Chapter 25 #2
She noticed me on the other side of the road a minute later. A brief smile spread across my face. Perhaps it was relief.
She crossed the street to join me.
“Miles, hey! What are you doing?”
“Just…” I looked around, not sure of what to say. Three seconds ago, I just wanted to find her. But now that I was standing in front of her, my lips were sealed, not certain if I wished to dive into it all. “Walking,” I ended up saying.
She tilted her head, trying to decipher me.
“Let’s go sit somewhere,” she said, with her sweet, endearing voice. And I followed her.
It was useless.
If I hadn’t wanted to be seen through, I couldn’t have come searching for her.
We sat on one of the wooden benches along the village’s main street, shaded by a tall tree, beside the church.
“My mom and I had a fight,” I told her, after a moment of silence and Ella’s empathetic eyes. “Ben, my mom’s last boyfriend, the one we lived with back in Wayneth, showed up at our house today.”
Ella looked confused.
“I don’t understand it either,” I said. Ella wasn’t expecting that. Neither was I. It felt like my anger was a liquid, always trembling on the edge of spilling over. “And it’s hopeless talking to my mother. Talking isn’t even the right term, since she has barely said a word to me.”
“And your mom is still dating that Mr. Gaston?” she asked, and I nodded. “Do you think she ran away from your stepfather because of this man?” Ella wondered aloud, trying to make sense of the nonsense too.
I shook my head. It was more complex than that. “They were in love back then. She came to Evermere crushed. She didn’t meet Gaston until four months ago.”
“Hm…” Ella sat there next to me, reflecting on it or simply keeping me company. “What are you feeling?” she asked after a few moments.
I had never talked to her about Ben. She didn’t know much about how I felt about him. I’d told her it was hard for my mom to leave him, at least that was what I thought, but I never told Ella how hard it was for me.
Ella had already met Gaston. We exchanged glances while he bragged about his tailored high-quality blazer.
She shared my opinion of him, though she expressed it a little less aggressively, she could never be aggressive toward or about anyone.
A few weeks ago, my mom had made a comment about the three of us living together one day. I couldn’t swallow that idea.
“I think I feel frustrated.”
It was difficult seeing Ben drive away, knowing he wouldn’t return. It was frustrating to talk to my mom and watch her walk away.
“I’m sure your mom had her reasons,” she said, trying to lighten things. But this time, that didn’t calm me. Everything had already gotten on my nerves. “I didn’t know Ben, but maybe Gaston is more suitable for her,” she guessed.
A guess that didn’t make sense.
“You don’t know her. She can’t pick men. She always ends up with the biggest jerks. Gaston is no different. He’s not suitable for her.”
Ben was probably the best man she would ever find. And for some reason, she crumpled him up and threw him away.
Ella fell silent at the sound of my voice.
My gaze drifted to her. She sat quietly.
Her natural highlights shimmered golden in the light, like strands of sunlight themselves.
The freckles across her face and neck added to her angelic look, making her seem effortlessly beautiful.
Her blue eyes were warm, deep. She was silently holding space for my emotions.
Despite the anger and sadness swirling inside me, I couldn’t help but be struck by how mesmerizing she looked.
“I’m tired of this. I think I’m going away,” I said, bringing both hands up to my face.
“Away? Where?” She sounded worried.
I turned to face her, held her gaze for a second, and said, disheartened, “I’ve been offered a scholarship. In music. All expenses paid.”
“Miles!” Her face lit up. “That’s amazing, congratulations! Of course you’re going away! You have to go.”
I gave her a small smile, touched with sadness. I’d wanted her to help me make the decision. But that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about at the moment. Or that wasn’t what I wanted to hear from her lips.
“But it’s really far away from you,” I said softly, and she didn’t react immediately to it.
The corners of her mouth fell slightly. She blinked, clearly not expecting me to say something like that. It was as if my words had caught her off guard, like it was too much, too earnest, too sentimental for her.
“It’s your future,” she said simply. As if the right choice was obvious. As if considering anything else was foolish.
“Alright. I get it,” I said sharply.
She would never tell me to stay.
I pictured a future with her close to me, her calmness, her quiet strength, always within reach.
When she was near, everything felt more balanced, like I could breathe a little easier.
It was as if the noise in my head quieted down when she was around.
I wanted that. I wanted to be close to her, to keep that peace, that sense of stability.
But I would never be a part of her future in the way I longed for.