Chapter 5
Five
KIERAN
It turns out that no matter where in the world I go, my body clock will automatically adjust itself to ensure I’m conked out during the day and wide awake at night.
I thought being in the Philippines, exactly twelve hours ahead of New York, would mean that I would finally be awake during the day, but nope.
The minute I set my bags down in my room, I hopped in the shower and then straight to bed.
It isn’t as though I’d be missing out on anything. No matter where we go, summers with my friends are always the same: a never-ending party with all the party favors one can dream of.
Besides, with the next three months ahead of me full of Natalia, I’ve started looking forward to seeing the girl of my dreams. She’s an oasis from the chaos of my friends, from the mayhem that awaits.
One would think dreaming of the same thing, the same person in the same situation, following the same sequence of actions, would grow just as stale as meeting celebrities in Hollywood; if it happened to anyone else and they told me, I would wonder the same thing.
But seeing her feels like the first time every time; I’m filled with this deep sense of yearning only the meeting of our eyes resolves.
From there, all I know is peace. I wake up disappointed, and then I spend the rest of my day looking forward to seeing her again.
In such an uncertain world, knowing she’ll always be there in my dreams is exactly the kind of stability I need.
I’m roused from my sleep by Cisco butchering “Dear Prudence” by the Beatles. “The sun is up, the sky is blue,” I tell him, “not the other way around.”
“I knew that would wake you. Get up. Natalia is looking for you.”
“When is she not,” I mumble to myself.
“Now, now, be grateful, O’Connor,” Cisco chastises. “Our very gracious guest only wants to make you feel good.”
I toss my pillow at him. He catches it.
“Seriously, man. Get up. Everyone’s waiting for you downstairs.”
I follow him as he catches me up on everything I’ve missed, which is—as expected—nothing new, save for the arrival of the final guest, some girl Luz and Natalia used to go to school with, and whose presence nobody has seemed to figure the reason out for.
It’s not unusual for one of us to bring in a plus one, especially when someone is dating a new person, but Natalia is notoriously selective about who she befriends.
She keeps our group as exclusive as possible, so I can’t help but be intrigued.
The wind is knocked out of me the moment I see the new girl.
I can’t believe it. It’s her—the girl of my dreams. How is this possible?
It’s not enough that she haunted me every second of my life for a year before this moment, in my sleep and in my waking hours.
Now I have to grapple with the fact that she’s here, in the flesh, the most famous person in our little world of two.
Embarrassment fills me; in my ignorance, convinced she was a mere figment of my imagination, I’d surrendered myself to her, brought her to life as best as I could in sketches, armed with charcoal and not much else.
And now she’s here. She’s real. And she smiled at me.
My stomach is still twisting and turning when I sit next to Natalia and pretend to listen to the conversation. I can feel my eyes water from nerves.
Natalia notices, because of course she does. Nothing ever gets past her. I tell her I’m still sleepy, and she coos and pets my hair.
I try not to stare at the girl.
My girl.
No, that’s ridiculous. She’s not mine. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve dreamed of her—a year to the day now, I think.
I force myself to ignore her. To not so much as look her way, on the off chance she sees the truth spilling out of me.
I’ve been dreaming about you. You’re all I’ve thought about for a year.
Disappointment hits me when she leaves. I want to go back inside. Watch her move, live, breathe. She’s real. Dear God, she’s real.
“Wait, so why do you guys call her Sugar?” Erin asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Natalia chuckles. “It’s so stupid.”
“Was she like, fake sweet or something?” Ravina asks. “I hate fake bitches so much.”
“Well, yes,” Natalia says, “but it was ’cause she, like, I don’t know. She always came to school looking a little… how do you say it? Unkempt?”
Luz nods in agreement. “Something was always off about her. Then we found out her mom was like, managing this shitty little bar, and there’s just no way she could afford Walden’s tuition, you know?
So, this joke started going around that her mom was like, an escort.
And that she was pimping Isabel out, too. ”
“That’s mean.” The words are out of my mouth before I’ve given it much thought. Natalia clicks her tongue and touches my knee.
“It’s just a joke. She never minded it. I mean, you saw her. She responds to it.”
I move my leg away from her.
“She’s fucking hot now,” Jaime says, to the evident chagrin of Natalia, who rolls her eyes. “She went like, full Ugly Duckling on us. I’d have invested in her sooner if I knew she was going to turn out hot.” Leave it to Jaime to talk about women like they’re stock.
“Don’t be a dick,” I tell him.
“Don’t be a dick,” he mimics, down to my accent.
“Very funny,” I say. “I don’t sound like that.”
“Yes, you do,” Jaime says. “Irish people say tree instead of three and it’s fine, but God forbid a Filipino struggles to pronounce their th’s.”
What? I stare blankly at him.
“It’s still mean,” I say finally.
“I’m kidding,” Jaime replies. “Come on, man. It’s Sugar. She’s harmless. It’s all just jokes.”
“Did you invite her here to make fun of her?” I ask Natalia.
“No,” comes her quick response.
I want to ask why then, but something tells me I wouldn’t like her answer either. I pull my shirt over my head and step into the pool. “Even if it were true,” I say to Jaime, moving my arms back and forth and swishing the water to warm up my muscles. “I doubt she’d touch you with a ten-foot pole.”
The girls laugh. I don’t. They’re my friends, but I never liked their cattiness.
“That sounds like a challenge,” Bo says.
Jaime snorts. “I guarantee you. She’ll be bouncing on my dick by the end of this week.”
“Ew, Jaime,” Natalia groans. “Don’t be so crass.”
Now it’s the boys’ turn to laugh. Jaime sits on the edge of the pool, feet dangling into the water.
“Are you taking me up on it?”
“You need better taste in women,” Natalia snaps. “Everyone you dated after me has been a downgrade.”
“Hey!” Ravina calls out.
“Except Rav, of course.”
That does plenty to placate Ravina, who places an inordinate amount of value in her looks and how it affects her social standing.
“Let’s bet on it,” Cisco says, holding out his hand.
“What’s in it for me?” Jaime asks.
“Dude. Pussy.”
“And if you win?” Jaime quirks a brow.
“You invest in my start-up.”
“You have a start-up?” Erin asks in disbelief.
“I might,” answers Cisco.
“Ugh.” Chiara rolls her eyes and swims away from her boyfriend. “You guys are such pigs.”
Nevertheless, Jaime laughs and shakes hands with Cisco. “You’re on.”
“Just don’t do it on any of the beds, please,” Natalia calls out. “That’s super fucking gross.”
Jaime shrugs. “There’s always the shower.”
I bury my head underwater. I can’t stand to hear any more of it.