Chapter Fifteen
Fifteen
W iCKed Sisters was busy, which Liberty was thankful for. She’d recently begun making brooms to sell in her part of the shop and they were flying—pun totally intended—off the shelves. She loved this time of year, and working with herbs and crystals for the customers improved her mood.
Her good mood was definitely going off of the success in the shop and not because she was sleeping with Merle.
Well, it wasn’t just the sex—which was great—that was responsible for this feeling of...she wanted to say joy. But joy couldn’t be sustained. Her mom had always advised her to strive to be content instead of happy. Content was something that could be maintained through her life, and joy was temporary.
But Liberty had never been even keeled. She was more like a gremlin from that ’80s movie her mom loved. Once she felt something, she turned into a monster until she was done emoting and then calmed back down.
What she felt for Merle was undefinable.
Which would be totally throwing her off her stride if it wasn’t Samhain. Her excitement for the new season was keeping her from completely losing the plot. Maybe she was changing, she thought as she wove some rosemary leaves into the broom she was making. Rosemary was good for mental stimulation, purity, love and protection.
She even made brooms for Poppy and Sera. Poppy’s had a lot of rosemary in it because she still seemed unsure of what to do with her ex-husband. Liberty knew she should get with Sera and find a way to coax Poppy out of the shop and up to Hanging Hill. A girls night ritual would do them all a lot of good. She glanced at the moon phases calendar that hung on the wall next to the register.
Tomorrow night was the waxing moon. That would be perfect for an attraction spell to help usher some answers into Poppy’s life. To distract her from Alistair, who was being very charming...but Liberty feared it wouldn’t last. So did Poppy, but she didn’t want to admit it.
She finished the broom she was working on and then headed over to talk to Sera first. Poppy was on the phone behind the counter in the tea shop. Between her ex and her family, Poppy had been very busy lately and Liberty felt a pang as she realized just how much she was missing the time with her friends.
Sera strained at the book press, twisting the machine down to flatten the signatures she’d put into her handmade journals and grimoires.
“Hey, you seem like you’re in a good mood.”
Liberty chuckled. “Is that strange?”
“Sort of. You’ve been off since J.J.”
Sera was right. She had been off, and it wasn’t that everything was back in place inside of her, but something had shifted. It felt like things were still shifting around and would be for a while.
“I’m different.”
“Different good? I mean, it seems good, but change is scary,” Sera said.
“Yeah it is. But this feels right. Anyway, can you go out tomorrow night?”
“Girls night or couples? Wes is in Bangor checking out some old books and won’t be back for a few days.”
“Girls night,” Liberty said. “Let’s go to Hanging Hill.”
“Perfect. I’ve been working on something for the two of you and it’s almost done,” Sera said. She reached over and hugged Liberty. “I’ve missed this.”
“Me too.”
“I know it’s sort of me a little bit, and I love spending more time with Wes, but he’s different than you two.”
Liberty wasn’t sure what Sera was trying to say. “Are things going okay?”
She chewed her lower lip for a minute and then nodded. “Yes. And that’s what scares me. I thought I’d worked through most of my being abandonment issues, but the more I start to depend on Wes the more fear seems to creep in.”
This was totally one of the reasons why she loved her friends so much. They weren’t #blessed. They were real. Women who weren’t perfect.
“Hey! Are you two dishing the good stuff without me?” Poppy asked as she came over.
“Just saying I’m a big scaredy cat about relationships—still, nothing new,” Sera said. “Liberty suggested we all go up to Hanging Hill tomorrow night for the waxing moon.”
“Oh, tomorrow?”
“Yes. Can you go?” Liberty asked.
Poppy pressed her lips together. “I’m supposed to host the Secret Tea Society online chat tomorrow...”
“Didn’t you say Alistair was part of it? That man owes you way more than one favor,” Liberty said.
“Good thinking. I’ll message him now.”
“How’s that all work? Do we still hate him? Or has he actually changed?” Sera asked.
“I’m not sure. He’s been different lately.” Poppy took her phone from her back pocket, typed out the message and put her phone away.
“You definitely need a girls night,” Sera said. “We all do.”
“Yeah, I do.” Poppy sighed. “I thought I was over him, but...”
Liberty really didn’t like Poppy’s ex, but if her friend still had feelings for the guy then she would support her. But if they got back together and it turned out he was courting her just for his family’s business again, Liberty was going to pull out Nan’s dark magic book and on the next dark moon she’d put a curse on him that would make him rue the day he messed with her best friend.
“Great. Let’s do an attraction ritual,” Liberty said. “I need one. I’m still not sure what to do about the sperm donor or Merle. And Sera needs answers about Wes.”
“It’s not about Wes.”
“It is about Wes if you think he might leave.”
“It’s me that’s the problem,” Sera said, rolling her eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Poppy asked. “You’re perfect and he loves you. I mean, you can totally see it when he looks at you.”
“But what if he stops looking at me like that?” Sera said.
“Why would he?” Liberty asked. “He’s moved his entire life to Birch Lake and even opened his shop on Main Street to be closer to you. That doesn’t seem like a guy who’s planning to leave.”
“I know that. I do. Rationally I feel so loved by him, but there’s this tiny spark of doubt inside of me that I don’t deserve to be this happy and this loved.”
Poppy and Liberty moved as one to hug their friend close. Liberty had no answers; whatever they said to Sera wasn’t going to be enough. It was going to take years of Wes loving her before she felt secure. And years of them loving her.
“We haven’t left you,” Poppy said quietly.
“No, you haven’t.”
“That’s because we’re family,” Liberty said. This was what family was. Not some unknown man who had never wanted to know her. These women had been drawn into her life during the hardships, the rough patches, the imperfect places. They had nothing binding them to her other than the love they’d all created. One thing that her father had never given her.
Liberty had finished her last tarot reading for the day when she heard the bell on the shop door ring. She glanced up to catch her mom standing there. She looked tired but put on a smile as though nothing was wrong.
The love she felt for her mom washed over her. She missed her and had only herself to blame for the distance between them lately.
She finished helping her customer, hoping she looked chill and calm on the outside, because inside she was very aware of the secret she still kept and how wired she was the last time they’d seen each other. Her mom was talking to Poppy and ordering a chai tea as if it was a normal day.
She didn’t have to be close to know the order; it was what her mom always got—she liked the way that Poppy mixed her own blend of spices with the water and soy milk. Liberty knew so much about her mom, but there was still so much she didn’t understand. Hell, she was keeping more secrets from her mom than ever before. There was probably just as much her mother didn’t understand about her either.
It wasn’t like she wanted to start spilling everything, but she needed to tell her mom the truth if she wanted to make progress on finding her father. And her mom would tell her. Liberty believed that.
Part of moving on was actually letting go of the past. She’d thought she had let it go a long time ago—not just the ache of missing a parent, but its impact on her relationships. She had nothing but respect for her mom, who’d never moaned about being a single parent. She taught Liberty to stand on her own. But looking back, it was easy to see that at some point that lesson had changed, as if life had become black and white where men were concerned.
Her mom hadn’t dated at all when she was growing up. As an adult, Liberty eventually realized that some of her mom’s late nights involved going out with men, but those men had never been brought home or invited into their family and rituals.
It was only since things with Merle started heating up that Liberty saw it. Things were changing.
Merle showed her that not all guys were like her father and the other short-term men in her life. But she also totally had to admit that it was a little bit her. The reason why those men had been short term was because she never opened up to them or asked them for more.
She’d chosen them because they didn’t want anything permanent. Sera admitting she was still afraid to be left by Wes, even though the guy was totally obsessed with her and knew that Liberty would curse his ass if he hurt Sera, had been eye opening.
Fear didn’t just disappear because you willed it to.
Liberty had always been bold and brash, showing the world that she wasn’t a woman to be fucked with. But inside...inside, she’d been small and scared more times than she wanted to admit.
“Hey, baby girl,” Mom said as she came over.
“Mama,” Liberty said. Her mom held one arm open and Liberty went in for the hug she’d been missing. She’d been so busy avoiding her mom, trying to figure this out on her own. Her fear of confronting the messy truth had forced her to cut herself off from everything she’d always known.
Fuck.
Maybe her magic wasn’t in chaos, maybe it was just her. Fucking with her own head and believing the worst thing would happen, because she was scared.
“What’s up? And don’t try to play that nothing is,” her mom said.
“Mom, every time you say ‘play’ like that you sound like you’re forcing it,” Liberty replied with a smile.
“I’m not. I’m a cool mom, remember?”
“Since when?”
“Poppy and Sera, I’m a cool mom, right?” she yelled across the store.
“Definitely,” Poppy said.
“The coolest,” Sera confirmed.
“See?” her mom said to her.
Liberty just shook her head. “They were being nice. More importantly, I need to talk to you.”
“I know,” Mom said.
“That I need to talk, or what I need to talk about?” she asked.
“Just that you need to talk. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong, but when you get like this you’re hard to read,” Mom said. “Is it Nan?”
“Partly,” Liberty admitted, watching over her mom’s shoulder as Sera locked the shop door and turned the sign to Closed. “Let’s go sit down.”
She led the way over to Poppy’s tea shop where there were tables and chairs. They sat down while Poppy brought over a pot of tea and a new cup for Liberty before squeezing her shoulder and then entering Sera’s bookshop section to leave them alone.
She appreciated that her friends were close by and drew strength from their bond. It was past time to discuss this with her mom.
“So it’s bad?”
“No. I mean maybe. I don’t know.” She took a deep breath and centered herself. “Nan thought I was you during one of my visits,” she said. That was probably the best place to start.
“Oh. When?” Mom asked. She wrapped one arm around her waist and sort of held herself for a moment.
“Back in the spring. She hasn’t done it again,” Liberty said, wanting to hug her mom and at the same time not have this conversation. Her emotions were swirling around because she knew that this was hurting her mom, and she hadn’t even gotten to the part about her sperm donor.
“Well it’s good that it hasn’t happened again.” Her mom had a steady look on her face, but Liberty noticed her hands shaking. With a long sigh, she sat her mug down on the table, and her eyes were watering as she rapidly blinked to keep from crying.
“Uh, Mom, are you okay?”
She shook her head. “Not really. I’m worried about Nan.”
“But she’s doing better lately,” Liberty said, trying to reassure her, but also looking for some reassurance herself. If her mom thought Nan wasn’t going to get better, then it would force Liberty to acknowledge it as well.
“She is, sweetie. You’re right. But she’s never going to get better.”
Liberty had been in denial, but she couldn’t be anymore. Mom needed her now more than ever. Nan’s deteriorating state wasn’t something that she could pretend was going to change anymore. The move to the care home had been hard on her mom, and Liberty had tried to pretend... She couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to admit to herself that Nan wasn’t going to get better.
Liberty felt like a bad daughter for not being there for her mom.
“So why’d you wait to tell me?”
Tears choked her as she tried to find the words. But the truth was hard to get out. How was she going to say that if she’d told her mom, then she’d have to admit that Nan was slipping further away from them? And the subject of her father was going to hurt her mom too. Enough time had passed. She couldn’t wait any longer.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” she cried.
“Baby, you never could,” Lourdes said, coming around the table.
Liberty stood up, allowing her mom to hug her tightly. In her mother’s arms, with the comforting scent of her lilac perfume, Liberty took a shuddering breath and spoke into her mother’s shoulder.
“She thought I was you when you were pregnant, and she told me that I had to get rid of that John Jones or she was going to kick you out of the house,” Liberty said. The words just spilled out in a rushed jumble.
It felt like her head was full of yarn and the room was tilted off-kilter. The embrace changed and Liberty stepped back. Her mom’s face went pale and she put a hand to her throat.
“Oh.”
Oh?
Lourdes was struggling to process everything. Liberty knew she should give her mom space, but her emotions were all tangled into some complicated knot, and the words that had been trapped had freed the dam.
“Mom, why didn’t you tell me Nan didn’t like him? Why didn’t you at least see if I wanted to know his name now that I’m an adult?”
“That never really mattered, and you didn’t want to know about him when you were young. When did that change?” her mom questioned. There was no emotion in her voice which was so totally not like her mom.
This wasn’t what she was expecting. Was there more to her parents’ relationship that had yet to be revealed?