Chapter 26 Logan
LOGAN
Iwasn’t surprised that Noah had slept the day away with Ariel curled up at his side. Between the stress of the injury and the resulting pain meds, the poor kid was upside down.
And it was better for me that night was falling and he was still in bed. I was dreading telling him Nina was gone. As far as I was concerned, the longer I could put it off, the better.
It didn’t feel real to me yet. Despite the drama of our final conversation, a part of me still expected to hear her laughter echoing down the hallway. She’d only been gone for a few hours, but I could already feel the void she’d left behind.
I peeked my head in Noah’s room to check on him one more time and noticed that he was finally blinking awake. He had to be starving by now. I’d soften the blow of Nina’s departure by giving him whatever he wanted for dinner. Nothing was off the table, even ice cream.
And now the only disapproving look I’d have to deal with would be Josie’s.
“Daddy,” he whimpered as he sat up and looked at his arm like it didn’t belong on his body. “Is it night?”
Ah yes, the pain meds were definitely wearing off.
“Almost. Are you hungry for dinner?” I could give him a pill to make him more comfortable, but the pain meds were supposed to be taken with food.
He nodded, seconds from tears.
Shit. The storm clouds were forming already.
Luckily, Ariel did a big stretch and hopped off the bed, drawing his attention.
“We should probably give Miss Ariel her dinner too. Why don’t we head down to the kitchen so we can all eat?” I suggested.
He nodded and slid off the bed gingerly.
“I was thinking we could have fun dinner tonight,” I said as we walked down the hallway behind the kitten. “Like…cupcakes!”
Noah looked up at me out of the corner of his eye. “I’ll get in trouble if I have cupcakes for dinner. Nina says I shouldn’t eat too many sweets.”
I swallowed hard. Was this the right moment to bring up our new reality?
“When we get to the kitchen, can you bring me one of my black pens?” Noah kept up his stream of sleepy chatter.
“I want Nina to draw Ariel on my cast. And you can write your name on it since you’re not a good draw-er.
Maybe Nina can teach you how to make something?
I wasn’t good at drawing hands, and she showed me a trick. ”
My heart sank; although, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he immediately thought of Nina. She’d woven herself into our lives so seamlessly that neither of us could envision life without her.
Not yet, anyway. But we’d learn.
We started down the stairs.
“Where is Nina?” Noah asked, glancing around.
“Let’s go down to the kitchen and talk,” I answered.
Josie was waiting for us when we walked in, and it was impossible to miss the glare she shot my way. She’d caught Nina packing, and the resulting whispers made it clear that I now had a very angry house manager to contend with.
“There he is! And look at your fancy new cast. I love the color,” Josie said, breaking into a smile that was only for my son. “You must be starving! What can I make for you, sweetheart?”
“That’s okay, I’m going to take care of our dinner tonight,” I said.
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow at me, obviously remembering that the last time I tried to fry an egg for myself, the resulting mess on the stove required industrial cleanser to remove.
“Daddy said cupcakes for dinner!” Noah cheered, his pending bad mood temporarily forgotten.
Josie’s disapproving glare was probably compounded by the fact that she no longer had Nina backing her up.
“We’re, uh, actually set for the night,” I explained. “You can take the rest of the evening off.”
She glanced at Noah then back at me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Thank you, Josie.”
“Call me if you need me,” she said before pushing through the swinging door that led to her quarters. “Because I have a feeling you might.”
I didn’t respond.
Ariel stalked between us with her tail swishing in the air, her way of reminding us that she had been angelically patient, but she was about to starve to death.
“Bud, can you take care of Ariel’s food while I get started on ours?”
The doctor had told us not to baby him because it was too easy for children to revert to helplessness during recovery. He’d be back to normal quicker if we were matter-of-fact about his injury.
Noah got to work filling Ariel’s bowl and placing it in her nook by the counter, then he walked to the doorway.
“Nina!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “Where are you?”
“Hey, bud,” I scolded gently. “What have we told you about using your inside voice?”
I flinched. Nina was part of the “we” in question.
Noah turned to me with wide eyes. “But where is she? I haven’t seen her since we got back from the hospital. She owes me a hug.”
I sighed. It was now or never.
“Noey, why don’t you come over here,” I said as I walked to the window seat. “Let’s talk.”
He looked confused as he climbed up next to me, but I could already see the worry in his eyes.
“Some things have changed,” I began, then stopped abruptly because I hadn’t had the good sense to script out how I was going to break the news.
“Where’s Nina?” he whispered, his bottom lip trembling.
“She had to go home, bud.”
Noah’s body relaxed a little. “Okay. When is she coming back to our home?”
I decided to rip off the Band-Aid. I reached out to take his good hand in mine.
“Noey, she’s not. We decided that it was better if she didn’t live here anymore.”
He was shaking his head before I finished. “No, that’s not true. You have a driver’s license together. She has to live here. With us. Because remember? We’re going to have a wedding. You promised.”
His voice pitched higher with each word, worry filling every syllable.
“Noey, we didn’t promise that. Remember I said that we needed to make sure that we liked being married?” I cleared my throat to keep from choking on the lie to come. “Well, we discovered that we didn’t like it as much as we thought we would.”
He stared off into space while he tried to make sense of what I was telling him.
“I liked it,” he said in a trembling little voice that broke my heart.
“I know you did.” I reached out to run my hand over the top of his head and he ducked away, glaring at me with a look of defiance I hadn’t seen in a while.
“But…when is she coming back? For real? Because she’s supposed to be here. She needs to come home.”
His tone was shifting from injured to angry.
“Noah, I told you, she’s not coming back. This isn’t her home anymore. And we’re not her family.”
“She’s not ever coming back?”
I wasn’t sure how many different times I’d have to break his heart.
“Not ever,” I repeated in a quiet voice.
He went silent as he processed the news, then he slid off the bench and sprinted away.
“Hey, be careful,” I called after him.
“Nina!”
His mournful wail echoed around the house.
I knew exactly where he was heading. I jogged to catch up with him.
“Nina,” he gasped when he got to the door to her room. He burst in and froze when he saw that all traces of her were gone.
The Dodgers cap we’d bought at a game that was usually hanging off the edge of the mirror.
The books stacked on the nightstand. The cluster of lotions and potions on the dresser.
And it wasn’t just her missing stuff. I wasn’t sure how it had happened, but it was like the air in the room had already shifted from warm and homey to museum-like.
Noah collapsed onto his knees with a wail.
“Hey, hey,” I ran over to wrap my arms around him, but he swatted me away with his good hand.
“Why did she leave? Was it because I hurt my arm? I didn’t mean to do it—it was an accident,” he said through his sobs.
And here I thought my heart couldn’t fracture any more.
“No! Absolutely not; it had nothing to do with you!” I insisted.
The words didn’t sink in, because he went on, asking, “Is it because I was naughty? Did I eat too much sugar?”
“I promise you, this was a grown-up decision that had nothing to do with you. Nina still loves you,” I said. Yes, I had said the opposite to her a few hours before, but this was clearly what Noah needed to hear.
Noah dropped his head back and let out a sob that didn’t end. Ariel had found her way to her distressed boy, weaving around him with her ears back. But his distress was so deep that even the kitten couldn’t distract him.
“I want Nina,” he cried.
I let him cry and tried not to be hurt that he kept pushing me away. It was like he could sense that my actions were the reason why Nina was no longer with us.
I wasn’t sure what to do other than let him cry it out. Noah hadn’t had a breakdown like this since…well, since the last one on the ship that Nina had helped him weather. I was on my own this time around, and I was doing a shit job handling it.
Noah lowered himself to his side and curled into a ball on the ground, cradling his broken arm.
This level of distress couldn’t be good for him, but I was powerless to help.
I couldn’t think of anything to do other than simply be there for him.
I moved to sit on the ground beside him to wait out the storm.
I needed to rally. This was our new reality until I could find a replacement for Nina.
Like that was even a remote possibility.
She and Noah had been effortless together from the start.
My stomach sank as I thought about the warning Nina had given me earlier.
Noah wouldn’t have an easy time trusting a new caretaker.
Things had been so good lately, but now I had the sense that the two of us were in for a rough road.
I leaned back against the dresser and rested my hand on Noah’s back, which he thankfully allowed. This room felt haunted now, like even if I had my decorator rip out every bit of it, somehow it would still bear the ghost of Nina.
I glanced around the now-depressing space. She’d done an excellent job removing all traces of her stay, but I could see the clothing we’d bought together through the half-open closet door. I’d have someone—not Josie—box it all up and ship it to…well, wherever she ended up.
Something on the corner of the nightstand caught my eye. I squinted at the object. A forgotten hair tie?
Then it hit me: it was the velvet bag that had held the engagement ring I gave her on our private cruise.
She’d left it behind. Of course she did…
but hadn’t I accused her of wanting to be an Ashford for the wealth and the permanency?
She could have sold the engagement ring and set herself up in a new condo. Why would she leave it?
Fuck. I shook my head, trying to clear out the doubts already circling. I made the right decision. It didn’t matter that I’d been falling for her; this was the inevitable outcome.
Pain.
If she’d never come into my life, Noah wouldn’t be curled up beside me with a broken arm and broken heart.
And if I was honest with myself, I’d admit that my son wasn’t the only one feeling shattered inside. Yeah, I’d fallen for Nina. Hard. It was impossible not to; I’d known it was inevitable since the moment she pounded down the conference room door.
I frowned at myself. Exactly what was I admitting? That I’d actually fallen in love with the woman?
Yes.
I loved Nina Reyes, despite everything.
I looked at my weeping, broken son and knew exactly what he was feeling.