Chapter 28 Logan
LOGAN
The quiet chatter in the kitchen meant that Josie and Noah were back from his therapist appointment.
It was the fourth time he’d asked for her to drive him instead of me, and yeah, it hurt.
Compounding the pain was the fact that Josie still hadn’t forgiven me for the breakup with Nina.
Between the two of them, I was living with a black cloud over my head.
We were moving past the initial anger, but the lingering freeze out wasn’t much of an improvement.
I never knew how Noah would feel at the end of a therapy session, which was part of the reason why I made a point of working from home on the days he went.
Some appointments left him withdrawn, others matter-of-fact enough to assume it was nothing more challenging than a trip to the grocery store.
But that hadn’t happened since Nina left.
I decided to push my luck and go in to see them.
“Hey there,” I said as I walked into the kitchen.
Noah was perched on a stool at the counter looking at a comic book, and Josie was bustling in the walk-in pantry, probably gathering stuff for a snack.
“Hi, Daddy,” Noah answered flatly, not even glancing my way.
Josie came out of the cupboard clutching a bag of almonds and some peanut butter. “Hello.”
And the cold spell continued.
“What are you two up to?”
I purposely didn’t ask about the session, a lesson I’d learned the hard way after a particularly bad one.
“Snack,” Noah shrugged.
“Would you like some?” Josie asked. “Peanut butter on celery sticks and a bowl of almonds.”
“Thanks, I’m good.” Funfetti cupcakes sounded better, but I knew better than to mention it. I’d already brought them up once and was informed by Noah that he never wanted to eat them again. I deserved that, but it still hurt.
Josie put the ingredients on the counter and walked over to her purse. She pulled out a phone and placed it on the counter. “You can have it back now.”
I stared at it like it was haunted. It was a concession I’d agreed to, but even now, thinking about it nearly broke my brain.
The phone was Noah’s direct line to Nina.
After the dust had settled post-break-up, we’d all come to understand that the void Nina left behind was causing Noah to go through a severe regression, not helped by the fact that the separation had been so abrupt—and so final.
Josie had suggested that perhaps opening up the lines of communication between them could help ease the sting, but I knew I couldn’t be a conduit for it.
I also knew that no matter how much she missed him, Nina wouldn’t feel comfortable reaching out to him on my phone.
I’d let it drop, but Josie presented me with the special phone idea as a way to make everyone happy.
When I’d balked, explaining that Nina probably wouldn’t want to, Josie had shut me down by explaining that the two of them had already worked it out without me.
They just needed my buy-in, which of course I gave.
Anything to help Noah find his smile again.
We all agreed that Noah was too young for unsupervised phone use, but he didn’t mind letting the grown-ups hold onto the phone as long as he knew it was there, and he could use it to call Nina whenever he needed to.
“Did you, uh, use the phone today?”
We all knew what I was actually asking.
Josie all but stepped inside the refrigerator to avoid answering, which was an answer in itself.
“Yes,” Noah replied.
Hope surged through me. Talking to Nina was the equivalent of him taking a mood-balancing drug. Even though he missed her, connecting with her was a reminder that she was still in his life. Not the way he wanted, but it helped him stay stable and calm.
I was tempted to push a little, but their conversation was none of my business. And asking about it, about her, would reopen the wound I was desperately trying to heal.
Josie was still refusing to move past what happened, and I knew that forcing her to take on double duty while I tried to find a replacement for Nina wasn’t helping matters.
I’d doubled her salary to account for the increased responsibilities, and what she didn’t know was that I wouldn’t be reducing it back to where it was once I found someone.
If I found someone. My assistant had already been through the initial vetting stage a few times before, and it felt like we’d exhausted every possibility in California. Even the most qualified candidates didn’t feel right when I met with them for personal interviews.
The truth was no one could compare to the woman we’d lost.
No, “lost” was the wrong word. More like “the woman I’d chased away like a fucking idiot.”
I reached for the phone right as a text came through, which I couldn’t help but see.
So proud of you, buddy! Don’t forget to send me pictures of your latest drawings when you get home!
“Noah…” I said in a strangled voice. I slid the phone across the marble counter to him. “You got a text.”
It felt so awkward to dance around what we all knew was going on. He read the text and smiled to himself, the first smile I’d seen all day. Noah slid the phone back to me.
“Okay, so are you guys all good? Do you need anything?” I asked, hiding a wince when I sounded more like a waiter than a father.
“I’ve got everything under control,” Josie answered without looking up from her celery prep.
“Of course you do,” I said with forced cheer. “Noey, all set? Because I’m heading back to my office for a few calls, but if you want, maybe we can go for a hike later?”
“Okay,” he mumbled as he turned a page in the comic book.
It wasn’t an exuberant yes, but it was enough for me. He couldn’t stay angry with me forever, and my plan was to chip away at his fury one day at a time. Eventually, we’d get past it.
I walked through the house and knew I was lying to myself.
I still saw Nina everywhere I looked, like she was a ghost haunting the place.
There were still certain areas that I avoided completely, like the dining room.
We’d been having breakfast on the patio because her empty chair loomed so large that it killed our appetites.
And the skybrary? Hard pass. I’d gone in shortly after Nina left and discovered the copy of Pride and Prejudice placed back on the shelf. The memories of the night I’d handed it to her felt like a gut punch.
There were traces of her everywhere. My house needed an exorcism if I wanted to move past what we’d shared.
My phone rang right as I reached my office, and as always, my heart surged with hope.
Maybe she needed to connect with me to discuss something Noah had said?
Hadn’t happened yet, but there was always a chance that things could change.
I clung to that hope. It didn’t feel right to call her after everything I’d said, but maybe she would reach out first. Maybe—
I shook off the thought and pulled the phone from my back pocket, slumping when I saw the call was from Drew.
“Yo,” I answered.
“Hey, are you busy right now?”
I considered the stack of work waiting for me in my office. “When am I not?”
“Point taken. Let me try that again: can you swing by Dad’s? We’re in the final stages of the garage clean-out, and Dad wants to talk cars.”
The chance to discuss the future of my father’s vintage car collection was an irresistible lure, but I did have work to deal with. “Right now? In the middle of the day?”
“He’s got an appraiser coming later today. We probably should’ve hashed this out a long time ago,” he admitted.
“Well, we know how Dad’s been dealing with the move. I get it.” I sighed. “Fine, yeah, I can come now.”
After letting Josie know that I would be stepping out—not that she or Noah seemed to care—I drove to my father’s in a tense silence.
I wasn’t surprised to see both of my brothers’ cars parked in the driveway when I arrived.
We all had our favorites in my father’s stable of a dozen classic cars, and the chance to own one was too tempting to resist. I’d been drooling over the hunter green 1964 Jaguar E-Type since high school.
My dad met me at the door with a hug and slap on the back. “Glad you’re here, son.”
He looked strangely grim. The stress of the move was probably getting to him.
“Is everyone out in the…” I trailed off when I saw Harrison and Drew sitting at the table in the dining room, equally stony faced. I glanced at the two of them then back at my dad. “What’s going on?”
“Sit,” he answered me.
“This is an intervention,” Harrison explained.
“For what?” I demanded, taking a few steps backward. I didn’t have the bandwidth for whatever they were suggesting.
“Your entire goddamn life,” Drew answered. “You’re a mess.”
I started to sputter protests, but it was pointless.
They were right. I was lying to myself every day, trying to pretend I hadn’t been in freefall since I’d forced Nina out.
Hell, our entire household was navigating through the loss.
What I didn’t expect was that the rest of the world could pick up on it.
“Sit,” Dad repeated.
I was trapped. I had no choice but to listen, so I dropped into a chair.
“You need to get your head out of your ass,” Drew began.
“Drew,” our father cautioned. “C’mon.”
“What he’s trying to say is that you’ve wasted enough time feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time for action. You need to try to make it right with Nina,” Harrison said in a somewhat gentler tone.
I was shaking my head before he finished. “Not happening. Yeah, things are tough right now but—”
“But this isn’t just about you,” Dad interrupted.
“Nina was magic with Noah. She helped him find his way back to his smile, and for a time we were all convinced that we’d gotten our old Noah back.
But since she left…” his eyes softened. “You have to see it too, Logan. He doesn’t laugh.
He doesn’t want to goof around like he used to. ”
“Well, that’s what therapy is for,” I replied. “He was there today. It’s a process.”