46. Caelia
I wakeup disoriented and confused. My head feels like it has been submerged underwater for hours, and my eyes struggle to adjust to the harsh, sterile lights as I take in my surroundings. The walls are lined with white tiles. The monotony is broken only by the colorful glow of the monitoring machines that fill the room. I am connected to one of them; the steady beeping and humming indicate that someone cares enough to monitor my vital signs. A gentle warmth emanates from the blanket pulled up to my chest, but a chilling breeze hangs in the air, causing me to shiver.
The scent in the room causes my nose to wrinkle—an amalgamation of antiseptic and blood, an unsettling, almost cloying combination that fills the air with a sense of dread. I feel trapped in a cage once more, with no escape.
Struggling to recall how I ended up here, a wave of panic rises within me. Overwhelming fear grips my chest, and a deep, sinking feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Tears well up, blurring my vision, as I want to run and scream, but the fear keeps me paralyzed.
Tensing up, my heart races as the door opens, and Mattia walks into the room, a cup in his hand. He pauses, his gaze locking onto me as if he has seen a ghost. There must be a button to call for help, but my hand refuses to obey. I whimper, my heart pounding in my ears, and the beeping of the machines drowns out all other sounds.
“You’re safe, solnyshko.” His voice is soothing and calm. What sort of sick trick is this? I shake my head, attempting to get out of bed. “Fuck, no! You need to rest, Caelia.”
Mattia swiftly approaches my bed, and I can no longer fight him. Not after witnessing the horrors he is capable of.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I croak, my throat dry.
“I’m not who you think I am. You’re safe. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
What the hell is he talking about? He stands right beside me. Of course, he can hurt me if he feels like it. There’s no fight left in me. He stares at me, assessing his next move. He places the mug on the bedside table, drawing the chair from the corner closer to the bed. His hand rests near mine. I draw it back like it caught fire.
“What are you talking about?”
He takes a deep breath, his words hanging heavily in the air.
“My name is Kaz Mordvinov. I am not Mattia. I am not your husband.”
My mind spins, and his words make no sense to me. He may resemble my husband, and I vaguely recall Mattia mentioning the name Kazimir Mordvinov in the past, but the question made no sense then and makes even less sense now.
“I don’t ... I don’t understand.”
It’s eerie to see Mattia here, as if nothing happened, showing me glimpses of the man I gave my heart to.
“We have much to discuss, but you need to rest.”
“No.” I shake my head, attempting to grasp the meaning behind his words. “You say you’re not my husband, but ... this makes no sense. What kind of game are you playing now, Mattia?”
He gives me a fleeting glimpse of his dimples. I don’t want to speak at all, but I’m not sure if I will ever get another choice.
“I am his twin brother. Or perhaps he is mine. Whatever the case may be.”
I shake my head in confusion. There is a trace of an accent in his voice.
“He doesn’t have a twin brother.”
“I’ll tell you everything,” he promises.
“Now,” I insist, blinking away my tears.
“Not now.” He shakes his head. “You need to rest.”
“Please. What you’re saying makes no sense to me. I need to understand. Please,” I implore.
His hand reaches for mine but halts, pulling back and clenching his fist.
“Here, have this,” he says, offering me the mug. “It’s just tea.”
Under normal circumstances, I would hesitate to trust him, but now I no longer care if the drink is poisoned. Part of me hopes it is so this nightmare will come to an end. He leans back in the chair and tells me his story. In my current state, none of it makes sense. It is challenging to believe that Mattia has a twin brother, let alone one raised in Moscow. He speaks of revenge and betrayal, of the months we spent together. He mentions the night I stabbed him, seeming more amused than angry.
Did you enjoy fucking him?
Oh, God. Mattia’s words finally click into place. He was referring to his twin brother, whose existence I had been oblivious to.
“If what you’re saying is true, you’re not Mattia.” I laugh. “I cheated on my husband without even knowing.”
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I cheated on my abusive husband. Worse yet, I fell for his twin brother, who masqueraded as him. It can’t be. This must still be a nightmare.
“I wouldn’t feel too guilty if I were you.” He smirks.
I can either believe his story or think of the fact that Mattia has multiple personalities. A cold sweat trickles down my forehead, my body aching all over.
“You took his place on my mother’s birthday.”
It is not a question. I already know when the switch occurred. That night marked the turning point when he began revealing what I thought was a different side of him, only to discover that he was an entirely different person.
“So you’re telling me I lived in fear for so many months, and you could have just told me the truth? You could have set me free.”
“I will never let you go, solnyshko. You are mine.”
“What about the truth? Were you ever planning to reveal it?”
I don’t know how I feel. There’s anger deep down. Confusion. But I also feel like I can breathe for the first time since I ran away.
“I wanted to tell you the truth, Caelia. Every single day.”
My heart turns into a grave. Do I even know this man? Is he any better than my husband? I’m broken into a thousand pieces, but is he the cause? For whatever reason, I feel like time is running out.
His white shirt is soaked in blood. I wonder if it’s mine.
“But you didn’t.”
He let me live with all that rage and with my murderous thoughts until I had no choice but to stab him and run away. I will not apologize for what I did, even if he was not the one who deserved my wrath.
“Why did you save my life?”
“I never intended to leave New York without you.” His gaze darkens.
“What?”
“You are coming back with me, Caelia. Whether you like it or not. And you fooled me once, but you will not be able to stab me and run away again. I have two men stationed outside your door, six more outside this hospital, and who knows how many guards at every entrance, elevator, and stairwell. You will not escape.”
I will not escape. Escape from where? From what? What the hell is he talking about?
“Have you lost your mind? I’m not ... What ... I … Are you planning to kidnap me?”
“If you leave me no other choice, I will.”
“Please tell me, what other choices do I have?”
I am not trying to provoke his anger. I’m simply trying to understand what’s inside his mind.
“You can come with me willingly.”
Will my life always be one nightmare after another? Will I escape one hell only to be thrown into another?