Five #3
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m still in awe that you chose me, want me. And I love you now, tomorrow, forever. The past is hard for me sometimes, and I…I know it’s the past, so I’m working on it. I know that wasn’t easy to share with me. Thank you.”
Tension slowly ebbed from me, and I settled my forehead against hers. “You deserved to know. I should have told you sooner.”
“But you were ashamed.”
“I was. I am. I should have behaved better, apologized sooner. Just all around been more decent to Owen.”
We were quiet. Naomi’s eyes drooped. She’d been awake, catching quick naps, for weeks. Having an infant was an insane test to my body in ways professional sports hadn’t been.
“He was a good father,” I murmured. “Much, much better than I deserved.”
She tugged her eyelids open and met my gaze with her sleepy one. “So are you, and Felix deserves the best.”
“I’ll feel better about the whole situation with Owen when I talk to him,” I decided. Yeah, this had been weighing on me, holding me down more than I’d realized. “Maybe that’ll…I don’t know…somehow help me see that I’m doing my best with our son.”
“So call him.” She snuggled against my chest. She kissed me there, and I melted. Naomi really had no idea how much her affection meant to me. Sure, I knew Owen loved me, but he didn’t hug. To this day, he preferred a firm handshake to a hug.
Only now that I was a father myself, did I begin to understand how much that lack of touch—connection—to the most important people in my life affect me. But Naomi showed her love so easily, so effortlessly. That was part of why I was able to be tender back.
“Now?” I asked. “No, I couldn’t—”
“Yes, now.” She yawned so widely, I could see down her throat. My poor love was really done in.
If Paloma hadn’t taken the situation in hand by sending over nannies tomorrow, I would have made calls right now.
“Make it right,” she mumbled before she pressed a kiss to my chest. “And then we can work on how to make Felix’s world right so I can sleep.”
I had to clear my throat twice before I could say hello to Owen. Calling him had been a mistake. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to me…
“Everything okay?” he asked over the noisy background. “The baby? Your wife?”
I glanced over at my bedside clock and grimaced when I realized I’d called him right at the end of his workday.
“They…they’re great. Well, Felix cries a lot.”
Owen chuckled. “A chip off the old block.”
My lips curved upward. “Guess so.” Who knew I’d have so much pride in my kid’s tears?
“He’ll get past it once he realizes he’s safe. Try wrapping him up tightly in a blanket. You liked that.”
“We did. He’s sleeping.”
“Best quiet time you’ve had in a while, I’d bet.”
“True.”
“So, what’s up?” Owen asked.
I made out the whine of a saw in the background. Someone yelling. I really should have waited another hour. “Erm…if now’s a bad time…”
“Just finishing up the last cuts on some crown molding. We’re clearing out of here in five. Clearly, you needed something, Adam. Just spit it out.”
Owen was a general contractor. He built high-end cabins—that were truly cabins—throughout the upper Midwest. He preferred the Upper Peninsula in Michigan, but he took work in Wisconsin and even the Dakotas occasionally.
“I needed to apologize.” I rushed the words out, practically one long sigh of a sound.
“Did you, now?” Owen said, sounding amused. “Does this have anything to do with becoming a parent?”
“Probably.” I blew out a breath. Admitting I was wrong would never be easy for me—I preferred to live in the world, false though Naomi continually told me it was that I was a hockey god.
Unfortunately, like everyone else, I was only human, and that meant I had emotions and made mistakes with annoying fucking regularity.
Some of those missteps I could fix, but others I had to live with and not fuck up any worse…
or in the same way again. My family wasn’t something I would put on the line for my fragile-fucking-flower ego, the bastard that it was, so I needed to make my situation with Owen right.
Owen deserved that. So did Felix. So did I.
“I realized I treated you pretty poorly, and it’s, well, it’s been weighing on me. I’m really sorry for being a dumb shit who couldn’t see past his hurt and rejection by our shit parents to realize how good I had it with you.”
Naomi’s breathing changed—deepened—and I knew she’d slid into sleep. I didn’t want her so exhausted that she struggled. Cormac had brought up the possibility of a nanny again today, just as Paloma had.
I should have thought of hiring someone to help us with our kid sooner.
Millie and Stol had a part-time nanny they shared with Keelie and Cormac.
I didn’t think I wanted a nanny who split time between places and two charges; I’d rather have the opportunity to take my beautiful wife to dinner or catch a nap, knowing Felix was in expert hands—that were focused solely on him.
If said hands could teach Naomi and me some parenting skills so I wasn’t so damn freaked out about everything, that would be a huge bonus.
“I forgave you a long time ago. I knew it couldn’t have been easy, living with our folks, not with the way they were when I took you away. Or with me, for that matter. Combat didn’t make me a real touchy-feely father. I get that.”
“You were good to me, though.” I paused, considering if I wanted to open this potential issue—but if not with Owen now, then would I ever? “As long as it didn’t come to talking feelings.”
“I still struggle with those.” He sighed. “That’s why I couldn’t be mad at you for acting the way I taught you to behave. Glad to know you’ve finally forgiven yourself.”
“Um…I’m working on that.” Really great conversation skills there, Adam. “So…you’re at a job site?”
“Yeah, on Mackinac. Great location. I wish I’d bought the lot.”
“Pretty up there. I could…you know…find you a place…”
Owen chuckled. “I do just fine for myself, but thanks.” He waited a beat. “Met someone.”
Oh, now that was interesting, more so because he wanted to tell me about this someone. “Really?”
Owen chuckled again. He’d mellowed. I liked Owen’s newfound happiness, and I had this new person to thank. I hoped I was able to do so soon, and in person.
“Sally. She’s great. She runs a dog rescue.”
Cruz would love her. “That’s cool.”
“It is. She is. Sally used to be some high-powered executive, but then she looked up and realized she was over fifty and never married, never had that family she wanted. She realized what I did: what good’s all this money, the job title, and supposed prestige, if I didn’t have anyone to share it with? ”
“I…didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Well, it’s not like I plan on having kids now.
I’m fifty-two, Adam. But I like the idea of, you know, having a family.
I’m creating a new little family, too, though you’ll always be part of my life—one of the most important parts, I should add.
Or I guess a big family, what with all of Sally’s dogs. ”
“Tell me,” I said as I settled back against the headboard, my hand on my wife’s back as it rose and fell in sleep, my infant son cared for that night by one of the most conscientious and kind people I knew… I really was a lucky, lucky man.