78. Caelia
“Time’s up, zhizn moya,”Kaz says, rising from behind his desk and turning toward the painting on the wall. He slides it aside, revealing a hidden safe I did not know about. Panic engulfs me as the room spins around me for a few seconds, and Kaz turns back around, placing stacks of cash on the desk behind us. My breathing becomes labored, and I undo the first button of my shirt. I can’t comprehend what’s happening. On top of the money lies a black card, a passport, and other documents.
“What’s all this?” I manage to ask, my voice trembling.
“This is the end of our deal,” he responds, placing his hands on the desk and leaning forward. His voice is filled with tension, but his face reveals nothing. “One hundred thousand dollars in cash and the rest on card. I figured you wouldn’t want to carry that much cash with you. It also includes a new identity,” he pauses, “and divorce papers.”
I stare at him, my lips quivering. He wears a black shirt with rolled-up sleeves and a loose tie. His eyes appear to be tormented, unlike anything I’ve seen before. This decision has been prolonged for too long, and now I must choose a path I am unprepared for. Memories of the past few months flood my mind. Kaz has never treated our marriage as a mere arrangement to ensure my survival. He has given me everything I could have ever asked for and more. He has cared for, trained, and made me his partner. He stood by my side when his family opposed me and his business partners dismissed me. He held in his palms all my broken little pieces and held me in his arms through my darkest nights.
He has made me his. In return, I have given him something I swore I would never give again after everything I’ve been through. He owns my heart.
“Is this it?” I manage to utter with a lump in my throat, my voice shaking.
“What else is there?” he asks.
A part of me begs me to stand my ground and speak up, but fear grips me. I love him so much that it fucking hurts, but am I ready to sacrifice my freedom for this? For a life together? I’m not a stranger to the life he lives. I have witnessed my father returning home early in the morning with lipstick stains on his shirt, buttons torn, and wearing the same clothes as the day before. I have seen my mother pretending not to notice, lowering her head, obeying his commands, and pretending he is a faithful husband. I have watched them live different lives, two strangers sharing the same house.
I never thought about it when I was trapped by Mattia’s side. I was hoping he was fucking someone else so that he would leave me alone. But I love the man standing before me. Seeing him turn to someone else in the future would shatter me because I am no longer enough. The day he realizes I am too damaged, too insecure, too much work. And it won’t be the kind of break I can mend alone. I am not my mother. I cannot lower my gaze and obediently nod when he demands breakfast. I cannot spend the rest of my life with my back turned to him, crying myself to sleep. My thoughts are spiraling out of control. I must prioritize myself and explore what life could be like on my own. I need to experience true freedom, where I answer to no one.
He once told me that there is no safer place in the world for me than by his side, but it is also the most dangerous place for me to be. It can be both. It is not as simple as wanting him or not.
You’ll always have me.
You’ll call, and I’ll come to you.
“You have made up your mind, haven’t you, zhizn moya?” He must keep calling me his life to see me break down before him. I nod, too afraid to speak. “Then this is it. My jet is ready for you to take you wherever you decide to go,” he says, swallowing hard and clenching and unclenching his fists.
This can’t be it. It just can’t. Only I can prevent things from unfolding this way, but I struggle to find my words. I don’t know how to express what he means to me. There is no rational way to explain that I am leaving him to avoid heartbreak and sorrow in the years to come. I love him, but I cannot risk turning our marriage into a toxic abyss like all the others I witnessed growing up. It may be the most foolish decision, but I must break free.
“I have one final request,” he states, sitting in his chair.
“Anything,” I whisper.
“Come here.” I rise from my seat, my legs wobbly, as I circle the desk and stand before him. Our knees collide, sending shivers through my body. “Sit.” It is a terrible idea, but I cannot resist straddling him. My skirt lifts with the movement. “You will let me fuck you one last time,” he declares, and I cannot stop him even if I want to. And I don’t want to. “You will let me bury myself so deep inside you that you will never be able to wash away the memory of me. Do you understand, Caelia?” I nod, though all I want to do is cry. All I can think about is that this cannot be the end. He places his hands on the sides of my thighs, his fingertips digging into my skin. “Say it.”
“I understand,” I manage weakly.
I don’t understand anything. Why can’t I express my feelings for him and be done with it? Why can I only think about how I should have never taken that leap of faith that brought me to this point? He moves one hand to my neck, pulling me closer.
“Good girl,” he whispers against my lips.
I lick my lips, waiting for my heart to stop breaking. There is no one to blame but myself. Kaz kisses my jaw, his other hand sliding up my thigh.
“Give me all your poisonous lies, solnyshko.”
“We don’t lie to each other,” I remind him.
“We do now that time’s up. Do you want me to go first? I’ll go first.” He pushes the skirt past my ass, caressing my inner thigh. “You are not the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with,” he states, grazing his knuckles against my clit. “You are not the blood in my veins,” he says, unbuttoning my shirt further. “You are not the air I breathe, Caelia.”
The way he says my name makes me tremble. I’m not sure for how long I can hold back the tears. This is not what I want—none of this. I never wanted to give him the power to destroy me, but he has had it from the beginning, and now he chooses to tear me apart.
“Stop,” I plead.
“I am not finished yet.” He removes my shirt from my skirt, holding my head in place, his hand entwined in my hair, preventing me from looking away. “You are just another human being to me, not my queen. You are not the one who can bring me to my knees or who can make me beg, pray, and crawl. You are not the one I would die to protect.”
“Please, Kaz. Stop.”
I lean my forehead against his. His eyes burn into me, reminding me I’m his, like I could ever forget. He’s mad at me for taking my sweet time to decide what I want to do with my life, and he’s far from being satisfied with my answer. I’ll take my punishment. I am good at fucking things up and running away when it’s the last thing I should do.
“And here’s a truth for you, zhizn moya. Я тебя люблю.”
He kisses me the same way he’s touching me. He is unforgiving, stealing all the air from my lungs and leaving me to drown in the weight of his words. He loves me, and I love him.
“Now, give me all your lies.”
I’m left with no more lies. He has always had a way of pulling the truth out of me since the beginning. He kisses my neck, my clavicle, and the valley between my breasts. Kaz pushes the shirt down on my shoulders, undressing me slowly. He unhooks my bra.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Come on, Caelia. We both know how good you’re at this game,” he replies before he bends his head to suck my nipple.
It’s not a game any longer, and he knows it. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment things changed when he cauterized all my scars. I feel almost bulletproof in his arms. He’s the only one who can destroy me.
“I don’t think of your place as my home.” I give him what he wants. “I don’t feel safe here,” I stutter when he slides my panties to the side, moving his thumb in circles on my clit. I take a deep breath. “I feel trapped in this marriage.” I close my eyes when he pushes two fingers inside me. “You don’t make me happy.” God, this hurts so much. My chest tightens, and I can’t hold back the tears. “I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you.”
Kaz grabs the back of my thighs and stands up. He throws everything away from the desk while he balances me in his arms, placing me on the edge. He cups my cheeks and kisses me again, more slowly than the first time. Something made him think we have all the time in the world. It’s an illusion. He wipes my tears with his thumbs.
“Is this all?” I nod. “You’re breaking my fucking heart, solnyshko. Vanya warned me about it, but I laughed in his face because I didn’t think I had a heart. But if there’s someone in the entire world who can prove me wrong, that would be you.”
Vanya was right to hate me from the beginning. He warned me I was going to hurt Kaz. I didn’t think it was possible back then, but I understand it now. My skin burns in all the places he kisses, and he’s hell-bent on not leaving one inch of my body untouched.
“Are you going to take my dick like a good girl one last time for me?”
“Yes.”
Kaz pulls down my underwear, spreading my legs. He falls to his knees in front of me. My body reacts to his touch when he licks my clit, silencing my thoughts. There was always something about the way he made my body bend to his will, but tonight, he breaks me. He doesn’t stop until he makes me squirt, his mouth on my pussy a couple of seconds later, bringing me to orgasm. I’m trapped in my mind, half aware of the things he does to me. I don’t want to remember this when I’m old, and I’ll think about the only man I loved in my entire life. I don’t want to remember when I’ll ask myself if he’s happy, if he remarried, or if he feels the same things for his wife as he did for me. He stands up, settling between my legs. Kaz unbuttons his slacks, pushing them past his hips just enough to free his erection.
He knows I hate it when he keeps his clothes on. When I can’t touch his skin. When I can’t feel all of him. I deserve it tonight, though. Knowing it will be the last time, I’ll take whatever he’s willing to give me.
My eyelids flutter as he thrusts inside me in one motion. My pussy throbs around his cock, and my heart keeps on breaking. I’m all over the place. He stands still, looking at me with a tormented look on his face.
“I hope you’ll carry pieces of me everywhere you go, Caelia,” grabbing my waist, he slides me up and down on him. He places his thumb on my clit, making it as painful as possible for me. He’s not focused on his movements at all. “I hope you find the freedom you crave.” His jaw is tense. I can’t blink away the tears, so they fall again. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know how to stop it. If I can.
I’ve let it get too far, and I feel like I’m losing him—every single piece of him. I should’ve said something months ago when he told me he was falling in love with me or any day after that. He always listened, and he always cared. He gave me everything, but I’ve pushed him too far.
“Kaz—”
“I hope you marry someone who’ll make you happy, keep you safe, and make you the queen of his kingdom. You deserve nothing less than a man who puts you above everything and everyone else—above his life.”
I can feel my heartbeat fading.
“I need to leave,” I say.
“What?”
“I need to leave,” I repeat, panic rushing through my veins. I can’t take this without breaking, and I’ve made it this far. “Now,” I beg.
But he doesn”t allow me to move. Instead, he tightens his grip on my waist, holding me in place as he continues his slow, deep thrusts.
“I’m not done with you yet, Caelia,” he growls, his teeth gritting as he tries to maintain control. “You promised me one last time.”
I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer and deeper inside me. The feeling of him inside me is almost overwhelming, and I can”t help but moan as he continues to thrust into me. He won”t let me run away before he completely breaks me apart.
I”m his, and I always will be. I”ve never been able to resist him, even when I try. No matter how far I will run or how many new identities I will have, I will always be his. I”m reminded of how well he knows my body when he reaches down and starts to stroke my clit as he fucks me harder and faster. I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, my breath hitching as he brings me to the brink of orgasm before slowing down just enough to hold me there, suspended in time.
“Please,” I beg, barely able to speak. “I need to go.”
He grins wickedly at me, a hint of cruelty in his expression as he continues his slow torment. “Not yet, zhizn moya,” he says. “You”re not going anywhere until I”ve had my fill of you.”
With that, he begins to thrust into me, his hips smacking against mine as he drives himself deeper and deeper inside me. I can feel every inch of him, filling me completely and making me cry out his name. He continues to stroke my clit, sending waves of ecstasy coursing through my body. I”m completely at his mercy, unable to do anything but hold on for the ride as he takes me to new heights.I can feel myself building to an explosive climax, my entire body tensing as he drives deeper and harder into me. I scream out as I come, my walls clenching around him in wave after wave of pleasure.
But Kaz doesn”t stop there.
“Fuck, Caelia,” he growls, his voice guttural and raw with need. “I’m going to come inside you so deep that you”ll feel me for the rest of your life.”
His words send another wave of pleasure crashing through me, and I arch my back, meeting every thrust with one of my own. He feels too good; it”s almost too much to take. But I don”t want him to stop. I want to feel every inch of him, to memorize the weight of his body on top of mine and the feel of his skin against mine. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.
I want to recall every detail of this experience—the way his eyes burn into mine, the way his hands feel on my body, and the way our hearts beat in sync.
Kaz’s fingers dig into my hips as he sets a punishing pace, thrusting into me with a desperation that matches my own. We are both slick with sweat, and our bodies move together as if they were made for this moment.
He quickens his pace, his hips pistoning in and out of me with forceful thrusts that leave me breathless. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, bruising my skin with the intensity of his kisses. I feel nothing but sadness when he comes, knowing I will never be in his arms again.
I shift on the desk, trying to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. I promised to give him this one last time, but I can’t stay now. It’s too much. Kaz nods in understanding, pain darkening his features briefly before he slips his mask back on. He slips out of me, pulling his trousers back on. He’s not my husband anymore. He is no longer the man who would do anything to keep me safe. He has transformed into the king of his empire—cold, ruthless, and unyielding.
“Run, zhizn moya. This is what you do best. Pack everything you need, and don’t forget to sign the divorce papers. My men will take you wherever you want to go.”
My surroundings are blurry, but I see him steadily approaching the door.
I have lost him.
This is not how things were supposed to end.