Chapter Sixteen
Sixteen
“M ama?”
“Give me a minute,” her mom said as she stood up, angling her face away from her daughter.
“Is there more to the story than I know? I asked Merle to try to find him on the computer.”
Her mom looked back, eyes wide with tears, and Liberty could tell that pushing this any further wasn’t going to bring her any answers. She was hurting her mom. But she was hurting too. It felt like there was more to the biological father thing than her mom had let on. That was why she’d been so reluctant to tell her mom about it in the first place.
On some level, it was clear that her mom had kept important information from her, and that felt like a betrayal from one of the few people she was supposed to trust unconditionally.
“Why?”
“Because I did one of those DNA tests—”
“I mean why didn’t you just ask me?” Mom sat down at the table again.
Ah. Now it was time for her to get real.
“Because we burned that letter he sent. We pushed him out of our lives,” Liberty said quietly.
Inside she was scared, and angry, and didn’t know how to cope with this. She wanted to be ballsy and use her sass to defend herself, but she couldn’t. Her mom had always been her soft spot, even in moments like this where she just assumed that Liberty shared the same opinions.
Her mom never wanted to talk about this man. Liberty assumed at some point her mom would give her the agency to have a change of heart without projecting her own pain onto her daughter.
“I’m sorry, Lib. What do you want to do?”
Her mom reached across the table and took her hand. There was such comfort from that touch. For a moment, the wise goddess who’d always been able to guide Liberty through everything was in that touch. But Liberty was mad. Mad that she’d made it seem like the reason her biological father had left was purely because her mom had gotten pregnant. Liberty had assumed that he was a jerk, that he didn’t want her, but was he just a man afraid of commitment? Was she really just collateral damage?
“What was your relationship like? Did he hurt you? Why did Nan not like him? Would he have stayed with you if you’d gotten rid of me?” Liberty asked the questions in quick succession, in case this was her only chance. There were more in her mind but that would do for a start.
Her mom pulled her hands away and rubbed the back of her neck.
“Okay, you want everything, and I will tell you, but please remember I made the best decisions I could at the time. Looking back on it, I can see places where I should have made different ones, but in the moment the choice I made seemed the best,” Lourdes said. “Want some more tea?”
“No. I want answers.”
“I’ll give them to you. I promise,” Mom said. “I’ve always loved your fire and your spirit, but you really could work on your compassion. I need a minute.”
Liberty hadn’t given her one. There was a validity to her being upset. Her mom had gotten a lot of information at once and needed time to process it. She could trust her mom. Which was what the mother-daughter relationship was for.
“Sorry, Mama. Let me get you some more tea. Poppy made a new blend for me that I think you’ll like. Take your time.”
Her friends had both gone into the back of Sera’s shop, but she knew they were still close by.
“Thank you, baby girl. I’m sorry, it’s just... I hate the woman I was. Since the moment I learned I was pregnant with you, I vowed to stop being the worst version of myself...”
Liberty went over and hugged her mom. Her hair smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. So comforting that she wanted to rest there for a minute. To hold her mom and let her know—
“Mom, I get that you weren’t always my mother. You are, and were, your own person too. More than anyone else, I get what it’s like to feel like the worst version of who you could be and react without a filter. But if I’ve learned one thing from you, it’s to own it and move on. Sounds like you did that with my dad,” Liberty said.
She touched the teapot Poppy had brought and realized it had gone cold. She left her mom to her thoughts to go and make another pot.
What should I do?
She needed to take action and figure this out. Pull a card and finally get some clarity. This time, the deck would speak to her. Liberty was ready.
She set the teacups on the table and went back to her shop where she’d left her Rider-Waite tarot deck. She returned to the table and sat down across from her mom again, shuffling it. Mom seemed to relax for the first time since Liberty revealed the truth.
“What are you asking?” Mom took a sip of her tea, putting her hands on the table.
“If I should let this go,” Liberty said.
Her mom took the cards, shaking her head. “That’s not the right question.”
“I thought there was no such thing as a bad question for tarot,” Liberty retorted.
“There isn’t. But that won’t give you the answer you’re seeking. You should ask something like, ‘Will I gain anything from knowing this?’”
Liberty shook her head and took the cards back, trying to maintain her composure. “You can ask that. I want to know more. I just don’t want to hurt you by pushing.”
Her mom gave her that sad mom smile that Liberty had seen a lot growing up. Being friends with your mom was great in many ways, but in some ways it made the tough things even tougher. “You can’t hurt me. I’m afraid I might hurt you.”
“Why?”
“I can’t... I can’t talk about this now. I’m sorry, but I need some time.”
Her mom was shutting down. Was her biological father a dangerous man who’d hurt her mom? It had never occurred to her that maybe her mom had a bad experience with him.
“Okay,” she said. She had never seen this side of her mom and it scared her. This wasn’t like Nan slowly forgetting that you ate soup with a spoon or that they’d always lived on Cherry Lane. This was something else.
It was hard to see her mom through a woman’s eyes instead of as the child she’d always been. This woman needed time, and Liberty knew if Sera or Poppy had asked for it she’d give it. She had to do the same for her mom.
Liberty quickly rose to her feet, grabbed her bag and left the store. Her mother was still at the table, looking...
She thought she had no destination in mind, but wasn’t surprised when she realized she was on her way to Merle’s house.
Merle had a new work project that should have been keeping him busy and his mind occupied. His boss had given him an assignment that was almost too easy, so he was running a few programs in the background while working on some details for the next session for D it was what Nan had said.
She’d told Lourdes to leave John Jones. Why? What could he have done to make her Nan so angry? And what was it that her mom was reluctant to tell her?
“So what’s with you and your parents anyway, since you mention it?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah, nothing,” he said. “We’re talking about you and your mom.”
“So that’s a no-go zone?”
“For tonight. I already told you about them. So I wouldn’t say no-go exactly,” he said, taking a long sip of his drink and emptying his glass. “I just haven’t figured out how I want to approach them yet. And I’m more worried about you.”
There was always more. His family rattled him. But she understood why he wasn’t ready. You can’t force an epiphany.
She put her controller on the coffee table next to her glass. Merle rested his head against the back of the sofa. He’d taken off his glasses and had his eyes closed. His long, shaggy hair curled around his face. Reaching out, she pushed her fingers into his hair. There was something homegrown handsome about Merle’s face. It proclaimed his health and strength with his strong bone structure. Those full lips though, they drew her in.
“Merle?”
“Yeees?” he said in an exaggerated way that made her giggle.
She’d definitely had enough tequila.
“Why not just let me cry or convince me to go and talk to her?”
“It didn’t seem like what you needed. You left her and came to me,” he pointed out.
“Naturally that meant tequila and gaming,” she said as she straddled him. He stayed reclined on the couch but put his hands on her waist.
She leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of his aftershave and something basic that was just Merle. It was so odd that the one constant that she could really count on at this moment was a man. This one.
Merle somehow figured out the exact thing that would get her out of her head and give her a chance to be aggressive.
It wasn’t lost on her that she’d come to his place instead of texting Poppy and Sera like she normally would. They probably overheard everything in the shop if they did stick around in the back room. But tonight she’d needed to be with someone who didn’t know her mom. Who wouldn’t take her mom’s side and tell her that she was being a brat or try to see her point of view.
And Merle was that person.
His hands roamed up and down her back and she felt his erection stir under her. She shifted closer.
“Are you okay now?” he asked her.
Merle was the kind of guy who never wanted to take advantage of her. He was one of a kind. Chivalrous. That resonated deep in her soul. Made her like him even more.
She hugged him tightly. Up to this point, she lived her life with no regrets, and that wouldn’t change just because of the situation with her mom and John Jones.
“I could be better, but I’m good.”
“I’m glad,” he said, tipping his head to the side and bringing his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly and tenderly. She felt a decadent warmth spread throughout her body, and she couldn’t decide if Merle was the best thing that ever happened in her life or if it was just the tequila making her feel that way.
Then she decided it didn’t matter. Right now, he was here, and she didn’t want to hold back.