Chapter 14 Michael #2
As I was falling to the ground, it was like time froze around me, and I considered how my life might be if I married a normal woman. There would be lots of sex, home-cooked meals, tons of love, and things would be calm.
And then there was Blake.
A tornado of a woman whom I did not want to piss off. But when she was mad, damn it was good.
Of course, that was before I hit the ground and felt the sharp pricks of glass embedding themselves into my body. Time came back to me as the last of the glass rained down on my face.
Lying there on the ground, my dick still hard and the sheet billowing in the breeze a few feet away, I stared up at my future wife. Standing in the window, she was beautiful and fierce, and so damn sexy.
“Seriously?” Jeff asked, snorting in amusement.
I didn’t dare tear my gaze from Blake’s as she flipped me off.
“Love you, too, baby!” I called out, wincing as the pain in my side intensified.
She flipped me off again and walked away, shutting the curtains behind her.
“Damn, what the hell did you do to piss off that woman?” he asked, averting his eyes from my naked form.
“I wouldn’t fight her,” I gasped. “Fuck, my balls are crawling inside me to get away from her.”
Liam’s gaze slid over me before stalling on my very erect cock that just wouldn’t go down. “Um…is that normal?”
“Nothing about this is normal,” I wheezed.
“You’re still—”
“Hard,” Jeff finished, nodding as he stared down my penis.
“I realize that.”
Jeff’s head whipped up to meet my gaze. “Wait, is that why she pushed you through the window? No means no. Not cool, bro.”
“That’s not what—”
“Dude, why is it so…”
“Big?” Liam finished for Jeff, both of them gawking at my penis.
“Abnormally so. Seriously, I didn’t know they came that big.”
Huffing, I tried and failed to roll away from their prying gazes. Between my broken balls and the glass shard embedded in my back, there was nowhere to go.
“Would you shut up?” I snapped. “It’s not that big.”
Liam snorted in amusement. “It sort of is.”
“Hey,” Jeff nudged our brother. “How, uh…how big is yours?”
“What? Like you want me to whip it out and measure?”
“No, but…” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Is it that big?”
“Nothing is that big,” Liam retorted.
I sighed, wishing they would both leave me to my misery. “It’s really not that—”
“I mean, we could measure,” Jeff suggested.
“Seriously? You want to go up against the Hulk and find out just how small your dick is?”
“Pure curiosity,” Jeff said. “I mean, think about it. Is this genetic? Is Pop really this huge guy? And if he is, why didn’t we inherit this massive…” He gestured toward my still hard cock. “Thing.”
“It’s not a thing!” I snapped. “And it’s not that big!”
“The massive flagpole sticking up from where a normal-sized dick would be says otherwise,” Liam retorted.
“How did we not know about this?” Jeff questioned.
“Well, shoot. You know, as a kid, I never thought to ask my brother what size his dick was,” Liam jeered.
“Really? Cuz I’m pretty sure the size of it was always on my mind.”
“Yeah, the size of my own. Not my brothers.”
“Do you think Ma knows?” Jeff mused.
“Why would she know?”
“Well, if he’s this big, was he always this big? I mean, did he come out with the world’s most gigantic penis? Is it in a record book somewhere?”
“Yeah, I’m sure the first thing Ma did after pushing him out was call Guinness World Records.”
“Maybe she did. Maybe she secretly liked having a freak for a kid.”
“I’m not a freak!” I snapped, wincing as the shard dug deeper into my back.
Liam barely glanced at me. “We weren’t talking to you, Gigantor.”
“Blake!” I shouted, hoping she would come rescue me.
But she didn’t come. Of course, she didn’t. She was still pissed at me for opening my mouth.
“I’m just saying, maybe we should document this!” Jeff argued. “In fifty years, nobody will believe that he was actually this big. It’ll be like a tall tale that no one believes.”
“And you really think our descendants are going to sit around a campfire talking about the size of their ancestors’ penises?” Liam asked.
“It could happen! I’m telling you, this is something people will be talking about for years to come!”
“Can you guys stop talking about the size of my dick and get me help before I bleed out all over the grass?” I shouted, finally stopping the onslaught of inappropriate commentary.
“Fine,” Liam grunted. “I’ll get the sheet. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Couldn’t if I wanted to,” I muttered.
Meanwhile, Jeff was still watching me.
“Would you knock it off?”
“I can’t help it. It’s like a car crash. I just can’t look away.”
“Do you know how fucked up it is that you’re staring at my dick?”
He shrugged. “Not sure I care at the moment.”
“Here,” Liam said, tossing the sheet at me.
“Gee, thanks for the help. It’s not like I’m freezing out here or anything.”
He snorted. “If you think I’m going anywhere near that thing, think again.”
“I wasn’t asking for a handshake. I just thought you might help me to my feet.”
“Why don’t you just use that thing as a cane?” Liam grinned.
I was never going to live this down. It wasn’t as bad at Reed Security. At least there, I had the option to never see any of them again. But here…
“Question,” Jeff frowned. “Blake knows about this, right?”
“No,” I answered, pushing off the ground until I stood precariously, trying my best not to fall over. “We’ve never had sex.”
His eyes bugged out. “Seriously?”
“No, not seriously, you moron!”
“Well, I had to be sure. I mean, what woman would willingly marry that thing?”
“She’s not marrying my cock. She’s marrying me!”
“What is with all the shouting?” Knight said, walking around the corner. His eyes dropped to my crotch and he sighed. “My wife is not going near that thing again.”
“Wait, you’ve seen this?” Jeff asked, pointing to my dick.
“Unfortunately.”
“Tell me, have you ever seen anything this big?”
Knight looked at my brother like he was an idiot, refusing to answer. “Parker, we have shit to discuss.”
“Sure, the blood dripping down my side will have to wait for a better time. While I’m at it, why don’t I just pull this glass out of my back and slap a bandaid on it?”
Knight stared at me blankly. “Sounds like a plan. Come on.”
As he walked away, Liam shot me a questioning look. “He’s not serious, is he?”
“Always,” I muttered.
Liam and Jeff strode away, not bothering to offer any help whatsoever. Fuck, this hurt. I must have blocked out the pain the last time this happened because I sure as hell didn’t remember the agony of having glass embedded in me. It must have been all the sex that clouded my mind.
“Thanks for the help!” I shouted as I carefully wrapped the sheet around my waist, trying not to push any of the glass further in. Every step was more painful than the last, but I couldn’t just lie out here and die of blood loss.
I winced as I stepped on a shard of glass, shaking my foot out as I hissed in pain. “Sure, just leave me here. I’m totally capable of doing this on my own.”
Hobbling along the side of the house, I was nearly around to the front when I heard the first shout.
“Take it over there! Sinner, get your face out of the cookies. It’s time to work.”
Sure I had heard this wrong, I peeked around the corner and frowned. Knight was barking orders at everyone from Reed Security. The sound of a drill cut through the mountain air, and Chris was on a ladder, installing security cameras all around the entrance.
“What the fuck?”
Knight turned around and sighed when he saw blood soaking through the sheet. He clicked a button on comms, his jaw clenching in irritation as he looked at me. “Kate, I’m gonna need you out front. Parker’s having issues.”
“What the hell is going on?” I asked, interrupting what looked like a very busy morning.
“Installing security. What does it look like?”
“But…why?”
He had just turned to yell at Cazzo when he stopped and slowly swiveled back to me. “Why? Did you really just fucking ask me why?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did.”
His jaw hardened as he stalked toward me. “Because you moved out to the middle of nowhere—”
“Montana.”
“And anyone could break into your house and kill you, yet no one would know. If Blake was trapped in the house with a psychopath, you wouldn’t have any cameras on the inside. You would have no way of keeping an eye on her.”
“Pretty sure Blake could take on any psychopath,” I retorted, pointing at the blood dripping all over the sheet.
“And what about your child? Are you so sure about your child’s safety? Are you positive that the neighbor who liked to cut up small animals as a child is safe to be close to?”
“He’s actually about ten miles away. At least. How do you know all this?”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t look at the whole fucking ranch and town before I came out here?”
“Well, I didn’t even know you were coming out here, to be fair.”
Storming past me, he yelled at Wolf. “The idea is to make it harder to get in!”
I did a double-take as I watched Wolf up on the roof, doing something to the chimney. “Is he—”
“Let’s get back to the real issue,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re getting lazy. You left Reed Security, and you decided it’s safe in your hometown, on your ranch.”
“I—”
“You have nothing but locks on the doors. Did you forget about everything we went through? You have a kid on the way, and there’s not a damn thing baby-proofed about the house.”
“Because we just found out we were having a kid!”
The drill went off again, but this time, it was in the eaves of the house. “Hey, what the fuck is Hunter doing with—Is that a machine gun?” I shouted.
“I’m sorry, did you think you were going to fight off intruders with a handgun?”
“Yeah!” I shouted, rushing to the house to yell at Hunter to take it out, but the blood loss caught up to me and I swayed on my feet.
“Whoa, take it easy there!” Kate said, rushing over to my side as I nearly toppled over. “Can’t have you end up in the hospital on your wedding day.”
“Seems about right,” I gasped as she lowered me to the ground.
“Good thing I brought my medical bag,” she grinned, rolling me to my side so she could see the glass sticking out of my back.
“When with Knight,” I murmured.
“Exactly. So, this doesn’t look too bad…Huh. That’s interesting.”
“What?”
“Well, she managed to get you in the same spot as last time, only in your back. I bet you’ll have quite a bit of scar tissue built up by the time you’re an old man.”
“If I live that long.”
“Alright, let’s get this stitched up, and then we’ll handle the other problem.”
I cringed as I remembered her dealing with this last time. Well, I was passed out, so I wasn’t aware of her having to check out my dick that wouldn’t go down, but the aftermath was still very present in my mind.
“I swear, I’m not doing it on purpose.”
I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was laughing at me. “Relax. It’s a medical condition.”
Sinner walked up, crossing his arms over his chest as he grinned down at me. “Nice.”
“Is it bad?”
“You mean, the giant piece of glass sticking out of your back? Nah, it’s totally normal.”
“Good. At least I can still get married.”
“That’s the spirit. So, where is the little lady?”
That didn’t sound at all good. I wasn’t sure why, but I really didn’t want to let him know. “Not sure.”
“Hmm, well, the ladies have a surprise for her.”
“Not sure that’s a good idea,” I said, sucking in a breath as Kate removed the glass.
“Right, well, don’t lay down there too long. Bachelor party in ten!” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me just before running off.
Sighing, I dropped my head to rest on the ground.
“Relax, it could be worse,” Kate mused.
“In what way?”
“Well, I’m not sure, but give the guys a few hours, and I’m sure you’ll regret asking that.”