47. Kaz
I would giveanything to know what she is thinking right now. I liked it when she spoke her mind, not holding anything back. She looks at me as if I am a stranger, and I can’t blame her for that. She spent all our time together hating me, believing I was Mattia. The idea that I might be someone entirely different never crossed her mind. Considering the circumstances, she handles all this better than I expected, except for the kidnapping.
“You killed Ermanno. You don’t need me,” she tries to bargain.
It didn’t start like this. It began with desire and obsession but turned into something else I can’t let go of.
“What’s left here for you?” I wasn’t expecting any of this to be easy. I wasn’t expecting instant forgiveness the second I told her the truth. “Is it your sister?” I go on. “She will never prioritize you over her own family, Caelia. And we both know your mother couldn’t care less. Your father forced you into a marriage for the sake of some territory. So, tell me, what is left for you here?”
I will be cruel if this is the only way to make her see things for how they are. She has no one.
“Thanks for the reminder, Kazimir. Very thoughtful of you,” she retorts.
I raise an eyebrow, realizing that I never mentioned my full name, so Mattia must have said something to her.
She sips the tea I brought, turning her head toward the closed window. Few people call me Kazimir. It feels strange to hear it coming from her lips. We have shared so much, and now she is shutting me out. She doesn’t even give me her anger, which is something I will gladly take instead of this.
“It would just be one cage for another. You should have let me die.”
The fuck it will. I don’t know how often I have to prove myself to her. To prove to her that I’m not Mattia. I will never do what he did, even though she has every reason to doubt me, and it is entirely my fault. I once lost my patience with her, tried to teach her a lesson, and destroyed everything we had built.
“But you’re not dead. And I will not pity you. I will not treat you like a victim. You will talk to me willingly if what we had meant anything to you.”
She snaps her eyes at me, a tiny spark of rage burning inside them. But it fades away as the seconds pass. Whatever she’s thinking or feeling, it makes it melt away.
“I’m done fighting,” she whispers. “I’m so tired of it all. I don’t need your pity. I don’t want you to treat me like a victim. I’m sorry for everything that happened, and I hope you find out your uncle and avenge your father’s death. But you should return home, Kazimir. You should just let me be. You should leave me alone. What we had meant nothing.”
If there is one thing I have never been capable of, it is leaving this woman alone.
“That’s never going to happen.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Give me all your poisonous lies. Give me your truth. Just give me something.”
But she has nothing to give.
“Is Dom alive?” she asks instead.
I nod. “He was shot, but he will live.”
“Can I see him?”
She believes she is the one without choices, but she doesn’t leave me with many either. I don’t like the idea of her seeing Domenico, but I know they grew close during her time trapped in the penthouse. I am to blame for this.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Thank you.”
I have never heard those words from her before. I do not like this silent and compliant version of herself. It sends a chill through my veins. She has lost a part of herself along the way, and I will find her and bring her back.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I just want to sleep, please.”
“Sleep, but I’m not going anywhere.”
She shrugs, adjusting the blanket around her feet. I know her well enough to know that she doesn’t want to sleep. She wants to be left alone. She closes her eyes, completely ignoring me. I wish I could do something to make her feel safe and ease her pain, but all I can do is stand here. I try to ground myself in the present moment, as my violent thoughts will not solve anything right now. I focus on her, thinking about how I will keep her safe in the future. I will become the shield between her and the world. I will stand between her and any danger that might come her way.