—or both. Her heart rate jumped to off-the-charts high. Her lungs squeezed shut. And her body began to tremble uncontrollably.
She was spiraling into a panic attack. But she couldn’t stop it. The anxiety inside rose and coiled tightly through her muscles, making her dizzy. Nausea also swelled swiftly, so that she felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach.
The hand on her shoulder gripped her more firmly. “Silver?”
It was Dustin, and she knew she was safe. Even so, she couldn’t stop the fears from taking control.
“What’s wrong?” His voice contained a note of worry.
She tried to drag in a breath to answer him but could only wheeze. She wanted to push up from the sectional and prove she was a strong woman. But the anxiety at the moment had too much of a hold on her.
Dustin crouched in front of her and peered at her with slanted brows. “Talk to me, Silver. What’s going on?”
She lowered her arms from where she’d sheltered her head. She could at least do that. But they were still shaking.
“Did something happen while I was doing my assessment?” he asked.
She managed to shake her head.
“You didn’t see anyone, did you?”
“No,” she rasped.
He surveyed the large open area of the condo, which contained not only the sectional but also an enormous flatscreen TV, a floor-to-ceiling gas fireplace made of stones, and a sliding glass door that led to a balcony overlooking the ski slopes, which were barren and grassy in June.
“It’s—” she started, but her throat constricted.
“Hey.” His voice gentled. “Calm down and tell me what happened.”
She could only reach out a hand toward him, trying, but failing, to keep it from shaking.
With a frown, he grasped her hand. The strength of his touch, the way his fingers surrounded hers, and the solidness of his hold were like a shot of Dramamine. The churning in her stomach abated, and the reeling in her head slowed.
As if recognizing the soothing effect of his touch, he reached for her at the same time that she leaned into him.
All she knew was that she needed more of his calming presence.
He may have only meant to grasp both of her arms. Or maybe he intended to reach for her other hand.
Whatever the case, she fell against him and buried her face into his chest.
He moved forward to capture her, probably so that she didn’t tumble to the floor. In the same move, he drew her in so that she was practically sitting on his lap and wrapped in his arms.
She was still trembling but not quite as hard. And she was still struggling to draw in a breath but could feel her lungs loosening.
He situated her more fully against him with her head on his shoulder, and he pulled the blanket up over her, probably worried she was cold. He tucked it around her, all the while keeping his arm around her.
She closed her eyes and focused on the warmth and strength of his body against hers. He was so solid and secure and strong, and she was completely safe right where she was. He would never let anything bad happen to her as long as she was within his arms. She knew that with certainty.
His chin rested against her temple, so close and tense. She could feel the racing of his heart against the hand she’d rested on his chest. He was worried about her.
“Are you having a panic attack?” he asked quietly.
She nodded. She should have known he was smart enough to figure out what was wrong with her. She didn’t get the panic attacks as often anymore, but they did occur once in a while.
“Doing better?” His whisper was warm against her forehead.
“A little,” she managed, her voice shaky.
He rubbed a hand up and down her back, slowly and softly. “Do your thing, Silver. Focus on the positive.”
His touch was almost like magic, and she could feel her muscles begin to loosen and her breathing relax. Horses. Picnics. Sunshine. Summer. Pools. The positive. She had to think of all the things in her life she was grateful for, even the little things.
He didn’t say anything as he held her and continued to graze her back like a parent soothing a child. He also didn’t move—didn’t seem in a hurry to let her go and didn’t seem to mind having her on his lap and in his arms.
His comfort didn’t mean anything. Her head knew that.
But being wrapped up in his arms like this was something she’d only dreamed about in her most secret of dreams long ago.
She’d always wanted him to hold her like this, wanted to be pressed against him and to experience his tenderness.
She’d just never expected it to happen like this.
As she continued to count all of her blessings, the trembling inside finally dissipated and her heart rate returned to normal. But she made no effort to move. Tucked against him, she felt more secure and safe and cherished than she had in years . . . maybe more than she ever had in her life.
They sat together for long minutes, maybe even for the better part of an hour, his fingers stroking in a steady rhythm so that, at some point, she felt the tension leave her body and she was able to relax against him. Even then, he didn’t set her aside, seemed content to remain where he was.
Her eyes began to feel heavy. The last time she’d checked her phone before turning it off at the hotel, the hour had been close to midnight. She guessed by now it was at least one o’clock in the morning.
Although the darkness was still around her, it didn’t bother her anymore. All she could think about was that she wanted to stay in Dustin’s arms and never go anywhere else ever again.
That wasn’t possible, but at least for a few hours, could she spend them here where she felt at peace? Where she didn’t have to face her fear of the darkness? Where she didn’t have to worry about anything?
As her breathing evened out, exhaustion closed in as it usually did after a panic attack.
Her mind drifted off into a dreamland where she’d kissed Dustin and asked him to be her boyfriend, and this time he said yes and reassured her that even though they might be apart, he cared enough about her to make a relationship work.
As sleep claimed her, she couldn’t keep from wishing her dream had come true.