Chapter 27 Nina
NINA
Tasha wasn’t due back from her latest adventure for a few days. At first, it was a relief to have our place to myself so I could curl up and cry for as long as I wanted, uninterrupted. But after a full day of that, I felt like if I didn’t get a change of scenery, I was going to lose my mind.
So instead of staring at the walls in our now even more depressing loft, I dragged myself out to meet my former colleagues. The ship was back in port for a couple days, and Ashley had reached out to me as news of the split hit.
They wanted gossip. I wanted air. Somehow, I’d walk the line between filling them in and being discreet about the drama. I needed to vent, and they were probably the safest people for me to talk to. After all, all Ashford employees had to sign NDAs.
I tried to care enough to fix my hair and cover the dark circles under my eyes, but I wound up shoving it in a ponytail and wearing dark sunglasses. Nothing mattered, especially how I looked.
I started to doubt my decision to be around other humans as I got closer to the tourist-heavy tiki bar that had the music pumping so loudly I could hear it on the sidewalk. Why had I agreed to this? I considered walking right past it when someone shouted my name. I glanced around.
“We’re out here!”
It was Jared, the ship’s sports director, waving both hands at me from the sunny outdoor seating. He’d been there for Noah’s first rock climbing experience. As I remembered that day, it felt sort of fitting that we were about to hang out given how everything had ended.
“Hey,” I waved back weakly.
I was stuck. No backing out now. I convinced myself that being social would be good for me.
I made my way over to the group of my former colleagues, climbing over the fence dividing the bar instead of walking through the restaurant like a normal, civilized human. I was feral. I was a mess, and I didn’t care if the world could see it.
I was greeted by hugs all around. I hadn’t even realized until that moment how much I’d needed them.
Jared, Beth from guest services, and Ashley, who clutched me for a few seconds longer than necessary, because she’d had a front-row seat to the whole trajectory of my initial relationship with the Ashford boys.
The three of them looked tan and happy, a stark contrast to my pale, depressed state.
“The question isn’t what you want to drink, it’s how many,” Jared said as we settled into our chairs.
“Let’s start with a case of wine,” I fake laughed.
“Aw,” Ashley leaned forward to give my shoulder a squeeze, her mouth downturned. “I hate this.”
“That makes two of us,” I answered.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Beth asked gently. “We’re here for you no matter what.”
I considered how much I wanted to reveal. NDAs or not, Logan and I had agreed to keep the drunken beginning of our relationship a secret from everyone but our very nearest and dearest since it made us look like total fuckups, so I skipped the Ouaca backstory.
“Well, you were at the press conference, so you know how everything started,” I offered with a shrug. “And from that point on, things were pretty darn perfect. My relationship with Logan was better than ever, and Noah made incredible progress.”
“I saw the improvement firsthand just over the course of the cruise,” Jared said. “I never expected him to be so brave on the wall.”
“And the way he started interacting with the other kids,” Ashley added. “It was like he turned into a different kid during the trip. All thanks to you.”
I nodded and bit back the tears welling up. There was no doubt about it. I’d fulfilled my usual role by being useful to Logan, and he’d paid me back with the pain I should’ve expected.
It still hurt that all of the progress we’d made with helping Noah heal was probably being derailed by my unintentional ghosting. I could only imagine how mixed-up Noah felt without me at the house as he dealt with his fractured arm.
They all realized at the same moment that they were pouring salt into my wound.
“Um, let’s focus on something else,” Ashley said. “Anyone want to hear about the lady who locked herself in her bathroom in her cabin and wound up stuck there for four hours?”
“Pass,” Jared snorted. “What else have you got?”
“We heard about the daycare center you were working on at HQ,” Beth said. “Is that still happening?”
Beth wasn’t getting the message to move on from all things Ashford.
I shook my head. “No clue. I’m totally frozen out.”
“I don’t get it,” Ashley said. “You guys seemed happy, then it collapsed so fast. Like, to me it seems out of nowhere. Was there a trigger?”
I snorted out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, there were two, and neither one makes any sense to me.”
They looked at me expectantly. After thinking about it, I decided that I could fill them in on this part.
The waitress came over to take my drink order, but Beth spoke up first.
“Bottomless sangria for the table, please,” she said.
“Perfect,” I nodded. I’d barely eaten anything in the past thirty-six hours, so I could already imagine how fast the alcohol was going to hit me.
“Chips and guac too,” Ashley added, like she could read my mind. She leaned back to take me in. “Anyway, please continue.”
I stared at the tile table in front of me while Jimmy Buffett sang about changes in latitudes. I wanted to tell them every detail of the many ways Logan had hurt me, but I couldn’t summon the words.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Jared assured me.
“No, I do, it’s just…”
“Really shitty?” Beth finished for me, cringing.
I chuckled. “You could say that.”
“Well, whatever you say or don’t say, your secrets are safe with us,” Jared assured me.
I didn’t want to keep secrets for Logan Ashford any longer. He didn’t deserve my silence, and his crew needed to know what an asshole he really was.
“Okay,” I began slowly. “I guess it all started when I suggested this comic book camp for Noah. He’s really getting into graphic novels, so it seemed like a great way to expose him to that world and get him to expand his boundaries a little.
I told Logan about it, and he got really weird, implying that I was trying to get Noah out of the picture so I could have Logan all to myself. ”
“What?” Ashley asked, the shock evident in her voice. “He thought you had a problem with having Noah around? That doesn’t make any sense. You adore that kid. Anyone could see it.”
“He’s ridiculous,” Jared shook his head. “It went both ways, because Noah was your shadow.”
I gestured to them with a nod. “Thank you. I thought maybe I was losing it, but you’ve validated me.
Hold on, though, because it gets worse: we were arguing about the camp concept while we were at Zuma Park with Noah, and we were so focused on the fight that we didn’t see him getting up on the climbing wall. ”
“Oh no,” Jared muttered. “I can guess where this is going.”
“Yup, you sure can. He got overconfident and wound up falling.”
Beth sucked in a breath. “How bad was it?”
“Bad enough for a trip to the hospital. He fractured his arm, and he’s in a cast for the next month.”
“Aw, poor baby,” Ashley said.
“Exactly. I was heartbroken. Noah was a trooper, though.”
“So that was it?” Jared asked. “You guys broke up over comic book camp and an injury?”
The waitress came back to deliver a pitcher of deliciousness that I was suddenly craving.
I shook my head and watched as Jared poured a tumbler for me.
“That fight over the camp was the catalyst. Once we got home from the hospital, Logan doubled down on the accusation that I wanted Noah out of the way, then he capped it off by saying it was my fault Noah fractured his arm because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to him. ”
“Wait…” Beth wrinkled her nose. “You were at the park…together…and Logan is his frickin’ father…”
“Bingo,” I agreed. “And yet I’m solely to blame, somehow.”
“What a dick,” Jared exclaimed. “Although I’m not totally surprised. It sort of tracks.”
We went quiet when the waitress came back with the chips and guac.
“Logan Ashford is officially canceled,” Beth said with her mouth full. “He’s the worst. Irredeemable. A plague upon humanity.”
“Maybe that’s a…little harsh?” Ashely suggested.
She shot an apologetic look my way. “He’s not actually a terrible boss, if you think about it.
We’re well paid. Our job expectations are clearly mapped out.
We get raises and performance bonuses. He makes sure the guests don’t bully us.
Crew excellence is acknowledged and rewarded. ”
“Okay, so he’s fine to work for, but that’s not what we’re talking about,” Beth countered.
“And even if he’s a good boss on paper, he’s not a warm guy. He’s so closed off, you know? He always looks constipated. Even when he smiles, it’s like it takes real effort,” Jared insisted.
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from welling up.
I knew what his real smiles looked like.
I’d been the beneficiary of them many, many times.
And his warmth? Sure, it took some time to uncover it, but I was all too familiar with that side of him as well.
There were times when he’d look at me, and I’d feel…
so very special. Desired, yes, but also appreciated.
Like just having me around made him happy.
All of that was tainted now, though. When I thought of his face, all I could see was the cold disdain he’d worn when I’d walked out of the house for good.
“Yeah, but did you interact with him toward the end of the cruise with Noah?” Beth asked him. “I swear I almost didn’t recognize him. He seemed lighter, you know? Noah wasn’t the only one who benefited from your magic touch.”
“Thank you,” I muttered, then took a huge gulp of sangria.
“You know what?” Jared leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “Fuck him.”
“Well, damn,” Ashley said under her breath.
“No, I’m serious. He had a really good thing with you, and so did Noah. If he can’t see that then he doesn’t deserve you,” Jared insisted.
“Agreed,” Beth said with a nod.
“To forgetting,” Jared held up his glass. “And to the future.”
My eyes welled again. I thought my future was starting to come into focus thanks to Noah and Logan.
I wasn’t sure what it looked like now. HR had reached out to let me know that my old job on board the cruise ship was still available if I wanted it, a surprise concession from Logan.
I wished I could be too proud to stay associated with anything Ashford, but the reality was that I needed a job.
And yeah, I loved working with the kids.
Ashley reached over to grab my hand, startling me out of my sad trance.
“I know how much you care about Noah. He blossomed because of you. So no matter how shitty things wound up, at least you can rest assured that you made a difference with a lost child.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “Yeah, but what about now? Logan made me leave without saying goodbye to Noah!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Beth screeched so loudly that half the patio turned to stare at her.
All I could do was nod and cry as the three of them freaked out. Their reactions highlighted the fact that my anguish over Logan’s choice was one hundred percent justified.
“He’s a monster,” Jared fumed. “That poor kid.”
“And poor Nina,” Beth added. “She lost two special people.”
I already felt the loss, deeply in my heart, and hearing them echo how awful it was just made me cry harder.
“Guys, guys, come on,” Ashley scolded. “You’re not helping. We need to distract her, not make her relive her trauma.”
She reached out to rub my back as I hiccuped my tears down.
“Hey, look, they’re setting up karaoke now,” Jared said, deadly serious. “Would it help if I sang that Scarlet Rush song ‘Small Man’ and dedicated it to Logan?”
His intense expression was enough to coax a giggle out of me. “Sure. That would be amazing.”
“Good. Let’s do an entire set of breakup songs. Ladies?” He looked at Beth and Ashley.
“On it,” Beth replied. “I’ll sing ‘Thank You, Next.’”
“That’s too mellow,” Ashley insisted. “I’ll scream-sing ‘You Oughta Know.’ That feels appropriate.”
“And I’ll do ‘Cry Me a River,’” Jared added. “My falsetto will blow your mind.”
“Thanks, friends,” I said.
“Don’t you worry, we’re going to make you forget that Logan Ashford exists,” Ashely said.
I managed a half smile, appreciating the effort even while knowing they were trying to achieve the impossible.