CHAPTER ELEVEN
L uke was finding it hard to concentrate. When Bella was by his side, everything he was doing made sense. But when she wasn’t, he was teetering on head-fuck territory. Which evidently meant he couldn’t go a single minute without thinking about her.
After spending the entire weekend together, he was back at work, and missing the hell out of her. It was crazy. He’d known the woman five minutes. And yet, it wasn’t just his body craving her anymore, it was all of him.
You’re totally and completely screwed.
He was. He’d left Bella in his bed mere hours ago, and he was dying to message her. Find out if he could see her again tonight, after he got off work.
“Just do it,” he mumbled to himself as he whipped out his phone.
Luke: Up for another lesson later?
He waited, staring at the open message like some kind of desperate fool, willing a reply to appear. The cushion next to him jostled, but he didn’t look up from his phone. Not when he saw those three dots appear as she typed out her message.
“I never thought I’d see the day, man,” Benny’s voice filled the room. “You’re so gone for this chick, you’re literally staring at your phone, waiting for her to call.”
There wasn’t much to say to that. Luke was waiting by his phone, and he didn’t care. So he decided a simple “fuck off” would do. And hopefully get rid of him.
It didn’t. “So, I take it you guys are a thing now?”
Luke turned to look at his grinning friend. He was in no hurry to leave apparently. “Why do you care?”
Benny clutched his chest and gasped. “That hurts, man. I care!”
He turned back just in time to see a message from Bella appear.
Bella: Sure, although, I’m not sure what else I can teach you. You’re totally gonna ace the pop quiz ;)
“What quiz?” Benny appeared over his shoulder. But even his friend’s lack of boundaries couldn’t wipe the smile off Luke’s face.
An elbow in Benny’s chest later, and the man dropped back onto the couch. “Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must’ve been none of your damn business.”
When Luke chanced a look at Benny, he was sniggering. “Look at you, dude, you’re so damn happy, you can’t even hide it. Who knew you had feelings and shit? You kept that a big fucking secret, didn’t you?”
Luke simply sighed as he typed out another message.
Luke: You can never study too much, angel. Pick you up at 8.30?
“Oh, I get it, it’s some kinky shit, right?” Benny wasn’t done annoying Luke it would seem.
“Seriously?” Luke twisted to give Benny his full attention now.
“You’re not exactly giving me much to go on here, man ...” His friend shrugged. “Maybe if you answered a damn question every now and again, I wouldn’t have to jump to conclusions.”
Luke realized then that if word had already gotten out about Bella and him, then this was just the beginning. He expected to have to dodge some questions, but three weeks of this was going to end up bringing him out in hives.
“Look, Bella and I are seeing each other”—he watched Benny go to say something, but he cut him off—“ temporarily . She’s in town for a couple more weeks and we’re hanging out. That’s it. End of story. When she leaves, I go back to being single again, okay?”
The grin was gone, and Benny’s green eyes were narrowed on him. “So, let me get this straight—you’re playing boyfriend with this chick for a few weeks while she’s in town ... but after that, nothing, you go back to living your lives pretending that it never happened?”
Exactly. It was genius. Relationships weren’t that scary when they had an end date.
“Yeah.”
Luke was treated to a tsk and a headshake. “Another one bites the dust,” Benny muttered.
“What?”
“I said , another one bites the dust,” his friend repeated. “You really have no idea what’s going on, do you?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Benny just laughed as he rose from his seat. A second later, he slapped Luke on the back. “I’ll tell you what, we’ll talk about it in a few weeks, yeah?”
He didn’t wait for a reply, he walked away. Still laughing.
“Whatever,” Luke grumbled as he went back to his phone.
A message from Bella was there waiting for him, confirming eight-thirty tonight worked. And just like that, back was his smile.
***
“I s that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see me in your pants.” Luke smirked.
Seeing Bella laugh-cry on his couch was the perfect start to his four days off. And all it took was him reciting cheesy pick-up lines.
“Are you from the Netherlands, ’cause Amster damn ,” he went on.
“Oh my God, stop.” Bella pushed at his chest, giggle-hiccupping. “No more, my stomach hurts.”
Capturing her wrist, he tugged until she fell into him and stole a quick kiss.
“See”—slowly pulling back, he was immersed in silver—“they totally work.”
The goofy smile she flashed him managed to make his chest squeeze and not for the first time.
“I’m onto you, Cappelli. You may know some pretty funny pick-up lines, but that doesn’t mean I’ve just magically forgotten why you felt the need to distract me with them.”
Shit.
She was right. He might’ve been trying to distract her. Talking about his childhood was not something he wanted to do any time, let alone doing it after getting off his fourth twelve-hour shift in a row.
“Angel.” He sighed. “I can’t.”
She took her time considering him, her expression turning serious as her fingertips gently skimmed his cheek.
“What about if you had an incentive?” she asked.
“An incentive?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t miss the devilish glint in her eyes. “What if for every one thing you tell me, a piece of my clothing comes off?”
Luke felt his eyebrows shoot up. Was she being serious? She wanted to play a fucked-up game of strip and share.
His eyes ran down her body. Shorts, a vest, and underwear. That was just four things. Disclosing four things wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
Are you seriously considering this?
“Okay, angel ... get ready to get naked.”
That was a yes then.
Her smile was back, this time scorching, heating his blood as she straddled his lap. “Real things though, Luke. Not the kind of bullshit answers you give to social services. You have to earn these clothes.”
Real things. She had no idea just how real things were.
So tell her.
He went quiet, his mind trying to think of the last person he told his story to. But he came up blank. Luke didn’t share. Not until now.
Clearing his throat, he decided to begin with the basics. The easy stuff that even a google search could drudge up.
“I guess Marco mentioned that I was in care, right?” He didn’t wait for her to reply, he already knew Marco had. Besides, it was better to get this out fast. Rip the Band-Aid off and stick it back on quick before too much pus seeps out. “I went in just after my mom died—I must have just turned five. There wasn’t anyone else to take me ...”
Like my dickwad dad.
“They say you don’t remember shit at that age, but I do, I remember it all.”
He stopped. Squeezing his eyes shut as he concentrated on the feel of Bella’s fingers stroking his jaw.
“What do you remember?” she whispered.
His gut clenched. “I remember finding my mom passed out in the bathroom.” He blew out a long breath. “I remember the needle in her arm.” Another breath, this time his head dropped. “And I remember balling my fucking eyes out when I realized she wasn’t coming back.”
He was trying hard to push back the emotion threatening to spill out. This conversation was transactional, that was all. An exchange of information in return for a good time.
Yes, because a sob story is such a turn-on.
Apparently, it was for Bella. That was made clear when his eyes opened to the sight of dainty hands going to the hem of her vest and lifting. A darkening gaze pinning him in place as she shucked the material over her head and tossed it to the floor.
His hands automatically went to her waist. His thumbs brushing over bare skin. She was so goddamn beautiful. Beautiful enough to slowly unravel the newly formed knot that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach.
“What happened after that ... after you were taken?” Her head dipped this time, her hair falling forward and enveloping them.
He was back to focusing on the feel of Bella’s smooth skin, quickening his caress of creamy flesh as he allowed himself to go back there. Back to the oppressive gray walls. The dingy, overcrowded bedroom. And the corner bunk where he’d curl up into a ball and count down the days until he was free.
“I was never adopted.” Breaking eye contact, he instead let his eyes drag over her stomach. Then her waist, until finally they settled on where his hands still held her in place. “There were a few foster families, but things never worked out.”
Because no one really wants to take in damaged goods. Not permanently anyway.
“When you hit a certain age, that’s it. No one’s interested in you anymore. So I spent most of my childhood in the group homes, and when I turned eighteen, I got the hell out of there.”
Bella’s hands cupped his face, drawing his stare back up until he was looking into silver again. But his eyes were betraying him. He could feel it. They were giving too much away. So he did the only thing he could do. He closed them. Squeezed them tight and pushed down the familiar ache that was already starting to clog his throat.
Man the fuck up, you’ve got an audience.
She gave him time. Placing two soft kisses on his closed eyelids. When he was finally ready to open his eyes again, misty pools were staring back at him. Into him. Seeing much more than he wanted. Enough to make him gulp. He didn’t know what he expected to see. Pity maybe. Sympathy perhaps. Not the strange kind of silent acceptance she was offering him though, that was for sure. He hadn’t even known that he wanted that either, not until she’d given it to him.
The seconds blurred together as they stared into each other. He needed that too. Time to come back to himself. Time to soak her in.
It was Bella who moved first. Pushing off his lap and standing before him like a heavenly offering. He watched in awe as chipped red nail polish unbuttoned denim and slid down the zipper to her shorts. She studied his reaction, straight white teeth digging into her lower lip. This time he wasn’t bothering to hide how he was feeling. The same way he didn’t prevent the groan from ripping through him as the flimsy material was pushed down her long, tanned legs.
His vision was filled with lacy blue panties, panties that matched her lacy blue bra. He was well aware that the desperation he was feeling right now didn’t make sense. He’d seen her naked plenty. Touched her. Held her. Made her scream. But this heavy feeling in his chest was getting stronger, and his fingers were only getting itchier.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he croaked, not even recognizing his own voice.
A small smile tipped her lips as she dropped back down onto him. When she leaned into him this time, he was rewarded with a kiss. Slow and wet. Just how he liked it.
What has she done to you?
He’d worry about that later. Right now, he was opening for her, letting her take what she wanted and getting drunk on lusty whimpers.
Before long, his hands wanted in on the action too. Instinctively, they went to her ass and squeezed. Tonight was the night. He wanted her. Needed her. He was done learning. Done teasing. He needed to feel her from the inside.
When she drew back, he wanted to protest. He was only just getting started. And the sight of her didn’t help. Add in the way she was looking at him—breathless, with pouted wet lips and heaving breasts spilling from lace. He deserved a medal for not tearing what little fabric was left on her and laying her out for his taking.
But when their gazes collided again, reality came crashing back down. They weren’t done. She wanted more. And he’d already promised to give it to her.
Fuck.
He could do this. All he had to do was dip his toe into the past two more times and then push the memories back down. Where they belonged.
Come on, man, you’re an expert at this. You’ve spent your whole life shutting your feelings down, tonight doesn’t have to be any different.
Yet it did feel different. It felt harder. Now that the box was open, it felt impossible to close. Could it be that Bella had broken him with all this “getting to know each other” crap? How was it possible to be in pain and turned on at the same time? Was this what relationships were like, he wondered? Was crying on each other’s shoulders just foreplay for couples?
“Luke?” Bella’s sweet voice brought him back to reality.
He simply nodded in reply; he knew what she wanted.
Just two more things. Two more things and then you’re done. You never have to speak about anything ever again.
Luke knew he was lying to himself now. But if that’s what it was going to take, then so be it. Ignoring the bad taste filling his mouth, he forced himself to push out more words. More confessions from a past he’d much rather forget.
“I never met my dad.” His head dropped again. “He didn’t want anything to do with me. Even when my mom ...” He didn’t finish the sentence; he didn’t want to say it out loud again. “They told me he signed away his rights—apparently he even tried to get his name scrubbed off my birth certificate.”
He was surprised just how much those words still stung. Even after all this time.
He looked up just in time to see Bella’s eyes close this time. Sadness radiating off her in waves.
“Kiss me,” he choked out. He needed to forget again. At least for a little while.
Her eyes flew open then. Hair dropping back into her face as she leaned into him. He didn’t wait for her. As soon as her lips got near enough, he scooped up and captured them. Prying her apart and angling his face to get deeper. He wanted to taste her. Inhale her. And not stop until he felt that high only she could give him.
It felt like the perfect time to claim his reward. His hands drifted up silky skin until they reached the clasp on her bra. All it took was one move and lace was falling through his fingers and luscious flesh was pressing against his shirt.
Now that there was something else to taste, he freed her lips and bent until a tight pink nipple teased his tongue. Nipping and sucking, just the way she liked it, he was rewarded with a throaty moan as Bella’s head fell back.
Heaven.
This was something he could get used to. Unwrapping an angel every night of the week. Losing himself in her. Letting her help him forget. He was hooked. Again, his thoughts wandered back to relationships. Was this what they were all like? Was it always this good?
Feeling Bella slowly pull back, he sucked hard one last time before releasing her. They were both panting now with matching hooded eyes as their gazes intertwined.
“I’m done fucking around, angel. Tonight, I want you. All of you.”
He’d given her what she wanted. He’d let her in. Shown her even more than he was planning to. He was done playing games.
She gifted him with a sultry smile. “If that’s what you want, Luke ... then you know what you have to do. There’s only one item of clothing left. If you want it, then you need to earn it.” Her smile faltered then, replaced with a curious expression that flattened her soft lips. “Tell me what happened with Marco.”
His body sobered in an instant. Marco.
Damnit.
He shouldn’t be surprised. Marco was the reason she was here. It made sense she would want to try and understand what happened between them. But that logic didn’t stop his body from reacting. Something inside him sank.
Come on. You can do this. One more confession.
And one more door open that he may never get closed. Was it worth it?
One look at Bella waiting patiently, and he knew it was.
“I found out about Marco when I was fifteen.” Luke took a moment, averting his eyes as he took himself back. “He showed up at the home, claiming he was my brother, saying he was gonna take care of me. He was about to turn eighteen and said he was gonna get a job and an apartment and I should come live with him. All kinds of bullshit.”
“What makes you think it was bullshit?” He felt Bella shift in his lap. He didn’t need to look up to know what kind of expression she was giving him. It was going to be the one that liked to tell him he was wrong.
“One thing I learned growing up in the system is knowing when someone is talking shit to you. Telling you what you want to hear. Promising you things that they can’t deliver. I heard that crap a lot. Why would his promises be any different from all the other people who’d let me down?”
“’Cause he was your brother?” She let the words hang in the air. He left them there. Absorbing the weight that label now carried.
It was only when she prompted him with his name that he spoke again. This time, he looked into her. Let her see him.
“To an angry fifteen-year-old, he was just another person who could hurt me.” And he’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.
“So what did you do?”
“I told him to fuck off.”
“And did he?” Bella’s head tilted with the question.
“You knew Marco ... what do you think?”
A delicate smile gently curved her lips. She knew his brother was no quitter. As much as Luke wanted to reminisce with her, though, there wasn’t a happy ending to this story and that smile wouldn’t stand the test of time after what he had to say next.
“When he came back, must have been a month or so later, I was in a bad place. I was about to do something stupid ... the kind of dumb shit you don’t come back from. But he stopped me.”
“But that’s good, right?” His cheek received another stroke with her question.
“It is, angel. What wasn’t so good was my reaction. I was pissed. Said some hurtful shit to him. Sent him away. And now ...” He let out a sigh. “Now I can’t help but wonder what if. What if I’d heard him out? Taken a chance. Let him be my goddamn brother ... ’cause that’s all he wanted, y’know? To be my brother. And I just pushed him away. Discarded him like day-old trash, when, really, I owe him everything. I wouldn’t have the life I have now if it weren’t for him.”
Both of them fell quiet. Luke was done sharing, and Bella must have sensed it because she didn’t push for more. Instead, she rose and stood before him, giving him a much-needed reminder of the reason behind his sharing session. The next thing he knew, she was pushing her panties down, and melancholy swiftly gave way to an overwhelming sense of pure want.
There was another feeling there too. Something that had been multiplying from the very moment this woman had come into his life. Something dangerous.
Bella clearly wasn’t getting the same warning signs as him, though, not if her outstretched hand was anything to go by. An offer his body gladly accepted as he came to his feet and tugged her into him.
As her neck stretched back, astute eyes took him in, and all of a sudden, potential danger was the last thing on his mind. Which was probably why he let what was left of his mask drop. She’d been chipping away at it ever since he’d met her. And now it was gone. He was ready to show her who he really was. Damaged. Alone. And emotionally stunted. This was him. He was sick of hiding.
His newfound courage didn’t stop his heart from hammering, though. Was this how it felt to let someone in? Vulnerable. Unsure. Fully clothed, and yet feeling just as naked as the beautiful woman in his arms.
“Take me upstairs, Luke.” Bella’s arms circled him. “I’m ready. Ready to feel all of you.”
He’d never been nervous to take a woman to bed before, not until this very moment. Maybe because this felt more real than any other encounter he’d had. More honest.
As he took the sight of her in and felt her warm flesh press against him, he knew it didn’t matter what he was feeling, because this was happening. Only an act of God would stop him now. He was taking his vulnerable ass upstairs, and he was going to feast on this heavenly body until sunrise.
Bending his knees, his hands went to her backside as he lifted her off the ground. Once she was secure in his arms, he headed toward the stairs, well aware that after tonight, things would never be the same.
And he was right. They wouldn’t.